Wife Gets Overly Flirty with Friend

[S2B]

What you minimize and call flirty - I call completely unacceptable and inappropriate.

 

Your wife took the lead down that inappropriate path...then she played you by getting conveniently "mad" at you so she could run off and play with Hank.

 

Asking about kok = trying to get sexual with him = your wife has no boundaries.

 

You need counseling with your wife to establish healthy boundaries. Your wife is WAY out of line!

 

And she's doling out anphetamines for recreational use? That's called a drug dealer. Your wife has problems you can't solve - she needs help. If she's using anphetamines, benzos and ssri drugs you may wish to see if she can come off of them -that would tell you if she's addicted or not.

 

Stop thinking Hank is a friend - he's not!

Edited April 21, 2017 by S2B

[JuneL]

OP: Did you ask your wife if it would be okay for you to engage in heavy sexual innuendo with another woman like what she has been doing with your guy friend?

[gazupp]

Go find another neurologist. He sounds more like a dealer then a doctor. Let him know she's sharing her meds when she gets her high and how she behaves when she's on it.

 

One other thing. Seems to me she's using her medical problems to her advantage and keeping you walking the tightrope. You better do something real quick top of the list is a new doctor.

 

She doesn't take the amphetamine (prescribed -- think Ritalin, Adderall type) that often I think she took one pill, 7 times in three months.

 

She has 10 doctors (complex case). Some won't prescribe anything, others try various meds. Her psychiatrist put her on the SSRI (Cymbalta) and a benzo (Klonopin) after her first session about a year ago (went for depression/general anxiety/stress/anger mgmt).

 

Things, on the surface, are going well right now. We are trying to learn from what occurred and move our partnership forward. Our sex life has definitely up-ticked and we are being pretty good to each other (because, issues notwithstanding,we love each other).

[gazupp]

"What you minimize and call flirty - I call completely unacceptable and inappropriate."

 

It WAS inappropriate and disrespectful and I have made it clear to her that it was unacceptable. She agreed with me but the narcissist in her tried to point some blame on me. Granted, it was me who invited Hank to come stay with us for a night before his GF got there, so that was maybe asking for trouble...but she also tried to say at various points that I was just being insecure.

 

"Your wife took the lead down that inappropriate path...then she played you by getting conveniently "mad" at you so she could run off and play with Hank."

 

Well, she ran off from both of us at the casino. She only met up with Hank for a few minutes when me and him split up to go find her.

 

"Asking about kok = trying to get sexual with him = your wife has no boundaries."

 

At times, yes. I mean, I am pretty open minded and allow for some level of conversation about sex etc. But she does cross the line sometimes and puts herself in risky situations. Some background, when we had talked about Hank a week or so prior to the trip, I asked if she found him attractive and she gave some good points and bad points (good= nice eyes, bad =short). I asked if she'd do him (hypothetically -- we kind of ask this question to each other when talking about other people sometimes)..and she was on the fence about him..."like well, eh, maybe...if he had a big kok." So I think when she asked him how big his kok was (in front of me), it was sort of seeking an answer to that question. It was funny seeing him squirm at the answer.."well, um you know, not that big, only like 9 inches." I informed him the avg. size is about 5 inches (I'm 7+). We double teamed a chick back in high school, and I've seen his **** and it isn't nearly 9". More like 6, but I digress.

 

"You need counseling with your wife to establish healthy boundaries. Your wife is WAY out of line!"

 

Will consider this. She's seeing a psychiatrist and has been doing psychotherapy with her. I'm hoping they address this episode but I would wonder what her side of the story (to her therapist) would sound like.

 

"And she's doling out anphetamines for recreational use? That's called a drug dealer. Your wife has problems you can't solve - she needs help. If she's using anphetamines, benzos and ssri drugs you may wish to see if she can come off of them -that would tell you if she's addicted or not."

 

The amphetamines aren't for rec use, they were prescribed by her neurologist for certain times when she needs a pick me up. Like I said, she hasn't been taking them a lot. Regarding the whole drug regimen, yes, longer term plan is to wean her off of any non-critical drugs and see if she can cope. I know long term use isn't a good thing.

 

 

"Stop thinking Hank is a friend - he's not!"

 

Look, Hank has been my good friend (on an off) for almost 40 years. My wife definitely instigated this episode and subsequent chats and he didn't really ask for any of this. Interestingly, after I cut their communication off, she rationalized it and has said that she didn't trust Hank and didn't like him coming over and taking me away from her, and how he was treating his GF, so she claims that this was all pre-meditated and that she "grenaded" him to get him out of my life. I think I can just go back to they way things were 6 months ago with Hank, except I'm not going to invited him over the house any time soon and will try to avoid any situation where they may be together..we've talked about some of the stuff that happened and sort of worked it out. I still plan on hanging out with him and being his friend. I don't see why this episode requires a lifetime banishment from my life.

