MM left wife, and now me

[Rebelnoir]

Ok so today is a new day. Surprisingly I don't feel too bad. I'm just hurt and angry, but functioning.

 

Here's where my head is at:

 

- I think he has shown his true colours on trying to R but wanting to see me/kiss me/be friends etc

- I know he will never leave

- if he wants to be home, whatever his reasons, I have to accept that.

- I love him and want him to be happy.

- I love me and want to be happy.

- if I had proof of everything (hadn't erased everything when we broke up/I went NC) I would consider telling his wife

- I will move on and find somebody else who makes me happier

- the work situation probably isn't sustainable

- day one of NC started over today

- I still can't believe he did all of this. Even yesterday he was saying he genuinely thought we would be together. This tells me so much about him.

- I am better off out of this situation.

 

Hope you're all having a good day!

[Jemima1234]

Good start to a new day. Keep strong, keep working it through? Do you see a counsellor? If not I would.

 

You have to post so many times to get private messages but not sure how many!

 

From timings you post I suspect you are UK- don't answer publicly if don't want to!!

[Whodatdog]

The character of a man, or any person for that matter. Is not what they say. Talk is cheap. I can tell any one I love them, I want to be with you forever, I will leave my wife/husband. Then I can walk away.

 

The true issue is if they follow thru with what they say. Its not words, that matter, its actions.

 

Think of all the words he has told you. Now think of his actions.

 

Its clear what kind of a man this is. Is he really the kind of man you want in your life?

 

Its obvious its never been about you, or his wife's feelings and needs. Its all been about him and his feelings. Thats all that matters to him.

Edited April 28, 2017 by Whodatdog

[Rebelnoir]

Good start to a new day. Keep strong, keep working it through? Do you see a counsellor? If not I would.

 

You have to post so many times to get private messages but not sure how many!

 

From timings you post I suspect you are UK- don't answer publicly if don't want to!!

 

Ah ok, I don't think I've posted enough yet as I can't PM. Yes I'm in the UK.

 

I haven't seen a counsellor, have you? Do you have a specific type of counselling?

 

I'm missing him a lot just now. How he used to be, and I'm just so sad that he's done this.

[Rebelnoir]

The character of a man, or any person for that matter. Is not what they say. Talk is cheap. I can tell any one I love them, I want to be with you forever, I will leave my wife/husband. Then I can walk away.

 

The true issue is if they follow thru with what they say. Its not words, that matter, its actions.

 

Think of all the words he has told you. Now think of his actions.

 

Its clear what kind of a man this is. Is he really the kind of man you want in your life?

 

Its obvious its never been about you, or his wife's feelings and needs. Its all been about him and his feelings. Thats all that matters to him.

 

That's hard to hear, but I suspect you're right after yesterday. The only reason he could be trying to reconcile but also kissing me etc is because it's what makes him feel good. It's painful seeing him for what he is rather than who he pretended to be and who I imagined he was.

[Eight]

Just wanted to wish you well. It's not easy. But what other choice is there? Like you said; you love you, too. Hang in there.

[jenkins95]

Hi Rebel, just wanted to send you some (((hugs)))

 

I was a cheater once (much of my story is on LS). I was a complete POS - a selfish, immature, irresponsible idiot, and people got hurt. I am not often shocked by other cheaters' behaviours and very rarely feel that I have the right to label them a POS, based on my own history. But based on what I've read on this thread, I make an exception for your MM - some of his behaviour amazes even me. Remember, I and the other posters don't see him through the same rose-coloured glasses as you. What we see is a textbook cheater quite happy to use and string-along two women (and at least two others in the past) and hurt them to satisfy his own selfish needs.

 

Please have the strength to walk away now and never give him a second of your precious time again (it's much easier said than done, I know). Don't let him steal any more of your happinness and your future, don't let him put you in danger of being labelled "home-wrecker". He made his bed, he now has to lie in it...and not with you.

 

You'll be ok. You've really dodged a bullet with this guy, even though your heart is still addicted to him at the moment (that will fade). Imagine what marriage could have been like with him 10 years from now when he suddenly starts going to lots of "business trips". You deserve so much better. You also see that you too have made some very bad, selfish decisions in this story too. Learn from this and have a wonderful life with a great, uncomplicated guy. I know you can do it.

 

And keep postsing! We are here.

 

Good luck

Edited April 28, 2017 by jenkins95

[freengreen]

I am glad you are at this point

[Mrin]

Just read the first and last pages.

