My wife cheated on me

[Mrs. John Adams]

Past behavior is a good indication for future behavior.

 

What separated the WS that cheat again and those that don't are the

following. The WS never had to face any consequences so they cheat

again.

 

Then the WS that don't cheat again are the ones that work to change and

affair proof their marriage. Such as no jobs with over night trips.

No opposite sex friends. Choosing recreational activities that they

enjoy together. Whether confess or got caught they did not trickle

truth, and if they did they gave up lying.

 

in a perfect world we can implement the things you suggest

 

but unfortunately...we do not live in a perfect world.

 

some waywards do the very best they can...in the circumstances surrounding them

 

I am lucky...I lived in a world where i could control my boundaries...but not everyone is that lucky.

 

I was able to control who i interacted with and how i interacted with them. I was able to devote myself to my family without outside influence.

 

But everyone is not able to do what i have been able to do

 

and even in the best of circumstances...some waywards never do their part.

 

they never protect and defend their betrayed. they never provide complete honesty...they never understand and comprehend remorse.

 

does this mean that life is not fulfilling and good?

 

I dont know...there are folks here who have lived a long time never having all the answers...never seeing the remorse they desire

 

but they have lived a good life

[Overtaxed]

Past behavior is a good indication for future behavior.

 

What separated the WS that cheat again and those that don't are the

following. The WS never had to face any consequences so they cheat

again.

 

Then the WS that don't cheat again are the ones that work to change and

affair proof their marriage. Such as no jobs with over night trips.

No opposite sex friends. Choosing recreational activities that they

enjoy together. Whether confess or got caught they did not trickle

truth, and if they did they gave up lying.

 

I'd go as far to say that's just general "affair proof your marriage" stuff. Let me make some edits to reflect how I've tried to do this (before my wife's A, and honestly, has nothing to do with what she did, this was always about me).

 

No opposite sex friends; I don't have a single girl's number in my cell phone who I'd call for any reason other than work. Even mutual husband/wife friends, I only have the husbands number in my phone, never the wife's.

 

My job requires a lot of travel, so I can't do the "perfect" here and avoid it entirely. And I know it's a huge problem, so I function with military precision when I travel. First off, I'm very lucky, I work with 99% other men, so there's no females who I have to interact with on a regular basis. I eat every meal I can in my hotel room (NO hotel bar, the hotel bar is akin to just throwing your marriage away; you WILL get into trouble if you hang at hotel bars; there are dozens of women in every business hotel in America who are down at the bars each night and while, perhaps not "looking" aren't going to say no if the right guy stops by). I avoid all social functions after work that I can. I NEVER drink with coworkers, and, in fact, I almost never drink at all when I'm traveling (I have a few close guy friends I break this rule for once every year or 2). I spend my evenings in my room reading/writing e-mails (or blog posts, etc), working or in the hotel gym.

 

Traveling for work is playing with fire, you better gear up and put on all the kevlar and flame proof material you can or you're going to get burned. Will you miss some good times? Yes, you will. Will you miss a promotion because you didn't go to that dinner with your boss? Maybe (and, for that reason, I will, very rarely, go to dinner if the "right" people are there and I really need to make an impression). Is your marriage more important? Mine is, by a long shot; it's not even a close comparison.

[BrokenMan87]

My wife was served on Friday morning. She was furious. She hired a lawyer the same day. We have a hearing tomorrow. She is too is seeking primary custody and exclusive use of the house. She is claiming has been the kid's primary caregiver since birth. I recently set up I work a straight 8 to 5 work week and daycare. And also that she had an affair, and about the week she didn't contact us while I took the kids. I just hope things go in my favor. My lawyer is one of the best family divorce lawyers in the area. Hers is also decent. So it really depends on the judge.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Good luck to you ... take care of yourself.

[Clay]

Good for you Your children will see who is the stable parent in the long run and it will be worth it.

 

C

[Superchicken]

You have come out a winner.

Let me tell you why you made the right choice.

Instead of being upset, and emotional, she was Furious at being served.

 

 

That to me says it all.

 

 

Adios, goodbye, and get yee lost !.

 

 

Ted.

[drifter777]

My wife was served on Friday morning. She was furious. She hired a lawyer the same day. We have a hearing tomorrow. She is too is seeking primary custody and exclusive use of the house. She is claiming has been the kid's primary caregiver since birth. I recently set up I work a straight 8 to 5 work week and daycare. And also that she had an affair, and about the week she didn't contact us while I took the kids. I just hope things go in my favor. My lawyer is one of the best family divorce lawyers in the area. Hers is also decent. So it really depends on the judge.

