Should I see this aussie guy again?

[lastoneleaving]

Hello everyone! This is my first post and really looking forward to some advice since I’m really not too experienced in the dating area of my life.

 

I’m a woman from Latin America and I’ve got a big issue with an Australian man.

 

We met on November/December of 2015, a year and a half ago through a very famous dating app. I’ve always thought it was kinda funny because I started using this app in Australia 2 months prior getting actually there, but 3 weeks prior getting there I decided to give up and just enjoy my trip, after all that was the main reason why I went down under, for the trip! So, once I’m in Australia he pops up to me and we start talking. I really don’t remember when I swiped on him, but I do remember when we matched and he immediately started talking to me. As I wasn’t staying for a long time in his city, he invited me out the next day which we did.

 

When I saw him I felt like I was about to faint. He was really, really hot. Like the kind of guy I literally always dreamed of (it really was so good to be true, but it was true!). So we just wandered around the place, we really didn’t have the most romantic date, but we did talk for hours! He seemed to be paying attention to everything I said and everything I did and I just loved that! We went to a cafe to get some drinks and when he paid, I saw how his hands were shaking and I really freaked out, but thought it was cute. We made out and he wanted to go further and I said yes, but nothing happened, not even getting into a room or something. Also somehow we ended up almost naked in a park at night ( ) but I was really, really scared to get caught and he was very, very protective and that has always been a very strong thing for me towards him: the way he protected me and even before kissing, he was very touchy. In that time I had this thought of “maybe we’re meant to be more than a one night stand and that’s why it didn’t happen” but when I got back home I was like “nah, it just didn’t happen and that’s it”

 

Now I’m freaking out that we might be more than a one night stand. We couldn't catch up again that time and that just lead to trouble. We kinda had arguments and got very distant, like physically and through text. -I actually never wanted a long distance thing, but you know maybe keeping things cool between us-. He kept texting me until May of 2016 (around 5-6 months after meeting). But his approach was aggressive, in my opinion, and I wasn’t into it, so I just made up excuses until he stopped texting me. Most days ever since I haven’t stopped thinking about him, but the good way, like the good things he shined through in person. Bad things he did really hurted me, but after all I don’t know if I’m exaggerating things up because he really didn’t behaved like that in person.

 

The real issue is this: I’m going back to Australia, and now for two months for school reasons. I thought I should try the dating app where we met AGAIN to know men while I’m there, and -I know- very naively thought he might not be there, in the app. BUT HE WAS. I decided to swipe right just to see what would happen. And he matched me AGAIN some days later. Right now we’re talking and I find him really cute. We’re not talking as much as we used to in the good -few- days but I feel he’s different. Like he’s not being the pushy subtle way he was since day one and then not so subtle at all, but he seems more like kind of regretting how things went the first time. He seems really excited to meet me again and he already wants to make up for the kinda bad first date we had (to me wasn’t bad, but apparently for him it was because of the place). I don’t know if I should see him again because he lights a fire in me that no one has ever lighted before. I’m not talking about passion per se, but I’m talking about his whole persona. He physically is unique, unlike anyone else I’ve ever met. His protective, strong, caring and manly personality is what hooked me up since we met, but the way he treated me through text was really painful. I’m scared of actually dating him for the two months I’m gonna be there and then, like everything will disappear. I think I now can handle the situation between us a lot better now that we’re both a little older, like not giving in too easily, playing it a little hard to get for him and so, but I’m really scared of playing with his fire and getting really, really burned once the trip is over.

 

So, my question is, after all the story, would you date him if you were me or would you just look for someone else? for both things there are both pros and cons. But what would you do? He really made me feel things I've never felt before and in my mind what happened first between us was really, really special. But I also don't want to waste the chance of dating since dating for me at home -for cultural reasons- is really hard. I know it’s a really long story, but I just made it as short as possible, so thank you for reading it all and thank you -even more- if you give me a piece of advise. I would really appreciate it!

[MsJayne]

Only you can really know if he genuinely liked you or was just after sex. If he was rude to you or cruel to you via text then I would take that as an indicator of what sort of person he is. Also, if he's on a quick hook-up date site that should be a big red flag for you as well....he doesn't want a relationship, he just wants NSA sex.

[EmilyJane]

It is really hard to give you advice because it's hard to work out exactly what happened.

 

Like you flirted online with a guy in oz, had sex with him, went home, he messaged but you rejected him but now you are going back so you want to sleep with him again? But only so long as there are assurances it's not just sex despite the fact you're from another country and won't be there long.

 

I'm not really sure what to tell you, generally Aussie guys tend to be practical more often than not so he will absolutely not say no to sex or going on other dates but I doubt he'll be proposing you get your green card any time soon. Particularly after he tried to keep in contact and you shut him down.

 

In all honesty if the guy was my friend I'd be telling him to use you fir sex at most and not get emotionally involved as you're coming off as high maintenance drama queen who gives out mixed signals and has already rejected him once and IS FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY.

 

Like Australia is not easy to get to, it's not just over the border from ___ like in Europe and the Americas. So there's pretty much zero chance of this going anywhere long term.

 

 

What did he do to hurt you?

 

Because without that I can't even understand why you are concerned let alone what you are concerned about.

 

Australian guys, especially generations over thirty are terrible at openly pursuing women and making their feelings known. Dating here is like figuring out clues to cryptic crosswords. They almost never do anything that can't be equally as interpretable as being just friendly an only into it for sex right up until they've locked you in as their girlfriend.

 

So Australian women are pretty much conditioned to assume no one is into her until someone flat out tells them. We tend to assume that if a guy wants to talk to us that's all it is pending further info just a bit more than in other countries.

 

Obviously this is not the blanket truth and there are exceptions etc but it's a definite cultural thing.

Edited April 19, 2017 by EmilyJane