I'm desperate to do the right thing and take the right path....

[Noah123]

My wife announced to me 7 weeks ago she was leaving our home and moving out....

We've been together 7 plus years.

In this time I've been the only money earner, supported all her latest career choices, for the first 5 and half years she couldn't be intimate and have sex because she had been raped when she was 16, I met her when she was 27 and she had never dealt with it. But I supported her and paid for her to see many sexual abuse therapists etc. For the last two years she says was ready for sex but I had lost my sex drive. Which I now know is due to the fact I've been quite severely depressed for the last three plus years due to a year of wrongly prescribed very strong painkillers, that messed up the anti depressants I was already on for bi-polar.

In the 7 plus years we've been together I've been everything for her....

Husband, best friend, father figure, her keeper, everything but sexual partner.

I've worked so hard to support her and me and our animals, I've had terrible misfortune with losing parents and friends....

But have battled through the last few years of pretty severe undiagnosed depression with only the occasional outburst to give any sign of my illness.

Many mutual friends have called be the perfect husband and now she springs this on me. She says she loves me but not enough to try and make this work and attend marriage guidance etc...

She started a career six months and has had a lot of early success, praise and adoration and is revelling in this.

She says she is happy and content now and somehow blames me for her not doing this before, when I wish she would have done something like this from day one, for many reasons.

Two days after she walked out I was diagnosed by a number of specialist's with a severe hidden depression and it was just my character and love for my wife that kept me going. The only aspect of my day to day medication 'lithium' that was still working was that my mood level was kept in a certain bracket which prevented it from dropping to low, mood level is the obvious tell tale sign that you're depressed.

Please I need some really good advice and help...... Thank you

[somanymistakes]

I'm sorry - it must be awful to feel that you've worked so hard to support her and yet she won't do anything to support you. Does she understand how much you've been going through in the past few years? If you were too good at keeping it all to yourself, I wonder if she thinks you don't need her or want her?

 

Please look after yourself and keep visiting your doctor.

 

Does she know about the medication messing up your sex drive?

 

In a case where there's important information one party doesn't know, it does need to be communicated, but you don't want to go chasing after her right away frantically asking her to listen to you because in that situation an escaping partner is not inclined to believe anything they hear. I would take some time to get your thoughts in order and organise the things you want to tell her.

[avvril3000]

I'm sorry for your pain. Sounds like you were a huge support system for her. And it is , indeed, terrible to put so much into someone despite their short comings and issues of the past, and only have them walk out.

 

She actually sounds very immature to me. However, at the same time, she perhaps is getting mentally better from her past trauma and wants to mvoe forward in a confident manner in her life which you can't fault. She should, however, still be there for you and she isn't. And thats where her immaturity lies.

 

I'm pretty sure that once she gets out there alone without you as her support system she will realize how great a guy you were.

 

but unfortunately we can't predict what other people will do and my advice would be to prepare yourself to start your life new again. And hopefully you will find someone who loves you enough to try when things get hard.

 

I wish you very good luck in whatever outcome happens.

[Noah123]

I'm sorry - it must be awful to feel that you've worked so hard to support her and yet she won't do anything to support you. Does she understand how much you've been going through in the past few years? If you were too good at keeping it all to yourself, I wonder if she thinks you don't need her or want her?

 

Please look after yourself and keep visiting your doctor.

 

Does she know about the medication messing up your sex drive?

 

In a case where there's important information one party doesn't know, it does need to be communicated, but you don't want to go chasing after her right away frantically asking her to listen to you because in that situation an escaping partner is not inclined to believe anything they hear. I would take some time to get your thoughts in order and organise the things you want to tell her.

 

Thank you for your reply.

Yes she completely understands what I've gone through, but doesn't have the empathy I feel to appreciate it.

She knows the reason why my sex drive was messed up.

She knows everything to be honest but is very stubborn and once she gets something in her mind she's so bloody-minded...

She's now convinced she doesn't love me enough (whatever that means) to work at out marriage.

She said the following to me "because I don't love you enough anymore and there I can't compromise a fraction of what you did for me".

[Noah123]

I'm sorry for your pain. Sounds like you were a huge support system for her. And it is , indeed, terrible to put so much into someone despite their short comings and issues of the past, and only have them walk out.

 

She actually sounds very immature to me. However, at the same time, she perhaps is getting mentally better from her past trauma and wants to mvoe forward in a confident manner in her life which you can't fault. She should, however, still be there for you and she isn't. And thats where her immaturity lies.

 

I'm pretty sure that once she gets out there alone without you as her support system she will realize how great a guy you were.

 

but unfortunately we can't predict what other people will do and my advice would be to prepare yourself to start your life new again. And hopefully you will find someone who loves you enough to try when things get hard.

