Why did she ever bother giving me her new number if she was going to be like this

[Chris516]

I just came back on Oct. 1st from my first week-long visit, visiting a woman I have known online for ten years or more. I was on pins n' needles because I didn't want to mess anything up. I did by her red roses(I couldn't find any red carnations) my first trip to the grocery store.

 

I wanted to pay for all the times we went out, but I didn't know if she would be offended. She also said I was her guest. So, I felt it would be improper. We talk on the phone almost every night for 30mins. maybe more.

 

I told her last night why I didn't pay for more. She said she would not have been offended. I also told her why I didn't hug or kiss her, or hold her hand. Was for the same reason. She said she definitely have liked me doing that.

 

When I told her on the phone that I definitely wanted to come back. She practically screamed out of joy.

[Chris516]

I had my first visit with a woman I like, back in September. I was there for a week and had a lot of fun.

 

A month ago I surprised her with wanting to go out there for her birthday. She was excited by the idea. So, I went and bought the airplane ticket to fly out there next month.

 

At one point I asked her, if she still wanted me to come out there. Because she seemed upset. She said she wasn't upset.

 

This week has been bad. While I was able to call(and talk) to her a week ago. Monday night I had a headache and didn't call her. Since Tuesday, her phone has been going right to voicemail after one ring.(Not calling incessantly, just once a day)

 

The last time something like this happened. It was because she was changing her phone number. I found that out after I had contacted her son's father. Who contacted their adult son. Their son contacted her. Then she gave me her new phone number.

 

While I know that could have happened again. She said she still wanted me to come for her birthday. I had previously told her, that I wanted to take her out for her birthday. She seemed excited by the idea.

 

 

Any thoughts?

Edited December 19, 2016 by Chris516

[Chris516]

Everything is fine. I worried for nothing.

[coolheadal]

Don't worry so much shows weakness on your part. Women can see this in you. Always give them time and let things work they way to the answer you seek next time. Don't rush her. She wanted to see you and your going to be there for her BIRTHDAY!

[Chris516]

Don't worry so much shows weakness on your part. Women can see this in you. Always give them time and let things work they way to the answer you seek next time. Don't rush her. She wanted to see you and your going to be there for her BIRTHDAY!

She told me, that she lost her phone. She finally found it.

[Chris516]

Don't worry so much shows weakness on your part. Women can see this in you. Always give them time and let things work they way to the answer you seek next time. Don't rush her. She wanted to see you and your going to be there for her BIRTHDAY!

(sending this reply because, I missed the time frame to edit my previous reply)

 

She has the same reaction. There was one week, where I didn't call her for almost an entire week. Because I was waking up after an unintended 'nap'. At the time she was about to go to sleep.

 

She understands how much I care about her. When I was out there for my first visit, back in September. I paid for all the times we went out. She wanted to pay for us. But I told her, that I wanted to pay for everything. I paid for the dinners' n' movies. I wanted to show her, that I could treat her the way she deserved to be treated. Like a lady.

 

But yes, I shouldn't worry so much.

[kvolm2016]

Maybe you two could set up a regular phone date a couple of times each week so that you are communicating on a regular basis. This might help take away the worry of not being in contact.

[Chris516]

Maybe you two could set up a regular phone date a couple of times each week so that you are communicating on a regular basis. This might help take away the worry of not being in contact.

I call her everyday at the same time. So, When I can't get a hold of her. I know that her phone probably needs re-charging. But she also talks with her maternal grandmother daily. So, Her grandmother would be wondering as much as me, if not more.

 

She did tell me one thing. That it would be no problem for me to call her son, who lives closest. So he could check to see if she is okay.

[kvolm2016]

Glad you have the opportunity to be in regular contact and it's great that you can contact her son if it is ever needed. Do you think of yourself as a worrier about life in general or is it the LDR that caused the worry in this case?

[Chris516]

Glad you have the opportunity to be in regular contact and it's great that you can contact her son if it is ever needed. Do you think of yourself as a worrier about life in general or is it the LDR that caused the worry in this case?

About those important to me.

 

Ex. I have online friend in Arizona who I also talk to daily. I first started communicating with her in 2013. She is definitely not for romantic reasons(she is half my age). But for all intensive purposes, we have the same three (physical)neurological conditions', and I know what it is like to deal with idiots in the hospital. Who don't understand a person's health. Anymore than they can count the number of fingers in front of their face.

 

Her father notwithstanding(she is 22, her mother OD'd when she was only 2yrs.-old). When it comes to her (physical)neurological health. I understand it better than anyone. She usually has a local caregiver. But I 'fired' one four separate times for accusing her of faking her health problems. Three others' died on the job in 2014. Countless others', I have 'fired', or they couldn't cope with her behavior. I have also been able to talk with nurses in the ER, When she has had to go in for a problem familiar to me.

 

With each new 'potential' caregiver. I would grill them about their medical training(in addition to my own health issues, and how to treat them. I know First Aid, CPR, and the Heimlich Maneuver.

Edited December 22, 2016 by Chris516

[kvolm2016]

About those important to me.

