For all those doing NC, hang in there!! **Updated**

[AlexM123]

I wouldn't worry too much about contacting him. We all slip up and hey if it'll help you move on faster then you did the best thing for YOU to heal. Congrats on blocking him right after! Most people (including myself) would be staring at their phone waiting for a response. I just advise you if you ever do get the urge to unblock again either post here or just distract yourself quickly. Best of luck!

[BC1980]

You aren't putting a damper on things. I suspect you are probably right. I am feeling great today, but who knows how I will feel tomorrow. I appreciate your honesty, and I will be bracing myself for sure. I had a feeling it may happen, but maybe you are right. Closure could just be a myth. I hated the fact that nothing was said, that he just slowly bowed out. It's easier for me to hear it, but I fully acknowledge what you are saying. Thank you.

 

Endings suck. They aren't very nice a lot of the time. Feelings are hurt, and there are bad memories of how people behaved. One tough lesson I learned is that I had to find a way to live with the way things ended with my ex. There's no good way to end things with anyone to be honest.

 

Don't be hard on yourself, but use it as a learning experience. Pretty much all of us have slipped up and broken NC. I do think that setting a goal would be good. It's difficult to think of NC as forever because it sometimes seem impossible.

[Movingon4good]

I wouldn't worry too much about contacting him. We all slip up and hey if it'll help you move on faster then you did the best thing for YOU to heal. Congrats on blocking him right after! Most people (including myself) would be staring at their phone waiting for a response. I just advise you if you ever do get the urge to unblock again either post here or just distract yourself quickly. Best of luck!

 

Thank you. I was feeling really bad about breaking the NC, but I really do feel better at this point. I hope it sticks!! I knew he wouldn't respond anyway, so it was easy to block him. I know him well enough to know that after I blocked him on social media, he would be insulted, and his way of retaliation would be to not answer anything I send him. He's petty like that. So, I said my piece and left it there.

 

Thank you for your encouragement. I sincerely do not want to contact him again, so I will absolutely be on here next time. Talk me out of it!!!

[Movingon4good]

Endings suck. They aren't very nice a lot of the time. Feelings are hurt, and there are bad memories of how people behaved. One tough lesson I learned is that I had to find a way to live with the way things ended with my ex. There's no good way to end things with anyone to be honest.

 

Don't be hard on yourself, but use it as a learning experience. Pretty much all of us have slipped up and broken NC. I do think that setting a goal would be good. It's difficult to think of NC as forever because it sometimes seem impossible.

 

They do suck. I am past the laying bed staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell went wrong. I can't do it. I've ripped myself apart way too much, and I'm tired of doing it. I stayed classy until the end, I didn't stoop to his level, and I do believe he lost in the end. I know that's something you say to make yourself feel better, but if this is the way he goes out, then hey, reality is setting in that however he treated me, he will treat the new girl the same way. He maybe a prince now, but he will show his true colors. This cycle will continue with him. What blows my mind is that he is a doctor. A psychiatrist to be exact. jesus...this is an adult way to end a relationship? I'm not really sure this is a loss for me. Well, my ego yes, but that will recover.

 

I'm sorry it ended that way with your ex too. Unresolved just sucks because you never get your say, but maybe you are right, it is overrated. It's important to girls though.

 

I'm setting 30 days no contact now. Is that reasonable enough? When I reach that, I am treating myself to a nice new summer dress...

[jamili]

They do suck. I am past the laying bed staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell went wrong. I can't do it. I've ripped myself apart way too much, and I'm tired of doing it. I stayed classy until the end, I didn't stoop to his level, and I do believe he lost in the end. I know that's something you say to make yourself feel better, but if this is the way he goes out, then hey, reality is setting in that however he treated me, he will treat the new girl the same way. He maybe a prince now, but he will show his true colors. This cycle will continue with him. What blows my mind is that he is a doctor. A psychiatrist to be exact. jesus...this is an adult way to end a relationship? I'm not really sure this is a loss for me. Well, my ego yes, but that will recover.

