MM left wife, and now me

[Rebelnoir]

I've been lurking on here for a while but feel like I finally need some advice and perspective, as I'm really struggling at the moment.

 

I've been in a relationship with a MM for around 11 months. We were friends for a couple of years before the relationship, and we also work together.

 

He had been unhappy in his marriage (according to him) for a long time. I knew that he had cheated with two other women, one before his wedding, and one just before his wife got pregnant (their child is now one and a half). Neither of these were long term, just one night stands and his wife doesn't know.

 

The first time we discussed our feelings for each other he said he was willing to leave his wife as he wanted to explore what we had. At first I was adamant that nothing would happen until he was divorced, however that didn't end up happening and the affair began. He told me he loved me pretty early on, and I felt the same. We had lots of conversations about us, our future, what we wanted etc and always seemed to be on the same page.

 

He left his wife four months after it began. He was always planning to leave that month (this was the timescale we had agreed for a number of reasons) without telling her about the affair. We had planned to tell everyone when the dust has settled in terms of the marriage ending. However she found some tickets, and when she questioned him, he admitted everything that had happened and that he was in love with me. He also told his friends and family about us.

 

After he left we found him somewhere to live and everything was great for the first couple of weeks, although she wouldn't let him see his child and there were lots of threats from her friends towards me. She then started letting him see his child when she was there, which I was fine with because I knew how important that was for him.

 

Then one day, after he had been out of the house around three weeks, he told me that he had kissed his wife. He felt awful about it, and said it was like he had betrayed me. We spent the next day together and it was lovely. We slept together a few times and planned a trip away for the weekend. That evening he told me that he had actually slept with his wife the previous night. I was devastated but we spent the night talking and agreed that we still wanted us. I tried to accept they had a long history and detangling from that would never be easy. I left him in the morning with plans to meet later so we could go away. About an hour later I got a text saying he was sorry and he had to do this for his child. I then didn't hear from him for three days, until he sent me a message telling me he was back with his wife and daughter, that he loved her more than he ever loved me and that he was grateful for her letting him go home.

 

We saw each other the following week, and he admitted he loved me, that he wasn't happy and wanted to be with me. He said he'd gone back because he thought I would leave him because he slept with his wife. So we continued as it was before. This time he was again adamant that he was leaving, but there was always something stopping him from setting a timeframes (birthdays, Christmas etc). During an argument I asked him to show me messages to his wife, which he did. There were messages saying he loved her and they would get through this. He convinced me he was just saying what he needed to say in order to stay at home and prepare to leave as he wasn't ready.

 

After Christmas we had a long talk and he promised he was leaving and that he would start looking for somewhere to live, which we did together. Around this time I suggested he try and get legal advice so he could make sure he had access to his child when he left. He didn't do this, and still hasn't, as far as I know.

 

In mid January he found out his tenants would be leaving his flat at the end of February, so we agreed he would leave then and move in there.

 

But in early February, his wife found a hotel receipt. He spent a week denying that he'd been with me that night. She found definite proof that he had been so he left again. This time I think he told her that we had stayed away from each other, reconnected in January, and had one night together. This wasn't true, we had never stopped seeing each other.

 

He stayed with friends and then moved into the flat. His wife went to stay with family in another city and everything between us was great for three weeks, although he was missing his child. When his wife came back he started seeing his child again, and told his wife (and friends and family) he was still seeing me. I thought we were finally getting to where we wanted to be.

 

However, a week after he started seeing them again, he told me he wanted space. He said he loved me but he was confused and felt too guilty about us when he was with his child.

 

I struggled with giving him space as it was a complete u turn. I then found out that the day after he told me he wanted space he stayed at the marital home. I ended it but then spoke with him and change my mind. But he was insistent on wanting space do we essentially stopped spending time together or really speaking with any consistency. Since he asked for space he has been staying at their home around 4/5 times a week, although he's adamant that he's in a different room to his wife.

