Boyfriend said he would date best friend only because shes unattractive, I'm worried.

[Cakelover42]

Jess and my fiance have been friends for a year and a half, him and I have been together for three. I can tell they get along really well. I usually am accepting of her and I get along with Jess fine.

 

Yesterday I asked him if he would ever date her, because he hangs out with her often, and they are pretty close and he drives and hour away to see her once and a while for coffee and stuff. His answer was no because she is not my type physically and she's older(he likes younger girls) .

 

I'm trying not to worry at all, but I know and heard of many people who have left their SO's for their best friends(including my family members) who at first weren't their type physically. Should I wait to marry him to make sure there are not feelings there? I do not want to be the jealous Fiancé but I don't want to ignore warning signs that could cause me to save my future.

[ZayKayWill]

Talk to him about it. This is going to sound blunt, but if he leaves you, then he leaves you. There's nothing you can do really to stop him from that decision if it inevitably ends up that way.

[somanymistakes]

With the question you asked, is there any answer he could have given that wouldn't make you nervous? I mean, if he'd said "no, she's like a sister to me" would you have also been here worrying, because some people have said that about a friend and then eventually dated them anyway?

 

I'm not saying anything either way about whether there are feelings there, I have no information to go on. But if there's nothing he can say that would reassure you, you might need to think about why that is and what that means.

[preraph]

Is he open and bring her around you? If so, I wouldn't worry about it unless you see some spark between them or she acts smitten. As long as he is sharing her as one of his friends, I think anything changing radically between them is unlilkely. I mean, men go mostly by looks first, so they rule out about 99 percent of the female population that way AND she's old too. My guess is if he ever wanted to have sex with her, he already has. And if he hasn't, he's not planning on it!

[Redhead14]

Either you like her and you trust him or you don't. If you have cold feet and are looking for an out, don't use her as the scapegoat if there isn't credible evidence or suspicious behavior from him. If you don't have cold feet and he is treating you well and making you feel loved and like his priority, don't stir the pot.

 

I always tell people who start feeling insecure for no tangible reason that they need to just cross the bridges that need to be crossed if/when you get to them. You cannot control what could happen with them. So take that pressure off of yourself. If someone wants to cheat/leave, you can't build a fence high enough to keep them in. All you can and should do is continue to be the woman he fell in love with and focus on your relationship with him.

[aileD]

The real question here is ....

 

Why did your boyfriend get so close to another woman during your relationship?

 

That is a giant red flag. It's different if he knew her first, before you. But he befriended and got close and on "best friend" status with a chick all under your watch? Something's not right there

 

Plus the fact it bothered you enough to ask him if he'd date her AND to post about it here.

 

Something's not right