Should I be worried? [UPDATE: texting confusion]

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you really need to polish up your BS-Detector. It's malfunctioning.

[lil_missy]

This guy is most definitely still engaged! First you said one of the fb profiles is old and that's the one where his single, so basically that's the one he had when he met his fiancé, then he made a new one after he met her and that is the current one he uses with all his current info on it including being engaged! How hard is that to understand?

 

His behaviour is also typical of someone in a relationship, only msgs you when his not with his missus. Hences the days of silence out of nowhere. Avoiding to meet because he actually just want a text buddy, to feel better about himself? That he still got it? Who knows

 

I know you don't want believe it coz you already like him. I know how you feel I was conned by a married guy once too and I was shattered when I found out, he seemed so sincere except the exact behaviour mentioned above

[amkxoxo]

He spoke to me all day long. He sent me a text in the morning saying he was sorry and how he fell asleep talking to me and felt bad not answering. He spent the whole day today talking and asking me about me. He was asking about my job, and how I like it, and more about my life and it was good to feel like he wanted to know all about me. He spoke bout himself, but not about his dog. From like 10AM to 4PM, then I never heard from him again, which was fine because I went out and had plans anyway. Match.com also told me that he viewed my profile. He was so nice today, and we had nice conversations getting to know each other.

[ExpatInItaly]

Meh, a good conversation through text is easy. And he knows you're eating it right up, girl.

 

See if he puts actions behind his words and stops pretending to the world that he is engaged. Unless of course he actually is.

 

Keep your guard up with this guy. There's a lot that just doesn't smell right here.

[Phoenician]

Dear ,

In online dating , you can expect anything , I once met a lady who claimed to be in Florida working as a nurse and I almost diverted my trip to meet her yet after 1 whole month of talking she appeared to be a guy in Africa !

 

trying to get a transfer of a small amount of money !

 

I was close to do it , then I search for the pic over the web and found out that it belongs to an actress ...

 

What I mean is that , online is fake until u meet really the guy .

 

my opinion is that no matter if the guy is engaged or not ; the guy seem to be wanting only causal sex from you ; he could spend hours chatting yet his hidden agenda could be just casual sex.

 

 

All What I want to say is that build confidence in yourself , there are a lot of good guys worth it ; try meeting this guy , but don't put expectation to avoid being hurt .

 

there are a lot of men who just don't care a lot about the outer shell and looking for a real woman , a venus , and you can be one .

 

 

be a giver , but not submissive .

be emotional only when you see real ties.

 

for now he is just a guy looking for casual sex , you may go through it if you want to, but no overthinking until you really bond...

[Purepony]

No I believe this guy ! I believe he went to a wedding ... I believe it was his wedding though !!!

 

My prediction is he's married and playing games

 

All you have to do is FaceTime him after 1030 pm and I bet you he will ignore your phone call or reply with I can't talk I can only text

 

Yeah move on and block this one...

there's a reason things keep coming up

[Zahara]

He spoke to me all day long. He sent me a text in the morning saying he was sorry and how he fell asleep talking to me and felt bad not answering. He spent the whole day today talking and asking me about me. He was asking about my job, and how I like it, and more about my life and it was good to feel like he wanted to know all about me. He spoke bout himself, but not about his dog. From like 10AM to 4PM, then I never heard from him again, which was fine because I went out and had plans anyway. Match.com also told me that he viewed my profile. He was so nice today, and we had nice conversations getting to know each other.

 

10AM to 4PM and then silence. Huge indicator that he's tied to someone and can't talk to you after hours. But you refuse to pay attention.

 

He viewed my profile. He was so nice. Yes, those are important criteria when screening for a potential mate.

[JuneL]

OP: I take it that you are pretty young, and should be getting lots of messages on OLD. Why are you putting so much energy into some guy you haven't even met? Are you chatting with other prospects, and have they asked you out?

[amkxoxo]

10AM to 4PM and then silence. Huge indicator that he's tied to someone and can't talk to you after hours. But you refuse to pay attention.