 

About three weeks ago he ended things with me. He's told me lots of different things, which are always conflicting. He says he loves me, he hates me, he hates what we have done to his daughter, he wants to be with me, he can't picture us being together etc. He just seems to change his mind on a daily, if not hourly basis, sometimes. I know he is considering reconciling with his wife (he says it's because he can't be away from his daughter, but who knows).

 

From what I can gather he loves me, although his feelings towards me have changed since he started seeing his child again. He thinks it will be too difficult to be together, and part of him thinks that it might be best to reconcile with his wife as he will be in his child's life every day. He says he doesn't want to be with her, and she isn't sure she wants to be with him but they have discussed it. He finds it too hard and confusing to spend time with me so he basically wants to cut me out of his life.

 

Since we ended it he has been there whenever I've reached out. We've had lots of long talks, which haven't always gone well. Over the weekend I ended up staying at his and we woke up with him saying he loves me etc. Last night we spoke on the phone for an hour and he said the same stuff, he loves me, he wants to be with me and he agreed to start spending time with me again. Today is a different story and he's said he wants nothing to do with me.

 

I guess I'm just confused as to how he can appear to have done a complete u turn with his feelings. Why he would do everything he did in terms of leaving and telling everyone in his life how much he loves me and wants to marry me...to this. It's like he is a different person and has switched off his feelings towards me. I can tell that he is trying to push me away, and he's admitted to doing this with the things he's said and done. This makes it so difficult to know which parts of what he is saying I should believe.

 

We left it today with him basically saying he can't be around me right now as it messes with his head so he wants nothing to do with me right now. He admitted he isn't in love with his wife and that if he could have his child and me in his life everyday that's what he would want. But as it is, he doesn't know what he wants in the long term but doesn't want us right now. He can't see us together and is getting stressed out by spending time with me. I've told him I will leave him alone, but have asked him to tell me if his feelings towards us change, which he agreed to do.

 

Does anyone have any insight into what might be going on in his head right now? I don't know what to do for the best. I love him and I don't want to walk away, but I can't keep going through the emotional storm that's going on right now. Has anyone who has been in this situation, either as a MM or OW, got any advice? Does it sound like he is trying to reconcile but keeping me as an option? Is there any hope? How can I get over him when I spend 5 days a week in the same open plan office?

 

Thanks

[DKT3]

I'm guessing what he told you was him leaving was actually him getting kicked out. I'm guessing that he never intended on leaving his wife and it was actually him trying to get back.

 

Cheaters lie, it always amazes me why the affair partner doesn't believe that they could be lied too by someone who is a known liar.

 

Given what you've said, how can you honestly believe he was the one leaving and not being thrown out? It makes much more logical sense then him flip flopping.

 

He gets caught, thrown out runs to you, you have a nice couple weeks then he jets off back to the wife. She find proof he runs to you you have a nice e couple weeks then he jets off to his wife. What about that sounds like he is leaving and choosing you?

 

Your worth so much more then having this guy play with your emotions and life.....I would suggest a conversation with his wife.....Betting her story will sound so much different.

[ice3784]

Hello there, if you have read my post, we are more or less the same, its just that my MM has been with me longer, and was separated with the wife longer too.

He has 4 children, they were separated for almost 2 years. we are in full bloom affair, it doesn't even seems like an affair anymore, friends and family knows that we are together, we stayed together, have Christmas together, etc.

But recently the wife uses the children as a comeback, and MM is dying to be a good father and paint the picture of a perfect family when he was with them.

This includes ignoring me to take care of her feelings but once the holiday with them was over, he was back to me , kissing and telling me that he love me.

The feeling of confused, i assure you will slowly fade away as what i sees now is a man of 2 face, a fake hipokrit, and at this moment, im not sure are we just room mates with benefits or he really still loves me.

There are moments that i know he was just using me for the sake of companionship as we both are working 700 miles away from home and he kind of get used of having me around for the past years.

The love will slowly dies. You know it when you cries less and less and felt not being loved anymore regardless how he said he love you...

Im still with him, but i know, we are dying...

