The love of my life (6 year relationship) is choosing to be with another man

[IsSheGone]

*Warning: long post with possible off trail rants*

 

I fell madly in love with a girl junior year of high school. We were both 16 and found everything about one another to be perfect. She came from a rough home where her dad is an unemployed alcoholic and her loving mom wasn't much help and drank plenty on her own, they were financial issues and she had two younger brothers. I was there for her through everything. We spent every moment together, every weekend, and we're best friends. We had nothing but laughs and we had a very deep, passionate love for one another. She was a very strong girl that I envied. And it built me into the man I am today.

 

We stayed together going into college crying leaving each other but we both went to school in South Carolina only 2 hours apart. We remained in love, talking all the time, and visiting when we could. Had no cars so really had to be resourceful. We both loved to have a good time and party. Meeting new people was easier for her because she's a beautiful, funny extrovert and I'm more of a shy introvert until you get to know me. But our relationship continued and we grew together. Our first break came when she asked for one spring of sophmore year but we still talked a decent amount and it wasn't a true break. We got back together and everything was again amazing. There were some ups and downs of course but we managed through them. Understanding jealousy needed to subside. Our love always triumphed over any situation.

 

A big part of our relationship is after freshman year of college she essentially moved into my house when we were home from college (stayed that way for the next 4 years), due to her not wanting to stay at her house with everything going on. So we were with one another 24/7 from 18-22 while not at school and I did everything to make it work. Over time she pushed away her friends from home so she didn't really have many people except me and some of our mutual guy friends. I still had all of my friends so it became a rough balancing act. I managed to get better and better and learn over the years how to make it work. But I sacrificed a lot. My friends had to tell me that all I do is hang out with her and get some time away. Come back out with them and they were right so I tried to balance it all and I was young. But I was able to do it well not great yet, but better than anyone else I knew.

 

Our rough patch came going into senior year where everything in my life was crashing and coming at me all at once. This is where **** started to hit the fan. I was going through some depression because I was broke, my family had financial issues which were getting worse (on track to lose our house), I had no job lined up, didn't know what I wanted to do, I've been with the same girl all of my life and never really had much space (she's my first girl I've sexually been with, she though had a few partners and relationships), I was scared she would leave me and I pushed everything away. I asked her for an out of no where break which only lasted a couple days then we got back together. But I was still messed up in the head a bit.

 

During the fall semester she asked for a real break right before our anniversary and I was numb at the time and was like okay. We kept in touch but she got into a program to teach English abroad in Israel for 10 months after seeing her cousins experience, which would take place the following September trough june. When we came home and slept with one another again and later there talking she told me she slept with another guy. I was devastated and crushed. I said things that were lies because of my emotional state and also recovering from a concussion I wasn't all there. I told her I slept with people to (not true), how could you do this to me, all that jazz.

 

I got my emotions together and was like dude you ****ed up. That's the love of your life and the only thing you know you want. So I did just that. I fought for her back and that January we were dating again. It was back to butterflies, endless laughing, always being with one another, saying we're gettin married, and being the perfect fit as we were.

 

Our relationship was filled with affection and love. I wrote her love letters, cooked her breakfast, had nicknames, cuddled her, went on walks, took a spring break to Miami, stayed weekends in NYC drinking wine holding one another on the rooftops, staying in and renting movies holding each other while eating sushi and ice cream. I did everything I could to keep a smile on that girls face. I want perfect, I was young and didn't use social media really at the time which I regret never posting an Instagram post but it wasn't really my style. I showed her affection every way I could.

 

The summer leading up to her departure was the best one yet. We camped up the east coast, took a weekend trip to Philly, did our usual thing. We loved each other and everything about one another. There were no fights when we were together during this time. We were really tight on money because I took a graduation euro trip with some friends in June where I went a couple hundred dollars over the data plan keeping in touch with her. Telling her how I couldn't wait to take her to these places. But we enjoyed laying and holding one another more than anything so I was okay with that. The night before she left I got my grandma to get us a hotel for the night. I wrote her another love letter, got her a handcrafted bracelet from israel and we ordered in Chinese food. We snuggled and watched a movie while drinking wine and then we shed tears. We held one another, but I was in a place that I wasn't scared. I knew I was going to marry this girl. She tended to push away when we were apart so I held her and looked her in the eyes and told her this is everything I want. I want her to be my wife, and to please not push away because I will make this work. And she said okay.

