jealousy

[Josie]

My relationship of two years ended recently and

 

I came to find out that he met someone else.

 

I am having a hard time letting go of the anger and

 

hurt feelings I have..mostly because he was always

 

so full of crap with me.. telling me that he was so

 

busy with work and needed "alone time" and I

 

completely understood this and gave it to him.

 

Now I realize that he is spending all kinds

 

of time with this new girls, doing fun things he

 

never did with me..I don't want him back, the

 

trust is gone forever..however I am getting

 

eaten up by feelings of jealousy..She is getting

 

all the time and attention I wanted (and requested)

 

but thought he was incapable of giving because thats

 

what he led me to believe with stories of a sob

 

childhood and other assorted crap.

 

Question..how can I rid myself of these awful feelings??

[Tony T]

"Question..how can I rid myself of these awful feelings??"

 

Feelings are a choice. Right now, you want to be angry. But this is great. Anger is the final stage of healing so you are well on your way.

 

Relationships are for learning as much as anything else. You owe a great debt of gratitude to this guy for giving you some valuable life insights. In the future, when you aren't getting what you require from a relationship, you will move on rather than take it on the chin.

 

I know you're angry because you sacrificed your needs to give him what you thought was the space he needed. But giving space is NOT why we are in relationships. Of course, you don't want to smother anybody. Every person is an individual and has a right to a life separate from his mate. But as a member of a couple, you have an absolute right to a certain amount of time and to the feeling that you are important. You didn't get this.

 

You absolutely must take responsiblity for giving in to him, for hanging around, for sacrificing your own needs, and for falling for his crap. Part of growing in life is learning to take complete responsibility for our actions.

 

With the new knowledge you have gathered, I hope you will still be compassionate and, on the occasion that a partner may need some time alone, you will grant this. But if such requests are consistent you will know to quickly hit the road.

[JustAGirl]

he sounds real nasty to me .........................

 

i just hope yr anger doesn't transfer to all men ...

 

use the energy created by yr anger to find somebody worthwhile! ... good luck =)

[debbie]

I would love to meet Tony. Sounds like life's lessons are well taken without bitterness.

"Question..how can I rid myself of these awful feelings??" Feelings are a choice. Right now, you want to be angry. But this is great. Anger is the final stage of healing so you are well on your way.

 

Relationships are for learning as much as anything else. You owe a great debt of gratitude to this guy for giving you some valuable life insights. In the future, when you aren't getting what you require from a relationship, you will move on rather than take it on the chin. I know you're angry because you sacrificed your needs to give him what you thought was the space he needed. But giving space is NOT why we are in relationships. Of course, you don't want to smother anybody. Every person is an individual and has a right to a life separate from his mate. But as a member of a couple, you have an absolute right to a certain amount of time and to the feeling that you are important. You didn't get this. You absolutely must take responsiblity for giving in to him, for hanging around, for sacrificing your own needs, and for falling for his crap. Part of growing in life is learning to take complete responsibility for our actions. With the new knowledge you have gathered, I hope you will still be compassionate and, on the occasion that a partner may need some time alone, you will grant this. But if such requests are consistent you will know to quickly hit the road.

[D.J.]

My relationship of two years ended recently and I came to find out that he met someone else.

 

I am having a hard time letting go of the anger and hurt feelings I have..mostly because he was always so full of crap with me.. telling me that he was so busy with work and needed "alone time" and I completely understood this and gave it to him. Now I realize that he is spending all kinds

 

of time with this new girls, doing fun things he never did with me..I don't want him back, the trust is gone forever..however I am getting

 

eaten up by feelings of jealousy..She is getting all the time and attention I wanted (and requested) but thought he was incapable of giving because thats what he led me to believe with stories of a sob childhood and other assorted crap. Question..how can I rid myself of these awful feelings??