[Imajerk17]

Who can possibly analyze what goes on inside the mind of a dude who cheated on his wife all these times, including *right before his wedding*? My guess is that he probably was selling you the same sack of **** he was selling his wife and who knows who else.

 

You got involved with someone else's husband (with a 18-month-old child!), who ended up leaving you too. It looks to me like another strike by the Kharma Bus.

Edited April 19, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Marc878]

You've been played and are being played. But you don't believe it yet.

[beautiful_day]

Aren't you tired of the merry little dance by now? You have choices. How about you step away into the fresh air, and feel the green grass of integrity between your toes, accept your bruised heart and march purposefully in the other direction. You will be amazed at how much easier life is without a disordered, lying man dragging you down to his level.

 

And his child is awfully little yet. Don't do this to a little girl.

[aileD]

There are a ton of people with the same story as you.

 

He didn't leave his wife on his own. He was kicked out because he had an affair so he had no choice but to leave so it wasn't on his own timetable and he wasn't really ready for it despite what he told you.

 

He may really feel those things for you, BUT.....he's married. And he needs to figure out ON HIS OWN if he wants to stay married or leave. He should leave because it's right not because he found someone else. He needs real closure and to be sure of what he's going to do.

 

You don't stand a chance with this guy the way things are now. The BEST THING you can do if you want him back....is to cut off all contact with him and refuse to see or talk to him while he's still married. And by "still married" that means even if he's "separated" or "moved out" he's still married. You don't engage with him until the divorce is signed, sealed and delivered. And if you're smart, you'll wait until about 6 mos to a year after that for him to really mourn the end of his marriage and be healthy enough for a relationship again.

 

Then, if it's really meant to be...it will happen and you can both feel good about it knowing it was done the right way. (And do you really want that? He's a known cheater!) And If you don't end up together you know it wasn't meant to be.

 

See.....right now he was the best of both worlds. He had his family and he has you on the side. If you allow that, that's all you'll ever be.

 

That is your best course of action. However, being realistic and from reading other stories here ...none of that will happen. He'll stay with his wife. He'll keep sweet taking you and you'll keep letting him and you'll east years of your life in the same cycle you're in now. My husband did it to his OW for almost 2 years. Where is she now? Who knows...but he's still with me.

 

the way I see it, you have two options.

1. Do what I said above

2. Accept your mistress status and don't ask for more, prepare to always come last, accept your position in his life and give up any dreams you have of a real relationship, future, kids with him.

 

I know that your story is unique to you. But I've been here awhile and it's not u unique at all really. Ive read the same story here over and over and over with different names.

 

Please take the advice you get from the people here.

Edited April 19, 2017 by aileD

[Birdies]

Wow. I went into reading this rooting for you a little bit...hoping that if the shlttiness of infidelity had to happen,then hopefully it would be for true love and would work out. But no. This guy is a spineless liar. He can't make up his mind and is scared of his wife or gf leaving him, and so just toys with both of you. He lies his ass off to both of you.

 

Not to mention, he's a serial cheater who cheated on his pregnant wife with someone and then left her and his 7 month old kid for someone else. That is so low.

 

I know he's sweet and wonderful and charming and you love him. That's also a facade. Wake up and see the real person behind all those sleazy actions. You deserve better.

[BaileyB]

I'm sorry for your pain...

 

But, I'm not sure how you could ever think to believe someone who is a serial cheater. Really, think about it - he cheated once before marriage, once in the first few months after his wife had his child (which is absolutely disgraceful!), and then with you. This is not a good or reliable man - certainly not someone that you should trust or invest your life.

 

The truth hurts, but this guy is nothing but trouble and you need to take the fact that he has left as the gift that it is. Move on and try to find someone who is worthy of your love and trust next time.

Edited April 19, 2017 by BaileyB

[aileD]

I'm sorry for your pain...

 

But, I'm not sure how you could ever think to believe someone who is a serial cheater. Really, think about it - he cheated once before marriage, once in the first few months after his wife had his child, and then with you. This is not a good or reliable man - certainly not someone that you should trust or invest your life.

