Still in love but seeking a divorce. Mental Torture.

[Love_and_hate]

Hi! I'm new to this forum and I'm in desperate need for advice as I've no one else to ask or talk to.

 

My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years and we've known each other for 18 years when we were teens. I'm 32yo and he's 36 yo. We have 2 amazing children aged 8 and 10. We've had some troubles for the past 2 years which I saw as normal marriage disagreements and nothing too serious. Last christmas 2016 we got into the most silliest fight and haven't spoken since except for issues regarding the kids. I want to share the argument as it's the most silliest thing you will hear. We were supposed to be going out for breakfast that morning and he was late, I called to check up on him and he bursted out saying it's non of my business if he's late and hung up on my face. I thought maybe he was having a bad day and it'll work itself out. 4 months later and we're as distant as ever. I tried to talk to him a month back and I just couldn't get through.. He was saying he's better off living like this and everything between us is fake, which I don't understand what that means.

BTW he is a narcissist. He thinks the world of himself and he can never be wrong. He will tell me to my face he's perfect. I can't argue with him, so I don't. It's been killing me living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed with him just ignoring me completely. I can't take it anymore mentally and I want to move on. I still love him, but you know what they say, theres a thin line between love and hate and I just hate the way I'm being treated right now. I want to talk to him , but he refuses to talk, so I've come to the conclusion of asking for a divorce and I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm missing something here. I don't understand how he can throw it all away....If only he'd talk to me, but I'm not worthy enough for him to talk to.

 

Should I bring up the divorce to him or what else can I do?

[mikeylo]

He is probably having an affair. Get into investigation mode. Put on the cap.

[stillafool]

I'm thinking the same thing. He not wanting to answer a perfectly logical question and going this long without speaking to you. Why are you sleeping in the same bed with him? He wants to be free and doesn't care about you.

[Telemachus]

The silence must be stressful for both of you.

 

You don't ask him for a divorce - you petition for it in court. It's a you vs. him filing with the legal authority - a court of local jurisdiction over domestic relations. A basic requirement is that you live "separate and apart" for a period of time, usually six months. "Separate and apart" is the legal term for not having sex. If you're contemplating divorce, you should first find a lawyer who practices "family law." A lawyer can represent only one party, but if he's amenable to divorce, he won't necessarily hire one of his own.

 

Before you pursue a divorce, you should seek reconciliation through counseling. Find a therapist or counselor who works with couples on their relationships. Don't ask him about this first: find a counselor and make an appointment first, and then invite him to participate. He will or won't- that's up to him. If you're a member of a church, your pastor can refer you to a counselor - they get a lot of this, and churches generally have relationships with professional couples-therapy practitioners.

 

Divorce is a failure by both parties. Your marriage is failing or has failed. It may not be irretrievable and unreconciliable yet. See a professional counselor or therapist.

 

Your comments about his personality and behavior are noted and certainly troubling, but you did pick him, promise to be with him till death do you part, and then make babies with him. Some of the responsibility for this failing marriage rests with you, at the front end if not also at the back end.

[Pollyannaslim]

Oh I am so sorry you are hurting!

First of all, PLEASE KNOW that you ARE WORTHY!!! You are lovely and amazing! Not to mention incredibly strong, as I know the level of patience and perseverance it must take to care for your children during this very challenging season. My heart breaks knowing this situation has been going on for quite some time!

 

 

If I may ask, have you in ANY way been able to convey that you’ve reached your breaking point? Although your H may be resistant to MC, would you consider going on your own? A therapist can provide you with the tools necessary in order to get your voice heard, as well as help you better understand what might have caused your H to shut down. Most often it is something much deeper than what we see on the surface (problems at work, even a medical issue) and rarely linked to the one being ignored. -Although I know that doesn’t make it hurt any less!

 

 

 

Finally, I do feel it is of the utmost importance that you surround yourself with a good support system. Do you have a trusted friend or family member with whom you can confide? If comfortable doing so, would you consider reaching out to your Pastor or someone within your church? There are so many who are willing to help – if you’re comfortable doing so, please ask!

As you continue to care for and love on you children, please don’t forget to take care of YOURSELF.

 

 

 

I will pray for you and your family!

Edited May 8, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator