Married men -- How do you KNOW your wife loves you.

[thegoodhubbie]

How do you ever know if your wife really loves you. Mine has been hurt so much in the past I sometimes can't believe she could ever really love me. How do I know if she really does or just wants the security of a relationship, and a father for her son. (my step son). Which, sometimes, I think that's all it really is.

[alphamale]

if you're having sex with her and you are the ONLY man having sex with her then she loves you

[westernxer]

Originally posted by alphamale

if you're having sex with her and you are the ONLY man having sex with her then she loves you

 

Yep. Action, not words.

[quankanne]

from a chick perspective: she delights in doing those little "things" for you. Like buying you a case of Starbucks Frappachino's from the wholesale warehouse club because she knows how much you love them but refuse to pay five bucks for a four-pack from the grocery store. Like renting DVDs of movies YOU like, then getting a chick-flick for herself if she's got enough money to get one. Like not bxtching about gathering, sorting, washing, drying, folding and putting away your laundry every week. Like making sure you've got a clean towel for when you get out of the shower. Like not complaining when she steps in your cat's yak, but just cleans it up then tells you to keep an eye on the cat because it may be having an allergic reaction to its food. Like spending her last $10 on a tub of your favorite ice cream.

 

stuff she really doesn't have to do, but does because you're her man and she loves you ...

[alphamale]

Originally posted by quankanne

stuff she really doesn't have to do, but does because you're her man and she loves you ...

so does she really have to spend all his money AND suck the life outta him too??

 

god, i am NEVER getting married again.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by alphamale

so does she really have to spend all his money AND suck the life outta him too??

 

god, i am NEVER getting married again.

 

So I take your wife left ya with no money and no sole.. did she keep your ballz on the mantle too ?

[centered]

Originally posted by alphamale

so does she really have to spend all his money AND suck the life outta him too??

 

god, i am NEVER getting married again.

Sorry you had some bad experiences, Alpha. Lots of us women pay our way in the relationship -- either with money we earn, or with hard work. Often both. And as for sucking the life out of someone, that's just a sign that the relationship isn't about love at all. Real love fills your life and invigorates you! You know this And I hope you found it with your sweetie.

 

I've always had a good job, make a good income, own my own home, nice car, take care of my retirement accounts.... When I choose to be with a guy, it's not for his money, his house, or his car -- it's for him. I want to share the things in life that bring joy and meaning to us. Money can make life more comfortable, but it is not my focus. And I think for a great many women, the really important thing in life is sharing love and friendship with someone we really care for. All the rest takes a back seat.

 

To be fair, priorities may change as we get older. I'll be 42 this year, so I'm not seriously interested in having more kids. If I were to get married again, it would be strictly for love and looking forward to sharing my golden years with someone I can really say is my partner and soul mate. And if I never find that soul mate, then I won't settle for someone; I'd rather never get married again than *settle.*

[Blackfrost]

I practically have to keep a flyswatter around at all times to keep her from kissing, and groping me when I'm at home - and this is after 10 years of marriage - Good lord woman, quit harrassing me!!!!

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by Blackfrost

I practically have to keep a flyswatter around at all times to keep her from kissing, and groping me when I'm at home - and this is after 10 years of marriage - Good lord woman, quit harrassing me!!!!

 

I do that to my husband ALL the time. I am always kissing him, touching him, groping. Most of the time he doesn't mind it, but I do it when he's trying to get ready for work. I dance around him, naked, shaking away and he gets kinda irked with me...

 

We've been together 12 years now and still going strong.

 

You sound really happy in your marriage, so you both must be doing something right...Or you just love that she's all over you all the time! It's fun! (Seriously, ask her WHY she does it. LOL!)

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by Blackfrost

I practically have to keep a flyswatter around at all times to keep her from kissing, and groping me when I'm at home - and this is after 10 years of marriage - Good lord woman, quit harrassing me!!!!

