TJReede Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 I have been with my boyfriend for just over two months. His ex is still in love with him and still misses him as she told him so about a month ago. They worked together for almost two years, got into a relationship for a few months and felt too much pressure among other compatibility things but then started sexting and eventually hooked up in January. Him and I then started a relationship a couple weeks later. They are not really in contact as far as I know, but they are still friends on Facebook. Why won't he delete her and just cut her off since he's with me now and he KNOWS that she is still in love with him. She told him she choosing to be respectful and keep her distance a month ago but is that enough? Should he do something? Thanx xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Few possibilities, 1.You are a rebound. 2. He is not over her 3. He wants to have his cake and eat it too 4. He doesnt take either of you seriously Personally i think it's all of them 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 So they still work together? That timeline seems a little too tight for me. It may even overlap by a few days...even so what was the reason why they broke up? It sounds like you got competition. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 It's only been two months with you and he's not sure about you. He'll probably leave her access to him until he's seriously in love with someone else. It hasn't been very long since he was with her so expect there to be lingering feelings on both ends and probably some contract now and then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 If it didn't work out with them, it didn't work out. It seems there's some overlap, and you've only been going out a couple months, and you're not necessarily "the one" either. You don't get to dictate who his friends are on FB or otherwise. Maybe there's no possibility that he and this woman will try again, at least not on his part, and maybe he'll delete when you two are a couple, long-term. If these two still work together, I can see not deleting. Let's not make things more uncomfortable at work. This is one of those things where you just have roll with it. If you don't trust him, you need to move on. It would bother me a great deal too, so I understand where you're coming from, but you haven't been going out long enough for this to be considered an issue. I also agree with: Few possibilities, 1.You are a rebound. 2. He is not over her 3. He wants to have his cake and eat it too 4. He doesnt take either of you seriously Personally i think it's all of them 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 I haven't blocked any of my exes. That doesn't mean I want to be with them, in fact you could say that as I don't feel the need to push them away and they can't create a reaction in me, that I'm more over them than someone who has to go through the motions of physically blocking them. At 2 month in, I'd enjoy the present moment and take it as it comes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TJReede Posted April 6, 2017 Author Share Posted April 6, 2017 So they still work together? That timeline seems a little too tight for me. It may even overlap by a few days...even so what was the reason why they broke up? It sounds like you got competition. No she quit a few weeks after telling him she loved him.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TJReede Posted April 6, 2017 Author Share Posted April 6, 2017 (edited) So they still work together? That timeline seems a little too tight for me. It may even overlap by a few days...even so what was the reason why they broke up? It sounds like you got competition. When she quit, they didn't actually say goodbye or anything. That's been a couple weeks and I know they haven't been in contact since then.. Partly because they worked together and then some comparability things. They didn't fight and she accepted it, but stayed in love with him and told him that after they hooked up the last time. Obviously I don't know everything but his other breakups were pretty bad and he's not friends with any of them. Edited April 6, 2017 by TJReede Extra info Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Boyfriend won't delete Ex who is still in love with him? The $64,000 question is why the H is he your boyfriend. Read my signature quote below - V 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TJReede Posted April 19, 2017 Author Share Posted April 19, 2017 Hi - my boyfriend is active on FB. He regularly "likes" things on pages and from his other friends. When we first started dating, he like a ton of stuff I posted. If I tagged him, he liked it. Recently I tagged him in something cute with a question and he didn't even bother to like it. I also recently updated my cover photo and he didn't like that either. He says he doesn't want our relationship to be defined by social media, but not liking something I tagged him in ( and I have barely ever done that) seems like a big diss in front of all his friends. Especially since a day after he liked something one of his good girl friend's posted. I want to ask him about it but I am afraid... I also found out he chatted with his ex for about three hours a few days ago.. She is still in love with him and he knows it. I just don't know what to think. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnys93 Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 You're making an issue where there is none. His friends are not actively worried about what he's liking on Facebook. I think the REAL problem here is that he chatted with his ex and you're having some doubts as to whether he's being faithful. When you say you found out he was chatting with his ex, do you mean you found out on your own? Or do you mean that he disclosed this information to you? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 You have social media blues, and too worry about his friends and tagging pictures. If he is chatting with his ex girl friend so many hours then why are you currently with him? Doesn't sound like even on FB he's liking stuff from you and he's still chatting with his ex girl friend that still digging him. Why not look for a guy who's interested in you and will respect, accept and appreciate the fact you only you he's interested in. Never be played or be second to any guy out there you matter just as much as any other ex girl friend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TJReede Posted April 19, 2017 Author Share Posted April 19, 2017 You're making an issue where there is none. His friends are not actively worried about what he's liking on Facebook. I think the REAL problem here is that he chatted with his ex and you're having some doubts as to whether he's being faithful. When you say you found out he was chatting with his ex, do you mean you found out on your own? Or do you mean that he disclosed this information to you? I saw their conversation on his phone but I didn't read it.. I don't know what it was about but it looked like he initiated it... Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnys93 Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 I saw their conversation on his phone but I didn't read it.. I don't know what it was about but it looked like he initiated it... Sounds like you're going to have to bring THAT up (not the fact that he doesn't like your pictures anymore). You may even have to dump him because from the looks of it he may still actually have feelings for his ex and that is why he didn't tell you that he was contacting her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 I saw their conversation on his phone but I didn't read it.. I don't know what it was about but it looked like he initiated it... Out of respect for him you didn't read it but if he contact her then you to tell him this. "I seen you have contacted your ex girl ...her name goes here_, and what was so important for you to contact her on your cell phone? if the excuses start to rain down you need drop, leave and move on. You know I knew a woman I dated who read my messages, but I had nothing to hide. Another ex sent me a Happy Birthday message. But in your case you don't know what he said but you have trust and loyalty and you respect him. But he's not doing the same for you. Sneaky guy founds out the ex girl still likes/love him so he reaches out to her and puts you on the side lines. You do not need that sort of guy in you life doing that. Again I say do not get played by him, he's not worth your time and love. You can do better than him like I had mention prior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 Sounds to me things are starting to crumble around the edges. I really don't put much thought into social media but it does show his behavior is changing, not just with FB, but the fact he is talking to his ex which is suspect. The only thing you can do about it is have a talk with him. If he gives you the run around, and doesn't care about how all this makes you feel....he is distancing himself from your relationship...and possibly sitting on the fence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 I think you need to step away from FB a bit and focus on other things. That being said the ex thing is a red flag IMO. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
tetrahedral Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 What a time to be alive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 What does it matter what it looks like to his friends if he doesn't like something you post and tag him in? What do they have to do with your relationship with him? No, your issue is that your boyfriend doesn't know how to form meaningful relationship ties with you and he is instead keeping them maintained with his ex. I'm curious, how did you and he come about? How long were they broken up before he began dealing with you? Was he in a relationship with her when he began talking to you and then he dumped her to be with you? And how long ago did this happen? He knows she's still hooked into him and instead of being fair and cutting her loose, he's calling himself being nice, which is really him being cruel to both you and her by keeping the hook of hope in her mouth. In situations like this when one of you has unresolved issues with an ex and they want to maintain ties to them when that ex still is emotionally hooked into him, at the expense of you and your feelings, then they're not done with one another. You're not his priority. They will prioritize which relationship is most important and his behavior will will show that to you. He will say anything to maintain a status quo with you, but how is he acting? What is he doing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 As long as your BF likes you in real life it's fine. What he clicks on social media -- a fake world -- is irrelevant. I don't remember the last time my husband or I liked anything on anybody's pages. I think we may have each liked some recent vacation pictures but generally we can't be bothered. Focus on what is actually important & nothing in a virtual world (except maybe the stock price of google, FB, etc.) matters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 My middle aged head spins reading post about todays dating "rules". Social media rules do's and don'ts between a couple, proper texting right after a date, not to early but not to late. Have to reply to any text promptly or the sky falls. Lengthy text conversation seems to be preferred instead of an actual phone call. You better not be known to have talked to an ex no matter how innocent it may be or the earth spins out of control. Boy I'm showing my age 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TJReede Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 I think you need to step away from FB a bit and focus on other things. That being said the ex thing is a red flag IMO. i went back and read it because I was starting to get paranoid... At first they just caught up but then he said he still watches some sort of sexual videos she made h and had recently. Should I confront him? Or just break up with him...we've only been together two and a half months.. Is that .. Understandable? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TJReede Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 (edited) Hi - I started a thread under dating because my boyfriend wasn't giving me the attention he had at first. Then I saw that he had got in touch with his ex by texting her. She is still in love with him and he knows that. I wanted to be respectful and so I didn't read the messages but I couldn't handle the anxiety so I did ... At first they just caught up but then he asked her if she had sent him porn. She said no. Then he said he still watches videos she sent him. She deflected a bit and then the conversation ended. That was a week ago and I don't see any other messages between them.. He broke up with her because there were things he wasn't attracted to and there was a huge age difference- she's 15 years older. They worked together for a couple years. He couldn't see it the relationship working out... Is this harmless and just nostalgic? Do I confront him but then also risk him breaking up with me for going through his phone? Do I just wait it out? I have been so happy and we have so much in common and a great sexual relationship.. I don't want it to end! Edited April 20, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 threads merged for context ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 Don't want to end it? Then you have to accept all what he is doing....... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 Hi - I started a thread under dating because my boyfriend wasn't giving me the attention he had at first. Then I saw that he had got in touch with his ex by texting her. She is still in love with him and he knows that. I wanted to be respectful and so I didn't read the messages but I couldn't handle the anxiety so I did ... At first they just caught up but then he asked her if she had sent him porn. She said no. Then he said he still watches videos she sent him. She deflected a bit and then the conversation ended. That was a week ago and I don't see any other messages between them.. He broke up with her because there were things he wasn't attracted to and there was a huge age difference- she's 15 years older. They worked together for a couple years. He couldn't see it the relationship working out... Is this harmless and just nostalgic? Do I confront him but then also risk him breaking up with me for going through his phone? Do I just wait it out? I have been so happy and we have so much in common and a great sexual relationship.. I don't want it to end! As you can see every time you post the same thread, it just gets dumped back into this one. You can post 100 threads, rewording them, using a different name....you will still get the same answers. You have only two solutions, A) break up or B) put up with it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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