 

Men can be so gross.

[Rebelnoir]

Just wanted to wish you well. It's not easy. But what other choice is there? Like you said; you love you, too. Hang in there.

 

Thank you. Honestly the support on here helps so much. I re-read it all when I need strength ?

[Rebelnoir]

Just read the first and last pages.

 

Men can be so gross.

 

Thank you. They really can...i think I've been pretty gross too unfortunately :/

[Rebelnoir]

Hi Rebel, just wanted to send you some (((hugs)))

 

I was a cheater once (much of my story is on LS). I was a complete POS - a selfish, immature, irresponsible idiot, and people got hurt. I am not often shocked by other cheaters' behaviours and very rarely feel that I have the right to label them a POS, based on my own history. But based on what I've read on this thread, I make an exception for your MM - some of his behaviour amazes even me. Remember, I and the other posters don't see him through the same rose-coloured glasses as you. What we see is a textbook cheater quite happy to use and string-along two women (and at least two others in the past) and hurt them to satisfy his own selfish needs.

 

Please have the strength to walk away now and never give him a second of your precious time again (it's much easier said than done, I know). Don't let him steal any more of your happinness and your future, don't let him put you in danger of being labelled "home-wrecker". He made his bed, he now has to lie in it...and not with you.

 

You'll be ok. You've really dodged a bullet with this guy, even though your heart is still addicted to him at the moment (that will fade). Imagine what marriage could have been like with him 10 years from now when he suddenly starts going to lots of "business trips". You deserve so much better. You also see that you too have made some very bad, selfish decisions in this story too. Learn from this and have a wonderful life with a great, uncomplicated guy. I know you can do it.

 

And keep postsing! We are here.

 

Good luck

 

 

Thank you for this...honestly reading it has left me a bit lost for words. I know my MM has treated everyone badly. But overall I just see him as a guy who can't have what he wants and also be a good dad so he's conflicted. I see some examples of him being awful, like yesterday. But overall I struggle to detach myself from him and hate him/be angry with him as much as I probably should. So, I found what you said really interesting. What bits of his behaviour do you think make him a POS? I think I need some objectivity.

 

I know what you mean about the future. I have to accept that is what it would have been like in reality. In my head I still picture the good times we had and the promises that he made as what it would be like. I know in time I'll see that differently.

 

I agree I've behaved selfishly and have made some awful decisions. I hate that it has come at the price it has in terms of his wife and child, me, him and everyone in our lives who has been involved in some way. I need to work out how I've become this person as I've deviated so far from who I thought I was...all in the name of 'love'.

[Rebelnoir]

I am glad you are at this point

 

Thanks. It seems to be a bit of a cycle right now. Sometimes I'm ok and sometimes I'm not! When I'm not seems to be directly related to when I see him!

[Eight]

I think the hard part, (or one of a million hard parts) at least for me, is that if I do "hate" him, then I also have to "hate" myself; or at least the parts of myself that allowed me to make the decisions I did. How can I reconcile loving him at one time if I now find him to be a POS? What was "wrong" with me that I loved such a "terrible" person. Wasn't I just as bad? (I was a MW and he was a MM).

 

Hating myself or anyone isn't going to help at all.

 

And yet it seems the only way to keep my life moving forward and not stuck in the past is to see him as someone worse than I am; because if I say he's just as faulty then it's like we have some common bond again.

[FoundMyStrength]

I think the hard part, (or one of a million hard parts) at least for me, is that if I do "hate" him, then I also have to "hate" myself; or at least the parts of myself that allowed me to make the decisions I did. How can I reconcile loving him at one time if I now find him to be a POS? What was "wrong" with me that I loved such a "terrible" person. Wasn't I just as bad? (I was a MW and he was a MM).

 

Hating myself or anyone isn't going to help at all.

 

And yet it seems the only way to keep my life moving forward and not stuck in the past is to see him as someone worse than I am; because if I say he's just as faulty then it's like we have some common bond again.

 

Just read the first and last pages.

 

Men can be so gross.

 

I agree, both MM and us OWs share the burden of the terrible decision making and hurt that gets spread around. Regardless of anything else I chose to cross the line, to say I love you, to be physically intimate.

