constant fighting with girlfriend after moving in -- controlling/manipulation

[Downtown]

16 Run, thanks for giving us an update. I'm glad to hear that you are remaining strong and staying NC as much as is physically possible. You already took the most effective action when you had your door lock re-keyed on May 25. Although your Ex did drop off "the key" a week earlier than that, there is no way to know whether it was her only copy. Moreover, avoiding the confrontation in front of your home was a smart decision.

[16run17]

16 Run, thanks for giving us an update. I'm glad to hear that you are remaining strong and staying NC as much as is physically possible. You already took the most effective action when you had your door lock re-keyed on May 25. Although your Ex did drop off "the key" a week earlier than that, there is no way to know whether it was her only copy. Moreover, avoiding the confrontation in front of your home was a smart decision.

 

I think that I owe you a thank you for everything that you initially posted and for opening my eyes to the true depth of the issue.

 

Before yesterday I was actually starting to feel pretty good again. I have been doing a good job of investing in myself and reconnecting with friends and having the dog has helped me become active and feel safer at home.

 

I consulted an attorney and unfortunately I don't have enough to push for a restraining order at this point. In my effort to move on I sabotaged myself by deleting some of the evidence like the voicemails of her screaming at me. The attorney advised me that in a he said she said situation the court would likely take her side. What I can do is tell her strongly and explicitly she is not to contact me again, and if she continues to do so I can file a police report for harassment and then pursue the restraining order.

 

As a result I sent her the following based on a format the attorney gave me:

 

hey this is []. I believe you have been trying to contact me. I do not wish to have any contact with you at this point. Please do not attempt to contact me directly by phone, email, social media, or by any other means or indirectly through my friends and family. I believe that I saw your car at my apartment last night. This needs to stop, if it continues I will call the police.

 

She responded almost instantly

 

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding! I am not trying to contact you. I am dating someone new who lives in the same apartment complex. So my car is going to be there from time to time. I know how ironic it is, trust me.I know you don't want any contact with me and I'm going to respect your space! I hope you can respect mine as well

 

Unfortunately I find this very, very unlikely because she lives, works, and goes to school on the complete opposite end of the city (large metropolitan area). I don't feel very safe here right now. I was so upset I jogged for an hour. I just kept running, panicked.

 

2 new girls moved into the apartment next to mine and it was embarrassing but I told them about her and asked them to notify me if they see her around and they said that they would.

[hestheone66]

I'm sorry she's meddling again.

 

Consider moving away. You shouldn't have to but peace of mind is important too.

 

And stay strict NC.

[bluefeather]

Just finished reading your thread. The beginning of it sounded very similar to an experience of mine. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but you are surviving. This text reply she gave - whether it's BS or not, you gave her that one message to stay away, and that should be all the contact you both ever share again. That means from you too. Don't even reply back to it. Block.

[16run17]

I'm sorry she's meddling again.

 

Consider moving away. You shouldn't have to but peace of mind is important too.

 

And stay strict NC.

 

unfortunately I won't be able to move until the start of the new year... my lease ends in February and it's nearly $5k to break transferring the lease isn't really an option

 

Some of my friends are pushing me to take some self-defense training because things have escalated to the point where they are concerned by her ongoing presence and history of unpredictable and sometimes extreme behavior

 

Just finished reading your thread. The beginning of it sounded very similar to an experience of mine. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but you are surviving. This text reply she gave - whether it's BS or not, you gave her that one message to stay away, and that should be all the contact you both ever share again. That means from you too. Don't even reply back to it. Block.

 

I was tempted to respond to her out of frustration but I think that may be what she wants. "Oh really, who?" Unfortunately my attorney advised me to leave her unblocked so that I will know if she is continuing to make contact and will have proof to go to the police and say that she is continuing to harass me after my message explicitly telling her not to.

 

 

 

To add to my frustration, I found out that my friend of 5 years has been in contact with her and gone out for drinks. He knows everything that happened and met her through me. I messaged him to see if she had contacted him again (he was the one she asked to help her move stuff) and he said

 

Besides the grad school questions. I got a beer with her and her roommate. The girl teaches zumba and [X] pushes me to go. But i haven't gone yet

 

I responded "yikes, also wtf?" and his response was

 

Sorry i fell for the thirsty single roommate story. But i wont see her again. ...

I would never have relations with her. ... But shes extremely lost and needs to grow up

 

 

regardless of who initiated the contact I guess I feel betrayed by him to an extent and am frustrated that she still has a hold in my life