Why did she ever bother giving me her new number if she was going to be like this

[goldway90]

Do you care to expound on that? Your opinion matters.

 

You're the only chasing, calling and flying, she's not showing that much interest.

Also She told you no sex but you can hug and kiss, she HAD TO TELL YOU to do things which mean you're not sexually dominant/attractive.

 

Even if she's interested and doesn't know how to show it, you're doing a bad job by letting her lead, women HATE leading it's your job as a man to do that.

[AlmostFamous]

It seems like you are spending a lot of money and time to have a long distance friend. If it were going somewhere then I think it would be fine but it doesn't sound like she wants more than a hug and a kiss. Proceed with caution is my advice.

[Chris516]

It seems like you are spending a lot of money and time to have a long distance friend. If it were going somewhere then I think it would be fine but it doesn't sound like she wants more than a hug and a kiss. Proceed with caution is my advice.

Already doing.

[justwhoiam]

Yes, It is that woman.

My suggestion is that you try to move your love interest to some other woman.

 

I don't have anything against her sharing her apartment with a man she's been knowing for 30 years or so per se, but she told you they could share her bed too at night, even though she stated that there was no sex involved. That, coupled with the fact that nothing is really moving forward in your "relationship" with her, is your clue that this isn't a good match.

You want it to be a good match, but it seems not to have the qualities for a good match. The basics seem to be missing. And you need to give yourself a chance with someone else.

 

I am biding my time.

Exactly. And what for? You feel things don't seem right. That's a gut feeling that has its grounds. It's not just about being on the phone. She's not head over heels in love with you, and that is crystal clear. But you'd need that more than anything. And chances are you'll NEVER have it with her. The sooner you realize that, the better.

 

In terms of my physical health, she has not been in the 'trenches', yet. I need to be shown, that I can trust her with my physical health, should it act up in even the smallest form. Before I will even commit myself 100% to the relationship. I didn't do that with my (ex)wife. Her ignorance nearly killed me.

Hmm. This is a cryptic passage. Do you have an erection problem? Is that what is making you hesitant?

[Chilli]

You're the only chasing, calling and flying, she's not showing that much interest.

Also She told you no sex but you can hug and kiss, she HAD TO TELL YOU to do things which mean you're not sexually dominant/attractive.

 

Even if she's interested and doesn't know how to show it, you're doing a bad job by letting her lead, women HATE leading it's your job as a man to do that.

 

Yeah basically what l meant too.

But now just reading what justwholam quoted , l've obviously missed some crucial background in this.

Edited February 18, 2017 by Chilli

[Chris516]

My suggestion is that you try to move your love interest to some other woman.

I will take that under advisement.

I don't have anything against her sharing her apartment with a man she's been knowing for 30 years or so per se, but she told you they could share her bed too at night, even though she stated that there was no sex involved. That, coupled with the fact that nothing is really moving forward in your "relationship" with her, is your clue that this isn't a good match. You want it to be a good match, but it seems not to have the qualities for a good match. The basics seem to be missing. And you need to give yourself a chance with someone else.

The sharing of the bed did bug me. Until she told me during the visit in January, that he slept on one of the spare single mattresses in her bedroom.

Exactly. And what for? You feel things don't seem right. That's a gut feeling that has its grounds. It's not just about being on the phone. She's not head over heels in love with you, and that is crystal clear. But you'd need that more than anything. And chances are you'll NEVER have it with her. The sooner you realize that, the better.

Supposing for the moment, that is absolutely true. Why would she bother introducing me to her 27yr.-old son(on the phone).

Hmm. This is a cryptic passage. Do you have an erection problem? Is that what is making you hesitant?

Good God NO!!! It has to do with something I was born with that is in an entirely different part of the body. The only clue I will give you for your atrocious supposition. Is that it is similar to CTE(Chronic Traumatic Encephalograthy) in NFL, CFL, and college/high school football in the U.S. and Canada.

[justwhoiam]

Good God NO!!!

 

It has to do with something I was born with that is in an entirely different part of the body. The only clue I will give you for your atrocious supposition. Is that it is similar to CTE(Chronic Traumatic Encephalograthy) in NFL, CFL, and college/high school football in the U.S. and Canada.

I understand you don't want to tell in detail. Could you at least share how your problem is affecting you? You need resting during the day? Is it a recognized disability? How is your average day affected by it? Are there certain things you can't do?

[Chris516]

 

I understand you don't want to tell in detail. Could you at least share how your problem is affecting you? You need resting during the day? Is it a recognized disability? How is your average day affected by it? Are there certain things you can't do?

I privately sent you a 'Masters Thesis'-like response. I would like to add, that I formerly worked for the U.S. Government(1991-1995). I had to quit for health reasons.

[justwhoiam]

Thank you, Chris. The situation is clearer now.

 

You have a permanent condition and need a woman who understands that. Your past experience was somewhat negative, so that is making you even more cautious now.

 

At this point, you need to ask yourself if you want someone by your side long-term (though I guess you do), and if so, what the chances are that the woman you're dating might be that person for you. If the chances are slim (and that's my impression), you'd be wasting your time, missing the chance to get to know someone else who can be that person for you.