 

But I think that things get tricky depending on the details. For a MM with a single OW, there's a lot of lying going on, future faking, deception about the state of the marriage. Whereas the single OW is all in. So I think MM who play love and romance and house with single women are a special kind of scumbag. I think in some ways I had to end up hating him because I was all in. And he strung me along, managed me, handled me, and would have kept me locked up in a secret email account yearning for him until he simply tired of me or found someone else.

 

I made a lot of mistakes, and hate myself for bringing harm to another person, but I was all in. He was the one who lied to get me to that point.

[GeekLover]

The character of a man, or any person for that matter. Is not what they say. Talk is cheap. I can tell any one I love them, I want to be with you forever, I will leave my wife/husband. Then I can walk away.

 

The true issue is if they follow thru with what they say. Its not words, that matter, its actions.

 

Think of all the words he has told you. Now think of his actions.

 

Its clear what kind of a man this is. Is he really the kind of man you want in your life?

 

Its obvious its never been about you, or his wife's feelings and needs. Its all been about him and his feelings. Thats all that matters to him.

 

Well said. Couldn't say it better myself.

[Rebelnoir]

I think the hard part, (or one of a million hard parts) at least for me, is that if I do "hate" him, then I also have to "hate" myself; or at least the parts of myself that allowed me to make the decisions I did. How can I reconcile loving him at one time if I now find him to be a POS? What was "wrong" with me that I loved such a "terrible" person. Wasn't I just as bad? (I was a MW and he was a MM).

 

Hating myself or anyone isn't going to help at all.

 

And yet it seems the only way to keep my life moving forward and not stuck in the past is to see him as someone worse than I am; because if I say he's just as faulty then it's like we have some common bond again.

 

I understand where you're coming from, I think there is something within us that allowed us to love men who were already committed...something broken. I can't speak for being a MW, as I'm single, but ultimately I think anyone who gets involved in an A must have issues and the A is a way of forcing us to confront them, or else resign ourselves to continuing in the same vein indefinitely. However the issue that bring us into an A vary from person to person and I do truly think it's possible for some people to behave *worse* than others within it.

 

Right now I'm finding my anger towards him useful in preventing me from contacting him and generally breaking down. But I hope I can get to a place where I don't hate him, but see him as a flawed person who was just trying to get through life. Just like me and you. Be kind to yourself. You've made mistakes, but don't let them define the rest of your life. Try not to focus on hate,

It's self defeating. Especially if it means you hate yourself.

[Rebelnoir]

I agree, both MM and us OWs share the burden of the terrible decision making and hurt that gets spread around. Regardless of anything else I chose to cross the line, to say I love you, to be physically intimate.

 

But I think that things get tricky depending on the details. For a MM with a single OW, there's a lot of lying going on, future faking, deception about the state of the marriage. Whereas the single OW is all in. So I think MM who play love and romance and house with single women are a special kind of scumbag. I think in some ways I had to end up hating him because I was all in. And he strung me along, managed me, handled me, and would have kept me locked up in a secret email account yearning for him until he simply tired of me or found someone else.

 

I made a lot of mistakes, and hate myself for bringing harm to another person, but I was all in. He was the one who lied to get me to that point.

 

This

 

You've put your finger on something I had been feeling but couldn't quite grasp.

 

This is part of why it hurts so much. I love him so much I couldn't see a life without him. In many ways I still can't. I'm trying hard to see him for who he is, and particularly who he has been recently. But I feel like I'm losing the man I love and the future we had planned all in one go.

 

When he sat with me and talked about a future I believed him because, like you, I was all in. I never lied to him. I never had conflicting priorities or emotions. I gave my all to him and completely believed my life would be what we planned.

 

When he sent me links to houses for us to buy, when we planned holidays, picked names for our future children and discussed marriage I was completely in. When we met each other's friends and made financial decisions on the basis of our future life I was all in. When we bought items and decided what we would keep for our future home I was 100% committed. When he was sat on the sofa with me telling me how he had been watching me watch a film and had though about how this was all he wanted, I wanted the same. Everytime we made plans for the future, discussed holidays and honeymoons I honestly thought they would happen. Every single time I said I loved him I meant it with every bit of my being. And every promise I made him, every compromise I said I would make I had thought through and was prepared to give.

 

I believed him when he looked me in the eyes and told me I'm the love of his life. How he would look at me first thing in the morning and tell me I was beautiful with no make up and my hair messed up. How he discovered everything I hate about myself and made me feel accepted. He knew the bits of me I hated and touched them till I was ok. How he told me his flaws and insecurities and wants and needs. Everytime he would wake up in the night and half asleep tell me how happy he was I was there.