 

Haha... that sounds like Mr. B - I chase him around from time to time just to grope his cute butt, or hang on him and he will laugh and swat at me saying "get off me woman!". Its sort of a joke between us. We have been married nearly ten years, too. I still find him as sexy as ever, and I let him know that.

 

How do I show him I love him? Besides the sex part - its all in the little things. Kisses that are warm and sexy and not just the 'functional peck'. Compliments, thoughtful gestures, stuff like that. Pretty much anything to show him that I still love him, want him and care about him as a person and not just as "the husband." I treat him like I did when we were dating - showing him that he has value to me, by doing the things I do. When I see him, I tell him I'm happy to see him and I show him that I'm happy to see him - and I truly am. He does the same sort of mushy stuff for me, too.

 

I expect if your wife treats you like just another piece of functional furniture, and does absolutely nothing intimate or affectionate to show you that she loves you, then there is a problem there.

[quankanne]

yep, you KNOW it's got to be love if your mate can still catch your eye after all those years together. DH has a gooseable bottom, too ... he gets a lot of complimentary butt rubs, but he thinks it's purely for altruistic reasons

 

*leers*

 

so does she really have to spend all his money AND suck the life outta him too??

 

only a beetch does that, alpha. Smart gals know that it's nice when he shares, but it's more gratifying when she can buy or do whatever she wants because she's footing the bill with her own money.

 

sucking the life out of him? I guess we're not talking about Ol' One Eye being coaxed into giving up the goods with a bit of tongue-work, are we?

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by thegoodhubbie

How do you ever know if your wife really loves you. Mine has been hurt so much in the past I sometimes can't believe she could ever really love me. How do I know if she really does or just wants the security of a relationship, and a father for her son. (my step son). Which, sometimes, I think that's all it really is.

 

You have to trust her and accept the love that she gives you, and understand that her past may make the quality of her love for you seem different from what you would expect, but trust that it is LOVE and not an ulterior motive.

 

Why wouldn't she love you? Ask yourself what it is about you that she could/should love and what it is about you that you think would make it impossible for her to love you. Understand and respect yourself so that you can trust her love for you.

 

I wonder sometimes why my husband loves me -- there are times when I don't see how that could be possible and times when I've thought all he wanted was a meal-ticket (he doesn't work and I support the family). But that was my own insecurity surfacing and when I step back and look at the marriage outside of finances, I can trust that it's ME he loves and not what I can earn or do for him.

[SummerRae]

Originally posted by alphamale

so does she really have to spend all his money AND suck the life outta him too??

 

god, i am NEVER getting married again.

 

 

Too fu(kin' hilarious!! ............ that was a joke, right Alpha???

[alphamale]

Originally posted by SummerRae

Too fu(kin' hilarious!! ............ that was a joke, right Alpha???

yes

[Ladyjane14]

Men and women are more different than just physical appearance would suggest. Women, generally speaking, love their man in the way that they themselves would like to be loved. Usually, more in an emotional and nurturing way.

 

I suppose that's true of everyone, really. You show your love for your S/O in the manner in which you would most like to receive it and recognize it.

 

Originally posted by quankanne

from a chick perspective: she delights in doing those little "things" for you. Like buying you a case of Starbucks Frappachino's from the wholesale warehouse club because she knows how much you love them but refuse to pay five bucks for a four-pack from the grocery store. Like renting DVDs of movies YOU like, then getting a chick-flick for herself if she's got enough money to get one. Like not bxtching about gathering, sorting, washing, drying, folding and putting away your laundry every week. Like making sure you've got a clean towel for when you get out of the shower. Like not complaining when she steps in your cat's yak, but just cleans it up then tells you to keep an eye on the cat because it may be having an allergic reaction to its food. Like spending her last $10 on a tub of your favorite ice cream.

 

stuff she really doesn't have to do, but does because you're her man and she loves you ...

 

I'm in agreement with Quankanne here.

 

But if you're not feeling loved in the relationship....that's something you need to help your wife understand. What good is it to love your partner, if he can't feel it? It's like not loving at all.

 

 

 

 

p.s to Alpha...

so does she really have to spend all his money AND suck the life outta him too??

