Understanding Cushioning, The New Dating Trend

[Larryville]

This is proof that even old dudes like me can learn something new. Was browsing FB and saw the following article on a term I had never heard before and searched here to see is anyone had mentioned it in a post, or thread.

 

While nobody has mentioned the term specifically I have read countless threads here where people describe indirectly this activity.

 

Brief from the article:

 

What the hell is cushioning? It's a relatively recent dating term to describe a trend that's blossoming in our hyper-connected, social media-obsessed culture.

Like "ghosting," "haunting" and "benching," cushioning might sound a little silly, but it describes something that definitely does happen — and could be happening in your relationship right now.

In essence, the cushioner is flirting with other people — just in case they find themselves single in the not too distant future. They're trying to set up something to "cushion" their fall if the relationship does indeed fall apart. Sort of a pre-emptive rebound relationship cultivation.

 

Understanding Cushioning, The New Dating Trend - AskMen

 

Wow as if dating is not already hard enough, there are gonna be more paranoid types after checking this out… LOL!

[Redhead14]

This is proof that even old dudes like me can learn something new. Was browsing FB and saw the following article on a term I had never heard before and searched here to see is anyone had mentioned it in a post, or thread.

 

While nobody has mentioned the term specifically I have read countless threads here where people describe indirectly this activity.

 

Brief from the article:

 

 

 

Understanding Cushioning, The New Dating Trend - AskMen

 

Wow as if dating is not already hard enough, there are gonna be more paranoid types after checking this out… LOL!

 

There isn't anything new about this . . . it's called emotional cheating.

[SevenCity]

There isn't anything new about this . . . it's called emotional cheating.

 

I don't know if this is the same as emotional cheating / emotional affairs. With EA I think of it as transitioning to someone else but not yet having done anything physically.

 

This is more like having "orbiters" which I see more females than males do. It's having options around just in case things go south.

[blockrockinbeat74]

Whatever it is, it sounds a bit on the selfish / desperate side.

[Spring23]

This is proof that even old dudes like me can learn something new. Was browsing FB and saw the following article on a term I had never heard before and searched here to see is anyone had mentioned it in a post, or thread.

 

While nobody has mentioned the term specifically I have read countless threads here where people describe indirectly this activity.

 

Brief from the article:

 

 

 

Understanding Cushioning, The New Dating Trend - AskMen

 

Wow as if dating is not already hard enough, there are gonna be more paranoid types after checking this out… LOL!

 

Sounds like you're just keeping your options open. I'm not sure why everything needs a label.

[Larryville]

Sounds like you're just keeping your options open. I'm not sure why everything needs a label.

 

This is more like having "orbiters" which I see more females than males do

 

Spring, that’s the thing… if you had a SO and some woman was “seemingly” “innocently” kept using social media to keep this “friendly banter” connection while you were in a relationship would that be cool with you?

 

Line from article:

 

The cushioner won't actually cross the line and hook-up with the cushionee while they're still in the relationship, but by fostering an unhealthily flirtatious relationship…

 

And let’s be real, guys would be way more susceptible to this friendly flirtation and would easily have their attention diverted from their real relationship. Bottom line a woman would not have to do much to screw a guys head up…

[Gaeta]

OH dear that's not new. I know someone who's had 4 long term relationships and before leaving each of those relationship he already had the next girlfriend waiting for him. Those are men and women that cannot be alone.

[Chilli]

As if it wasn't maddddd enough as it is these days.

Bloody hell , now they cushion.

Yep ok, got it.

 

Worlds gone effg mad.

[Larryville]

I know someone who's had 4 long term relationships and before leaving each of those relationship he already had the next girlfriend waiting for him. Those are men and women that cannot be alone.

 

You know I read articles like this and the more of these "hidden terms" I read about (although seemingly not new but now named) just makes me want to retreat from humanity.

 

I have also read about these new social slang terms. I'm fairly well read, in touch with society for the most part. I'm not an old dude living in a freaking shell but some more terms I was completely oblivious of:

 

Cuffing Season - The period of time between Halloween and Valentine's Day when everyone seems to be in a relationship.

 

Thirst Trap - Most commonly used for a social media photo posted by a woman in which she seems to be unaware of the sexuality of the photo.

 

143 - "143" apparently is an extremely short, weird, seemingly not-heartfelt way of saying "I love you" (the digits represent the number of letters in each word).

 

Yup I'm confused

[SevenCity]

You know I read articles like this and the more of these "hidden terms" I read about (although seemingly not new but now named) just makes me want to retreat from humanity.

 

I have also read about these new social slang terms. I'm fairly well read, in touch with society for the most part. I'm not an old dude living in a freaking shell but some more terms I was completely oblivious of:

 

Cuffing Season - The period of time between Halloween and Valentine's Day when everyone seems to be in a relationship.

 

Thirst Trap - Most commonly used for a social media photo posted by a woman in which she seems to be unaware of the sexuality of the photo.

