Goodbye Letter or Card??

[queenie01]

Ok so I wrote the letter...but i didnt give it to him. I am going to wait this week out and see how I feel but I do think its a good letter...

 

Basically i just told him that im thankful for the 9 months I spent with him, it allowed me to really get to know him as a person and i believe without a doubt that hes a great person.

 

I also said i think its unfortunate the way things worked out but i understand, everything happens for a reason and i have chosen to accept that and move on with my life.

 

I told him I dont hate him and if he ever wants to talk to me he can...

Told him I hopes he finds happiness in his life and fullfills all his needs...

Then said take care and I truly wish you all the best - Heather...

 

I dont think its such a bad letter but at the same time i dont want to give it to him if its going to push him farther away...but at this point I dont think i can do anymore damage, 3 months has gone by and he hasnt tried to get me back

 

any thoughts??

[LucreziaBorgia]

What to do? You have a good idea here:

 

I am going to wait this week out and see how I feel

 

Give yourself a full week without reading the letter. Then read it after the week is over, and see if you still want to send it.

[queenie01]

I really dont think what i have written will cause any harm, i am not asking for him back or saying i miss him.

 

Just dont want to have any regrets!

[francis]

ok, so you've written the letter...you've walked around for three months with these feelings inside Queenie...

 

i will not discourage you from sending it...you have so many unanswered questions in your mind...

 

i sent a very direct email to my ex two weeks ago (we are LD)...explaining how i felt, asking for an honest reply as to his feelings...i got my reply. he told me that 'we tried our best. it was sad when things didnt work out the way they should. i dont know whether we were meant to be or not. but i still think of you, care about you, want to share things with you. i have been trying my best to move on. you should to. i hope we can keep in touch'.

 

...although this was a mixed up email, two things stood out. 1. he is still unsure but there is not enough love for him to keep trying so he gave up. 2. when someone tells you to move on three months after dumping you, you tend to have to believe them and do it.

 

maybe you'll get the answers you need Queenie in order for you to move on. i did.

 

i got exhausted staying in touch after that, i emailed him and told him i couldnt keep contact with him anymore. he replied that he understood, and hoped we could still be friends. so in the end, i kinda got my control back. and i feel free now. i still get pangs of pain for wanting what we once had. but it's gone, and if he can get over it so so quickly, what i'm longing for didnt really exist anyway. in my mind, it was a love that was stronger than the reality.

 

you will reach a point where you realise you can move on. sometimes we just need to put ourselves through different things to reach that point. no one can really give you advice here. you gotta do what you gotta do.

 

i wish you luck. and maybe dabble a bit with dating other people. you might be pleasantly surprised.

[what456]

very well said francis.....

 

i was kind of in the same boat. I sent a very direct email to my ex as well seeing as though he told me he didn't love me and our relationship was done...honestly, i didn't do anything. so i understood and didn't talk to him for a month. at the end of the month, he called me about 4 times and i was a bi**h to him. then we ended up seeing each other at a wedding....and who was trying to break their neck trying to talk to me...HE DID!!!

 

i didn't say bye (we were in a LDR) and don't know if i will ever see him again..but i do know that i tried my very best with him. so be it in the past if he thought i was desperate..i put my 100% in it in the beginning and completely got the upper hand in the end....it felt good.

 

in the beginning of this post i told queenie to send that letter...it helped you and I to move on....so, please queenie...do what you gotta do and i do still think the letter is a good idea!

[queenie01]

Well I already wrote it and its in my purse...i am not asking to get back or telling him i miss him either, i am just telling him im thankful for the 9 months i did spend with him.

I want him to know I dont hate him and i hope he finds happiness in his life and i truly do wish him all the best.

 

Is there so much harm in that?

 

I dont know if it will push him farther away but seriously its not like i have his attention now anyways.

 

I bought a little card and its says "out of the clear blue, a little note from me to you" and then i wrote my message inside. I was planning on putting it on his car at work?

[what456]

that's cool. you will feel alot better...i promise.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by queenie01

I was planning on putting it on his car at work?

 

Why not mail it instead.. Less stalkerish

[queenie01]

Well I was debating on that...either mailing it or putting it on his car since i see his car everyday here at work?

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by queenie01

Well I was debating on that...either mailing it or putting it on his car since i see his car everyday here at work?

 

Mail it... Putting it on the car sends the impression that he doesn't have any privacy ( at least that is how he will see it )

 

Then your words will become mute to him

[queenie01]

Ok I will think that part over...its just that he has roomates that will get the mail before him and stuff...

[not_myself]

his roommates would open his mail? how old is this guy?

 

if that would really be a problem, mail it to his work, or put it in his 'box' if you work at the same place....seems like there is a better chance on interception if you put it on his car - anyone could take it and it is a bit stalkerish - even if you see it everyday at work.