Moreover, also ask yourself if you would love to experience more in your life and if you'd be ready to risk. In short, if you continue to pursue that woman, you might not be able to experience the highs of being in love and being loved, and fail to have anyone by your side anyway. While if you continued dating, you might still not find the right one long-term, but might have more exciting experiences.

[Chris516]

Thank you, Chris. The situation is clearer now.

 

You have a permanent condition and need a woman who understands that. Your past experience was somewhat negative, so that is making you even more cautious now.

 

At this point, you need to ask yourself if you want someone by your side long-term (though I guess you do), and if so, what the chances are that the woman you're dating might be that person for you. If the chances are slim (and that's my impression), you'd be wasting your time, missing the chance to get to know someone else who can be that person for you.

Moreover, also ask yourself if you would love to experience more in your life and if you'd be ready to risk. In short, if you continue to pursue that woman, you might not be able to experience the highs of being in love and being loved, and fail to have anyone by your side anyway. While if you continued dating, you might still not find the right one long-term, but might have more exciting experiences.

They both have their trade-offs, just like gambling in Vegas or Atlantic City, or trading on the NYSE, NASDAQ, S&P500, and the CME.

[Chris516]

I know I am going to catch a lot of heat for this question even being asked.

 

If a girl wants you to meet her family. Yet, Has never outwardly broached your status(Friend, FWB, BF/GF). Even after numerous dinner dates, along with saying you can kiss, hug, and hold, her(no sex....).

 

So, While I know about asking her directly. What are your thoughts?

[carhill]

Noticed this is posted in LDR forum.... what is lady's culture/religion/social milieu and how is family traditionally included in that with regards to people she may be dating or in a relationship with?

 

After a lifetime of various experiences, today I wouldn't put any stock in any particular status applying to meeting someone's family. I'd certainly enjoy meeting someone's family if invited and go from there. This stuff is in the moment and today's moments are no guarantee of any tomorrow. Meeting a family, or friends, is meeting a family or friends. Dating is dating, sex is sex, ILY's are ILY's. None are guarantees of anything. Enjoy them, presuming you would enjoy them, for what they are.

[Chris516]

Noticed this is posted in LDR forum.... what is lady's culture/religion/social milieu and how is family traditionally included in that with regards to people she may be dating or in a relationship with?

 

After a lifetime of various experiences, today I wouldn't put any stock in any particular status applying to meeting someone's family. I'd certainly enjoy meeting someone's family if invited and go from there. This stuff is in the moment and today's moments are no guarantee of any tomorrow. Meeting a family, or friends, is meeting a family or friends. Dating is dating, sex is sex, ILY's are ILY's. None are guarantees of anything. Enjoy them, presuming you would enjoy them, for what they are.

 

Culture: American(SoCal)

Race: Caucasian

Sex: Female

Religion: Christian

Gender: Heterosexual

 

She isn't dating anyone else.

 

I haven't met her family yet(apart from talking briefly to her adult son on the phone). I was going to meet them last September. But her grandmother nixed it. Saying her granddaughter n' I hadn't known each other long enough.

[d0nnivain]

You are overreading things. Her wanting you to meet her family is a good sign. Be happy about that & cool down about the labels. Actions speak louder then words but sometimes labels freak people out.

[Chris516]

You are overreading things. Her wanting you to meet her family is a good sign. Be happy about that & cool down about the labels. Actions speak louder then words but sometimes labels freak people out.

I can do that at times. I won't deny it. I have heard that labels do bother some people. They don't bother me. If they do bother her, I am fine with that.

 

I did look up 'overthinking' on Wikipedia. No I wasn't confused by the term, just curious how it is defined. The page on Wikipedia calls it 'analysis paralysis or paralysis of analysis'. That had me rolling on the floor.

Because it sounded like 'say analysis paralysis or paralysis of analysis ten times fast', lol:laugh:

 

She did say during my January visit(second visit and her b'day) that she doesn't do Valentine's Day. I was hurt, at first. But thought 'ok'. When I got home. I went on Google and found, that her feeling is not that uncommon.

 

Thinking theoretically, why mention Valentine's Day at all, if we are supposedly not a couple.

[basil67]

What's stopping you from becoming a couple?

[Ronnys93]

I can do that at times. I won't deny it. I have heard that labels do bother some people. They don't bother me. If they do bother her, I am fine with that.

 

I did look up 'overthinking' on Wikipedia. No I wasn't confused by the term, just curious how it is defined. The page on Wikipedia calls it 'analysis paralysis or paralysis of analysis'. That had me rolling on the floor.

Because it sounded like 'say analysis paralysis or paralysis of analysis ten times fast', lol:laugh:

 

She did say during my January visit(second visit and her b'day) that she doesn't do Valentine's Day. I was hurt, at first. But thought 'ok'. When I got home. I went on Google and found, that her feeling is not that uncommon.

 

Thinking theoretically, why mention Valentine's Day at all, if we are supposedly not a couple.

