Dlucio1 Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 (edited) So I guess it's finally happening. We no longer are talking. I finally blocked his calls, because he is telling me "that I'm killing him, making him sick, and argue too much." Our last two conversations he broke down crying. He never cries. He is also very nervous and can't sleep at night. Texting me and my dtr he is going to die and that I don't care. Also threats and telling his entire family I'm evil and bad. We having major financial problems, plus my son will b going to state college soon, my 16 yo dtr who is having some mental issues, maybe OCD per therapist that is affecting all of us at home. My husband worries toooo much and can't cope with any problems. Even tiny ones. We still live under the same house but it's difficult for me. I'm hurting but he has been stating he has cancer, is dying (isint true)I'm bad, I don't care, and I argue everyday. Lame blame everyday. . Idk why. Im not arguing, what I noticed is that he doesn't ever want me to ask him anything. Can b any subject. It's a bad marriage cause in my opinion it was only one sided. So many yrs to find out all this time husband doesn't like it if I ask ANY questions. I just finally freakn noticed it after all these yrs. I was too much in love w someone that didnt love me back. My dtr told me "it's a one sided Marriage mom". Omg she noticed it and I didn't. Anyway does anyone have any advice why would a man act this way and constantly blame me everyday. He gets nervous when I'm around. I feel so awful. I believe what he tells me. Why do I believe it when he hasnt been good to me. I'm very patient loving forgiving and too nice, but what he hates about me is I have a BIG mouth. He starts being mean FIRST then it's on. I always end up w the last word. Maybe this is why. Walkin on egg shells for so many yrs. I dont cry anymore but I'm a idiot. I'm hurting though. Bad marriage. I'm so stupid. I'm doing the 180 day two. To stay strong be happy. Not to b a bitch. I need advise just want to know really WHY? How can anyone do something like this to a spouse? I could never do this to him. It's the most hurtful thing. Oh yeah. he also texted me and my dtr he went to the emergency room for chest pain(NOT) Why is he torturing me like this and I'm believing it!!!? Edited April 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 Have you tried marriage counseling? When he says he's dying & you don't care, respond that of course you care which is why you set up an appointment for the two of you with a doctor. Daughter's therapist can probably get you a referral. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 Does your husband have a mental illness? Because, this sounds like it is much more serious than the typical, marriage conflict. Based on what you've shared, your husband sounds very unstable. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 My guess is that is he is most likely still cheating on you. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/591552-i-can-t-get-thru-my-husband#post7018708 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 (edited) My guess is that is he is most likely still cheating on you. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/591552-i-can-t-get-thru-my-husband#post7018708 Well yes, that would be the obvious answer... Why do you stay with this guy? This relationship is about as unhealthy as they get... even without the cheating. You need to ask yourself why you are subjecting yourself and your children to this kind of behavior. Edited April 16, 2017 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dlucio1 Posted April 16, 2017 Author Share Posted April 16, 2017 (edited) I don't think he's cheating. He is always home. He doesn't have friends and never has. He says he doesn't cause of me and I don't let him go out. Not true. He a a brother who is bipolar and a few nieces. Another brother who is depressed and another brother with mental illness. Yeah very strong mental illness. My dtr has a OCD food issue going on. She is in fear of vomiting. 'Ametaphobia' I think it's called. my husband says he ill due to all of these issues especially with me with "arguing'. He also was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea and doesn't use his machine ever. I'm confused because he runs w the dog. Idk if he is lying, but it seems strong he wants pity. I noticed he came last night to get back at me for being gone most of the day. I mean he never wants to spend time with me. Watches sports and news all the time everyday on the weekend. He works hard and a wonderful provider to house and home. . I try to stay busy be happy, started weight training. Walking too. Started logging my food on the MFP app. I usually am home after work and love being at home. But now with this going on I don't like to come home right away. He is so angry and it cause me a lot of stress. I do try to spend lots of time w my dtr, but she has her friends and doesn't always want to go w me. My son is gay and it use to b a issue w my husband, but not anymore. My husband loves my kids very much but seems like he can't control his family cause kids r grown so maybe this is another reason of his illness. Idk. Anyways I can't talk to him and he does literally go crazy/nervous/defensive when I'm around. He has built this wall and its hurts me so much that I believe him I've done him wrong. I am distancing myself so he doesn't get sick. I have a realtor friend bring papers for him to sign to sell the house because he mentioned it. He did not want to sign said the kids will be homeless so he said he will look for another job and move out and help me pay the mortgage and he find a room to rent. He said he wants this home for the kids until my son goes to college and my daughter graduates. Then he wants to sell. Idk. Im going nuts. Edited April 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 I'm sure that it feels like you are going nuts. This is a CRAZY unhealthy relationship. You are married to someone who has a strong family history of mental illness and may be showing the signs of an undiagnosed mental illness himself. You are tolerating his poor behavior and taking the blame on yourself in the way the wife of an alcolohic tries not to trigger her spouse, and then accepts the responsibility for his poor behavior. And worst of all, you are raising children in this dysfunctional home. They are feeling the stress in the home and watching/learning from his bad behavior and the fact that you tolerate things that you should not tolerate in a relationship. Seriously, try to find a counsellor, a minister, a doctor, anyone... and get some support for your kids, and your family. Your posts are hard to read - it hurts my heart that you could be in such an unhealthy relationship and not realize it. My heart hurts for your children... Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted April 17, 2017 Share Posted April 17, 2017 I'm sure that it feels like you are going nuts. This is a CRAZY unhealthy relationship. You are married to someone who has a strong family history of mental illness and may be showing the signs of an undiagnosed mental illness himself. You are tolerating his poor behavior and taking the blame on yourself in the way the wife of an alcolohic tries not to trigger her spouse, and then accepts the responsibility for his poor behavior. And worst of all, you are raising children in this dysfunctional home. They are feeling the stress in the home and watching/learning from his bad behavior and the fact that you tolerate things that you should not tolerate in a relationship. Seriously, try to find a counsellor, a minister, a doctor, anyone... and get some support for your kids, and your family. Your posts are hard to read - it hurts my heart that you could be in such an unhealthy relationship and not realize it. My heart hurts for your children... You need to research codependency. There are a ton of resources about this. Listen, I stayed with someone with serious mental and drug issues for 26 years because I loved her and I had to take care of my children. If I had ever gotten any clarity during that time I would have taken the kids and left, but I just could not do it. I am telling you to leave or ask him to leave. I thought that my love and caring for her would help me fix her but it was never enough. I finally understood that you cannot fix other people. I just wasted half of my life trying to do that. You have to get away from this situation, it is bad for the kids, and it is bad for you... Link to post Share on other sites
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