oceansaway Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Tomorrow is his birthday. Been NC for weeks now (once again). He reached out last fall on my birthday after "another" breakup. I really have no plans on reaching out and sending a birthday wish. I just don't want to. I've moved on but part of feels bad because I know he'll be hurt by my silence on his day. I guess I feel it's just payback for all the wasted years. Anyhow....thoughts on the subject? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Birthdays are awkward enough when you're in the affair but having to deal with him having official commitments on the day. If you're trying to make it be over, don't wish him a happy birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Yes, my thoughts are this. Stay away from the computer and lose your phone for the day. Seriously, stay off the internet/phone at all costs. It's just another day. You should celebrate by being freed from affair jail. Get a spa treatment, go to lunch, have a great workout. Have the best day ever....without him Who cares about hurting him? It's over. If it were meant to be.....you'd be together. it's not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Twice it has happened that I go NC a month before my birthday, theres radio silence on my birthday. The he comes back a month before his, with his sweet talk, and wooing; I have both times went out of my way to send him gifts he wanted. I mean, It took a lot of stupidity to miss what was actually going on, buy hey I was floating then... He aint getting it this time Save yourself the awkwardness and getting into any kind of pain again. Pass it. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Eh, let the pass and don't contact. Let him wonder about you and if you will msg him, if he will even do that. Been there. Seems close to my b'day or other special occasions, my MM would pull back. That meant no gifts, even though I got him something small and meaningful on his b'day or for Christmas. His last b'day I went all out without spending a lot, but I knew he'd get a kick out of the stuff. I even remember mentioning to him I'd love to have a charm from him for my bracelet on Valentines. A couple of days later, he asked me "just was are your expectations for Valentines?" I replied "none at all." No charm. Don't send b'day wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Onlywhenitrains Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Tomorrow is his birthday. Been NC for weeks now (once again). He reached out last fall on my birthday after "another" breakup. I really have no plans on reaching out and sending a birthday wish. I just don't want to. I've moved on but part of feels bad because I know he'll be hurt by my silence on his day. I guess I feel it's just payback for all the wasted years. Anyhow....thoughts on the subject? Been there. Stay NC. It's hard, I know. In my case he spent his birthdays with his wife. I didn't say a word on both of his birthdays while we were together. He knew I wanted to see him on his birthday, but still he was away out of town with his wife. The way I see it...we do whatever we can to spend the time on our birthdays with those people that are the most important to us, those that we care about, those that we love. I knew that my exMM was hurt with my silence on both of those days, as he told me so, many times. The bottom line for me, I was hurt more by him not putting any effort in spending time with me on that day. On my birthdays, he always called on that day and was asking days in advance about how we can spend some time together on that day. My response - if he was gonna spend a couple of stolen hours with me on that day, and then go back to spend the rest of the day/evening with his wife, no way I was gonna see him. Not on my birthday. May sound silly to some. But, the worst part of the A for me was that I couldn't be my authentic self. And, it took all the power in me at those times to ignore him for my birthday. But, it felt good. He hated it, and complained about it. Didn't care. If he wanted to be with me, he would've been with me. On my birthday, and any other day. He didn't. Stay NC. It gets better. Slowly, but it gets better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Find something fun to do and focus on yourself - celebrate the fact that you have walked away from an unhealthy relationship and dream about a new future... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Tomorrow is his birthday. Been NC for weeks now (once again). He reached out last fall on my birthday after "another" breakup. I really have no plans on reaching out and sending a birthday wish. I just don't want to. I've moved on but part of feels bad because I know he'll be hurt by my silence on his day. I guess I feel it's just payback for all the wasted years. Anyhow....thoughts on the subject? Who care? Let him be 'hurt.' If anything it'll be an ego hurt not a heart hurt. Focus on your healing and not what he might or not might think. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 People who are NC and decide to break it for a birthday wish are using that as an excuse to get them back into their lives. That's my opinion. That doesn't sound like you. Phew. Stay strong and who cares what he feels, he's not your problem anymore! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
OWAmy Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 Tomorrow is his birthday. Been NC for weeks now (once again). He reached out last fall on my birthday after "another" breakup. I really have no plans on reaching out and sending a birthday wish. I just don't want to. I've moved on but part of feels bad because I know he'll be hurt by my silence on his day. I guess I feel it's just payback for all the wasted years. Anyhow....thoughts on the subject? Please don't contact him. It will be significant that you don't contact him. It's just a day and a good achievement for you! If you feel bad think of all the times that he made you feel bad. Not sending a birthday texts pales in comparison. Where is he now? Exactly! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 The xmow sent my husband a birthday wish this year. He thought it was pathetic fishing on her part. Are you hoping that it makes him feel special? That he will be flattered and miss you? Take a deep look at your intentions. My husband was furious that she intruded in his life - and furious at himself for ever having brought her in in the first place. A birthday wish that takes 30 second to write proves about as much as a sleepy six am smiley face text. Yet we place a lot of meaning to both because we need to believe that we are so important. I have a lot of ex boyfriends, former coworkers, bosses and I do not send them birthday wishes. It's a way if seeing if the door is still a bit open. True tenderness and affection isn't shown in a birthday wish, it's shown by being open and honest all year round. Birthdays are just a convenient and low effort excuse to show people that you're a caring person - but what about the other 364 days? Think about authenticity, and nice vs kind. Do something kind for someone who cares about YOU on his birthday. The payback will be huge. And then remember that every day is someone's birthday and try to be kind then too. Leave him alone, he's not worth it. He's not hurt by your silence, he's probably got someone else in that spot already. If he's hurt by not getting a message from you, then he's a petulant toddler, not a man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author oceansaway Posted April 19, 2017 Author Share Posted April 19, 2017 Well the day came and went. I did NOT reach out on his birthday. Feels good and I feel that he will finally get the message that he had his chance for years and did nothing. So life goes on 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 If you are seriously seeking to end the A prepare a script along these lines. MM: I thought I'd hear from you last week. You: Oh. Why? MM; it was my birthday,, You: Oh, I'd forgotten. MM: how could you forget blah blah blah.... You: sorry I have to take this other call. Click Most men 16 and over don't really care about their birthdays or presents. Off he contacts you about his birthday, he just wants to know whether you had been thinking of him. Don't contact him or acknowledge the day in any way unless you want to stroke his ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused48 Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 I've moved on but part of feels bad because I know he'll be hurt by my silence on his day. I guess I feel it's just payback for all the wasted years. I think you wish you could move on. That is a good start. But admit to yourself that you have not yet accomplished that goal. Perhaps it is just too soon? If you had, then you would not care if you hurt him with your silence. You would not want payback for the wasted years. You would simply be, as they say, meh, about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author oceansaway Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 I think you wish you could move on. That is a good start. But admit to yourself that you have not yet accomplished that goal. Perhaps it is just too soon? If you had, then you would not care if you hurt him with your silence. You would not want payback for the wasted years. You would simply be, as they say, meh, about it. I disagree. I am not at the same emotional connection with him as years before and wish him no ill will...it is just the type of person I am. I care about people's feeling and regardless of our past...I would never want to hurt a person. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 When someone dies, the first year is always very difficult because you have lots of firsts. First Christmas, first birthday etc It's similar here. You'll go thru some "firsts". This is one and you handled it well. Maybe next year the day will pass without notice Link to post Share on other sites
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