[gazupp]

OP: Did you ask your wife if it would be okay for you to engage in heavy sexual innuendo with another woman like what she has been doing with your guy friend?

 

Yes, I more or less tried to present her with that scenario and she claims she could handle it...but I think that is B.S. she has illustrated otherwise when I've socialized with other attractive women. I recently told her there was a hot chick at work I talk to sometimes and she was visibly upset, so yeah, I'm sure if I told her I had a sexually charged convo with her, wifey would be pissed. As I said, she sees now how what she did wasn't respectful or appropriate. We'll see if that manifests in her behavior going forward.

[Jersey born raised]

You should read some other threads including posters on your thread that impress you. Start with this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/613348-nude-pics-red-flag

 

What is so important your wife is not allowed into it? Got a porn stash that might get you arrested? Give her a key, both of you share all passwords.

[Space Ritual]

You should read some other threads including posters on your thread that impress you. Start with this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/613348-nude-pics-red-flag

 

Wow I just started reading through that thread. I'm not done with it but I'm glad I don't spend much time on that subforum. That's a bit too triggery for my taste. Man that's some awful shyte.

[Try]

[/i]Look, Hank has been my good friend (on an off) for almost 40 years. My wife definitely instigated this episode and subsequent chats and he didn't really ask for any of this.

When you say that Hank has been your "good friend" and is not to blame because "he didn't really ask for any of this", you are conveniently forgetting where your wife said of Hank "hey don't be fooled by Mr. innocent over there, showing me cock shots on your phone". Any guy that gets alone with your wife and shows her photos of his cock, has no respect for you and is not really your friend, much less your "good friend". Him texting her behind your back after this was further proof of his disrespect for you. You still calling him your good friend is probably a source of at least few good laughs between them.

[Superchicken]

Hey Gazupp, I look forward to reading your next post on the "Infidelity" section.

 

 

I feel bad for you for two reasons.

1 is that you are not firm and mad enough to see what she has, and I can BET is STILL doing, and that's texting and if not using hookup apps.

 

 

2 you wife has NO respect for you feelings, nor knows ANY limitations concerning friends, and flirting.

 

 

A locked phone is OK if the password is known by both of you.

If she isn't telling you this, then RED FLAG No:1

Changes her appearance, and locks her phone RED FLAG 2.

Talks a little dirty when flirting RED LAG 3

You must be so gullible to believe her tripe about her joking about what she said, or to naïve.

 

 

I feel upset every time I read your first post, because you don't see it.

Check if she has any hookup apps, like Tinder, Snapchat, etc.

If she does, then your in bad trouble.

Maybe open up a fake Facebook account, or get a friend to try and catfish her.

I know its a little underhanded, but you need to get to the bottom of it.

 

 

Man, do something about your situation.

I don't like anyone getting played like this.

 

 

Ted.

[Try]

Things started to kind of heat up when my wife got more flirty and chatty with Hank. There was sexual innuendo...at one point she asked him how big his cock was! This was awkward to say the least. I kind of dropped hints that I didn't like it...she appeared to be annoyed that I would be upset at this...I didn't want to get too heavy at that point so I put up with it to an extent and we moved on with the night.

Hank claims that she said something like "wanna go back to the room and ****?" She claims it was said in jest/sarcastically while she was expressing her anger about me be jealous/insecure with me to him, like "hell, we should go back to the room and **** and just get it over with".

there was this uncomfortable atmosphere (for me) as we're there in the bathroom. At one point, she shakes her head with a smirk and looks at Hank and says "man, he would have never even known." I said, "known what?" She chuckled and shook her head slightly...and tried to squirm out of it but I cornered her about what it was that "I never would have known."? and exactly what was said or done...ultimately, she told me about the let's go **** thing. Hank was there, concerned, but trying to look all innocent but at that point, my wife calls him out and says, "hey don't be fooled by Mr. innocent over there, showing me cock shots on your phone" and he blushes and I'm kind of shocked and just am dealing with this. I let Hank and my wife know I didn't appreciate it and that they needed to chill. It was somewhat awkward for the rest of that day.

@OP: Stop feeling awkward and trying to smooth things over, and start getting mad and taking action. Amazingly you let her use these moments of outrageous disrespect as she deliberately humiliates you, to pretend that she has a right to be mad at you. And if you pay attention to what is going on, the only difference between your wife and Hank in disrespecting you, is that Hank does it behind your back (showing her photos of is penis), while she gets off being in your face about it. I cannot for the life of me understand why you felt the need to be polite and friendly with Hank during all of this.