 

143 - "143" apparently is an extremely short, weird, seemingly not-heartfelt way of saying "I love you" (the digits represent the number of letters in each word).

 

Yup I'm confused

 

I was introduced to this about 20 years ago when pagers (beepers) were all the fad. A girl would page you with the 143 indicating her affection.

 

The one that threw me lately was the #420 friendly which means they support pot as 420 is a referendum for legalization.

 

I was all, "WTF does that mean?"

 

Then all the profiles speaking as if describing another person "Lover of pizza, and extra dirty martinis" or "Whiskey over wine" plus the obligatory picture of them at Machu Picchu. Last but not least, the "wunderlust" meaning that they are looking for a travel partner / financier.

 

I've also seen other pics that many profiles seem to have like the one with the fence made out of mirrors or the birthday celebration with the huge sparkler on the cake. It's tiresome.

 

I don't know if it is a NYC thing, but after a while all the profiles look the same.

[central]

Nothing new here, except perhaps the terminology. I'd say this is also called hedging your bets, insurance, or bridging. Most likely done before you made an exclusive commitment to each other, or later if things look like they're falling apart.

[bluefeather]

You are only helping the writer get hits on his/her site by sharing a new word for a very old activity.

[Spring23]

I was introduced to this about 20 years ago when pagers (beepers) were all the fad. A girl would page you with the 143 indicating her affection.

 

The one that threw me lately was the #420 friendly which means they support pot as 420 is a referendum for legalization.

 

 

This is why I only post on this site. I'm in my 40's I'm not going to try and figure out all these new fangled chat talks...kids today...I tell ya.

 

My friends call me on the phone...Yep. I use a phone for:Talking. Not typing but talking.

 

I'm really really weird.

[Popsicle]

And social media makes this especially easy to do.

[somanymistakes]

There's an awful lot of such articles or even documentaries where the term they're trying to push as a New Trend is something they completely made up, or only exists in the personal slang of a very small group of friends, or was told to them as a gag that they failed to recognise. Probably by a correspondent known as Heywood Jablome.

[Larryville]

There's an awful lot of such articles or even documentaries where the term they're trying to push as a New Trend is something they completely made up

 

Someone sent me this article:

 

Modern Dating Lingo: 15 Slang Terms to Update Your Relationship Dictionary

 

Ok I give up, I'm clearly more out of touch (old) than I tought...

[Ronni_W]

Excerpt: "In essence, the cushioner is flirting with other people — just in case they find themselves single in the not too distant future. They're trying to set up something to "cushion" their fall if the relationship does indeed fall apart."

When I was young it just used to be called 'dating'. It happened until one got into a committed relationship, and no one I knew (from my generation or the prior ones) thought that it was strange or disrespectful or anything other than normal dating.

 

Same with this 'ghosting' idea that's going on. Way back when, a handful of dates did not obligate one as it appears to do, today.

[somanymistakes]

Someone sent me this article:

 

Modern Dating Lingo: 15 Slang Terms to Update Your Relationship Dictionary

 

Ok I give up, I'm clearly more out of touch (old) than I tought...

 

I've heard most of those. Draking is new to me, and I hadn't heard the cuffing thing before this thread.

 

Of course slang varies a lot by group too, if you go into some of the LS threads they're so packed full of acronyms that newcomers have no idea what we're talking about

[Larryville]

and no one I knew (from my generation or the prior ones) thought that it was strange or disrespectful or anything other than normal dating.

 

Same with this 'ghosting' idea that's going on. Way back when, a handful of dates did not obligate one as it appears to do, today.

 

Ronni, not to get into a generational war, but you are correct and way too many people are overly sensitive about life (feelings) in general.

 

Free speech is not tolerated on college campuses. Because it MIGHT offend, hurt their feelings…

 

Students demand “safe spaces” on college campuses, to be protected from opinions different that theirs, might hurt their feelings…

 

People now get offended when comedians make jokes about anything social, because feelings are hurt.

 

Ghosting, Swerve and Benching were made up to identify terms that “hurts” people’s feelings.

 

Previous generations, paid little attention to "trivial" matters such as feelings and self-esteem. People dying from hunger or simple infections, or working fourteen-hour days to put food on the table was way more important. Now we have way too much time, and are a lot more connected which leaves us more time to dwell on our emotions and feelings.

 

Has all this sensitivity come at a certain cost?

 

no one I knew (from my generation or the prior ones) thought that it was strange or disrespectful or anything other than normal dating.

 

But countless threads here point out what is clear, the oversensitive and very coddled younger generations gets buried by their “feelings” so what use to be basic human behaviors from one human to another can now be crushing to some if a guy or gal does not call in a timely manner, text with “emotion” or express seemingly necessary ”feelings”

 

Yup Chill,

“Worlds gone effg mad.”

 

Oh SoManny…

 

Draking is new to me

 

If you don’t listen to rap music or more R&B stuff an example of a term by younger people of color who listen to the singer “Drake” although he is from Canada.