Jaime03 Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 I live in the south and it just seems that whole thing about "southern gentlemen" just isnt right. I have lived here my whole life and I just want to know if guys ar different in other parts of the US. Like up north? It seems most guys I meet will cheat, and lie. Is it like that everywhere. I have dated a lot of guys and just cant seem to find a catch! Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Then you are dating the WRONG guys. Men are the same geographically so moving would not improve your situation. Men are a product of what they think women want. If they thought you wanted a nice, relaxing friend then they would be that but they have realized that you want a pirate type of guy so that is what they become. If you want a nice, non-cheating, truthful kind of guy then go to church. The odds might be better there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaime03 Posted July 29, 2005 Author Share Posted July 29, 2005 Yea i guess your right. Are you one of those good guys? You sound like it. Dont get me wrong I have dated great guys but they are usually just not my type. That is what sucks. I guess in a subconscience way you people are attracted to the ones who break your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 I can be a good guy for the right person but I can be your worst nightmare if you do me wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Jaime - start looking at the posts on nice guys on this site. you'll get an earfull. it doesn't matter where you live. guys up north are just as jerky as guys down south as they are out west and in every corner on this earth. Good guys are even harder to find than nice guys. good luck darlin Link to post Share on other sites
centered Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by Jaime03 It seems most guys I meet will cheat, and lie. Is it like that everywhere. I have dated a lot of guys and just cant seem to find a catch! I used to feel this way, too. For a while, I was convinced every single guy wanting to date me was secretly already married and a total sleaze. But then I met my Honey And he's a good guy. And not *too* nice, if you know what I mean. But a keeper. So, yes, they are out there. Maybe 1 in 20 guys is a "good" guy. (Meaning he's got his act together, knows what he wants, isn't in therapy, isn't looking for a mommy replacement, knows how to treat a woman like a human being, is a good kisser, values honesty, and follows through on promises!) Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 Jaime - start looking at the posts on nice guys on this site. you'll get an earfull. it doesn't matter where you live. guys up north are just as jerky as guys down south as they are out west and in every corner on this earth. Good guys are even harder to find than nice guys. good luck darlin LOL...it's a universal phenomenon!!! Link to post Share on other sites
katty Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 I use to think that I only went for the bad boys or so I was told, but to be totally honest this last bf of mine was suppose to be the nice guy. Everyone told me how much of a good guy he was, etc.. My sisters had known him a lot longer than me and so I did decide to give a good guy the chance, well guess what I have decided its an urban myth, there never was a nice guy and if there is any some other woman snatched him up and married him along time ago. I guess all the nice good guys are either married or dead. If you ever find where they might be hiding please let me know, I would like to know. Link to post Share on other sites
centered Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by katty I use to think that I only went for the bad boys or so I was told, but to be totally honest this last bf of mine was suppose to be the nice guy. Everyone told me how much of a good guy he was, etc.. My sisters had known him a lot longer than me and so I did decide to give a good guy the chance, well guess what I have decided its an urban myth, there never was a nice guy and if there is any some other woman snatched him up and married him along time ago. I guess all the nice good guys are either married or dead. If you ever find where they might be hiding please let me know, I would like to know. Actually, a lot of the married guys are vermin! They lie and cheat and will say anything to get into your panties. Just like a lot of single guys. But you know what? A lot of women are seriously screwed up, needy, clingy b*tches who need some intensive therapy. It cuts both ways. So what do you do? Be the best person you can be. Be prepared to get hurt. A lot. But if it's important to you to find someone, then keep on trying. The really good guys that already seem to be taken are taken because some woman didn't just give up, but kept on looking till she found him. And likewise for the guys. When they find each other, it's a magical thing -- against the law of averages these two people found love and real commitment! No wonder people still believe in soul mates. And I believe it's possible. So don't give up. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 The "nice" guys are the ones you are NOT attracted to.... Link to post Share on other sites
katty Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 marshbear, thats not entirely true, my ex is nice to everyone, it is everyones favorite saying..________ is one of the good guys. So I did give it a shot with one of the good ones, and you know what the attraction was definitely there. I was actually amazed, however even though he is such a nice guy he left me wondering still where the nice guys are bc I apparently can't find or keep one. Link to post Share on other sites
scratch Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by Jaime03 It seems most guys I meet will cheat, and lie. Is it like that everywhere. I have dated a lot of guys and just cant seem to find a catch! I think I'm a nice guy, per your definition, but not a "catch" for 99% of women. I don't lie, and I never flake. However, even the people who know this about me don't think I'm nice. The rub seems to be that honesty and reliability are necessary but not sufficient qualities. To be a nice guy, you actually have to have a genuine interest in making the woman happy - telling the truth and doing what you say are merely two of the conditions. Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by scratch To be a nice guy, you actually have to have a genuine interest in making the woman happy - telling the truth and doing what you say are merely two of the conditions. Scratch, Not to take the post off topic but you seem to know yourself pretty well.. why not change the things that would allow you to make women happy ? or show them genuine interest ? Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear The "nice" guys are the ones you are NOT attracted to.... I completely agree!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 This is not meant to be rude at all, but all the "nice" guys are "nice" becasue I usually find that is what they have going for them. Not their looks. They make up for thieir looks with niceness. I know that is not 100% true w/ everyone, but I am now finding as I get older that looks are nothing compared to someone who treats you like gold. It helps to be attractive, but when it all boils down to it, do you want a normal looking nice guy or a hot ass who knows he is hot???? Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 This is not meant to be rude at all, but all the "nice" guys are "nice" because I usually find that is what they have going for them. Not their looks. They make up for their looks with niceness. I know that is not 100% true w/ everyone, but I am now finding as I get older that looks are nothing compared to someone who treats you like gold. It helps to be attractive, but when it all boils down to it, do you want a normal looking nice guy or a hot ass who knows he is hot???? You say this but usually, when faced with the situation, you will say,: oh. He's so nice but I don't feel anything for him. I wish I felt that spark because I don't want to hurt him." I'm not saying you need model looks in your man but the guys you see as friends are usually there because they are nice but you don't desire to get naked with them. End of story... Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by scratch I think I'm a nice guy, per your definition, but not a "catch" for 99% of women. I don't lie, and I never flake. However, even the people who know this about me don't think I'm nice. The rub seems to be that honesty and reliability are necessary but not sufficient qualities. To be a nice guy, you actually have to have a genuine interest in making the woman happy - telling the truth and doing what you say are merely two of the conditions. Scratch is not a catch...sorry, got a chuckle out of that for some weird reason Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear You say this but usually, when faced with the situation, you will say,: oh. He's so nice but I don't feel anything for him. I wish I felt that spark because I don't want to hurt him." I'm not saying you need model looks in your man but the guys you see as friends are usually there because they are nice but you don't desire to get naked with them. End of story... Yes. What is it with all these women who say they can't find nice guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 I was once a good man then a woman turned me into a lmsogynistic jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 Women require drama. I get the impression that a large number of women actually desire the pity and attention they get from being with a guy who doesn't treat them well. "Oh, poor what's her name, putting up with that deadbeat. She must be a strong woman to continue trying with him." When they have a good man, people envy them, not pity them. They are lucky, not strong and saintly in other women's eyes. That just doesn't cut it for them. This is a generalization, I know not all women are like this, just the majority. And I am sure all the women on LS are the exception to this rule Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaime03 Posted July 30, 2005 Author Share Posted July 30, 2005 There are many good guys out there. It just seems for some reason I am never attracted to them. I wonder why that is. I think maybe as you get older you out grow that? I hope. Everyone has a different definition of a "good guy". I dont even know what would be a good guy for me...But I agree when you find him you will know. But things happen when you least expect it. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by Jaime03 I dont even know what would be a good guy for me... Try one who doesn't beat your ass, make you cry, or cheat behind your back. That's a start... Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog Women require drama. I get the impression that a large number of women actually desire the pity and attention they get from being with a guy who doesn't treat them well. "Oh, poor what's her name, putting up with that deadbeat. She must be a strong woman to continue trying with him." When they have a good man, people envy them, not pity them. They are lucky, not strong and saintly in other women's eyes. That just doesn't cut it for them. This is a generalization, I know not all women are like this, just the majority. And I am sure all the women on LS are the exception to this rule Ha ha! I find that once I get into a relationship I have a tendency to devote too much time to thinking about it - to the detriment of other activities and interests. That's a habit I really need to break out of...but it's difficult, because relationships are time-consuming things that only seem to work as long as the woman is prepared to expend a lot of thought and energy on "understanding her man". Even with apparently enlightened men, I've found this to be the case. This can lead, as you say, to the need for drama from the relationship because you're not getting your usual level of excitement from other activities. Also, the problem is that the enlightened man will start to get bored because gradually you become less and less interesting to him. Perhaps this is when Mr Nice becomes Mr Nasty - leaves in search of something better, finds it, then becomes nostalgic because the new woman doesn't seem to understand him in the way that the old one did. So the new one starts devoting more time to understanding him.... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog Women require drama. good observation DEVILDAWG...why you think that women love watching soaps and reality shows?? boredom is their mortal enemy, in all areas of life. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 An enlightened (wo)man knows no boredom. The drive for understanding a person is quite natural, and for a lot of people it becomes almost an obsession. They feel as if they need to understand every tiny bit of the other person, preferably within 3 months time. Of course, it does not work that way. Let us sidetrack a bit: When you get to know people, date people, or are just starting a relationship, you often find yourself in highly artifical situations. You can't make an accurate judgement on the basis of highly artificial situations. How many men or women would go to a concert of classical music in sneakers, old jeans, and a "porn star" tshirt? Not many, and they would get negative marks for that. But if a person is wearing a perfect outfit to go to the concert, you will have actually no clue whether or not he prefers to dress well or not. You would either have to ask and hope for the truth, or observe in a more natural environment. If you don't find out in a conclusive way, you will need to make assumptions about that person; and of course integrate these assumptions with the knowledge you have and other assumptions you have made about a person; and soon enough it becomes a complete myriad of assumptions, preconceptions and facts, which occupies almost every thought. In short, the way some people learn about persons, may be highly flawed, and almost completely ineffective. And until the affected person addresses the issues, that person may suffer the same problems time and again. People are, more often than not, quite simple to understand. That includes myself. It is the obsession-like nature of the drive to know a person that is causing the problems. You lose yourself in the smallest of details, and thus risk becoming oblivious of the real issues, the real character issues. If you are obsessed with someone, you would do practically anything to get closer to that particular person, attempt everything you can think of, to know the person better, to build a more meaningful relationship (whatever that may be in the mind of the obsessed person). It is not entirely dissimilar from stalking. It's not the only that the interests that are being neglected, cause the need for drama in some people. People don't need the drama, but create the drama to satisfy one of their needs. To know something, to find out if this or that is acceptable to another person et cetera. Of course dealing with an obsessed person becomes tiring to most of us after some time. It is the obsession, that hides the lovable qualities of the obsessed man or woman. And encourages the other person to wonder, if there are less obsessed women or men out there. Good guys and girls are out there. But not every good would be suitable to have a relationship with. And like-wise you must have something to offer to the good guy or good girl. Link to post Share on other sites
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