 

The type of action that you should be taking is when "she asked him how big his cock was", you get in her face and shut the conversation down, while demanding an apology on the spot. Or when she says that she told Hank "hell, we should go back to the room and **** and just get it over with", and then says about Hank "hey don't be fooled by Mr. innocent over there, showing me cock shots on your phone", you tell Hank that you are outraged that he would show her such photos, and that he needed to find somewhere else to sleep. You also tell both your wife and Hank that there is to be no further contact between Hank and her, and that the joint trip is over.

 

Most divorces are not due to infidelity, but for a variety of other reasons. For me, your wife's level of public disrespect and humiliation would be reason enough for divorce if she did not immediately show true remorse.

[todreaminblue]

superchicken is right...not so much about the catfish thing its deceitful but you are like he said heading into troubled waters...a whole lot of cow manure.....the drug use speed.....lowers inhibitions...and lets out base desire(note those desires exist at fantasy level) ...its what some couples often use to enhance their sex life......and its a trap....normal sex becomes mundane......and not as fulfilling its deadly stuff ...speed.... to relationships and to familial relationships......and to friendships ...it lowers boundaries.....peopel often cheat on it...just liek alcohol.......she needs to get off it.....now....sooner the better.....or your marriage is doomed.....

 

 

as far as hank goes yeah he may be passive he may be telling you everything...dont think hank isnt getting an ego trip out of her flirtations and advancement or feeling a little more superior to you.....he is using that crap(speed) with her once so far is it?....so tell him to stop everything block and delete her from facebook etc.....and if you do see him.....she doesnt need to be there.....honestly i would cut the friendship for a while all outside influences other than professional ones and work on your marriage.....thats my opinion...i think professional counselling wouldnt go astray either....drug counselling too......i wish you the best.....deb.....

[Marc878]

How will the phone bill tell me? Does it show what texts she got and sent? FB messenger? I don't think so. She's not really a big phone talker...she'd rather text/email.

 

It'll show you the volume of calls/texts and to who.

[S2B]

Using amphetamines as a "pick me up" is definitely recreational use. What else would you call it?

 

And just because she has had a prescription doesn't mean she is using it as prescribed... heck, I'd bet money her doctor didn't say hand these out to friends when you party.

 

And do you meet with her doctor when she goes? Because if you don't - then you ONLY know what your wife tells you. She may never intend to wean off of them.

 

You may not know the real version of your wife if she's always been altered with prescriptions.

 

Needing a drug to go out and have a good time isn't normal. You have a big problem on your hands.

 

 

And her phone and cell bill should provide ample info IF you look at what is there. It's hard to understand why you haven't sought out info you know would give you what you need to know.

[DatingAppNewbie]

Ban Hank if you're smart.

 

I was in a similar situation with my boyfriend of 3 years, I didn't want to believe anything was going on. There was on particular female friend (sara) that he spent a lot of time with. She was nice but I always had a bad feeling... the first time I ever snooped I looked at his phone and found my name as Jess, instead of babe, which it was before. Then I saw a text from someone with just the letter S with cryptic messages. I confronted him and he flipped out saying it was a friend from work.

 

Long story short, I wrote down that number one night, and after googling it and asking all of my friends I didn't find ANYTHING. Finally I was so desperate I signed up for this service called instant checkmate where you can enter a phone number and get a legit amount of information. you can also just enter a name to get info, which of course I did once I found out that S was really Sara. he DIDNT meet her at work, they'd known eachother since highschool and found pics of them from their mutual friends instagram.

 

if you want to know FOR SURE, I'd advise you to try this site. it was hard to see the truth, but I also had proof when I confronted my ******* ex. he couldn't lie his way out of it anymore!! here's the page I found that convinced me to try it: https://www.instantcheckmate.com/crimewire/post/depth-look-instant-checkmate

 

good luck and I hope everything works out for the best!

[sandylee1]

Now that you've described the type of conversations you and your wife have about sexual attraction to others, I can see how it all went this way.

 

Added to the fact that she's recently lost weight, she was after a confidence boost and affirmation that she still has it. Especially as she doesn't get out much with the pain.

 

This isn't stuff to end your marriage over and I think your wife is after a bit of domination from you in the bedroom.

 

I've seen the flirting happen a lot when women loose weight.

[Superchicken]

 

This isn't stuff to end your marriage over and I think your wife is after a bit of domination from you in the bedroom.

 

I've seen the flirting happen a lot when women loose weight.

 

Ok, what she did was NOT flirting.

Its one thing to say, someone looks hot, or sexy, but its another thing to say to some one, that you "Want to smoke his PIPE" !.

That is NOT flirting. Its out right disrespect, sleazy, underhanded, and most important, a sign of someone's real personality !.

 

 

Finally, it IS relationship destroying Road.

She's started her car, and put it in First gear.

Picking up hitchers every now and then....

 

 

 

 

Ted.