 

god, i am NEVER getting married again.

 

I don't think you're in too much danger of being slung up over some woman's back and hauled unceremoniously off to the sacrificial alter of marriage.

 

Membership in 'The He-Man Woman-Hater's Club' DOES have it's priviledges. Just show your membership card!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Ladyjane14

Membership in 'The He-Man Woman-Hater's Club' DOES have it's priviledges. Just show your membership card!

actually, I believe the Three Stooges started the Woman Hater's Club...it first appeared in a 1934 short.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by alphamale

actually, I believe the Three Stooges started the Woman Hater's Club...it first appeared in a 1934 short.

 

You'd be in a position to know, right?. OMG, just being able to identify with the references is making my bones creaky!

[Angel_Of_The_Morning]

May I jump in here and ask a few questions?

 

This is for women and men to respond to .. k? K ...

 

Women: even if you're showing your husband allot of love and you DO love him very much, don't you sometimes get angry, upset, hurt .... or irritable? If you do ... how does he handle that? How do you let him know if he's done something or is doing something that hurts you, your feelings ... etc.???

 

I'm sure, even in a good marriage ... you have emotions, ups and downs .. good days and bad. So if he's done something insensitive or hurtful .. rude, etc. .. are you safe to go to him with it? If you do go to him, does he listen and acknowledge that ... or does he blame what he does on something that YOU do?

 

Men: What if your wife feels something you're doing is making her unhappy or hurt ... or is insensitive, can she tell you that? Is she safe to bring you her feelings and concerns without you getting angry at her or throwing the blame back at her?

 

Women & Men: aren't there times that you get angry at the cat that threw up ... or at him throwing his clothes around... or not ever cooking when you're tired ... or falling to sleep in the middle of an important conversation?

If so ... how do you talk about these things? How do you handle them? If they happen enough that you want to work on changing the problems?

 

Women: If each time you tried talking to your husband about something that is bothering you, something he's doing or not doing that is hurting you, disrespecting you ... etc. .. he said that you do the same thing to him, even if there are things you truly do NOT to do him ... how would you handle that?

 

I know you both need to listen to each other's hurts .. but what if as a woman, you could NEVER just talk to him about anything that's bothering you, without him saying something like 'Yeah, I know what you MEAN'!

 

Looking forward to responses.

 

Hugs,

Dee

[clandestinidad]

Every time I've ever told a male that something he did hurt/irritated/upset me (no matter how nicely I try to word it), all I get back is defensive arguments. It progresses into fights gradually from there...b/c then I feel like I'm not even being heard, and they say mean things...all making me more hurt.

 

Anyway, I guess I just assume that its a common guy-defense. They hate being told when they've done something wrong. Ive been hoping that at some time/age they realize that we're not attacking them, we're just trying to be understood

[thegoodhubbie]

I didn't realize a moments insecurity would start such an interesting thread!

 

For the most part, I think my wife and I have no problems telling each other what is bothering us. Part of the reason I was feeling insecure when I originally posted this thread was because when it is my wife's time of the month, she tends to get a little distant and grumpy. Normally we are both very communicative, close, and affectionate.

 

Not only has it been her time of the month, but my step son has been at his biological father's for much of the summer, and she misses him terribly. I guess I was feeling a little "lost" without my wife. She does the same thing, but we ALWAYS tell each other what is bothering us and work very very hard at working it out and understanding each other. We both feel, and have said this to each other time and again, that we are very very lucky in our marriage. Everything is very even with regard to houeshold responsibilities, and when one of us has a problem with the other we talk it through and make the necessary adjustments.

 

My wife does do those little things that shows she loves me. I just lost perspective. Thanks for all the replies!

[Al Eghory]

Originally posted by kat23

Every time I've ever told a male that something he did hurt/irritated/upset me (no matter how nicely I try to word it), all I get back is defensive arguments. It progresses into fights gradually from there...b/c then I feel like I'm not even being heard, and they say mean things...all making me more hurt.