 

I'm sorry it ended that way with your ex too. Unresolved just sucks because you never get your say, but maybe you are right, it is overrated. It's important to girls though.

 

I'm setting 30 days no contact now. Is that reasonable enough? When I reach that, I am treating myself to a nice new summer dress...

 

6 months post-breakup here and I can tell you it's a long journey. 30 days is a good starting goal.. and when you reach that, pat yourself on the back, buy that summer dress, and then keep your chin up for the next 30. Eventually you stop counting each day. Then it becomes "months". At 6 I still think about her all the time, I miss her, and I often wonder if she misses me at all. But it is less painful now than it was months ago, I will say that. The pain is still there, but it isn't as intense. The healing process is a long one, but you are doing great so far sticking to it. Remember, not a lot of people can do NC, it's not easy, so be proud that you have the strength to pull it off. It's a huge accomplishment. /raisebeer

[Movingon4good]

6 months post-breakup here and I can tell you it's a long journey. 30 days is a good starting goal.. and when you reach that, pat yourself on the back, buy that summer dress, and then keep your chin up for the next 30. Eventually you stop counting each day. Then it becomes "months". At 6 I still think about her all the time, I miss her, and I often wonder if she misses me at all. But it is less painful now than it was months ago, I will say that. The pain is still there, but it isn't as intense. The healing process is a long one, but you are doing great so far sticking to it. Remember, not a lot of people can do NC, it's not easy, so be proud that you have the strength to pull it off. It's a huge accomplishment. /raisebeer

 

Lol I love this! Cheers to you (raises glass). I hope to log on in 6 months and say he is barely a thought! I'm back to work today after taking Friday off, but I feel in a good place. The pain is still there, that pain of rejection I suppose, but after taking this weekend to be by myself and think things through, I am much better mentally and ready to get back to work.

 

The conclusion I came to, be it right or wrong, is that he wasn't right for me. I know the saying, when God closes a door he opens a window, but I didn't really get it until now. I was sitting alone in a park this weekend, just trying to be ok being by myself with my own thoughts, and someone who was sitting near by came over and said I was beautiful. I can't tell you what that did for my self esteem, and my thoughts and negative feelings about myself started to dissipate.

What if the whole breakup wasn't about me, but about him? What if I could not ever fulfill him, and we would have been miserable anyway? During our 3 years, he did cheat on me, but after the pleading I always gave in and we reconnected. This time I'm not.

 

So, I'm ready for today. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally. I'll still journal here, but I may not need everyday, but I'll be watching everyone else's journey.

 

To those who feel the sting of rejection - I hope you feel loved today. Because you are. xoxo

[Movingon4good]

So, as you are all aware of my story at this point, where I left off is that I would begin my no contact journey again, and begin my healing process all over again. The ex is blocked and can not contact me even if he wanted to.

 

Well, today on my way home, I stopped at a Starbucks to grab a little pick me up coffee for the evening. Lo and behold, the ex came in after me, and when I turned around after I got my coffee, I was pretty shocked to see him. This is not a Starbucks either one of us would frequent, as it is out of the way for us both.

 

He asked if we could talk for a minute, so I obliged and sat with him for a moment. He proceeded to tell me the last few weeks had been rough for him, going through life changes, etc etc etc. He said he wasn't sure of his feelings for me. I listened, and I nodded my head, and I let him carry on. We also discussed some events coming up that we were supposed to go to together, and how we would handle it.

 

When we left, he walked me to my car, he told me I looked beautiful, and he asked if he could see me again for coffee sometime. I thanked him for walking me to my car, and I told him I would not be seeing him again, and although I was happy to have this last conversation to end us on a happy note, I was ready for "us" to be over.

 

He looked shocked, and he didn't really know what to say. I kissed him on the cheek and got in my car. For once.......FINALLY.....I felt calm and in control, and listened to what I wanted, not what he wanted. He is still blocked, and although he asked me to unblock him on Social media, I will not be. I felt a little sadness in knowing the relationship is over, and pain when saying goodbye, but the joy I felt in the drive home was indescribable.