 

It all seemed so real because it was completely real to me. This was a man that I loved so much, so completely. Everything I said I meant, I was honest with him. I never told him a single lie or had to fake anything. I never contemplated he would make another choice because it never seemed like he could. He made me believe it wasn't even an option.

 

It's so hard to accept that whilst all of this was going on he maybe wasn't so sure. And that he was lying to me. Because I was never lying and I completely believed that would be my life. Our life. Maybe it was naive but honestly when we were together, I never doubted him or his intentions. He gave me no reason to.

 

So I understand your pain. This has been a hard post to write, remembering the good stuff.

 

It's hard to explain how I reconciled the above with the fact he is married. I can try and explain that if anyone's interested. But it's confusing to me and so may not make sense.

 

As an aside, I was reading over my initial post and realised I'd completely missed something. The first time he left was before she found the tickets. He told her he was unhappy and was leaving and went to stay with family. This was what we had planned. It was when he was back visiting his child a week later that she found the tickets, confronted him and he confessed to the A. I don't know how I misremembered that. When I thought about it this morning it gave me some hope. I though wow everyone must be wrong, he left because he loved me, not because he was kicked out. Then I realised two things. Firstly he is a liar, so who knows the truth of it. Secondly, everything that's happened since contradicts it. At least I'm not allowing myself to get carried away by hope anymore.

Edited April 28, 2017 by Rebelnoir

[Rebelnoir]

But I guess what geeklover said still applies. Words are easy.

 

I just couldn't contemplate that level of bull**** because none of it was false to me and I couldn't imagine SAYING any of the things he did if it wasn't what I honestly intended or wanted.

[Red123]

This

 

You've put your finger on something I had been feeling but couldn't quite grasp.

 

This is part of why it hurts so much. I love him so much I couldn't see a life without him. In many ways I still can't. I'm trying hard to see him for who he is, and particularly who he has been recently. But I feel like I'm losing the man I love and the future we had planned all in one go.

 

When he sat with me and talked about a future I believed him because, like you, I was all in. I never lied to him. I never had conflicting priorities or emotions. I gave my all to him and completely believed my life would be what we planned.

 

When he sent me links to houses for us to buy, when we planned holidays, picked names for our future children and discussed marriage I was completely in. When we met each other's friends and made financial decisions on the basis of our future life I was all in. When we bought items and decided what we would keep for our future home I was 100% committed. When he was sat on the sofa with me telling me how he had been watching me watch a film and had though about how this was all he wanted, I wanted the same. Everytime we made plans for the future, discussed holidays and honeymoons I honestly thought they would happen. Every single time I said I loved him I meant it with every bit of my being. And every promise I made him, every compromise I said I would make I had thought through and was prepared to give.

 

I believed him when he looked me in the eyes and told me I'm the love of his life. How he would look at me first thing in the morning and tell me I was beautiful with no make up and my hair messed up. How he discovered everything I hate about myself and made me feel accepted. He knew the bits of me I hated and touched them till I was ok. How he told me his flaws and insecurities and wants and needs. Everytime he would wake up in the night and half asleep tell me how happy he was I was there.

 

It all seemed so real because it was completely real to me. This was a man that I loved so much, so completely. Everything I said I meant, I was honest with him. I never told him a single lie or had to fake anything. I never contemplated he would make another choice because it never seemed like he could. He made me believe it wasn't even an option.

 

It's so hard to accept that whilst all of this was going on he maybe wasn't so sure. And that he was lying to me. Because I was never lying and I completely believed that would be my life. Our life. Maybe it was naive but honestly when we were together, I never doubted him or his intentions. He gave me no reason to.

 

So I understand your pain. This has been a hard post to write, remembering the good stuff.

 

It's hard to explain how I reconciled the above with the fact he is married. I can try and explain that if anyone's interested. But it's confusing to me and so may not make sense.

 

As an aside, I was reading over my initial post and realised I'd completely missed something. The first time he left was before she found the tickets. He told her he was unhappy and was leaving and went to stay with family. This was what we had planned. It was when he was back visiting his child a week later that she found the tickets, confronted him and he confessed to the A. I don't know how I misremembered that. When I thought about it this morning it gave me some hope. I though wow everyone must be wrong, he left because he loved me, not because he was kicked out. Then I realised two things. Firstly he is a liar, so who knows the truth of it. Secondly, everything that's happened since contradicts it. At least I'm not allowing myself to get carried away by hope anymore.