 

Ex. I have online friend in Arizona who I also talk to daily. I first started communicating with her in 2013. She is definitely not for romantic reasons(she is half my age). But for all intensive purposes, we have the same three (physical)neurological conditions', and I know what it is like to deal with idiots in the hospital. Who don't understand a person's health. Anymore than they can count the number of fingers in front of their face.

 

 

It is great that you show such active and ongoing compassion and support for this young lady. I'm sure she appreciates having you as an advocate and friend!

[Chris516]

There is a woman I like. She is two years younger than me.

 

I first flew out to visit her last September. Then for her birthday last month.

 

Both trips, when we went out to dinner and/or a movie, I paid for it every time because I felt I should.

 

She told me I could kiss her, hug her, or hold her hand. I had told her I was initially afraid to(no I am not having a mid-life crisis) because she previously had said 'no sex'. So I started to think hugging, kissing, and holding hands were also off limits. She said they weren't.

 

She wants me to call her. But she has said several times that she doesn't know what to say on the phone.

 

She rarely goes on the computer.

 

So what is your opinion?

[Whodatdog]

Sounds like you're dating a pet rock.

[d0nnivain]

If this relationship has any potential you will have to at least call her. Calling is superior to being on the computer.

 

 

You don't have to stay on the phone for hours. A 20 minute call to catch up should be fine.

 

 

In light of her seeming unwillingness to communicate & her dictate that there won't be sex, why are you pursing this? You flying to her & paying for everything sounds expensive & one sided. What's in it for you?

[Chris516]

If this relationship has any potential you will have to at least call her. Calling is superior to being on the computer.

 

 

You don't have to stay on the phone for hours. A 20 minute call to catch up should be fine.

 

 

In light of her seeming unwillingness to communicate & her dictate that there won't be sex, why are you pursing this? You flying to her & paying for everything sounds expensive & one sided. What's in it for you?

We talk on the phone no more than 30mins., usually. Which is fine with me. I call her almost every day. She will call me back, if she is in the middle of something, or doesn't answer the phone fast enough before her voicemail kicks in.

[Chilli]

30 mins isn't bad for somebody that can't talk on the phone. Some people do hate the phone or just aren't comfortable on it.

How's the convo though is it just superficial or very close , loving , more ?

Same when your together actually are you madly in love together?

How does she feel about you ?

Mind you , that's more asking from my perspective than say yours or someone else's,

Some couples do start of very slowly and build,

 

Sexually , to me it depends on why there isn't any yet . The same really in some couples , some women start of very very slowly, l respect that if it's just the way they are and do things, you bet.

Or is it her culture ?

But if it's something else like a lack of attraction or she just doesn't see you 2 like that then there's a problem.

 

For me it's all about things like this and the answers, and how you feel about her.

[Chris516]

30 mins isn't bad for somebody that can't talk on the phone. Some people do hate the phone or just aren't comfortable on it.

When I noticed her 'lack of communication', while on the phone. I thought she might think of me as a bore. Like I wasn't exciting or something. That was until I Googled it. Finding that she is not unique in that respect.

How's the convo though is it just superficial or very close, loving, more?

For now, the 'closing salutation' reaches the level of 'Goodnight'.

Same when your together actually are you madly in love together?

We haven't reached that point yet.

How does she feel about you?

She trusts me. She has no problem with me paying for everything(I feel it is the gentleman thing to do), When we go to the movies and/or dinner.

Mind you , that's more asking from my perspective than say yours or someone else's.

Can you explain that more?

Some couples do start of very slowly and build.

True.

Sexually, To me it depends on why there isn't any yet. The same really in some couples, some women start of very very slowly, l respect that if it's just the way they are and do things, you bet.

We mutually agreed not to have sex. For separate reasons. Both reasons, sort of have to do with trust.

Or is it her culture?

We are both Caucasian Americans. So no cultural differences. Unless, Maybe if we were to have preferences connected to our respective ancestoral heritage. Luckily we both have German heritage. I just don't know if she would go for something like sauerkraut(german coleslaw), knockwurst or bratwurst(both types of german sausage).

But if it's something else like a lack of attraction or she just doesn't see you 2 like that then there's a problem.

That is where I have this nagging thought in my mind. She said I could hug, kiss, or hold her hand. If there wasn't an element of attraction, she wouldn't have invited me to meet her family(her maternal G'ma nixed it saying she didn't know me long enough; her mother died in 2002, when the woman was 34yrs.-old)

For me it's all about things like this and the answers, and how you feel about her.

True.

[Chilli]

What did you mean saying she previously had no sex , what a virgin or never been married or no bf's ?

 

Anyway man , l get the feeling she's just a very very slow burner you know , she wants this but maybe she doesn't get out much or something , lead a simple life, maybe old fashion, maybe a bit shy.

Just my opinion but l reckon it's really cute the way she tells you you can kiss her.

But hey ,don't be afraid to go for a bit more, she's probably waiting for it if she feels the right way, what's the worst that can happen, she smacks ya

Not saying throw her on the nearest bed straight off but you know .

