Author brileeb Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 Abuse and trauma bonds are the worst relationships to break free from. Usually when you are in a relationship with a person who abuses you, the abuser will be the one who calls off the relationship. I find that this happens for one of two reasons, 1. The abuser doesn't like to be reminded of their abusive ways when confronted by the abused. Even if the abused has no inner power to leave. 2. The abused is depleted of their inner power. Their is nothing left for the abuser to fight. OP, it would be in your highest good to take control of this situation ( internally) and set yourself straight on who you really are. These are the moments that can change your psyche for the better if you do the inner work. If that doesn't happen, then you will attract the same abuser in a different body. Is there a good book to read to help? What can I do? Any exercises or something that can help me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brileeb Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 Where did he say he hated you? He said he doesn't hate you and it seemed that he was trying to make a peaceful breakup although he never apologized. You changed the locks so you don't need the keys and I imagine he is trying to find a place to stay where he can get his bedroom furniture moved in. Your relationship was not healthy and you both need to move on and put this mess behind you. He said we don't have to hate each other, so that means he hated me. I bought I showed I didn't hate him when I went to visit him in the hospital and helped him brush his teeth and washed him up for surgery after everything happened. No he hasn't apologized. And in our last talk he didn't say he wanted the bedroom set anymore. Is there a reason he's kept the keys so long. I asked for them before we broke up, the day before his accident and then the day the cable company called and told him I cut the cable off then he says he will have his mom bring them to me Link to post Share on other sites
Author brileeb Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 Where did he say he hated you? He said he doesn't hate you and it seemed that he was trying to make a peaceful breakup although he never apologized. You changed the locks so you don't need the keys and I imagine he is trying to find a place to stay where he can get his bedroom furniture moved in. Your relationship was not healthy and you both need to move on and put this mess behind you. He said we don't have to hate each other, so that means he hated me. I bought I showed I didn't hate him when I went to visit him in the hospital and helped him brush his teeth and washed him up for surgery after everything happened. No he hasn't apologized does that mean anything? And in our last talk he didn't say he wanted the bedroom set anymore. Is there a reason he's kept the keys so long. I asked for them before we broke up, the day before his accident and then the day the cable company called and told him I cut the cable off then he says he will have his mom bring them to me! I really want to move on but how? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 He lost the keys and told you he would try to find them and give them back to you. He said "we don't have to hate each other" meaning you two need to stop treating each other badly and do what you need to do to get over this break up and move on. I doubt he will want the bedroom suite back at this point because he doesn't have a place to put it. He may want it later. Since you have a truck you can have it delivered to his mom if it is in your way. He sounds over this and you need to put this behind you and heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brileeb Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 He lost the keys and told you he would try to find them and give them back to you. He said "we don't have to hate each other" meaning you two need to stop treating each other badly and do what you need to do to get over this break up and move on. I doubt he will want the bedroom suite back at this point because he doesn't have a place to put it. He may want it later. Since you have a truck you can have it delivered to his mom if it is in your way. He sounds over this and you need to put this behind you and heal. He didn't lose the keys. His brother told me at the hospital that him and his friends were going to come over and use his keys but he doesn't know my security system code anymore. And I haven't been treating him badly, we just don't communicate with each other. Like I said before the last time I talked to him he was in the hospital and I helped him brush his teeth and I told him I hope he gets well soon. So I don't know how he would've gotten me hating him from that Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 He's like that because he just wants his way all the time and has no respect for you or anyone else. He's a jerk and he intends to remain a jerk and only a fool would stay with him,. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 He did something bad to me! And at first would not apologize for it that's why I packed his things. Then we talked he apologized for that but I was asking him to come back home and he wouldn't respond or he'd kept saying you put me out, you embarrassed me. So I told him that he couldn't play with my emotions like that and I need to know if he would come back or not and he said he would come get this things. So that told me that he didn't want to be with me. So he came to get the things and left and didn't come back (playing with my emotions again) so I called him again to see what he was going to do and he blew me off and was being rude and mean which pissed me off because I was already damn near begging him to come back so I took them to him. Then he got verbally disrespectful Right here he apologized to you but you wanted him to come back and he doesn't want to. He wants to move on and so should you. You are angry because he won't come back to you. I guess you can say that maybe. I was only acting that way because he was acting like he was done with me, he was being rude and mean, not answering my calls and text messages but still had his things at my house. I was practically begging for him to come home and he was gloating in it and he was the reason for the fight and for me putting him out Stop begging him to come back he is done. My ex and I broke up the middle of March. It was bad, I put him out and the whole 9. We talked a couple days after that then that was it, no calls/ texts or anything. 2 weeks after that I randomly texted him and asked if he could put the keys to my house in my mailbox, he didn't respond. Beginning of April he was in an accident and I went to see him, he was surprised I came (it was that bad). So even after that he thanked me for coming and that was it, no communication. So the cable bill was in his name so I got it cut off and put in my name. We'll I guess they called him about the bill and the equipment so he randomly texts me say "hey I see you got the cable cut off can. You let me know if I need to return the equipment and I'll have my mom drop off your keys" I returned the stuff so I said that then he thanked me and said he had to like find my keys and then he'll have her drop them off or whatever. So I said thanks. Then he texted again saying and just because we're going through all of this doesn't mean we have to hate each other. I said I don't hate you that's it. Then he texts back i don't hate you either I just wanted to put that out there. What is all that supposed to mean? He clearly said he had to find the keys and would have his mom drop them off to you. What does it matter about the keys at this point as you already had the locks changed? He was actually being nice to you by saying you two don't have to hate each other. He never said he hated you he just wanted to "put that out there" to let you know there is no hate involved. He is just done with this relationship and is not coming back. You need to wrap your head around this as it is for the best for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brileeb Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 Right here he apologized to you but you wanted him to come back and he doesn't want to. He wants to move on and so should you. You are angry because he won't come back to you. Stop begging him to come back he is done. He clearly said he had to find the keys and would have his mom drop them off to you. What does it matter about the keys at this point as you already had the locks changed? He was actually being nice to you by saying you two don't have to hate each other. He never said he hated you he just wanted to "put that out there" to let you know there is no hate involved. He is just done with this relationship and is not coming back. You need to wrap your head around this as it is for the best for both of you. How do I get over this? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 By going NC and staying extremely busy doing things to improve your life. It won't be easy but when you get through this you will feel so much better and be glad you did. You will become a stronger person for your next relationship. Getting over your first love is never easy but we all have been there. Link to post Share on other sites
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