 

The truth hurts, but this guy is nothing but trouble and you need to take the fact that he has left as the gift that it is. Move on and try to find someone who is worthy of your love and trust next time.

 

Yup. Look at his wife.

 

That's your future if you end up with him

[BaileyB]

Yup. Look at his wife.

 

That's your future if you end up with him

 

Absolutely, it's the old saying... "If he will do it with you, he will do it too you..."

 

OP, there is nothing special about your relationship. He has used you, and discarded you... don't allow him to do it again!

[Southern Sun]

I don't think any of us here can say whether he left his wife or was kicked out. But assuming he did as you say and actually left, it sounds like he got a taste of "freedom" and suddenly realized the grass wasn't so green. He probably over-sold how miserable he was in his marriage to you. His previous cheating wasn't because his life was so bad; he's just a cheater. So if indeed he left and went around saying he was going to be with you, he suddenly realized he was gonna face some consequences for his stupid actions. He didn't have his daughter anymore, he'd lost his wife, and his close family and friends were angry at him. Uh-oh, didn't think about that stuff.

 

So he flip-flops and tries to go back to the wife while keeping you on the line. He lasts a little while there, but then goes back to you, because he doesn't want you to go away completely. Back and forth and back and forth. Because neither one of you will MAKE IT END.

 

Think about how horribly he is treating you both...stringing you both along. Sure, he might be SAYING words to you, like he needs time away. But he keeps showing back up, doesn't he? He wants it both ways and he does not give a flying crap how much this is messing with YOUR head.

 

I suggest giving serious thought to what you really want for your future. And your present. Would you treat someone this way? What would you tell a friend in this situation? You feel love for him, okay. But why? When he's treated you so poorly? Really...think about that.

 

He is disrespecting and mistreating all of the women in his life. He pretty much cares only about himself. What does that say about him?

[anika99]

I mostly feel sorry for his wife. How devastating it must have been for her to discover her husband cheating on her only a little more than a year after having her first child with him. This should have been a happy time in life for her, married and starting her little family.

 

You read his messages to her, you know she isn't holding him hostage against his will, but rather he is bending over backwards trying to keep her. He tells you he loves you not her but he tells her the same. That he loves her and not you. It's pretty obvious that the last time he left it was because she kicked him out and not because he chose to leave. Now he is trying like crazy to get her back but the greedy selfish man still wants you hanging around in the wings just in case. Just in case his wife ends up dumping his sorry ass or just in case he might like to restart the affair at some time in the future.

 

To my way of thinking, this is not a good man and I can't understand why you are competing for him. He is a lying using serial cheater who probably couldn't be faithful to any one. But just for fun let's give him the benefit of the doubt for the moment and pretend that everything he tells you is the truth. That he really does love you and desires to be with you. If that's the case then he is still a very conflicted confused man who feels shame and guilt over his relationship with you and what is the least bit attractive about that?

 

For myself I could never be with a man who expressed one shred of guilt or shame about being with me. Just no way in hell I would want anything to do with that. Don't you want the man who loves you to be happy and proud to be with you? Do you really want a guy who comes to you feeling like he is sacrificing so much to be with you? Who feels like you mess him up and cloud his good judgement? Who feels ashamed of you and your relationship every time he looks at his child? Yuck! Just no. That is no love story, it would just make me feel gross.

 

Lose this guy. There is no happy ending with him. Value yourself and believe that you deserve a man who will only feel happy and proud to be with you, who will be excited to bring you into his life. Just let this go.

[Darren Steez]

I knew that he had cheated with two other women, one before his wedding, and one just before his wife got pregnant

 

but..

 

I'm just confused as to how he can appear to have done a complete u turn with his feelings.

 

 

Yes, absolutely..it's confusing why a man like this could do something like that.

[Poppy's sister]

I really feel for you. I am disentangling myself from a lta right now and know how confusing it all is.

His reasoning about not being able to leave because of his daughter is just another emotional tool. She must be only young... Children do survive divorce and if she is young she would grow up not knowing any different.