 

It's interesting, your first few paragraphs are very similar to how I feel as a BS. I too believed that I had a life that we had planned together and was told all the time I was the love of his life. Promises and plans that were said before during and after he was sleeping with and professing his love to another woman. Lying to both of us, the only difference is she knew he was lying to me, I had no idea. It is very hard to give up the person you love, and still do too, after 20 years together it's hard to erase even with all his lies and the pain. I too am trying to move on. I too am trying to get myself back and not hope for a miracle, because honestly I believe that's what it would take.

Think about it like this, even if he goes to you and stays with you, how could you trust him after everything that has happened. I say this to you because that's my exact reason I can't stay with him, even with his new promises of change and therapy, I don't believe I can ever get the trust back.

Stay strong

[GeekLover]

But I guess what geeklover said still applies. Words are easy.

 

I just couldn't contemplate that level of bull**** because none of it was false to me and I couldn't imagine SAYING any of the things he did if it wasn't what I honestly intended or wanted.

 

I think the same thing Rebel. You and I are on opposite sides of the coin (you the OW and I'm the MW), but I think the SAME thing. I couldn't imagine telling him I was going to leave my H if I truly wasn't. I was as honest with him as I could be. I constantly kept him in the loop with everything that was happening. Like you, I believed he meant what he said as well, but I was VERY mistaken.

[Rebelnoir]

It's interesting, your first few paragraphs are very similar to how I feel as a BS. I too believed that I had a life that we had planned together and was told all the time I was the love of his life. Promises and plans that were said before during and after he was sleeping with and professing his love to another woman. Lying to both of us, the only difference is she knew he was lying to me, I had no idea. It is very hard to give up the person you love, and still do too, after 20 years together it's hard to erase even with all his lies and the pain. I too am trying to move on. I too am trying to get myself back and not hope for a miracle, because honestly I believe that's what it would take.

Think about it like this, even if he goes to you and stays with you, how could you trust him after everything that has happened. I say this to you because that's my exact reason I can't stay with him, even with his new promises of change and therapy, I don't believe I can ever get the trust back.

Stay strong

 

 

Red, I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine what it's like after 20 years with somebody. Posts like yours really drive home how wrong my relationship was and the devastation I have enabled and been part of.

 

My MM very much made me believe his marriage was over. They co-existed as friends but there was no sex and no intimacy. I thought that his wife would find somebody who gave her everything I thought he gave me, and would end up happier with a love she deserved. It's awful, and stupid and was very naive.

 

It is interesting that our experiences are in some way similar. The difference is I knowingly put myself in a situation where I should've realised this could happen. You had no choice. So in part the pain I'm feeling is my own fault and I need at take responsibility for that.

 

I think you're right and one the trust had gone it's hard to see a way forward. But, equally, the stories on here show it can work. I hope you find a path that makes you happy.

[Rebelnoir]

I think the same thing Rebel. You and I are on opposite sides of the coin (you the OW and I'm the MW), but I think the SAME thing. I couldn't imagine telling him I was going to leave my H if I truly wasn't. I was as honest with him as I could be. I constantly kept him in the loop with everything that was happening. Like you, I believed he meant what he said as well, but I was VERY mistaken.

 

It's so hard isn't it. I think I'll struggle to have that blind trust in somebody again.

 

The funny thing is my MM says he fully believed it too. It was only when he was away from his child and his life that he realised it was too hard. Who knows what's true anymore.

 

I guess there's something really wrong in expecting honesty in a situation that necessarily involves dishonesty. I think somebody with healthy boundaries and self esteem would perhaps realise that. We can get over this but we have to work on ourselves and stop giving all our thoughts over to these men. We can't change them.

[Overtaxed]

Well said. Couldn't say it better myself.

 

Requoted because it's so important:

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whodatdog View Post

The character of a man, or any person for that matter. Is not what they say. Talk is cheap. I can tell any one I love them, I want to be with you forever, I will leave my wife/husband. Then I can walk away.

 

The true issue is if they follow thru with what they say. Its not words, that matter, its actions.

 

Think of all the words he has told you. Now think of his actions.

 

Its clear what kind of a man this is. Is he really the kind of man you want in your life?

 

Its obvious its never been about you, or his wife's feelings and needs. Its all been about him and his feelings. Thats all that matters to him.