 

Okay, so from what you're telling me, I do believe this girl DOES like you and she likely is definitely interested in a relationship with you. Her telling you that she doesn't do Valentines day is her thinking out loud basically. It means she's telling you not to send her any gifts for that day because she doesn't celebrate it. But considering you're set to meet her family and everything she just go with the flow.

 

Eventually, if things go well, you can ask her if you both should be exclusive to each other. For now though, just keep it smooth.

[Chris516]

Okay, so from what you're telling me, I do believe this girl DOES like you and she likely is definitely interested in a relationship with you. Her telling you that she doesn't do Valentines day is her thinking out loud basically. It means she's telling you not to send her any gifts for that day because she doesn't celebrate it. But considering you're set to meet her family and everything she just go with the flow.

 

Eventually, if things go well, you can ask her if you both should be exclusive to each other. For now though, just keep it smooth.

Well, She doesn't go out except with purpose i.e. prescription medication, groceries, etc.; So, I don't need to worry about exclusivity.

[Chilli]

l'm back to thinking to her it is a relationship and growing, even if slowly.

Even the gran saying she hasn't known you long enough sounds like boy friend talk to me bc if it was just as a friend , why would it matter.

[Chris516]

Things are going better.

[Chris516]

Last September I visited a woman I had been wanting to visit for a long time. The visit went great. So much so. That when she changed her phone number after I got back, she told me what her new number was. This past January, I went out there for her birthday. Both trips, I bought her flowers. I also took her out to dinner several times each trip.

 

I have asked her before, if I am a bore on the phone. She said 'No'. She said she doesn't know what to say on the phone. Before getting 100% emotionally hurt by her response. I Googled her response, and came to find out. Her not knowing what to say on the phone is not unique to her. So I thought, 'Ok, fine. I will just learn to live with it.'

 

Prior to the first trip, she asked me what my 'expectations' were. I told her sex definitely was not one of them. I told I had one 'expectation', and that was that she react promptly if my (physical)health 'took a dive'. She said she would. So far, she hasn't needed to do anything in terms of my health. Other than that I just had 'hopes' and 'wants'. After the September trip, I told her that I wanted to kiss her, and hug her. But because of her 'expectations' question, I was a little wary of trying to kiss her, or hug her.

 

Now, To present day. I asked her if I could visit her in September of this year. Her response was, "I don't know. We'll see." She also said I don't need to call every night. While that can be perceived as a relief. It can also be interpreted to mean. She doesn't care whether I call or not, even though she had given me her new number eons ago.

 

We are both middle-aged(me: 50 in 4wks; her: 48 this past January). Her son will be 28 in September. His birthday won't be the entire month of September.

 

I will mention that she is diagnosed Bi-Polar II. So I have been in a relationship before. With a woman that was diagnosed Bi-Polar II.

[Chilli]

Hey,

Is this the same sitch as one on here a few mths ago, just wondering , any improvement.

 

She def' sounds a bit iffy but then if she's bi polar she probably does as much backing out as she does going in. l'd imagine she might get scared in spats and look for excuses to get out of it.

 

You gotta suss out how she really feels some how . That's normally not a problem but for some reason it seems to be with you guys so l dunno man , but how she really feels about you guys and whether she does actually want this seems to be the first issue to me.

And man, you gotta at least cuddle and kiss if she doesn't at least like that then she surely she mustn't be feeling it.

 

But try not to take the phone calls thing personally ,some people just aren't comfortable on the phone.

 

Good luck anyway and hopefully some others here have some more suggestions.

Edited April 17, 2017 by Chilli

[Chris516]

Hey,

Is this the same sitch as one on here a few mths ago, just wondering , any improvement.

Yes, The same WOMAN(not a female dog as you tried to slide by the censor).

She def' sounds a bit iffy but then if she's bi polar she probably does as much backing out as she does going in. l'd imagine she might get scared in spats and look for excuses to get out of it.

Yes, When she 'snapped' at me about the cereal. I was surprised. But it was almost like she wouldn't let me tell her. That her reaction about the cereal was 100% understandable. With her silence on the phone. I can't tell if she is in, or out, lol:laugh:

You gotta suss out how she really feels some how . That's normally not a problem but for some reason it seems to be with you guys so l dunno man , but how she really feels about you guys and whether she does actually want this seems to be the first issue to me.

I have to what? I always ask her how her day went. In the Bi-Polar vein, that could be hiding something. Then again, since she doesn't go out much, it is probably the simple truth.

And man, you gotta at least cuddle and kiss if she doesn't at least like that then she surely she mustn't be feeling it.

I want that desperately.

But try not to take the phone calls thing personally, some people just aren't comfortable on the phone.

I researched that, and her 'silence' is not unique. There are oodles n' oodles of people who don't talk on the phone, or at least not comfortable talking on the phone.

Good luck anyway and hopefully some others here have some more suggestions.

Thanks

[MoreThanThat]

People generally use "sitch" instead of situation.

[Chris516]

People generally use "sitch" instead of situation.

While I can see the shortening of the word. The spelling led me to think otherwise.