If he was unhappy and really loved you he'd be tackling this a different way...he'd be at a lawyers making sure he got 50/50 custody and he would be dealing with his wife in an adult manner. Talking to her and finding the best way forward for their child. Marriages do end and that's sad but if all parties put the child first fathers do not have to miss out.

I too have had the children used as an emotional manipulation in my affair... It's tough, you can't stamp your feet and demand anyone to choose between you and their children but in the end if he lives close to them and is prepared to work at then he could be a wonderful father and you could be involved in his daughter's life as a wonderful step mother.

 

Brace yourself and cut contact.

I am as of today

[Rebelnoir]

I'm guessing what he told you was him leaving was actually him getting kicked out. I'm guessing that he never intended on leaving his wife and it was actually him trying to get back.

 

Cheaters lie, it always amazes me why the affair partner doesn't believe that they could be lied too by someone who is a known liar.

 

Given what you've said, how can you honestly believe he was the one leaving and not being thrown out? It makes much more logical sense then him flip flopping.

 

He gets caught, thrown out runs to you, you have a nice couple weeks then he jets off back to the wife. She find proof he runs to you you have a nice e couple weeks then he jets off to his wife. What about that sounds like he is leaving and choosing you?

 

Your worth so much more then having this guy play with your emotions and life.....I would suggest a conversation with his wife.....Betting her story will sound so much different.

 

I think you're right, when I really look at it he was kicked out both times. It's just they coincided with when he said he was actually leaving...so I ignored the fact that he was told to leave be used he was making noises about loving me, including telling his wife that. I believe that's true because after he left, I met his friends both times and they were very consistent in what he had told them and his wife.

 

I deleted his wife's number yesterday to avoid the temptation of contacting her and telling her the truth. I don't feel that's my place, even though I know he won't. I think you're right though and I would get a different story. Something must have been said for her to suddenly agree to him staying over at their house.

 

As for not believing he could lie to me, I honestly have no idea why I believe that (even now, when I know he has done it). He always has a reason, an explanation, and I want to believe him I guess because I don't want to have gone down this path for somebody that wasn't worth it. I want him to be who he appeared to be, and I want us to have what we thought we would. Seeing that written down has made me realise how stupid it sounds...!

[Rebelnoir]

Hello there, if you have read my post, we are more or less the same, its just that my MM has been with me longer, and was separated with the wife longer too.

He has 4 children, they were separated for almost 2 years. we are in full bloom affair, it doesn't even seems like an affair anymore, friends and family knows that we are together, we stayed together, have Christmas together, etc.

But recently the wife uses the children as a comeback, and MM is dying to be a good father and paint the picture of a perfect family when he was with them.

This includes ignoring me to take care of her feelings but once the holiday with them was over, he was back to me , kissing and telling me that he love me.

The feeling of confused, i assure you will slowly fade away as what i sees now is a man of 2 face, a fake hipokrit, and at this moment, im not sure are we just room mates with benefits or he really still loves me.

There are moments that i know he was just using me for the sake of companionship as we both are working 700 miles away from home and he kind of get used of having me around for the past years.

The love will slowly dies. You know it when you cries less and less and felt not being loved anymore regardless how he said he love you...

Im still with him, but i know, we are dying...

 

 

Ice, I'm sorry you're in a similar position to me. I know the pain that you're going through. I hope you're getting towards a resolution that works for you.

 

It's a funny thing because I think we would always be second to a child, which is how it should be. In reality though, it would take a really strong (and perhaps emotionally detached) man to separate the mother of his child from his child. So the phone calls, cancelled plans, always feeling third best will never change I don't think. I had convinced myself I could deal with that when everything else between us seemed good.

 

Thank you for pointing out what would likely be the result of staying with this man.

 

Can I ask why you're choosing to stay when you feel like it's dying?

[Rebelnoir]

Hello there, if you have read my post, we are more or less the same, its just that my MM has been with me longer, and was separated with the wife longer too.

He has 4 children, they were separated for almost 2 years. we are in full bloom affair, it doesn't even seems like an affair anymore, friends and family knows that we are together, we stayed together, have Christmas together, etc.