 

After a month there I could feel her pushing away she never called, I called her. A few days before our anniversary she separated from me. She said it's difficult, I won't be able to see her much and she wanted this full experience without the burden of a long distance relationship. I fought back and said we talk plenty, you just pushed away and all that. She said I'm sorry but I'm not trying to be in any relationship right now, I see marrying you, I need to comeback for my family I just need space for me to grow. I was comforted with those words so I said okay.

 

We spoke pretty consistently until the end of November. I got busy with leaving my (unpaid) internship, family coming around for the holidays, and starting a new job in January. So there was a 2 month span where we spoke less. But she didn't say anything really. She just wasn't contacting me as much. I sent her flowers for Valentine's Day with a note saying I have never stopped thinking about her since the day I laid eyes on her. She said she got them and wanted to call to catch up. I was ecstatic. I couldnt wait to start going back to how we were. Her mom visited her so she called about two eeeks later because she was really busy too. We spoke and laughed and I was so happy to hear her voice. She said she was thinking about extending her time there and trying to get a job there. This was a first red flag and I was a little shook. But I figured we'd handle this later. But at the end of the phone call I will never forget what she said. "I wanted to thank you for the flowers, they really are gorgeous, but I'm seeing someone else now" I felt the blood drain from my skin, my heart drop and had nothing to say. I just asked since when, is this serious, why didn't you say anything before? She said it's been about two months and she didn't want to freak me out over something she didn't think was serious, but she really cared about him and feels it's real now. I thought I was doing right by giving her space and allowing both of us to grow. Not telling her I loved and missed her because that wouldn't have helped either of us but never though this possible. Especially so quickly. I told her I'd get on a flight now and see her but she cold-heartedly said don't bother. I won't see you and if I do it'll be to tell you I'm with him and that's it. I had to respect him too. I was like what the ****? Who is this girl talking to me? She said she was happy there and happy with him. It takes two for a relationship to work not just one. She had no reasoning other than its different and we should have these experiences. Why didn't she express any of this before to me? I was and am broken.

 

I knew she wasn't happy here and I was working my ass off to provide a way out. To get a job where we can first move out of this town, but be able to figure out her family situation and get settled somewhat financially. (Both of us have serious student loan debt). And I was doing just that. She's been with him for 4-5 months now and seems very happy. Is this forever? I spoke to her mom, who I told I planned on marrying her daughter and she knew that beforehand, about it who broke down and said you just have to let her figure things out, she just gets pissed if I put my two cents in. That she's in a new place, experiencing all new things. People say she's in a fantasy land where she doesn't have to pay rent at the moment, not paying student loans, gets to travel and is doing something she at the moment enjoys with people she enjoys. For me, I see it as this guy got her out of here. What I was working on doing. And it scares the **** out of me thinking that this could be forever. My girl just like that after 6 years is in love with another man that quickly.

 

It's been almost 2 months since that heart ripping phone call and I'm still broken. I don't understand what happened. I thought I was doing everything right, but now just have regrets. Is this actually real? Did I just lose the love of my life?

Edited April 21, 2017 by IsSheGone
Wasn't done. Accidental click.

[d0nnivain]

No you didn't lose the love of your life. You haven't even met her yet.

 

 

Your HS GF has broken up with you however. Things with your first love have ended. There have been substantial cracks in the foundation of that relationship for a long time; you just refused to acknowledge them.

 

 

Most relationships don't last from the transition from HS to college. Yours did but then the problems started. You barely survived the transition from college to real life & more problems arose including distance.

 

 

The break up make up cycle shows just how dysfunctional things are. She is now seeing someone else.

 

 

You need to find a way to let go, heal & move on.

 

 

Good luck.

[preraph]

I'm sorry this came as a shock to you and that you are having trouble dealing with it. But you need to make it easy on yourself so you can move on, and that means not following her on social media or trying to contact her and certainly not contacting her family and trying to control her that way. People grow up and change in different ways. She grew apart from you. Whether she has had to support herself has nothing to do with whey she's not with you. She will learn to do it soon enough. Sounds like you're both well educated.

 

She wanted freedom. Your love ran its course. You both need to explore and see what else is out there. I'm glad you're able to travel because it's great for reminding you that she's just one little female in a great big world full of them.

 

Good luck.