[queenie01]

no they wouldnt open his mail...he is 26.

He lives with his best friend and his best friends girlfriend, both of them really liked me.

 

I just dont know if i should really send it or not? Some people think i should just let it go but then i feel that i may regret never saying what i wanted?

[not_myself]

i would go by the other suggestions to wait that week and then re-read it. As far as what you will feel if you send it - I have gone through the same sort of struggle with my ex. I went from desperatley wanting him to know these final feelings - to being like 'whats the point?'

 

I am also at about 3 months and it sucks - but I don't see him ever, so it is different.

 

If you do send it - he will know you are still hurting and thinking about him - even if you do not explicitly say you miss him or want to get back together. So, if you are OK with that, and you think it will help YOUR state of mind, then wait the week and re-evaluate

[A Fly onThe Wall]

I think that you need to listen to you ...

 

You are waffeling and don't know whether to send it or not.. If you don't follow your heart then you need

 

"to error on the side of caution and don't send it. "

 

By not sending it you are protecting yourself from further humiliation and hurt

[queenie01]

Yeah I really dont want to be made a fool because i send it but i really dont say anything in my letter to cause that?

[queenie01]

and then a lot of people say that people want what they cant have? So if he knows he still has my attention it will push him away?

 

Its a 50/50 chance?

[not_myself]

So - you want him back?

 

It is one thing if the letter is an acceptance of it being over and for your closure - to help you move on. In this scenario, his reaction to the letter should be inconsequential.

 

But that doesn't sound like the case - it sounds like you want share these 'warm fuzzy' feelings about you relationship with him in an attempt to re-connect with him in some way....

[queenie01]

Yes part of me still wants him back but I havent given any effort to it. I havent called him once. In my mind if he has regrets he would contact me, right?

 

The letter is for my closure in a sense tho, just to say my last words so to speak…then be on my merry little way.

 

I don’t think this letter will cause any type of reconnection but it may make him think down the road, once the summer is over and all the fun is up

[smile95]

i read your first post and not the ones after, so forgive me if this is repeating someone. DO NOT DO IT. From reading your posts, you are like me, looking for a response...wanting him to realize what he lost. You cannot force him to see it. What will it feel like if he does not acknowledge you??? It would suck. You say that you do not want a response, but I think you do. You can get closure alone. It is possible.

 

If you send it, he has the control...it would only feed this mans ego.

[queenie01]

Its funny because my prior ex told me "dont do it"

I just dont know what to do...im so torn!

[smile95]

what is it that you really want from this. Follow your heart. If this is to get him back, get it over with and he will either break your heart again or you will get to talk with him. Do you want him back?

 

If this is just for you. Closure for you......you can get that w/out contacting him. Decide onyour own. You know yourself best. We only give advice to help you see all sides.

[ButtonPusher]

Just send it. If you dont send it you will probably always wonder what would have happened if you had sent it. Whats the worst that could happen? He tells you to stay the hell away from him and calls you a sad loser and you feel unhappy again for awhile? Big deal, you'd get over it. Just remember its his loss that he gave up on you.

[queenie01]

Well I have the letter in my purse, i had planned to wait til friday and see how i felt about it...and then put it on his car here at work. some people think thats a bit stalkerish but i dont know where he is living now, if hes moved already etc...

Then i found out thru the office calendar that he is off this thur and friday anways so looks like i can either give it to him tommorrow or wait it out another weekend.

 

My biggest fear is that i will push him away further, they say people want what they cant have any my prior ex told me that he will probably have regrets once im completely gone.

 

What do you guys think?

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by queenie01

Yeah I really dont want to be made a fool because i send it but i really dont say anything in my letter to cause that?

 

Listen to your gut, it's screaming! Already you're worried about sending it. Imagine how you are going to feel once you actually DO send it. Regret regret and more regret.

Originally posted by queenie01

Well I have the letter in my purse, i had planned to wait til friday and see how i felt about it...and then put it on his car here at work. some people think thats a bit stalkerish but i dont know where he is living now, if hes moved already etc...

Then i found out thru the office calendar that he is off this thur and friday anways so looks like i can either give it to him tommorrow or wait it out another weekend.

 

My biggest fear is that i will push him away further, they say people want what they cant have any my prior ex told me that he will probably have regrets once im completely gone.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Again, listen to your gut.

 

And if you DO send that letter - Expect nothing. Be ready for reaction, non-reaction, a nice letter back, or a nasty note back, or no letter back.

 

The best outcome right now is for you to just put him OUT of your head completely and go on like he doesn't exist. If you think about him, push those thoughts away. Box up notes, pictures of him and anything he gave you. Out of sight, out of mind.