Stay true to your convictions and you'll end up just fine.

[BetrayedH]

My wife was served on Friday morning. She was furious. She hired a lawyer the same day. We have a hearing tomorrow. She is too is seeking primary custody and exclusive use of the house. She is claiming has been the kid's primary caregiver since birth. I recently set up I work a straight 8 to 5 work week and daycare. And also that she had an affair, and about the week she didn't contact us while I took the kids. I just hope things go in my favor. My lawyer is one of the best family divorce lawyers in the area. Hers is also decent. So it really depends on the judge.

 

Most cases come down to mediation. Some states even mandate for mediation to be attempted before a court will take it up. Mine was a 10-hour day of me (& my attorney) in one room, her with her attorney in another, and a third attorney that we paid to go back and forth. But we hammered out an agreement and it was finalized/signed by a judge two weeks later.

[standtall]

Wow...didnt waste any time eh? Bigger balls than me....I would have talked about it for a week or two.

[Superchicken]

Wow...didnt waste any time eh? Bigger balls than me....I would have talked about it for a week or two.

 

Would you now.

 

 

Well, what if your other half went out for the night, and you couldn't get a hold of her ?.

Or, she gets a call, and you hear her say "I cant talk right now, I'll call you later".

In any other relationship, its nothing. But for a damaged relationship, its RED FLAGS all over again.

 

 

Would you still want to talk to her for a week or two ?.

Yeah right.

 

 

 

 

Ted..

Edited April 25, 2017 by Superchicken

[Just a Guy]

Hi Broken Man, it is good to see that you have taken a decisive stand and not wavered in deciding what you should do. I think your wife gave a clear cut indication of where her heart lay when she went off the radar for a week and did not bother about enquiring about her children. For a mother to be so callous indicates a very different level of concern for anyone who she is supposed to love very dearly. I am sure you will come out a winner

 

Mrs. Adams, with reference to your post above, I wanted to say that those who cheat come in all shapes and sizes from what I have gleaned while on this forum. I remember reading an account on another forum where a man had written about his wife who he had slept with on their first date. He had actively sought out this girl although he knew of her history of usually sleeping with her date partner on the first date itself. Shortly after their wedding she had gone on a business trip with male colleague and as it transpired she slept with him on the one night that they were out.

 

However she was consumed with guilt and so when she returned home she prepared coffee and sat her husband down and confessed her transgression to him. To her surprise her husband smiled at her and asked her if that was all. When she replied in the affirmative he told her not to be so worried because he knew when he married her that there was a distinct possibility that this might happen. However although he knew of her proclivity to be easy to get into bed he also had observed her as someone who was a true friend and who could stay up the whole night with a desperately sick friend. In fact he had observed her for a long time, unknown to her, and found her to be extremely compassionate and charitable towards one and all and this quality of hers trumped her one big weakness of having a low boundary as far as sex was concerned. He told her that he forgave her this one indiscretion but that she should be careful the next time around. Of course his grateful wife promised him that and she did stick to her word. So I guess all cheaters do not share the same characteristics and some fall into the trap of infidelity because they are weak and not because they deliberately set out to cheat. I hope I haven't thread jacked and if I have, my sincere apologies to the OP. Warm wishes.

[BrokenMan87]

Well, today couldn't have gotten any worse. The temporary hearing didn't go into my favour.

 

She was given exclusive use of the house.

She was given temporary primary custody (I get every second weekend, and three evenings (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday) for 2 hours a piece) and I have to pay 1000.00 in child support. I'm staying with my brother.

 

My brother has lent me the money to hire a private investigator. This isn't going to end here. I won't settle for visitation.

 

Edit to Add: The thing that really sickens me. Is she told the judge that she still wanted me to have access to the children often so she suggested the 3 evenings? But once we got out of court, she told me that she knew that overnights would mean less child support. She is such an evil woman. She wants the kids just enough to cash in on the most she can get in support.

Edited April 26, 2017 by BrokenMan87

[Just a Guy]

Hi Broken, sorry to hear your latest update. However, do not lose heart as in the end you will come out the winner. The Almighty works in strange ways. Never lose heart. Your children come first always and every time. Give them your best in this hour of crisis. Warm wishes.

[BluesPower]

The thing is that you never ever know how evil they are until you divorce them.

 

My Ex did things that you cannot imagine, and yet it is still all my fault and until we are done completely, I have to pay her 2500.00 per month temporary spousal support.

 

And of course I am the most horrible person in the world...