 

There is something to taking some time apart, and asking yourself, what do I want? I thought my life as it was was over, because it revolved around him, but taking almost 3 full weeks away from him...every day I started questioning what exactly it was i wanted back? Was it really him? or the comfort in being around someone? Was I in love or just addicted? I realized I didn't miss the hurt feelings when a date was broken, or the phone calls and texts stopping. I didn't miss not feeling worth it to him ever, or feeling like I could never be enough. I didn't miss the lies, and the lame excuses (his excuse for ghosting me...the whole thing that started the NC, was he wasn't feeling well. He even went to a cardiologist. Yes, that's why he didn't contact me for two weeks <eye roll>.

 

I'm ready for someone and something better. What I was feeling was a broken heart, yes, but more because I "lost". I lost him to something or someone else, and I read an article about getting upset because "the trash took itself out and I'm upset about it". I thought that to be brilliant, because that was exactly right.

 

So, I don't know what the next few weeks hold. I'll still journal, but maybe in a different section I am looking forward to what the next few weeks hold, and although I am not deluding myself into thinking I am 100% over him, I am excited for something bigger.

 

Thanks for reading, if anyone is. I always felt better hearing your words of strength to me.

[Movingon4good]

I came across this thread as I was cleaning out my bookmarks, and I thought I would update you all on what transpired after this April.

 

I did see my ex a few more times. He wanted me back, on his terms though, and his terms meant a booty call, but only when he felt like it. In the mean time, I watched him still pursuing other women on FB. And in front of me when we were together at dinner or whatever. Although we weren't a couple per se anymore, it still bothered me.

 

I did finally have enough. I explained that what we had was not love, and I was no longer interested in it. I went full on NC for at least 30 days.

 

Yes he contacted me. Yes I ignored him. I retrained myself to think differently,. And to know I have worth. I changed mostly on the inside, and held tight to not settling.

 

Here is what I learned. Ladies (or men).... The pain you are feeling is exactly the pain of ending an addiction. It's going to hurt. Mostly your pride. But.... Stick with the NC. No matter what. NC gives you the time you need and the perspective you need. I truly believe, this person that just crushed you, you WILL see Ina different light.. My guy? Well I loved him. Immensely. The sun rose and set with him. He treated me like crap (you can read prior posts if you want). So me staying was on me.

 

Fast forward to now. I have met the most wonderful man. He loves me so much. He notices the little things. He would never do half of what the other ass wipe did. He asks me to dinner, never the other way around.

 

I wish I had not given the other guy 3 years. Now that I have a different perspective, it's so much easier to see. I am so happy now, but not making the same mistakes I did with Mr. Disappearing act.

 

Oh, and guess what? Guess who has decided now that I'm happy and moved on that he misses me? Guess who is asking for coffee? That's right. And guess what? No answer from me. And... I truly don't care. I'm completely happy and peaceful without him.

 

So, all of you struggling with NC... Hang in there!! Big changes are coming for you around the corner. Don't give in!!! Message me instead if you want, but take it from someone who broke NC a million times, only to be unhappier each and every time.... IT WASNT WORTH IT!!

 

Remember my loves... And I'll be straight here... You deserve more. No breadcrumbs should be enough for you. Because you are awesome, and if they can't see that, be kind enough to yourself to break apart, then let someone else discover how awesome you are. You won't regret it my friends.

[Maldives]

Inspiring, thanks for the update nice to see the dumpee win on here for a change

[Movingon4good]

Inspiring, thanks for the update nice to see the dumpee win on here for a change

 

I cam honestly say.. The pain I felt letting go was hard. It hurts... Physically, emotionally and mentally. However.. Once the process was complete, I found joy again. And strength. I made new friends, because we had similar friends in the same circles, and had the best summer I have ever had. Without him.

 

I have my confidence back. It was that confidence that attracted my current lover, and I am happier than I thought I could be.

