Foreverever421 Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 Hi all, I have been away from the site for a while to find my peace, successfully I must add. While my marriage was supposed to be her and my business, now that the divorce papers are finally here, on the table next to my laptop, I feel like starting one last thread to close this chapter of my life before moving on. A lot of people seem to have problems within their marriage, thus all the posts at this site. Marriage is a psychologically challenging endeavour, and it pushes you to your limits at times. When we can't get in synch with our spouse and are in conflict with them, we seek advice/validation/comfort/positive energy from outside our marriage, be it from our family of origin, friends or worse, in the form of sex. We all have a perfect picture of what a marriage should look like, but we are all pretty clueless on how to make it happen. Like John Legend sings, "everybody knows, but nobody really knows." Anyway, enough BS from me. It's now officially over, and I am on my own. She is with someone new, before she even receives my response to her divorce application and the divorce is final. And the twist is, the new guy isn't the guy who was texting her everyday, bought her the dress and posted the V-day message..... She must be a really strong woman and the new dude must be really charming and understanding. It's none of my business anymore. Maybe if I hadn't been so jealous, my marriage would still be intact. Maybe........ Too late to go back now. And I am wasting too much energy trying to figure out who this prince charming is and how they got together so quickly. My only job now is to stop thinking about what they could possibly be doing, how happy they are together, and focus on my career. Perhaps force myself back to working out again and keep on telling myself that I will be fine again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 You were married. Thoughts about your Ex-W will creep back in every once in a while. A random stray though it OK. Dwelling on her & the past is not. Caring about what she's doing now is a problem. But don't beat yourself up for a thought or two especially when there is a trigger, like getting the papers. You are correct though. It's time for you to focus on your healing & building a new life for yourself. You want to go back to the gym. Great! Get on a schedule / routine. You also want to focus on your career, which is a great distraction. Have you set up SMART goals for yourself? What do you want to accomplish? In what time frame & what is your plan to do that? You don't have to answer the above Qs here on a forum but you need to have answers & a plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 Good luck my friend. One of the most relieving (not necessarily BEST) days of my life was when the Judge signed-off on the divorce and the decree was in my hand! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 Hi all, I have been away from the site for a while to find my peace, successfully I must add. While my marriage was supposed to be her and my business, now that the divorce papers are finally here, on the table next to my laptop, I feel like starting one last thread to close this chapter of my life before moving on. A lot of people seem to have problems within their marriage, thus all the posts at this site. Marriage is a psychologically challenging endeavour, and it pushes you to your limits at times. When we can't get in synch with our spouse and are in conflict with them, we seek advice/validation/comfort/positive energy from outside our marriage, be it from our family of origin, friends or worse, in the form of sex. We all have a perfect picture of what a marriage should look like, but we are all pretty clueless on how to make it happen. Like John Legend sings, "everybody knows, but nobody really knows." Anyway, enough BS from me. It's now officially over, and I am on my own. She is with someone new, before she even receives my response to her divorce application and the divorce is final. And the twist is, the new guy isn't the guy who was texting her everyday, bought her the dress and posted the V-day message..... She must be a really strong woman and the new dude must be really charming and understanding. It's none of my business anymore. Maybe if I hadn't been so jealous, my marriage would still be intact. Maybe........ Too late to go back now. And I am wasting too much energy trying to figure out who this prince charming is and how they got together so quickly. My only job now is to stop thinking about what they could possibly be doing, how happy they are together, and focus on my career. Perhaps force myself back to working out again and keep on telling myself that I will be fine again. From an outsider looking in your marriage was never intact. You STBXW has no boundaries and most would have reacted the same as you only more forcefully. Like filing first. You haven't lost a thing. I know of no GOOD wife who would have let another man into their relationship like yours fix. File those papers asap and go completely dark on her. Your future is what you make it. Read up this will help "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF. Never settle for zero respect which is what she gave you. Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 You are going to be OK....start anew and focus on finding your own happiness which you certainly can do. Time will heal your wounds and meeting someone new will only help that healing come quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 The easiest of divorces take time to finalize. She is in rush , like in RUSH. You take your time alone to be healthy again. For some, life actually begins after divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foreverever421 Posted April 16, 2017 Author Share Posted April 16, 2017 You were married. Thoughts about your Ex-W will creep back in every once in a while. A random stray though it OK. Dwelling on her & the past is not. Caring about what she's doing now is a problem. But don't beat yourself up for a thought or two especially when there is a trigger, like getting the papers. You are correct though. It's time for you to focus on your healing & building a new life for yourself. You want to go back to the gym. Great! Get on a schedule / routine. You also want to focus on your career, which is a great distraction. Have you set up SMART goals for yourself? What do you want to accomplish? In what time frame & what is your plan to do that? You don't have to answer the above Qs here on a forum but you need to have answers & a plan. My triggers are when i think of the kids. Writing the response wasn't easy, defending myself is akin to attacking her. I still have to write my side of the story though. The kids will have to know i didn't abandon them. Speaking about focusing on my career, anyone on this forum is using price action as their main trading strategy in forex? I could use some guidance on that. Good luck my friend. One of the most relieving (not necessarily BEST) days of my life was when the Judge signed-off on the divorce and the decree was in my hand! Thanks! I will make the best out of my situation. From an outsider looking in your marriage was never intact. You STBXW has no boundaries and most would have reacted the same as you only more forcefully. Like filing first. You haven't lost a thing. I know of no GOOD wife who would have let another man into their relationship like yours fix. File those papers asap and go completely dark on her. Your future is what you make it. Read up this will help "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF. Never settle for zero respect which is what she gave you. Downloaded it. Thanks for the pointers. One of the greatest paradoxes in life. You try to be nice and people step all over you. Oh well... Hmm, she probably thought i was too controlling. Anyway, stuff that. Let's see how composed this new guy is when i show up at her door for the kids. You are going to be OK....start anew and focus on finding your own happiness which you certainly can do. Time will heal your wounds and meeting someone new will only help that healing come quicker. Healing is my first priority. Cannot bring my emotional baggage into my next relationship, won't be fair for the next person. Thanks for the props! The easiest of divorces take time to finalize. She is in rush , like in RUSH. You take your time alone to be healthy again. For some, life actually begins after divorce. Don't know about her. The new guy can worry about it, and he better be nice to my kids! Read The Power of Now, nice book and it helped immensely. Link to post Share on other sites
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