Is chemistry always mutual and what is it?

[blueberrymuffin]

Just curious. When you have that insane chemistry with someone that you are NOT sleeping with and have next to zero physical contact with, the type that comes along really rarely. I mean when you're walking together it's like you have to put your hands in your pockets because otherwise they'll just take on a life of their own and take hold of his. When you touch them you do literally feel the shiver going down. I guess this inexplicable thread that draws you them. So a) Do you think that chemistry like that is always mutual? Or could it be just be one sided? And b) what is this? Is it just an insane physical attraction? I do speak from experience, I met a guy about a year ago and for various reasons it will never go further than a friendship, but I was kinda curious if it was just me feeling this or would he most like be feeling it to?

[preraph]

Oh, I think it's more often one sided than not. I mean, you can feel intense chemistry for someone and they are feeling nothing or next to it. You can feel like they were someone from a past life and they can make you go home and write poems and are of course super attracted to them and feel you have this indelible bond - and they can be just focused on anyone with big boobs and that's as deep as they get.

 

So don't sit around feeling that they MUST return your feelings or that you are meant to be. If it ever happens that you meet someone that you both have that feeling at the same time, there will be no doubt, although even that isn't a guarantee that it lasts. They may be your ideal, but you're not theirs.

[spiderowl]

People have different ideas of what chemistry means. Some think of it as an amazing connection on all levels; others think of it as purely sexual chemistry. I do feel it exists and I do not know what it is. It seems to be some deep connection and understanding that is very hard to find.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is definitely not always mutual! Plenty of people feel chemistry with an other but find the attraction is not mutual. Unrequited love is sadly very common.

[Chilli]

Yeah it can def' be one sided ,we think this and feel that but they just don't seem to be seeing it.

You feel like giving em a gangster slappin and sayin wtf is wrong with you can't you see what we have here buttttttt, nope , sadly sometimes the other just don't feel it.

 

But hopefully , it is all mutual and things take off from there .

It's a whole combo of things. Like a mirror sometimes or an at one, a peace, likenesses, effortless , a click, a plane old into each other .

[preraph]

A great old TV series you can get on this subject is "My So-Called Life." It's about this girl (Claire Danes) who obsesses over this quiet sullen really handsome mystery guy (Jared Leto), and it's very realistic. I mean, most women I know were like this at some point, and from reading on here, a lot of guys too. Anyway, the ending of the series is really ironic and it goes to this subject directly. And it's a great series, so if you haven't seen it, binge watch it.

[amaysngrace]

I think it's more two-sided than one-sided and the best way I can describe it is it's a raw sexual energy driving the attraction.

[tetrahedral]

People have different ideas of what chemistry means. Some think of it as an amazing connection on all levels; others think of it as purely sexual chemistry. I do feel it exists and I do not know what it is. It seems to be some deep connection and understanding that is very hard to find.

 

And some people think chemistry is a discipline of the physical sciences.

[JuneL]

I have responded to a similar thread only very recently.

 

I think attraction in itself can obviously be either one-sided or mutual. But for the very few times in my life in which I had "butterflies", meaning the hormones that made me need less food and sleep, and be consumed with the thought of the object of my affection, the pre-requisite was two-fold: first, I felt a very strong attraction to him; and more importantly, I felt that he had a very strong attraction to me. So in this sense, our attraction reinforced each other. If it's clear my attraction is one-sided, then it wouldn't go anywhere and would fade quickly...

[JuneL]

And some people think chemistry is a discipline of the physical sciences.

 

Haha, and tetrahedral molecular geometry is a subject in chemistry?

[Silverstring]

Regardless, "chemistry" isn't something that actually exists out there. It's something we create in our minds and is most accurately described as mutual attraction.

 

But that doesn't mean we can't be attracted to someone without them being attracted to us back. That is actually quite common, especially when we're younger and don't know any better. When you get more experience, you realize that if someone isn't attracted to you there isn't much point in wasting your emotionally energy on unrequited love...

[blockrockinbeat74]

Chemistry can only be mutual, IMO.

 

If it's one-sided, it's just a crush.

[Jj66]

Chemistry (by my definition) is mutual. It's two people being so incredibly attracted, even captivated, by the other that the rest of space and time cease to exists.

[DKT3]

Once had a woman tell me "we have amazing chemistry, it's just electric" all I was thinking is "what's your name?".

 

Let me explain, we had hung out several times in a group setting, I recalled a few direct conversations with her, but having​ recently separated from my wife I wasn't even looking.

[Chilli]

lt exists alright, it is real, been lucky enough to live it.

But yeah, l guess too if it's one sided then it's not it because it takes two. Sometimes though you might meet someone where you think you could have it if only they'd give it a chance.

But they don't seem to be feeling a thing, false alarm l guess.

 

l'm sorta surprised though that a few people have described the sexual side too and not only the mental connection.

Because if your the guy in this , then she often worries that it's more sexual for you than about her as well, bc that sexuality side can be just as powerful as the mental and personality connection side.

But if your lucky yeah, it's gonna have the both.

 

Although l do believe the sexuality side doesn't necessarily have to be as full on as the mental side.As long as there's something that could grow and build over time from the mental connection and feelings side.

Edited April 17, 2017 by Chilli

[preraph]

Once had a woman tell me "we have amazing chemistry, it's just electric" all I was thinking is "what's your name?".

 

Let me explain, we had hung out several times in a group setting, I recalled a few direct conversations with her, but having​ recently separated from my wife I wasn't even looking.

 

Yup. This is reality.

[Chilli]

Yup. This is reality.

 

 

Sad really , but yeah it's reality for those that have never had it.

Same as those that ask how do you know when your in love.

Because if they ever truly have it then they wont need to ask.

Edited April 18, 2017 by Chilli

[Osmium13]

A friend of mine once had a girl from uni come to stay with him for a week over the summer, must've been late 90's or so. He was after her, but I don't think it ever worked out between them.

 

We all went out one evening and I immediately hit it off with the girl. Within about 15 minutes of being introduced we were flirting like mad and play-fighting. He saw where it was going and got a little grumpy over it - so I backed off, and that was that.

 

I've not experienced that chemistry on every level with anyone since that day - and I've never let my friend forget it. If I ever need a favour of him, the request is usually initiated with a brief reminiscence of the lovely Welsh girl that came to stay one summer...

[GoodOnPaper]

I think it comes down to how good you are at the early attraction stage of things. If connecting with people for dates and hookups is easy for you, I would expect chemistry to be mutual on a regular basis. If you view yourself as struggling, then mutual chemistry could be very hard, if not impossible, to find.

 

I've only experienced it once - she was my 2nd GF and I was her first BF - and even that was less about me falling madly in infatuation with her and more about the two of us just being open to the idea of connecting and exploring. Over and over again, the sort of initial connection I interpreted as dating interest, women actually meant as friend-zoning. The only exception was my wife, and that's because she was the one who was more interested than I was.