I've lost her

[Desperate0161]

About 3 weeks ago, my relationship ended.

 

From day one, I made mistake after mistake, stupid decision after stupid decision. But I never truly understood what I had done until now.

 

3 weeks ago my girlfriend had decided to message my children's mum about meeting my children without speaking to me about it first. I questioned her about this, asking her why she didn't speak to me first. It turned into a row and I ended up telling her I "needed some space". Bear in mind that we live quite a distance apart and we didn't see each other as much as we would like.

 

In saying that, I put myself first instead of her, just as I always did. I never realised this until now. A couple of days went by and she said we should think about splitting up and asked me what I thought about it, for some reason...I said "i don't know". I knew I did mean this and it was essentially a brain fart. And here we are, 3 weeks down the line separated, she's started speaking to other people.

 

I never wanted this to happen and it's absolutely broken me.

 

During the course of the last few days, I've been speaking to some old school friends, they've given me some harsh words, but words I truly needed to hear.

 

I now fully realise what I've done. I emotionally abused her, I made her doubt herself, doubt me and lose all trust in me. I took her for granted and didn't treat her as she deserved.

 

I have to have her back, I have to prove to her that I can be the man she always believed I could be. She just won't listen to me.

 

Please can someone help.

[aileD]

No. We can't help. You can't force yourself on someone who doesn't want to.

 

Consider it a life lesson and a mistake you won't make with any future girlfriends.

 

 

And PS you were right to get mad about her disrespecting you by contacting your ex about meeting YOuR children behind your back.

[Inspiteofrselves]

How long were you dating? If it was under a year or so and she doesn't have a caretaking relationship with your children, it's inappropriate for her to reach out for sure. What was she reaching out about? If it's "I'm worried Janie might need more 'girl time' because she's acting out/told me something she didn't feel comfortable telling her father" that's very different than "hey lady, your kids are rude." Content matters here.

 

You're not wrong to ask for space. She's not wrong to feel lonely.

 

How did you emotionally abuse her?

[Desperate0161]

How long were you dating? If it was under a year or so and she doesn't have a caretaking relationship with your children, it's inappropriate for her to reach out for sure. What was she reaching out about? If it's "I'm worried Janie might need more 'girl time' because she's acting out/told me something she didn't feel comfortable telling her father" that's very different than "hey lady, your kids are rude." Content matters here.

 

You're not wrong to ask for space. She's not wrong to feel lonely.

 

How did you emotionally abuse her?

 

 

We were together for around 18 months. She contacted my kids mum asking if she could meet them.

 

The emotional abuse wasn't by no means intentional, but having thought back on things I can see that I took her for granted, made me doubt herself and made her doubt me.

 

An emotional abuser, or any kind of abuser are the kind of people that I hate. It absolutely kills me knowing I did those things. I know what I have to do now to make it right. She just needs to take a leap of faith in me

[d0nnivain]

Why are you not more upset that she went around your back to the mother of your children? I'd be atomic. She had no business whatsoever contacting your EX or asking anybody other than you to set up a time for her to meet your children.