 

Anyway, I guess I just assume that its a common guy-defense. They hate being told when they've done something wrong. Ive been hoping that at some time/age they realize that we're not attacking them, we're just trying to be understood

 

Ouch Kat, sounds like you have had a wee bit of bad luck with the men there. We're not ALL that way by a long shot.

[jmargel]

Originally posted by kat23

Every time I've ever told a male that something he did hurt/irritated/upset me (no matter how nicely I try to word it), all I get back is defensive arguments. It progresses into fights gradually from there...b/c then I feel like I'm not even being heard, and they say mean things...all making me more hurt.

 

Anyway, I guess I just assume that its a common guy-defense. They hate being told when they've done something wrong. Ive been hoping that at some time/age they realize that we're not attacking them, we're just trying to be understood

 

It's because us men hate to feel disappointment. When you say something negative to us, you hurt our pride. Yea, I know it's stupid but it's reality. We want to feel like we are your 'knight in shining armor' that we are on top of every other guy out there.

 

So when we feel disappointed, we feel a little bit inferior, like some other guy could do it better. Therefore we become defensive on WHY you shouldn't feel the way you do. You then just think we aren't listening and get upset which makes us even feel more inferior therefore getting angry.

 

My only suggestion would be if you are going to tell a guy about something that is bothering you, start off by saying something positive first then lead into what is troubling you. If he still comes back defensive, just saying 'I understand' before you continue your argument will help out alot. Just my opinion..

[clandestinidad]

start off by saying something positive first then lead into what is troubling you.

 

I hadnt ever thought of that! I will definately try it and see if I get better results!!! Thank you!

[Jolene]

Man! Now I know how bad it sounds to be a bitter scorned ex. Stop that! It's not interesting.

 

Anyway, to the original poster.....

 

You know that she loves you because, yes, she adores you physically and wants you in that way. Aside from that, she does not burden you financially or take you for granted. We're all on the same page.

 

But let's not forget the most obvious sign.....how willing she is to overlook your shortcomings, faults, indiscretions, and things that she really doesn't like? She turns a blind eye to your oggling behaviour in public. She tolerates your ex-wife or ex-girlfriend still having contact with you.

 

She embraces your interests as her own and shares your joy and your pain. She loves your family (assuming your family is normal). She cooks for you and cleans and makes sure you are well taken care of because this makes her proud. She is a woman, afterall, and taking care of her man means so many things. These days, woman come to the table with all the domestic and s*xual cards on the table along with one other...financial, so not to be a burden. Men have also come our way a little. It's really quite nice.

[Jas]

Originally posted by Angel_Of_The_Morning

 

I'm sure, even in a good marriage ... you have emotions, ups and downs .. good days and bad. So if he's done something insensitive or hurtful .. rude, etc. .. are you safe to go to him with it? If you do go to him, does he listen and acknowledge that ... or does he blame what he does on something that YOU do?

 

Men: What if your wife feels something you're doing is making her unhappy or hurt ... or is insensitive, can she tell you that? Is she safe to bring you her feelings and concerns without you getting angry at her or throwing the blame back at her?

 

 

Ugh...going through this dilemma w/ fiancé as we speak. We've been fighting a lot lately, so when little things come up - I'm more likely to try and stifle my frustration and not bring it up in order to maintain some peace. Unfortunately that doesn't always work, because he can tell something is bothering me. I'm not very gifted when it comes to pretending.

 

So ultimately I don't feel safe. I'm afraid that if I can't talk about my frustrations, they are going to get the best of me and I'll just want out , or I will bring them up and my fiancé’s defensiveness will result in us fighting - and then I'll want out. Either way does not look promising. Going to see a counselor tomorrow...hopefully she'll have some ideas. Maybe he will take constructive criticism differently when it is coming from a professional.

 

What bugs me is that my fiance never brings up stuff that I do that hurts him, so it does make me feel like I'm always complaining about him. He says he doesn't make big deals about things and I do. Sheesh.... I just can't catch a break here!