Some People Deserve To Be Dumped!

[Sweetfish]

OK, it's a label you made up which hasn't caught on.

 

If person says "I am leaving" they are the dumper. Nobody forced them to do anything. It doesn't matter whether the problem is big or small, or whether or not they still care for the ex, the person who chooses to exit the relationship is the dumper.

 

And it's Ok to be a dumper. Even if it's "just one flaw".

 

You are right.. I think the term force dumper is to not carry the stigma of being a DUMPER. Which dumpers on LS are given a bad wrap.

[basil67]

Sorry it hasn't caught on to you friend.

 

There are relationships in which people don't want to leave, as we've seen these boards from some dumpers (even the OP). They wish to progress the relationship and better it, but the dumpee in this case doesn't make the effort, but likes being "in the relationship". Thus, for someone to progress in life, they have to move on and end the relationship. That is a dumper that no one forced their hand, correct.

 

However, there are some relationships in which the dumper was abused, and for their own safety need to exit the relationship despite wishing the relationship could have continued without the violence (in ways, Stockholm syndrome). These people, for the safety of their own life, are forced to walk away from a relationship (as we've seen from these boards).

 

Sorry if you narrow dumpers and dumpees down to the initial stage.

 

 

While you may take pride in being a dumper, and think others should do the same, some people aren't exactly prideful of breaking someones heart because of whatever reasons, and are actually sad they had to make that decision.

 

OK, I see where you are going. I guess we're arguing semantics. My main goal is to avoid using the language of a victim. But I guess that some people do see themselves as victims and use those words accordingly.

 

I do understand feeling bad for the dumper. Heck, I stayed with my ex-h for far too long because I knew it would break his heart if I left. But in the end, we have to do what is right for ourselves and we have to be confident in our decisions.

[Nothingtolose]

Be very careful with generalizations like this one. I will concede that you may be in pain, but I very seriously doubt if my ex felt anything at all. And I certainly do not need to mature any way other than emotionally, which I most certainly have.

 

Mine knows I love her, and I killed myself to make it work after the break. So how exactly is her playing games, stringing me along for months "holding out hope that I'll grow up and change if I wanted to..."?

 

If anything, as the community wisely pointed out in my pain-ridden thread, she needed to grow up. Mine said she gave "...everything to me, and I'll did was hurt her." Yup.

 

The simple fact of my writing over 300 painful posts contrasts that statement.

 

My comments are not meant to accuse, and I understand each persons situation is specific.

 

Sorry to hear that, Bromeo. I understand every situation is certainly different and I spoke only from my own experience in my current relationship. I would certainly be open to trying again with my partner (likely soon to be ex) if he showed signs of maturing emotionally, but so far nothing has been done. I'm sorry you tried so hard and your ex kept stringing you along.

[Altair0770]

OK, I see where you are going. I guess we're arguing semantics. My main goal is to avoid using the language of a victim. But I guess that some people do see themselves as victims and use those words accordingly.

 

I do understand feeling bad for the dumper. Heck, I stayed with my ex-h for far too long because I knew it would break his heart if I left. But in the end, we have to do what is right for ourselves and we have to be confident in our decisions.

 

That I agree with. Unfortunately though, I do think some ignore the consequences of their decision, which is why some often do regret.

 

But if a dumper feels they made the right decision for them as a person, they shouldn't hold any regrets or guilt. They can still feel awful, as they are exitting something they invested their love and emotions into, but I wouldn't feel guilty if I left my ex despite her leaving me haha. I do agree about victims. I honestly believe I didn't deserve to be treated like I did, nor did what I did warrant a breakup (it was more of her having a ton of unresolved issues). But I don't consider myself a victim. I don't pity myself. I don't need pity. I'm just doing whatever I can to move on. As far as the romantic side, I'm done with that. It's more so the intense anger towards the way she treated me, and the way she was treated as child that I'm not over yet. But I don't consider myself a victim.

Edited April 17, 2017 by Altair0770

[jwspark85]

Some cases (like mine), it is 100% the dumpers fault.

 

I get where this thread is headed towards, but as been stated, a dumper hardly comes to these forums unless they regret breaking up with someone.

 

The person that initiates the break should be the one that repairs it.

 

 

As for the examples use, "I'm not ready for a relationship" is a bunch of crap. Don't enter a relationship if you aren't ready. That is 100% your fault for the relationship not working out.

 

If you know there is something that will prevent you from having a successful relationship with someone and you enter that relationship - you are 100% at fault.

 

If the dumpee was too clingy, most the time its because of failed communication by the dumper. Really depends, but failing to communicate is also 100% someones fault.

 

A relationship takes work to make it work, and if people decide not to make the effort, that's 100% their fault.

 

Now, if the dumpee was a douche, cheated, abused, or did anything that warranted a breakup, then that is understandable.

 

 

But most cases we see here on LS is that the dumpee thought everything was going fine and the dumper either got cold feet, the supposed GIGS, fell for another guy/girl while still in the relationship, or just entered a relationship without really wanting to be in one.

 

While I always appreciate two sides to the story, we don't always get that opportunity. But I will comfortably say my ex is 100% to blame for the downfall of our relationship.

 

yep, you dont see many dumpers come to this forum for obvious reasons.

 

In my case I cant say its 100% my ex`s fault that our relationship failed, that simply wouldn't be true or fair to her.

 

I would never cheat on her or cause her any sort of emotional or physical pain. I always tried to be a good boyfriend, supportive and all but in the months preceding the break-up we slipped into a routine and I may have gotten too comfortable . There were things that started to bother her about us, but she never communicated them to me until it was too late. ( as you mentioned I was under the illusion that everything is going fine)

 

I cared for her and If she would tell me whats bothering her I would have made the effort to fix things. But, there was nothing, she didn't give me hints, we didn't fight or argue she just kept quiet, slowly fell out of love and became emotionally invested in someone else ( and eventually overlapped with this other person).

 

So yes, In my case I dont think that its 100% the dumpers fault. I should have tried more, shouldn't have taken our relationship for granted. Still, we all make mistakes and after more than 5 years together I think I at least deserved one chance to save what we had.

 

I agree why most people come here. In most cases Its not that we want to hate on the dumper. Its just that as dumpees we may feel that we didn't really deserve to be dumped and being hurt in this way.