But recently the wife uses the children as a comeback, and MM is dying to be a good father and paint the picture of a perfect family when he was with them.

This includes ignoring me to take care of her feelings but once the holiday with them was over, he was back to me , kissing and telling me that he love me.

The feeling of confused, i assure you will slowly fade away as what i sees now is a man of 2 face, a fake hipokrit, and at this moment, im not sure are we just room mates with benefits or he really still loves me.

There are moments that i know he was just using me for the sake of companionship as we both are working 700 miles away from home and he kind of get used of having me around for the past years.

The love will slowly dies. You know it when you cries less and less and felt not being loved anymore regardless how he said he love you...

Im still with him, but i know, we are dying...

 

Ice, I'm sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. I know the pain that it causes and I hope you're working towards some kind of resolution.

 

I also know what you mean about dying to be a good father and the guilt that comes with that. I don't blame him and I had accepted that I would come second best to his child. That's right. The thing is in reality the child and their mum are a package and so that second best is actually third. I think it would take a strong (and perhaps unemotional) Man to separate the two. I think I'd convinced myself I'd be ok with that, if the rest of our relationship was good.

 

Can I ask why you're staying if you feel it is dead? I'm only now starting to feel like it's done, and it's awful. I just want him to be the man I thought he was and for us to have what we planned to have. Because that seemed so special. Which seems so silly now, seeing it in black and white.

 

(Apologies if this gets replied to twice, I'm new to this forum and think I just did something weird...!)

[Rebelnoir]

Who can possibly analyze what goes on inside the mind of a dude who cheated on his wife all these times, including *right before his wedding*? My guess is that he probably was selling you the same sack of **** he was selling his wife and who knows who else.

 

You got involved with someone else's husband (with a 18-month-old child!), who ended up leaving you too. It looks to me like another strike by the Kharma Bus.

 

Yes, I've been very much thinking about kharma the last couple of days. I am struggling after the end of this, so then I think about what his wife must have felt...and I just feel horrendous for what I have done. I know that isn't much consolation as the damage has been caused. I don't know how I've gone nearly a year trying to block these feelings. I convinced myself that we were meant to be together so it justified it, that she deserved better than a man who didn't love her. I imagine I did what many women who end up in my position do, and block it out/justify till the cows come home. I think part of what makes this more painful that a traditional break up is having to face the fact that you have knowingly and willingly had a part in destroying somebody's life. I don't know how I've become that person, and I'm trying to reconcile that with the idea of who I thought I was.

[Rebelnoir]

You've been played and are being played. But you don't believe it yet.

 

You're right I don't fully believe it yet. I think about the crappy stuff he's done and I get angry but then I think about all of the I love yous, tender moments, promises etc and I just think how could all of that have been fake?! It didn't feel fake. In order to accept that you're right I probably need to rework the idea of have of MM, because in my head he's still perfect

[Rebelnoir]

Aren't you tired of the merry little dance by now? You have choices. How about you step away into the fresh air, and feel the green grass of integrity between your toes, accept your bruised heart and march purposefully in the other direction. You will be amazed at how much easier life is without a disordered, lying man dragging you down to his level.

 

And his child is awfully little yet. Don't do this to a little girl.

 

I really wish I had stepped away. I don't know why I'm finding it so difficult. I can see how that would be good for me, I get into a half decent mind frame, and then I see him or think about a time we went away together and all my resolve crumbles. I'm trying very hard to remove myself from him, I've deleted his number and blocked him on social media. I don't think he will contact me. It's just work I have to deal with.

 

His child is small and is also a lovely, happy child. I think we had talked each other into believing that if their dad was happy they would be happier than growing up in a home without *real* love. I still think in some ways this is true. But I'm not convinced anymore what we has would be enough, given how he's reacted.

[Rebelnoir]

There are a ton of people with the same story as you.

 

He didn't leave his wife on his own. He was kicked out because he had an affair so he had no choice but to leave so it wasn't on his own timetable and he wasn't really ready for it despite what he told you.