[BrokenMan87]

I had said that I hired a private investigator. I found out she had moved in another man into our house. I had to do everything in my power to not react. But I managed to get a name on the man and had a background check done. This man has two felony priors. So here I'm hoping is enough to reverse this temporary custody agreement. I'm just waiting to hear back from my lawyer.

[Purepony]

Sounds like she had multiple affairs then

 

If she moved someone in right away then wow !!!

[Clay]

Just keep a serious eye on everything she does. Each time document everything. My older two kids mother got away with everything. She continued to enjoy her success at being a failure and one day it all caught up to her. I was there with our case history in hand. In less than two months we went to court and three weeks after that she signed over full custody.

 

I am sorry it went south for you but don't give up. Just turn your anger into patience and persistence. Continue to work on yourself and build your life up to be the stable of the two households. There will come a time when it seriously gets looked at and when it does that's when you will be there just like I was.

 

C

[aliveagain]

I had said that I hired a private investigator. I found out she had moved in another man into our house. I had to do everything in my power to not react. But I managed to get a name on the man and had a background check done. This man has two felony priors. So here I'm hoping is enough to reverse this temporary custody agreement. I'm just waiting to hear back from my lawyer.

 

Nice guys don't finish well. You need to do everything you can to protect your children from this felon she has moved into your home. Your children are at 30 times the normal risk of being abused by this man. There is only one way to win a war. Listen to your lawyer.

[drifter777]

I had said that I hired a private investigator. I found out she had moved in another man into our house. I had to do everything in my power to not react. But I managed to get a name on the man and had a background check done. This man has two felony priors. So here I'm hoping is enough to reverse this temporary custody agreement. I'm just waiting to hear back from my lawyer.

 

For your sake I pray to God that somewhere in his record is a Domestic Violence conviction. It generally is not a felony unless it's a chronic thing so check out his misdemeanors as well. Fingers crossed for you!

[BrokenMan87]

Update: I filed for an emergency hearing and got temporary full custody arrangement, and she had to move out, as I became the primary custodian.

The guy she had moved in had a felony DUI, misdemeanour DUI, and felony drug possession. AT the hearing, my wife told the judge she wasn't going to break up or have the man move out. So the judge made the decision for her.

 

Sidenote: I feel really ****ty, that she chose that man over me. That she replaced me with that person. But at least I have my kids.

[Marc878]

She's told you and shown you who she is and what she's capable of.

 

You'd be very wise to believe her.

[whichwayisup]

Update: I filed for an emergency hearing and got temporary full custody arrangement, and she had to move out, as I became the primary custodian.

The guy she had moved in had a felony DUI, misdemeanour DUI, and felony drug possession. AT the hearing, my wife told the judge she wasn't going to break up or have the man move out. So the judge made the decision for her.

 

Sidenote: I feel really ****ty, that she chose that man over me. That she replaced me with that person. But at least I have my kids.

 

Good that the judge saw what was truly going on and allowed you full custody.

 

Focus on your kids and love them. Please get to family counseling with them so they can heal in a healthy way.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Broken Man, good to hear that the judge ruled in your favour. I always knew you would come out a winner because you are a good man who is also tough as nails! Keep one step ahead of your WW. As it is she seems to be a person given to making poor choices. She will continue to trip herself up every now and then. Keep your morale up. Warm wishes.

[BaileyB]

Update: I filed for an emergency hearing and got temporary full custody arrangement, and she had to move out, as I became the primary custodian.

The guy she had moved in had a felony DUI, misdemeanour DUI, and felony drug possession. AT the hearing, my wife told the judge she wasn't going to break up or have the man move out. So the judge made the decision for her.

 

Sidenote: I feel really ****ty, that she chose that man over me. That she replaced me with that person. But at least I have my kids.

 

Good for you! Your kids are blessed to have such a strong and loving father. Obviously, the judge recognized her poor judgment and she got what she deserved. How a mother could put her children at risk in this way, is beyond me. Best wishes.

[stillafool]

Your soon to be ex wife (STBXW) doesn't seem fit to be a mother and certainly not a decent man's wife. It is clear that all she cares about is money and herself. She had the other guy for money and he probably found out that she was cheating on you, getting money from him, giving money to and screwing this felon. He was left with no other alternative but to tell you and/or file a restraining order. There was absolutely no way he wanted your wife for more than sex as he wasn't going to take a woman with 4 kids who has multiple affairs on her husband. The felon that she is ending up with is exactly what she deserves and more than likely he will show her his true colors and abuse her. I'm so happy you are a strong man and cut this cancer out of your life. Take care of your little kids as this must be hard on them with a mother like her. You have done the right thing.