 

All l meant with the other was that everyone's different , lots of different kinds of people out there and although it's kind of hard to believe these days , some people do still just start of very slowly.

My brother and his wife were like that but you know what , now they're are the only marriage on my family that survived.

[justwhoiam]

There is a woman I like.

Is this the woman you've been chatting with online for 10 years? If so, what was about the possible eviction? Can you explain better?

 

So what is your opinion?

The lady is almost 50. At that age, any relatives' involvement seems quite inconsequential from the relational point of view. Meeting her grandma is no different, though it's nice, I guess.

She doesn't seem that interested. If she is, she poorly shows that. And you seem not to be really OK with that.

 

We mutually agreed not to have sex. For separate reasons. Both reasons, sort of have to do with trust.

You just said she trusts you. But now about sex, she doesn't trust you? It sounds confusing.

[Chris516]

What did you mean saying she previously had no sex, what a virgin or never been married or no bf's?

What I meant, is that we both agreed, no sex. She has had bf's in the past, never been married. I got divorced almost twenty years ago.

Anyway man, l get the feeling she's just a very very slow burner, you know. She wants this but maybe she doesn't get out much or something, lead a simple life, maybe old fashioned, maybe a bit shy.

Just my opinion but l reckon it's really cute the way she tells you you can kiss her.

She spends most of the day watching tv. I don't care about that(apart from soap operas' ). I was actually wondering if she said I could kiss her. Out of some sort of duress. Even though it was a response on her part.(probably over-thinking on my part)

But hey, don't be afraid to go for a bit more. She's probably waiting for it if she feels the right way, what's the worst that can happen, she smacks ya

I wouldn't let her smack me, and I won't hit her.

Not saying throw her on the nearest bed straight off but you know.

Good, I have been in DV situations in the past. That involved the police, where I was blamed for everything. I told her about all of it.

All l meant with the other was that everyone's different. Lots of different kinds of people out there and although it's kind of hard to believe these days, some people do still just start of very slowly.

True

My brother and his wife were like that but you know what now they're are the only marriage on my family that survived.

Ah. Well, My (ex)wife n' I dated five years, before getting married. We separated at five years, and divorced at eight years.

 

But, With my (ex)wife, she couldn't handle any of the responsibilities of living. Like financial, parenting, spousal, etc.

[goldway90]

Imo i believe you're in the friendzone.

[Chris516]

Is this the woman you've been chatting with online for 10 years? If so, what was about the possible eviction? Can you explain better?

Yes, It is that woman. As to a potential eviction. That is less a concern of mine because of something that happened, recently. She told him the other day to stop smoking around her. He thought she was kicking him out. When I asked her why he didn't smoke outside the apartment. She told me that the apartment management forbids residents and visitors alike, from smoking anywhere on the property, except inside the apartments. Even though I am a non-smoker. My first thought was, 'That is as enforceable as keeping flies from landing on a freshly made hotdog with ketchup, mustard, and relish'.

The lady is almost 50. At that age, any relatives' involvement seems quite inconsequential from the relational point of view. Meeting her grandma is no different, though it's nice, I guess.

It is only 'consequential' in meeting the family. Her grandmother seems to have a lot of say in meeting the family, since her mother died in 2002. I will be 50 in May. But otherwise, you are right.

She doesn't seem that interested. If she is, she poorly shows that. And you seem not to be really OK with that.

I 'think'(not feel) she poorly shows it. I am definitely interested. But I am biding my time. I did ask her at one point if she is shy. She said she isn't. I didn't say it to her. But I was asking in reference to the way the phone chats' go sometimes. Then I Googled it. Some people just don't know what to say on the phone, or they don't like talking on the phone. I was surprised that it, isn't that uncommon.

You just said she trusts you. But now about sex, she doesn't trust you? It sounds confusing.

Trust when it comes to sex doesn't matter to me. In that, I have separate reasons(no I am not 'coming out', I am heterosexual). In terms of my physical health, she has not been in the 'trenches', yet. I need to be shown, that I can trust her with my physical health, should it act up in even the smallest form. Before I will even commit myself 100% to the relationship. I didn't do that with my (ex)wife. Her ignorance nearly killed me.

[Chris516]

Imo i believe you're in the friendzone.

Do you care to expound on that? Your opinion matters.

[Chilli]

Ahhhhh, her smacking or you throwing her on a bed was just a joke mate.

 

ps , yeah l wondered about the friendzone thing too on the other hand, and about what justwholam thought.

But l guess if it is indeed that instead then she'll shy away from you getting too close and def' wont let it get intimate.

Edited February 17, 2017 by Chilli

[Chris516]

Ahhhhh, her smacking or you throwing her on a bed was just a joke mate.

Ah, ok

 

ps , yeah l wondered about the friendzone thing too on the other hand, and about what justwholam thought.

But l guess if it is indeed that instead then she'll shy away from you getting too close and def' wont let it get intimate.

I have thinking about that. Since she was the one who said that kissing, hugging n' holding hands, was not included in 'no sex'.