 

He viewed my profile. He was so nice. Yes, those are important criteria when screening for a potential mate.

 

Thats what I originally thought, but many other nights he's messaged me until late at night. This past Wednesday, for example, we were texting and chatting from 12PM in the afternoon until 11PM and then he said he fell asleep the next morning through text and we talked all day the next day too. Last week, we also messaged me at all times of the day and at night, even on a Friday and Saturday.

[kendahke]

Denial.

 

It is strong in this one.

[Zahara]

Thats what I originally thought, but many other nights he's messaged me until late at night. This past Wednesday, for example, we were texting and chatting from 12PM in the afternoon until 11PM and then he said he fell asleep the next morning through text and we talked all day the next day too. Last week, we also messaged me at all times of the day and at night, even on a Friday and Saturday.

 

Those were probably nights that she may not have been there. Or nights she came home late. Talking all day is easy because he's likely at work and has the freedom to text.

 

You have pages of people telling you there are too many red flags but you are reverting to your familiar behaviors.

 

Sometimes you will have to learn the hard way with hard lessons.

[d0nnivain]

He’s a school teacher for elementary school kids. He said because this week is school vacation week that next week is crazy when the kids come back. I mean, I work full time too, so I don’t understand how a teacher can be so slammed that they can’t fit in a 7pm dinner? The dog thing is strange, but the work thing is an excuse. Sh_t of give off the pot. Make the plan or not.

 

 

A teacher who is in town & not on spring break but can't see you is mighty suspicious. Have you looked on his school's website about him? I know you found his FB page but this is getting worse & worse about his legitimate availability to date you.

 

 

I'd give up at this point if I were you. Sorry.

[amkxoxo]

A teacher who is in town & not on spring break but can't see you is mighty suspicious. Have you looked on his school's website about him? I know you found his FB page but this is getting worse & worse about his legitimate availability to date you.

 

 

I'd give up at this point if I were you. Sorry.

 

I looked him up on the schools website. On there he is exactly who he says he is. It wasn't that he couldn't see me this week. I was busy Monday, Tues, Thurs. He was busy Wed, Fri, and Saturday, so it got hard to make a plan. I work 9-5 and he's off all day just this week, then next week he has to start working all day again and making up lesson plans, etc...

[Eternal Sunshine]

Ugh.

 

Nobody needs two Facebook profiles. Nobody. I really don't care about particulars of a person's past. The truth is very simple. The web of deceit is not.

 

OLD is filled with liars and cheaters. I personally don't even bother with online stalking unless I have met someone in person and am interested enough for a second date. Up until that point, I consider "online stalking" a total waste of my time. I love social media. It has made weeding out liars so much easier.

 

If I am interested, I check out everything. Records of marriages, divorces, children, mobile numbers registration. I am completely fine with people checking out mine. There are still decent people out there but don't be naive. This guy isn't one of them.

[amkxoxo]

I mean he's texting me right now from the wedding. Telling me he's at the church, then what he's drinking. We were joking about things about him sitting in the back hoping to not get noticed with a flask. Not really a flask, just joking.

[AndOrchid]

I mean he's texting me right now from the wedding. Telling me he's at the church, then what he's drinking. We were joking about things about him sitting in the back hoping to not get noticed with a flask. Not really a flask, just joking.

 

How nice. And have you set time for a date yet? Didn't think so.

 

You're really in denial.

[kendahke]

I looked him up on the schools website. On there he is exactly who he says he is. It wasn't that he couldn't see me this week. I was busy Monday, Tues, Thurs. He was busy Wed, Fri, and Saturday, so it got hard to make a plan. I work 9-5 and he's off all day just this week, then next week he has to start working all day again and making up lesson plans, etc...

 

 

I just met a very nice gentleman from OLD. He lives about an hour and a half from me. So far, in the 3 weeks we've been talking, he's driven to my area twice to take me out. He's got a very demanding job, plus a side job he does part time, yet he has made time to come see me. Twice. (We've decided to explore this and work out a time table for both of us driving to see one another)

 

Someone who really wants to be with you acts like it. They don't make excuses, they don't behave evasively and they don't engage in behavior where you get strung along, which is what is happening to you right now.

