Almost-girl's birthday on Sunday

[sirvenue]

I met this girl mid-October online and we had excellent chemistry while texting. We texted back and forth for about 2 months. The reason was that she had an unplanned surgery, otherwise we would have met before. I was there for her the whole time and she was totally into me - dropping everything just to reply. One surgery was over, the first person she would text was me after waking up.

 

After about 1.5 months I became a little insecure because a few things in my life went to ****. I've noticed that she started replying late and wasn't as enthusiastic about me. She was still totally into me, but it wasn't the same as before. That kind of happened, after I told her, that I could really see this go somewhere and I'm not involved with any other girls - as she always accused me of because I'm quite good-looking and charming. I told her, she was the only one for me.

 

I told her that I noticed she wasn't as interested as before and also said if she wants to end it, it's all good or if she just needs time, that's fine as well. So I left her alone for about a week. During that week I made the mistake of uploading a photo of me and two other girls at a club which really annoyed her. I my stupid mind, I thought it would kind of re-trigger her attraction for me. Immediately, after I uploaded it, I thought that's actually a pretty dumb move and removed the photo immediately afterwards. But it was too late, she already saw it.

 

That totally changed everything and from then on she was a lot more reserved. When I texted her again, she told me she felt as if she had just lost everything. Nothing is the same anymore (which was also in regard to the surgery, she could only lay in bed).

 

I could feel that there was an invisible wall building up. She left out the sexting and her reply intervals got bigger and bigger. We still had incredible chemistry and I helped her get through even more bad news (she got laid off right before christmas because she won't be able to sit for extended periods of times because of the surgeries). So I did a little pep-talk here and there but she became increasingly depressed and non-responsive. I figured some of it was more for show and to get rid of me. I know it was a tough time, but she told me she doesn't feel the same anymore and apologized for it. She blamed the circumstances but I kind of thought she lost attraction because of my insecurity in the past and the photo.

 

She dropped hints such as 'leaving her because she is a mess' but I told her, that I would be there for her and we'd go through hell together, if need be.

 

But I got increasingly discouraged because now it felt I was the only one initiating and she took several hours to reply. Sometimes I didn't hear from her for days. It totally fizzled out. I wondered why she wouldn't just call it quits, so I did it myself and purposfully picked a fight because I was pissed off anyway and told her she shouldn't just drop everything just like that. She got quite angry and told me she doesn't want to speak to anyone and couldn't care less about others. She wants to focus on herself for now.

 

I then went on in a few long paragraphs to tell her that having a negative mind-set about the situation doesn't really help it, but can in fact make it worse. She never replied to that message and I left it at that because I thought I had given her a way out.

 

That was more than 3.5 months ago. Since then, not a single word from her. Complete silence. In the first two months she put sad status updates into her WhatsApp which were intended for me - you know, sad songs about relationships and the like. I never texted her again because I found out that only two days after she didn't reply to my last message, she was back on this dating site where I met her. For the first seven days she was 'Looking for friendship' but after that for a 'Serious relationship'. For that reason, I didn't chase her and kept my NC.

 

The entire time it felt like she wanted me to make a move. I was annoyed because she seemed to be flirting with everyone on Instagram and Facebook. In between she also likely met someone after only two weeks because she had a status that indicated something like that. But it looked like it didn't work out with the new guy. My guess is she tried to get a reaction from me. Also, my NC wasn't really NC. I wanted to get her back, so I kept looking at her stuff.

 

Then at one point she put her last status update: You always meet twice in life - a German proverb which means don't be sad or mess things up now because you might meet each other again in life. Ever since, she deleted my number. I can't see her profile picture anymore. She had done that before after an argument but told me she deleted the number, but kept the chat, just in case. She did these stunts before to get me to respond.

 

She is the perfect drama queen and told me she picks fights for no reason. Call me weird, but in a way, I find that totally attractive, because I'm your regular boring dude and with her, it seemed anything was possible. I discovered an exciting side about myself. Also her fantasies about having sex (BDSM, rough sex, daddy / girlie) where something I found really enticing. It was a total turn-on whereas with other girls, they seemed really boring compared to her.

 

It really pissed me off that I never met her. I guess, because of that my mind is in total fantasy-mode about all the 'what if' scenarios. I never talked to anyone about this because it is kind of weird to fall for someone under these circumstances.

 

The last days I've been contemplating what I should do: Text her on Sunday or just leave it be. I kind of wanted her back but didn't want to be the guy who had to pursue her because it felt like she was the one who ended it. In a way, we both ****ed up. I tried to be as honest as I can without sugarcoating things. I'd appreciate any advice.

[d0nnivain]

Only because her surgery & convalescence complicated things, I think you would have met sooner like last November & then had a better or at least cleaner / clearer time of things.

 

 

In that vein, because it's probably kind of a miracle that she is having this birthday, I think it's OK for you to wish her a Happy Birthday. If she does not take that bait & talk to you with the ability to meet you soon, then drop this once & for all.

[sirvenue]

I followed your advice, texted her and was pleasantly surprised. She was really happy to read my message and her texts read quite enthusiasticly.

 

In a weird way it's almost as if she was just waiting for that and we picked up right where we left off. No bad feelings, just the old vibrant us texting full of flirtation and banter.

 

I have no idea what her status is and where this leads but I was actually not expecting a reply at all to be honest.