Urgent needed with Narcissist ? on off partner

[ohwell3211]

hi ive been with this woman for a year we used to do the greatest things go away for weekends great time with her 2 and my 1 children.

 

however the last 3 months we went a bit pear shape and lets call it Push Pull no actual dumper dumpee.....she has become hugely addicted to social media and gaining likes from males she does not even know and i could half understand if they were baywatch but they look like theyve just crawled from under a rock...

 

she also never apologises for anything she does, at one point she got a bit drunk and made out i was assaulting her and never apologised to me if anything i phoned her the day after!! i have allowed this behaviour a little so i must take some blame but shes 33 acting like a 12 year old

 

right then to boil down to it she now like clockwork contacts me every weekend. up until Yesterday i have made the mistake of allowing her to come round for the weekend thinking were going to resolve! and as soon as shes spent two nights with me for which shes all over me!! she then goes as quiet as a mouse/ignorant mid week and resorts back to her social media attention/ endless selfies when im trying to resolve our future,until the weekend then shes all over me again

 

shes turned selfish / childish narcissist behaviour

 

blames everyone else or tells me im over thinking things so my blood boils more

 

its not the woman i fell in love with and i want her back / how do i go from here she has messaged last night and i have ignored but she can see ive read the message No contact for a couple of weeks?

 

she needs to learn but i dont want to be nasty which i am capable of

Edited April 16, 2017 by ohwell3211

[mikeylo]

The real her is coming out. This is who she is.

[somanymistakes]

Don't fixate on the terminology of whether someone is a narcissist or not, it distracts from the actual problems and behavior. Describe what she's actually doing, calmly - it's hard for me to know what you mean if all you say is that she's acting like a twelve year old.

 

Okay, so. You've been involved with this woman for a year. You both have kids. You see each other on weekends. You do or don't live together? From your talk about weekends, I'm guessing you don't.

 

When you say she's become "hugely addicted to social media", what do you mean? What is she actually doing? Is she posting updates to twitter and facebook all the time, even when you're trying to talk to her? Is she posting pictures of herself looking sexy? Is she jumping into everyone's arguments because she wants to show off that she's always right (I may be guilty of that one myself!)

 

at one point she got a bit drunk and made out i was assaulting her and never apologised to me if anything i phoned her the day after!!

 

What actually happened? She got drunk. What sort of 'assault' did she claim happened, and what really took place?

 

right then to boil down to it she now like clockwork contacts me every weekend. up until Yesterday i have made the mistake of allowing her to come round for the weekend thinking were going to resolve! and as soon as shes spent two nights with me for which shes all over me!! she then goes as quiet as a mouse/ignorant mid week and resorts back to her social media attention/ endless selfies when im trying to resolve our future,until the weekend then shes all over me again

 

So... you feel ignored during the week, then on the weekends she comes over and you have lots of sex, then when the weekend's over she goes back to her regular weekday routine?

 

Honestly, that doesn't sound particularly childish. Maybe you're leaving a lot out or I'm just not getting it.

 

What is it that you WANT her to do that she's not doing? You say you're trying to resolve your future. Are you trying to have a serious relationship talk about moving in or something? If you're getting distracted by having sex all weekend and never talking about it, that's on both of you, although it would be frustrating in the long run.

 

how do i go from here she has messaged last night and i have ignored but she can see ive read the message No contact for a couple of weeks?

 

You're frustrated that she's not having a serious relationship talk with you, so your response is to ignore her? That makes no sense.

 

she needs to learn but i dont want to be nasty which i am capable of

 

I know you're frustrated but this sort of sentence makes it sound like she may not be the biggest problem in the relationship.

 

Look, I'm probably misunderstanding a lot of what you're saying because you are frustrated and venting and not making total sense. But maybe she feels the same way, and can't understand what you actually want. Slow down a little and try to explain?

[preraph]

Yeah, the longer you date, the more you see the real person. That's why you date instead of just asking someone cute to marry you. This is her, and she's not what you want, so you can't change that. Just break up with her.

[ohwell3211]

hi what im trying to say is on the weekend she is all over me texting coming round sex which is great but as soon as she knows she is still wanted she back off it all boils down to attention imho?

 

we also used to spereend mid week a lot together

when she made out i was assualting her she was blind drunk as in flinging her arms screaming and i was just standing there

 

my point resolves round she thinks recently these are no big deal and "IM OVER ANALYZING" where as to me the above is quite serious its not what i expect from a woman in her 30s and for her not to apologise is grinding my gears

 

anyway she has messaged again last night but i have ignored? shall i just burn her ego for a couple of weeks because thats all i think its fed the last 12 weeks

 

advise other than dumping her for good thanks

[ohwell3211]

what im trying to say guys is for months on end now i have been available to her every weekend weve spent the weekend together i have stupidly made myself available at the drop of a hat thinking can get back to how we were AND WE DONT!!!! so surely now iv got to go some kind of no contact to resolve this as being a man with childrens interest at heart has got me no where!!!

 

to sum up as soon as she leaves me(ive topped up her attention) she blanks me mid week.... this is not a normal relationship behaviour to me im sure youll all agree

 

this woman suddenly has huge attention seeking problems i mean she blocked and then unblocked a bloke in another country i mean WTF

 

 

 

and she messaged last night like clockwork but i have left a reply for now

[Chilli]

Sorry about the sitch but yeah , l agree with the others and l it's just the real her stepping forward,

It happens sometimes, once the old honeymoons over .

Sorry to say to but l don't think she's fully feeling it either . Seems to nice it up to get what she wants out if it and then she's good to go.

the online stuff , sorry to but that's bullsh@t

 

Good luck anyway

Edited April 19, 2017 by Chilli

[Gaeta]

anyway she has messaged again last night but i have ignored? shall i just burn her ego for a couple of weeks because thats all i think its fed the last 12 weeks

 

advise other than dumping her for good thanks

 

So you think retaliating with a negative behavior, like punishing her, will generate a positive outcome and she'll go back to her sweet self?

 

How would you feel if someone ignored you for 2 weeks instead of starting a conversation about the problem? You think that would be mature on their part? You accuse her of behaving like a 12 year old but your solution to the problem is also the solution of a 12 year old.

 

You've been dating 1 year and she started that toxic behavior 12 weeks ago, that's 3 months that's 25% of your relationship. You've given this plenty of time.

 

If you want to make a statement than break up and show her how serious the situation has become for you.

[Popsicle]

You want a real relationship with a future and she just wants a weekend only relationship to do fun things. She's just passing time and you're looking for something deeper. Dump her!

[Steffi]

It's sad but I agree with popsicle. She is just passing time and gaining an ego boost. I think you know this and you want to resolve it so it goes back to how it was.The likely hood of that happening is 0.