 

It's not hard to make a plan. You do it and execute it. Someone with brains will take the portion of the day when you're working to make up his lesson plans so that after 5pm, he's free to take you out. That's not going on. Why? Because you don't rise to that level on his priority list. People make time for what is important to them.

 

Also...

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[amkxoxo]

Met this guy online. We hit it off and we texted and talked on the phone for like three weeks.

 

We finally met up and went on a date. He took me to a really nice restaurant. I was nervous and I think he was too. It was a great date. We talked, laughed, ate, drank, and had a great time. I was comfortable, and I think he put effort in to make me feel that way. He kissed me on the cheek and then on the forehead after it was over. It was adorable. He even called me on the phone right after the date to talk and tell me he wanted to see me again. We texted and talked on the phone for a few days and then made a plan to go hiking. I was so excited to see him. We met up and he brought his dog. It wasn’t as spectacular as the first date. It was a bit awkward. To me, it was less of a date, and more of me tagging along on a hike with him and his dog. I just didn't feel like a huge priority and it was a bit rushed. I thought we'd sit, admire some views, talk, and maybe kiss, but we moved along very fast.

 

He then said we should go for coffee after. I said okay, so we went and grabbed coffee. We were sitting talking and then he said “Oh well after this story then I have to run, one of my buddies and I are meeting up.”

 

I was kind of left mouth open and confused. It was a little bit rude. I was halfway through my coffee and he sucked his down. Now I knew why, he had plans. So he walked me to my car and we hugged and he said he would definitely be talking to me soon, and that I shouldn’t be a stranger. He texted me asking if I got home safe. We chatted a bit, but again it seemed awkward. Yesterday I just decided to give up my paranoid thoughts and just be myself. We texted all day long. We flirted, and chatted away.

 

I do like him. He’s really funny and a little nerdy, but I like that aspect. He’s kind and smart. I like how athletic he is and looks. He works hard at the gym and it shows and makes him very attractive. He has an adorable laugh and a cute nervousness which I find adorable.

 

I mentioned us making plans sometime soon and he said yes, and started throwing out all activities we could do together. He let me pick one, but then we got side tracked before we picked a time and day.

 

I was being flirty and a bit sassy. I kept telling him that I have a nickname for him, but won’t tell him what it is. Then after a while he told me that he thought I didn’t have a nickname for him and I was just finding excuses to see him again. It was all cute joking.

 

Then I admit it. Then I say “Well I really just wanted to see the dog again, but he just brings you everywhere he goes, such a loyal guy.”

 

I thought this was hilarious. It was cute.

 

He put a mad emoji face and told me "you are the worst.” Then I laughed and he said “Yeah keep laughing, you’re on thin ice girl.”

 

He calls himself goofy nerdy all the time.

 

So I said “The dog is cute, but I prefer goofy nerdy instead.”

 

Then I said “I’m totally joking, you know that right?”

 

He put “You.are.the.worst.”

 

I put “sorry” with a cute emoji face.

 

He then puts “depends, what are you joking about?”

 

I said “ The seeing the puppy over you thing. Definite joke. Though I’d gladly see the puppy any time, I’d rather definitely see you again.”

 

He then puts “Keep talking.”

 

And I put “Mehhh” with an embarrassed face

 

He then puts “Hmm so you’re done with me then.”

 

I put “Whattt, I never said that.”

 

He puts “I dunno”

 

I put “I don’t know either. I was just worried about hurting your feelings, since we are only texting. Hoping I didn’t. Praying I didn’t.” Then I put a nervous laughing emoji

 

He then never responded to me. This was at about 7pm last night and its now morning time the next day. Its making me a little anxious. I thought everything was all in joking fun. That’s how I took it. I don’t think I said anything wrong. I’m pretty confident that I was okay. I was trying to be cute and flirty and fun.

[GorillaTheater]

I'm firmly convinced that texting should be confined to asking somebody to pick up some bread or milk on their way home.

