Not sure [if I should call N and tell her everything about J]

[trampled]

Might sound silly, but I dont know how to deal with this:

 

I've been texting/talking to N for 2 years now. We lived in the same city when we first met but I moved to another country soon after and we've been texting each other often since. I see her as a close friend, though our texts are often borderline flirty.

 

In the last 2 months, I've met and fallen for J and despite our best efforts not to, we find ourselves just naturally getting into an intimate, committed relationship. N doesn't know about her and I am not sure what to do. Her (N's) texts to me in recent weeks have been more affectionate than usual and I feel guilty that I haven't told her about J and I feel like I am leading her on but I dont know how/what to tell her. J, knows about N in that I've told her that N is a good friend of mine and that we text flirty and that we have never been physically intimate. I feel wrong texting N and have tried to keep my texts to her formal and

 

My mind says I should call N and tell her everything about J...and simply be clear and honest about my feelings and how this relationship that is developing with J seems like something very special....but I care about her and dont know how to approach it

[spiderowl]

This is difficult because it seems you sense N might be hurt by this. If you and N have never got together and had a close relationship, then she has no claim on you that way. However, you have obviously built a close relationship online/by text.

 

If you really think things are going to get more serious with J, I think you ought to alert N to this so that she can adjust her expectations if not her feelings. She might be fine with it, she might be upset. Not saying anything would be more hurtful in the long run when she finds out you have a serious girlfriend.

 

I think I would say that you have met a girl and she seems very nice. N will know that this is different, coming from you. She might be hurt but what can you do? You are already feeling uncomfortable about not saying. There is also no point in N investing her emotions in you if you are not going to be available to her. She might ask you lots of questions; she might simply be shocked and say little or cut off. You need to be prepared for either scenario.

 

These things happen with long-distance relationships. I think you know N has liked you for some time now and that she is interested in more than friendship. It's a shame but real life takes over in the end.