 

He may really feel those things for you, BUT.....he's married. And he needs to figure out ON HIS OWN if he wants to stay married or leave. He should leave because it's right not because he found someone else. He needs real closure and to be sure of what he's going to do.

 

You don't stand a chance with this guy the way things are now. The BEST THING you can do if you want him back....is to cut off all contact with him and refuse to see or talk to him while he's still married. And by "still married" that means even if he's "separated" or "moved out" he's still married. You don't engage with him until the divorce is signed, sealed and delivered. And if you're smart, you'll wait until about 6 mos to a year after that for him to really mourn the end of his marriage and be healthy enough for a relationship again.

 

Then, if it's really meant to be...it will happen and you can both feel good about it knowing it was done the right way. (And do you really want that? He's a known cheater!) And If you don't end up together you know it wasn't meant to be.

 

See.....right now he was the best of both worlds. He had his family and he has you on the side. If you allow that, that's all you'll ever be.

 

That is your best course of action. However, being realistic and from reading other stories here ...none of that will happen. He'll stay with his wife. He'll keep sweet taking you and you'll keep letting him and you'll east years of your life in the same cycle you're in now. My husband did it to his OW for almost 2 years. Where is she now? Who knows...but he's still with me.

 

the way I see it, you have two options.

1. Do what I said above

2. Accept your mistress status and don't ask for more, prepare to always come last, accept your position in his life and give up any dreams you have of a real relationship, future, kids with him.

 

I know that your story is unique to you. But I've been here awhile and it's not u unique at all really. Ive read the same story here over and over and over with different names.

 

Please take the advice you get from the people here.

 

Thank you. I know you're right about walking away, what's happening now is pushing us apart. I've been terrified that if I actually walk away he will go back home, because deep down that's what he really wants. But yeah, he needs to figure out on his own what he wants, as do I. If I'm honest I think too much has happened. Knowing it and doing it are two different things though, and I'm struggling to stay away.

[Rebelnoir]

Wow. I went into reading this rooting for you a little bit...hoping that if the shlttiness of infidelity had to happen,then hopefully it would be for true love and would work out. But no. This guy is a spineless liar. He can't make up his mind and is scared of his wife or gf leaving him, and so just toys with both of you. He lies his ass off to both of you.

 

Not to mention, he's a serial cheater who cheated on his pregnant wife with someone and then left her and his 7 month old kid for someone else. That is so low.

 

I know he's sweet and wonderful and charming and you love him. That's also a facade. Wake up and see the real person behind all those sleazy actions. You deserve better.

 

 

I had also hoped it would work and that our love would justify everything that happened. That's something I'm trying to get my head around because I think that was the one thing stopping me from feeling overwhelming guilt; the feeling it was for true love and you can't help who you fall for. Now that appears to be gone, I just feel guilt. He's adamant he loves me, and wouldn't have done all of this (his words) for me if he didn't. I have to stop driving myself crazy wondering if he thought he loved me, or it was all just lies.

[Rebelnoir]

I'm sorry for your pain...

 

But, I'm not sure how you could ever think to believe someone who is a serial cheater. Really, think about it - he cheated once before marriage, once in the first few months after his wife had his child (which is absolutely disgraceful!), and then with you. This is not a good or reliable man - certainly not someone that you should trust or invest your life.

 

The truth hurts, but this guy is nothing but trouble and you need to take the fact that he has left as the gift that it is. Move on and try to find someone who is worthy of your love and trust next time.

 

I don't know how I believed him. All I can say is when I was with him it all seemed so real and felt right. Even when I had evidence that he was lying to me, I continued trusting him. Maybe there are some issues I need to work on myself, as I let him do that and I would continue letting him do that. I honestly don't feel like I deserve any better.

[Rebelnoir]

Absolutely, it's the old saying... "If he will do it with you, he will do it too you..."

 

OP, there is nothing special about your relationship. He has used you, and discarded you... don't allow him to do it again!

 

That's a tough pill to swallow, because it felt special. We had so many special moments. But I guess everyone probably feels the same and those good times are not what the foundations of a solid relationship are.