 

 

Otherwise the only worse way to communicate may be smoke signals.

 

 

Call him up and straighten this out, although it's possible that this guy is just a little too sensitive.

[Zahara]

You should have X this guy a long time ago.

[hippychick3]

I have a different take on this.

 

I think it was a bit rude of him to rush through the coffee to meet his friend. You were not being over paranoid about that date. It sounds like he wasn't really that interested. When he texted you later it was to be polite. But the fact that he hadn't suggested another date with you would lead me to believe he wasn't interested anymore. I think he reacted the way he did to your very obvious playfulness (your emojis made it clear you were joking), because he was looking for an out. He pretended to be offended as an excuse not to continue texting with you.

 

I wouldn't pursue him anymore.

Edited May 2, 2017 by hippychick3

[amkxoxo]

Thank you for that. It makes me feel better to know I am not crazy. The second date was awkward. I think he knew he had plans with his buddy and he was rushing to see me in between. That is what I thought attributed to the awkwardness. It wasn’t relaxed it was rushed. I guess I am just very confused by it all. Because our first date was so good. He even said it. And he really wanted to see me again and we even talked on the phone the night before our second date and he seemed all into it. So then the date was a bit awkward. To me, why even ask me out to coffee after the hiking if he wasn’t interested? He could have said, I had a great time and it was good to see me and then that’s it. He mentioned us going for coffee halfway through the hike. Then he walked me to my car, hugged me, and said he would definitely be talking to me, and that I should talk to him too. Why say that if you wanted an out? He would have thrown out the generic, “well this was fun.” And nothing else about seeing or talking to me again.

 

Then when we were texting yesterday, I mention that I am busy this week, but hopefully we can squeeze in some plans. He said yes, and then started spilling out all different things we could do. He then was joking “well we already did the dinner, drinks things, and the hiking, coffee thing, so we need a new adventure.” He let me pick what I wanted and we were talking about when we were going to do this and how I would have to come to his house.

 

Again, doesn’t seem like a guy who is looking for an out or isn’t interested.

[GoneGirl32]

I have a different take on this.

 

I think it was a bit rude of him to rush through the coffee to meet his friend. You were not being over paranoid about that date. It sounds like he wasn't really that interested. When he texted you later it was to be polite. But the fact that he hadn't suggested another date with you would lead me to believe he wasn't interested anymore. I think he reacted the way he did to your very obvious playfulness (your emojis made it clear you were joking), because he was looking for an out. He pretended to be offended as an excuse not to continue texting with you.

 

I wouldn't pursue him anymore.

 

I agree with the first part of your post, and that she should stop pursuing him, but his "jokes" could have also been him just teasing her, not looking necessarily looking for an out.

 

That said OP, with everything you have experienced with this guy in the short time you've known him, best to move on and not try to squeeze a round peg into square hole.

 

This is a dead end, next!

[SoThatHappened]

Maybe his sense of humor is so good, he's totally joking with you right now... just taking it very far...

 

or...

 

He doesn't have a good sense of humor (I thought it was funny) and he's a big pansie.

 

It's probably the latter, unfortunately. Oh well, find a guy that digs that sense of humor.

 

I have been BLATANTLY sarcastic to a woman with no sense of humor before. It weeds out the boring ones, honestly.

[amkxoxo]

Maybe his sense of humor is so good, he's totally joking with you right now... just taking it very far...

 

or...

 

He doesn't have a good sense of humor (I thought it was funny) and he's a big pansie.

 

It's probably the latter, unfortunately. Oh well, find a guy that digs that sense of humor.

 

I have been BLATANTLY sarcastic to a woman with no sense of humor before. It weeds out the boring ones, honestly.

 

I mean, he does have a good sense of humor. He was teasing me earlier that day in text. Yes, he could be playing a huge trick right now, making me sweat it out. I thought about that.

 

I was talking to some friends and they agree that it was very clear I was joking, and my emojis added to the teasing element, but it was also very clear that I did feel bad and guilty if he did take things wrong and that neither one of those things is a bad thing to turn him off.