 

The narcissist is still a thought. I won't lie. Only this time it is when someone else brings him up. He's not a part of me anymore, and even when he texts once and a while, it knocks me for a loop for only about 5 mins. Then I move on with my day.

 

It gets better. I promise.

[MidnightKisser]

Wow, I am really happy for you! I am completely new to the website and I registered only because of your story. In my case, my ex gf dumped me after 3 months of a relationship saying that she still likes me, but that we are different. I was heartbroken and I still miss her because she is the first person I genuinely fell in love with. Now I am on a NC for a week already, and intending to never break it. Pardon my English though

[Movingon4good]

Wow, I am really happy for you! I am completely new to the website and I registered only because of your story. In my case, my ex gf dumped me after 3 months of a relationship saying that she still likes me, but that we are different. I was heartbroken and I still miss her because she is the first person I genuinely fell in love with. Now I am on a NC for a week already, and intending to never break it. Pardon my English though

 

I completely understand how you feel. If I may, I would like to share some things that helped me stay away.

 

1. Even though you feel terrible now, you deserve someone who you have more in common with. Even though you were able to look past your differences, she was not. Is that someone you would want to be with? You need to find someone who loves you for you, despite any differences.

 

2. Keep busy. Make new habits, make new friends, go for walks, run, whatever it takes to keep yourself active. It helps.

 

3. Social media - it's a killer. I didn't delete him from anything. The funny thing is a still haven't, but to be honest, when we broke up, he deleted every picture of me anyway. You should probably unfriend, but I didn't. I just never went on social media for a long time. It helped, but unfriend if you aren't strong enough not to look. The times I did set me back.

 

4. Keep a list of things that happened during the relationship that hurt you. Look at the list when you want to contact her. i kept the list on my phone.

 

5. Change her name in your contacts to "Do Not Answer".

 

6. Put together a great playlist about getting over your ex. A few of my songs were "F--- Apologies, It Don't hurt Like It Used To, Dead, Sledgehammer by Rihanna....all great songs.

 

7. Reach out - post on here. Let other help you. I would never have gotten as far as I did without help. I finally broke the chain and it feels great.

 

Hang in there friend!! We are all here for you...

[MarvelFan1]

I've been 3 months NC, split up for 4 months. I did the dumping. This was because how I was treated, she wasn't evil, but she had to keep pushing and pulling me, looking for a way to make a joke at my expense or just sometimes seem like she didn't give a damn.

 

I broke up with her for all the right reasons, even though it really upset her, and I did feel sorry for her, but in my gut, I knew I was right to do it, even when she pleaded. I genuinely didn't love her at the end, she drove it from me.

 

To keep busy I have been down the gym most days, lost weight, got fitter and have spent more time with my friends. But, weekends I struggle with as I miss her lots, and coupled when I'm not busy, it's even worse. Like right now, I wish she would message me to talk (she won't, that ship sailed after a month when I said about meeting to fix us then I decided against it), and it's because I'm lonely and miss her, even though she was no good for me, I still want her.

 

I'm trying to hang in there and believe better days are coming, but the urge to break NC is sometimes overwhelming to where I want too, but I tell myself why bother, for what...

 

I'm happy for you, Movingon4good, I just hope I can get to where you are and find someone too, it's a big learning curve being on your own to heal and grow, for me.

[Movingon4good]

I've been 3 months NC, split up for 4 months. I did the dumping. This was because how I was treated, she wasn't evil, but she had to keep pushing and pulling me, looking for a way to make a joke at my expense or just sometimes seem like she didn't give a damn.

 

I broke up with her for all the right reasons, even though it really upset her, and I did feel sorry for her, but in my gut, I knew I was right to do it, even when she pleaded. I genuinely didn't love her at the end, she drove it from me.

 

To keep busy I have been down the gym most days, lost weight, got fitter and have spent more time with my friends. But, weekends I struggle with as I miss her lots, and coupled when I'm not busy, it's even worse. Like right now, I wish she would message me to talk (she won't, that ship sailed after a month when I said about meeting to fix us then I decided against it), and it's because I'm lonely and miss her, even though she was no good for me, I still want her.

