The mattress..

[dichotomy]

I supposed if she caves - and allows it in the bedroom she could put a condom on it so she is not directly touching a throne of 100 Vag's.

 

https://www.amazon.com/King-17-20-SureGuard-Mattress-Encasement/dp/B00WI0ACSK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492276204&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=mattress+cover+zippered&psc=1

[aileD]

I don't think it's kind to make fun of someone's anxieties and insecurities. She came here with a concern thet was probably difficult for her to express.

 

Doesn't matter if she should be worried about this, she IS worried or has anxiety about.

[SevenCity]

I agree. Your money is better spent on therapy than a mattress.

 

Look, the reality is that early in a relationship, you don't know where things are going. If every person had to buy a new bed or a new mattress when they start to date someone new, it would quickly become way too expensive to date!

 

My boyfriend still lives in the house that he shared with his ex wife and to be honest, I don't know if he still sleeps in their bed... I haven't really thought about it. Would I ever ask him to buy a new house or a new bed? Of course not. It's just not a very reasonable thing to do.

 

Not to totally dismiss your anxiety, but that's all it is... thoughts. You can challenge your anxiety by changing your thinking. For example, I don't think of it often but if I do, I try to remember that my boyfriend's relationship with his ex wife is over, he clearly has no feelings for her, and they lived together in that home for a very short time. It's not a big deal.

 

Hopefully, you can come to terms with it, because I don't know that it's reasonable to ask him to buy a new mattress. If anything, I like the idea of new sheets and new bedding that you chose together. Best wishes.

 

Funny you mention this. My ex gf was always upset that we lived in the same house as I did with my ex wife.

 

Insecurity and jealousy are detrimental to relationships.

[Raena]

OP I completely get where you are coming from. It may be an inanimate object, but it's a tie to all the other women he had before you. Even if he hadn't directly bragged to you about the other women he had on that bed, you could still feel that way.

 

To me, moving in together it makes sense to make a fresh start together without all of the belongings from past relationships hanging around in your face. Wouldn't it be really nice if you could purchase everything new together? Then your entire house would be just you and him with no memories of previous relationships. That is, of course, not possible financially for most people but getting rid of the bed he shared with multiple exes isn't unreasonable.

 

My home is my sanctuary. The items in it effect me emotionally. I don't think I could stand to share a house with a man who was bringing crap from previous relationships into it, especially not the bed. Other things I might be inclined to overlook, but not what will be in our bedroom. That should be "ours" not his, not mine, ours.

 

My vote is for buying a new one together.

[d0nnivain]

My vote is for buying a new one together.

 

 

I vehemently disagree with this. Buy a new mattress sure but not as a joint purchase. Never buy expensive things with somebody you live with. It's too hard to sort out ownership if you break up.

 

 

OP you have an issue with the mattress. Your BF had already said he won't get a new one right now because the present one costs $3,000. So you have choices:

 

 

1. Get over it & deal

 

 

2. Buy a new mattress yourself

 

 

3. See if a mattress cover alone helps

 

 

4. Whine & sulk which will ruin your relationship

 

 

5. Not move in together

 

 

 

 

Pick one & move forward

[HereNorThere]

Retroactive jealousy is super common with males. Unless he was your first everything, he has the same sort of feelings you do. Do you want him shaming you and bringing up your past? Should you get a new vagina because he wasn't the first guy to explore it?

 

First, you need to realize this is your own deal that you need to work through alone with a therapist. The mattress isn't the issue, your insecurities are.

 

Second, according your post history and profile, you're a college student in a fairly short relationship. You've built this up waaaay too far and the fall is going to be really, really far.

 

You better deal with this now because your current relationship will not last forever. Is this guy the one you met on Tinder? If so, it probably won't make it past summer. Your anxious and obsessive personality is setting you up for failure. One day you may fall in love with someone with a child from a previous relationship. You gonna throw the kid and the mattress away? Both are equally a reminder of their past sexual partner.

 

I know you're young but you're playing big girl games with big consequences right now. Grow up or wreck this relationship. Do it now while you still have a chance.

[BaileyB]

Absolutely agree. The mattress is not the problem, your insecurity is the problem. Which is why, counselling, not a new mattress, is the solution. Although, new bedding and a mattress cover would probably help...

 

And, you really should tell your boyfriend that you are very aware that other girls have slept on that mattress... He really doesn't need to remind you. If he is kind and sensitive to your needs, he won't mention it again.

[sandylee1]

You don't need therapy regarding this OP. I would probably feel the way you do.

 

It's the bragging that did it. My now husband, would have had his Ex GF in his flat, I had boyfriends in my bed and we both had no issue.

 

However... Neither of us bragged about it. Your man sounds immature.

 

And 3k on a mattress??? Surely they aren't that much more expensive than the UK.

 

I'm disappointed that people have pretty much mocked you about this here.

[Rockdad]

What other anxiety issues is the OP suffering from? What kind of life is this going to be if the anxieties are not address? From the male side what else is lurking out there if someone gets all tripped up over a mattress? It's quite a different thing if he brought another woman to their marital bed but this isn't near the case at all.

 

If the OP has no interest in addressing her anxiety I think it's been previously best said. She supply the new mattress at her expense and pay the storage his.