6 months in, and Still Coping

[jorgeg3d]

So, its been 6 months now since my ex left me. For a month or 2 I stopped thinking about her hardly much at all. And these past couple of months now, I haven't been able to get her off my mind.

 

I keep thinking of the good, instead of the bad, of course I think of the bad as well. I think the lack of closure is whats been on my mind. Still don't quite understand how things were so bad in her eyes to leave.

 

Anyway I'm still working on myself, I hit the gym almost every day, I've been dating and lately I've been more exclusive with one woman, she's awesome, but I'm having trouble having feelings for her. I know its cause I can't get my ex off my mind. But I want to so bad. She doesn't deserve me I know this, my current girl does though, she deserves all of me, but I'm not giving my all right now.

 

Anyway just wanted to share my story, not every one lets go so easily.

[Telemachus]

I think you're doing well, and your posting shows more constructive self-awareness than do most people's postings here about breakups and coping. The pain is real, and you're viewing the situation more clearly than most. Either that or you're simply a better writer.

 

I take exception with one thing. You wrote that you're having trouble having feelings for your girlfriend, and that she deserves you. Doesn't she really deserve someone who has feelings for her, and how did the two of you become an exclusive couple if your feelings for her are so limited?

[jorgeg3d]

Thanks Telemachus, I appreciate that. I think its detrimental to have self awareness after a breakup, between all the highs and lows, its easy to lose yourself in the shuffle of it all.

 

I think I have feelings for my current GF, but they're slow in developing. I've been dating for about 5 months now and she's the one I've had the most feelings for, if there were any at all previously. She does deserve someone who will give her their all. I've contemplated ending it with her because of this, but this time its harder to do so. She's a high value woman that is 100x better than my ex and its hard to let that go. Been trying to focus on us as much as possible.

 

For awhile there I was dating multiple women and she knew about it, thats why we became more official, I gave her the respect of not dating others and trying to focus on us more. Mainly because she asked for it and again, I thought she deserved it.

 

It just sucks not to compare her to my ex. I fell for my ex so quickly and things just clicked between me and my ex early on, the chemistry etc. With my current GF, its taken longer than I had hoped. We've been dating for 3 months now, and exclusive for 1 month.

 

The one thing I can say to any dumper is, its much better to know the truth of why you want to leave than sugar coating it. I've gone through circles trying to figure out why my ex fell out of love with me, especially after I gave my all to her. I'd say its usually a reflection of the dumper, not the dumpee, especially if they're willing and putting in the effort to make things work.

[Marc878]

No contact and time will cure this. Sometimes we carry fantasy of them rather than who they really are.

 

The thing is no other woman is going to put up with an X in the relationship. Even if it's just a memory.

 

That's why you stay away from rebounds.

 

Hopefully you've blocked the x on everything

[Bromeo]

Thanks Telemachus, I appreciate that. I think its detrimental to have self awareness after a breakup, between all the highs and lows, its easy to lose yourself in the shuffle of it all.

 

I think I have feelings for my current GF, but they're slow in developing. I've been dating for about 5 months now and she's the one I've had the most feelings for, if there were any at all previously. She does deserve someone who will give her their all. I've contemplated ending it with her because of this, but this time its harder to do so. She's a high value woman that is 100x better than my ex and its hard to let that go. Been trying to focus on us as much as possible.

 

For awhile there I was dating multiple women and she knew about it, thats why we became more official, I gave her the respect of not dating others and trying to focus on us more. Mainly because she asked for it and again, I thought she deserved it.

 

It just sucks not to compare her to my ex. I fell for my ex so quickly and things just clicked between me and my ex early on, the chemistry etc. With my current GF, its taken longer than I had hoped. We've been dating for 3 months now, and exclusive for 1 month.

 

The one thing I can say to any dumper is, its much better to know the truth of why you want to leave than sugar coating it. I've gone through circles trying to figure out why my ex fell out of love with me, especially after I gave my all to her. I'd say its usually a reflection of the dumper, not the dumpee, especially if they're willing and putting in the effort to make things work.

 

I feel you on this. I did the same thing. You really have to strangle your brain at times.

 

I'll offer this. The circular thinking stops when you distill down the issue and approach it logically. As in:

 

You loved her - she ended it - you were willing to work on it - she wasn't, you are satisfied that you did what you could to save it. End of logical argument.

 

After that, let it go as best you can. Find closure in the above logic.

 

I'm seven months post breakup, and three months rock solid nc, and I still get stabs at times. Rare, but it happens.

 

And like you, I'm finding it hard at times to have feelings for someone else. Just take things slow, date around, and let the feeling of a potential partners attraction for you bring your self confidence and ego back up.

[Baileylovesloki]

It's been almost a year for me, and I still have bad episodes.

I have had strict no contact, but third parties tell me info, sometimes it's like the first day all overnight again.

It does get better and better. Just don't beat yourself up when you think about the good times.... it's part of healing.

[Logo]

Whenever you think of your ex, say to yourself, "I need to snap out of it and enjoy the moment, have a great time with this new woman".

 

It will work. After a couple of weeks, memories and feelings toward and about the ex will fade. Try new things that you never tried before or never tried with your ex. Change it up. She's a new and different person. Try to find out what she likes. Have fun. Soon, you'll start noticing a difference. Build new memories, fun and exciting memories.

 

Best of luck.

[jorgeg3d]

Thanks guys for all the no BS talk. I appreciate it!

 

Found this youtube video that describes relationships and the gym perfectly.

 

 

Anyway quick update, so over the easter weekend I was at a restaurant with my kids and then all of a sudden my ex's younger brother comes by and says hello to us, he had his kids and they were so happy to see us and my kids, it was such a sad/happy moment.

 

Was a bit awkward, I could tell my ex's brother wasn't himself talking to us, but again I just kept looking at his kids and how happy they were, so sad, these types of things affect others around us too.