 

I'm trying to hang in there and believe better days are coming, but the urge to break NC is sometimes overwhelming to where I want too, but I tell myself why bother, for what...

 

I'm happy for you, Movingon4good, I just hope I can get to where you are and find someone too, it's a big learning curve being on your own to heal and grow, for me.

 

Well I have to ask some questions....does she know why you broke up with her? Are you guys young enough that it is possible for either of you to change? (The older you are, the harder it is...). I am just curious.

 

If you asked to meet with her to fix your relationship, then you backed out, then I have to believe it was for good reason. Hang in there, because as the dumper, she would have had a harder time than you did. You will have to give her space and time to heal, and maybe...in time, you can be friends. Not now though. I don't know how long you were dating, but for me it was 3 years. He wants to be friends now. I told him that would be crazy...It takes much more time to heal than that.

 

Keep working on you, and you will attract the right girl to you. You'll see, just be true to yourself.

[MarvelFan1]

Well I have to ask some questions....does she know why you broke up with her? Are you guys young enough that it is possible for either of you to change? (The older you are, the harder it is...). I am just curious.

 

If you asked to meet with her to fix your relationship, then you backed out, then I have to believe it was for good reason. Hang in there, because as the dumper, she would have had a harder time than you did. You will have to give her space and time to heal, and maybe...in time, you can be friends. Not now though. I don't know how long you were dating, but for me it was 3 years. He wants to be friends now. I told him that would be crazy...It takes much more time to heal than that.

 

Keep working on you, and you will attract the right girl to you. You'll see, just be true to yourself.

The back story is here, from a post a couple of months ago, (I'm 32, she's 30): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/629570-2-months-do-i-want-my-ex-back-loneliness-guilt-love

 

When I asked to reconcile, no matter how much I said sorry she kept saying I hurt her, and she was just winding me up again, trying to make me beg and grovel like a million times before. Plus coupled with some family members going, "Oh no", I kinda knew I shouldn't be trying to take her back, so said sorry, wished her all the best and went NC. We should have stayed friends, and not taken it to the next level, oh well, live and learn.

 

She is already back on the dating scene online and our breakup has only just hit 4 months apart, I haven't even moved on that quick... I've just got to work on me and wait for the right lady to appear.

[Movingon4good]

She is already back on the dating scene online and our breakup has only just hit 4 months apart, I haven't even moved on that quick... I've just got to work on me and wait for the right lady to appear.

 

Trust me, you are better off waiting for the right person. Definitely work on you, and work on being happy being by yourself. When you reach that, it seems that is when you will meet someone.

[MarvelFan1]

Trust me, you are better off waiting for the right person. Definitely work on you, and work on being happy being by yourself. When you reach that, it seems that is when you will meet someone.

I'll try my best, Movingon4good. Been a bit of a down day today missing her, fantasising about messaging her, but if I have made it this far, it would be a big set back to throw it away now, especially if all it garners is rejection. Not only that, but all the weeks and months it would take to build up trust and maybe love again if she did want to talk... I think I'm clasping at straws, going for safe and easy over being strong and enjoying my time and freedom, to learn and grow.

[Movingon4good]

I'll try my best, Movingon4good. Been a bit of a down day today missing her, fantasising about messaging her, but if I have made it this far, it would be a big set back to throw it away now, especially if all it garners is rejection. Not only that, but all the weeks and months it would take to build up trust and maybe love again if she did want to talk... I think I'm clasping at straws, going for safe and easy over being strong and enjoying my time and freedom, to learn and grow.

 

I hope you made it through the day ok. Just remember, you broke up with her, and you decided against getting back with her for a reason. Don't confuse loneliness with love. Just keep your list of reasons why you left handy. The only reason you would contact her is if you felt you were wrong, and you really wanted her back. That would be it. Otherwise....let her go to rebuild her life.