There was this girl....

[shizzle_84]

I'm in my 30s. And because of how bad my life has been in the past years (making a lot bad decisions) lately I've been thinking about one girl I never took the chance on.

 

We were around 18, and she took a liking to me when we first met at a party. But I didn't take much notice of her. We hung out with mutual friends so we come across each other once or twice a week through out that year.

 

Anyways, I remember when I was 22, 4 years later - when I was at one of the lowest point in my life - my friends and I were at this party and the girl was there too.

 

We didn't speak at all to each other - but I remember as I was leaving the party, saying goodbye to everyone, as I came up to her she took me by surprise, and hugged me for a bit.

 

Aside from one of my really good friend - I never had anyone show me what I think was unconditional affection like that. It was obvious she did it cause she just didn't want to see me down.

 

But how can it be that I just never had or developed any feelings for this girl... She's pretty and smart but I can't figure it out. Was I too close minded in not giving the relationship a shot? Or do you have to have that natural first instinct, that attracts you to someone for no apparent reason?

[Bejangled]

Hi shizzle_84

 

I'm just wondering, from what you explained, if this is more of a question about 'what's wrong with you?' rather than 'if you need to have natural first instincts' etc. Is that right?

 

You mentioned your life was hard and that you didn't really experience a huge amount of unconditional love. I'm sorry that has been your experience.

 

However, this isn't an automatic indicator that you should like someone simply because they display positive traits. You do need to feel a certain connection when you are together. It's not enough to force yourself to feel something for a 'good' person.

 

You didn't click? That's okay. It neither makes you odd or makes her lacking in something. I think she has done something powerful in your life though. She seems to have acted as a catalyst so that you can identify an underdeveloped part of your world. She may now represent the possibility of having unconditional love in the future. She is the spark which might kickstart you into exploring how you can give and receive unconditional love.

 

I hope that helps somewhat

[shizzle_84]

Hi shizzle_84

 

I'm just wondering, from what you explained, if this is more of a question about 'what's wrong with you?' rather than 'if you need to have natural first instincts' etc. Is that right?

 

You mentioned your life was hard and that you didn't really experience a huge amount of unconditional love. I'm sorry that has been your experience.

 

However, this isn't an automatic indicator that you should like someone simply because they display positive traits. You do need to feel a certain connection when you are together. It's not enough to force yourself to feel something for a 'good' person.

 

You didn't click? That's okay. It neither makes you odd or makes her lacking in something. I think she has done something powerful in your life though. She seems to have acted as a catalyst so that you can identify an underdeveloped part of your world. She may now represent the possibility of having unconditional love in the future. She is the spark which might kickstart you into exploring how you can give and receive unconditional love.

 

I hope that helps somewhat

 

 

The thing that's gnawing at me though is that I know my life could have been so much better if I did feel for this girl. She did had a lot offer. Silly silly heart of mine.

 

Thanks Bejangled, I'm sure if I keep what you said in mind - it'll point me in the right direction.