Well said. Couldn't say it better myself.

 

The world is full of men (primarily) and women who will say anything to get what they want. In fact, I'd argue that when it comes to sex, most men are in the "say anything' camp; we've done it out entire lives, and we've gotten very good at doing it to get sex. I've lied countless times about my feelings for a woman to have sex; and, the worst part, it's not even because I couldn't have sex without lying, it was just easier to lie and say "I love you" than deal with the drama of "No, we're friends with benefits".

 

Add in the element of an A, now you're approaching 100% that are lying about their feelings; their actions are so counter to "love" that it should be absolutely obvious to anyone who's eyes are open that they don't love you, they don't respect you, and they don't care what happens to you, because, if they did, they NEVER would engage in an A with you (assuming your a married OW, if you're single, most of this still applies though).

 

When you're in doubt of how a man really feels, or what he's really thinking, stop listening to his words and start looking at his actions. Men "speak" though action, words are, for many of us, a way to spur others to action, to get others to follow our lead, or to, sadly, manipulate others into believing things that aren't true. But our actions will always tell the truth; you meet a man, profess love for each other, and he's at dinner with you the next week after serving D papers to his wife? He might love you. You meet a man, he talks about leaving all the time, professes love to you, has sex with you and then leaves to go be with his wife and kids? He doesn't love you, he probably doesn't even LIKE you, he LOVES the sex on the side, the forbidden nature of it, and the "charge" he gets out of it. But that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with sex.

 

I know I sound like a broken records on the OW forum, but I sincerely hope that some conflicted or hurting OW read my words and are spurred to action because; trust me ladies, there's a near certain chance that the man you're blowing your life up for wouldn't cross the street to offer you a bottle of water if you were dying of thirst if sex wasn't on offer. Women have no idea to the extent that men compartmentalize sex; it's just not the same for us as it is for you. And most OW would be devastated to see inside the mind of their AP for "how do they really feel". But you don't need to read minds, just look at actions; that'll tell you everything you need to know.

[Rebelnoir]

Requoted because it's so important:

 

 

 

The world is full of men (primarily) and women who will say anything to get what they want. In fact, I'd argue that when it comes to sex, most men are in the "say anything' camp; we've done it out entire lives, and we've gotten very good at doing it to get sex. I've lied countless times about my feelings for a woman to have sex; and, the worst part, it's not even because I couldn't have sex without lying, it was just easier to lie and say "I love you" than deal with the drama of "No, we're friends with benefits".

 

Add in the element of an A, now you're approaching 100% that are lying about their feelings; their actions are so counter to "love" that it should be absolutely obvious to anyone who's eyes are open that they don't love you, they don't respect you, and they don't care what happens to you, because, if they did, they NEVER would engage in an A with you (assuming your a married OW, if you're single, most of this still applies though).

 

When you're in doubt of how a man really feels, or what he's really thinking, stop listening to his words and start looking at his actions. Men "speak" though action, words are, for many of us, a way to spur others to action, to get others to follow our lead, or to, sadly, manipulate others into believing things that aren't true. But our actions will always tell the truth; you meet a man, profess love for each other, and he's at dinner with you the next week after serving D papers to his wife? He might love you. You meet a man, he talks about leaving all the time, professes love to you, has sex with you and then leaves to go be with his wife and kids? He doesn't love you, he probably doesn't even LIKE you, he LOVES the sex on the side, the forbidden nature of it, and the "charge" he gets out of it. But that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with sex.

 

I know I sound like a broken records on the OW forum, but I sincerely hope that some conflicted or hurting OW read my words and are spurred to action because; trust me ladies, there's a near certain chance that the man you're blowing your life up for wouldn't cross the street to offer you a bottle of water if you were dying of thirst if sex wasn't on offer. Women have no idea to the extent that men compartmentalize sex; it's just not the same for us as it is for you. And most OW would be devastated to see inside the mind of their AP for "how do they really feel". But you don't need to read minds, just look at actions; that'll tell you everything you need to know.

 

This hurts to read. It's hard to accept that everything he ever said and did was a lie. The weekends away, walking out on his wife...just everything. It's easier to think he loves me but loves his child more. That's what he wants me to believe.

 

I will never know what the truth is, I guess. But you are so right when you say look at his actions. Right now, they're telling me all I need to know. Even if he came back adamant he wanted me and was getting divorced, it wouldn't change the fact he's done what he's done. Thank you.