Becoming possessive after first date

[Lilyana76]

Last night I went out on a date with a man I met at work. No I don't work WITH him. He comes into my work to volunteer. (I haven't mentioned that I got a new job recently, I'll post about it more later).

 

Anyway, hes a very nice man. He's a lawyer/musician. He plays in a local coverband for fun on the weekends. He's very sweet, polite, and friendly. We got along very well. We went to a local pub, had a couple of drinks. It was a quiet place and easy to talk.

 

At one point before we left to go have dinner, I got up to use the ladies room, on my way back to our table a gentleman playing pool says to me, "heyyyy how you doin?" and I just kind of laughed and said, "I'm good". and continued on my way to our table.

 

I sat down and he said, "Seems I'm not the only one interested." and kind of chuckled. I just blew it off as nothing.

 

At dinner he then said, "I'm going to have to keep my eye on you, so another man doesn't sweep you off your feet while I'm not looking." I again just blew this comment off like nothing. He insisted on sitting right next to me at dinner instead of across from me.

 

The rest of the date went ok, he put his arm around me a few times, held my hand when we walked to the car. Kissed me goodnight. All very good signs.

 

Then all through the night via text, he kept bringing up the guy at the pub that tried flirting with me. To me hes coming off as almost possessive after the date. He is constantly asking me what I'm doing, who I'm with, what my plans are. He even comments (i think as a joke) that I must be meeting up with flirty guy from the pub. It just seems he won't let it go.

 

At this point, I'm seeing it as a major red flag. Time to gently let him down? Should I call him out on it? Should I just let it go and continue to see him?

 

P.S. My new job, gave me the opportunity to quit my other TWO jobs, so now I'm only working one job. I'm working for a homeless shelter, I help homeless people transition into maintaining their own residence. I LOVE IT!

[SoleMate]

He is constantly asking me what I'm doing, who I'm with, what my plans are. He even comments (i think as a joke) that I must be meeting up with flirty guy from the pub. It just seems he won't let it go.

He is consumed with unreasonable and inappropriate jealousy. He has absolutely no right to demand such info from you. Dumpable offense IMO. And it doesn't really matter what the root cause is.....they always have "reasons" or justifications.....the behavior itself is both offensive and potentially dangerous to your peace of mind. I would not give him a second date and I wouldn't discuss it either.

[d0nnivain]

Lawyers value directness & can handle disagreement. Point blank tell him his comments are inappropriate & making you uncomfortable. One comment is flirty but now he's crossed into a danger zone. If he doesn't immediately back off & apologize, end it. I suspect he thinks he's still being cute & will stop.

[elaine567]

Lawyers value directness & can handle disagreement. Point blank tell him his comments are inappropriate & making you uncomfortable. One comment is flirty but now he's crossed into a danger zone. If he doesn't immediately back off & apologize, end it. I suspect he thinks he's still being cute & will stop.

 

I suspect he thinks is being cute too.

He has found a common experience ie the guy flirting with you, and is using it as a topic to banter with you about, but it is all too much.

 

Of course he could also be one of those controlling, jealous guys so let him know it is not funny any more, nor acceptable to you and put up some boundaries. He will either take it on board and change his behaviour or will disappear as you are not the doormat he is looking for.

[Space Ritual]

He may be a lawyer, but that does not mean he is a successful courtroom lawyer.

 

Believe me, I have dealt with all kinds of lawyers, especially criminal lawyers. I'll tell you that from my experience, many lawyers are socially awkward as they spend so much of their time dispensing advice that it becomes hard for them to be able to talk to someone in a pleasant conversing manner. And it effects literally all of their social interactions outside of work.

 

It is poor social skills outside of his peer group that is more than likely the culprit here. And to overcompensate for that maybe he feels he needs to totally immerse himself into you and what you are doing.

 

At any rate, I doubt much will change so I'd have to give him the heave ho in your shoes.

[Popsicle]

If he's ugly, don't go out with him again!

[preraph]

It is a major red flag. If he's like this on the first date, he'll be monitoring you by the third. And it's all to do with him, so don't feel special. It's insecurity and ego combined, a bad combination.

 

I would think long and hard before going out with him again. Really, there's nothing more miserable than a guy who can never be happy unless he has you under lock and key and can never even build trust because he is messed up/ So you try and try to make him trust you but he can't and just makes you miserable with accusations.

 

 

And the first thing I want you to understand is that the reason he is suspicious is because of what HE'd do given the chance. Cheaters often assume that other people think just like them and that if they get an opportunity, they will sneak around and take it. He was probably following up to see if you left and went back to find that guy. And this is because if the same thing happened to him, he'd have gone back and found that woman.