 

I wish you very good luck in whatever outcome happens.

 

Avvril, this is wonderful advice and resonates with me completely.

The last seven weeks I've been in limbo with her coming and going into the family home when and if it suits her... I even stayed in a holiday let for two nights so she could be with our dogs one evening and have friends over the other evening for dinner(this looks awful as I write it)!

Not only has my wife left me, she admits she's not prepared to compromise just a fraction of what I've done for her over the years to try and fix our marriage

She says 'I don't have anywhere near the empathy and compassion you have"!

And I've also been dealing with a freshly dianogsed mental health illness, but as far as she's concerned her "emotions and feelings" are more important than this, as her seven weeks of behaviour has reflected.

Thank you Avvril.

[QuietDan]

My wife announced to me 7 weeks ago she was leaving our home and moving out....

We've been together 7 plus years.

In this time I've been the only money earner, supported all her latest career choices, for the first 5 and half years she couldn't be intimate and have sex because she had been raped when she was 16, I met her when she was 27 and she had never dealt with it. But I supported her and paid for her to see many sexual abuse therapists etc. For the last two years she says was ready for sex but I had lost my sex drive. Which I now know is due to the fact I've been quite severely depressed for the last three plus years due to a year of wrongly prescribed very strong painkillers, that messed up the anti depressants I was already on for bi-polar.

In the 7 plus years we've been together I've been everything for her....

Husband, best friend, father figure, her keeper, everything but sexual partner.

I've worked so hard to support her and me and our animals, I've had terrible misfortune with losing parents and friends....

But have battled through the last few years of pretty severe undiagnosed depression with only the occasional outburst to give any sign of my illness.

Many mutual friends have called be the perfect husband and now she springs this on me. She says she loves me but not enough to try and make this work and attend marriage guidance etc...

She started a career six months and has had a lot of early success, praise and adoration and is revelling in this.

She says she is happy and content now and somehow blames me for her not doing this before, when I wish she would have done something like this from day one, for many reasons.

Two days after she walked out I was diagnosed by a number of specialist's with a severe hidden depression and it was just my character and love for my wife that kept me going. The only aspect of my day to day medication 'lithium' that was still working was that my mood level was kept in a certain bracket which prevented it from dropping to low, mood level is the obvious tell tale sign that you're depressed.

Please I need some really good advice and help...... Thank you

 

It sounds like she is in her mid to late 30's.

I suspect you might be a little bit older?

Being in the "Daddy" role is a dangerous place to be in a marriage.

It sounds like she may be acting out and rebelling against "Daddy". Unfortunately, it seems to be a common trap to be in for that role.

Usually it takes a willing partner to go to a talented Marriage Counselor who has a real gift in helping couples transition from this type of relationship to that of a healthy man and wife relationship.

It sounds like, if I understand your timeline correctly, she has moved on through/past her sexual difficulties, and has become interested in it over the last couple of years.

Sex roles regarding relationships is such a tricky thing to navigate.

It causes so many problems.

Usually lots of power play, emotional blackmail, reward and punishment routines get built into the frequency and type of sex made available.

Lot's of time, relationships with this type of trouble also experience infidelity as well.

You to have problem with the non sexual daddy daughter relationship that has been a significant portion of your relationship.

This is such a simple thing, yet so complicated.

 

I have mixed views on mental issue diagnosis and medications.

I gave up on my medications, too many sexual dysfunction side effects.

The side effects, triggered more emotional anxiety than the original problems.

Medications can be adjusted a bit, being mindful of your issues can go a long way in helping to reduce or lower the level of meds needed.

You are also at the age where low Testosterone is starting to become an issue, get your levels checked, that can help to improve sex drive and performance.

It sounds like you might naturally be a low sex drive person.

The original relationship between you and your wife sort of worked because it sounds like she might not have put any real demands or expectations on you in this area.

Since your wife has had a sort of reawakening of her sex drive and interest over the last couple of years, I wonder if some of your anxiety and depression might not be connected to the changes in the relationship.

If she relatively recently started to want to have sex more often and started to initiate, it sorta put a spot light onto what you really want and need in this area.

You can mindfully adjust your role in the sexual relationship with your wife.

It will be more proactive then your current role. Maybe less proactive compared to others, but who cares that is them. You only need to find out what works for the two of you.

I don't know if I have really said anything to help here.

But, these are just a couple of things I thought of when I saw your post.

Hopefully I have mentioned something in all of this that might be useful and relevant. If not, disregard the rest, it is just some musings of another troubled soul.

[Ronni_W]

She says 'I don't have anywhere near the empathy and compassion you have"!

Even if most people did have this level of insight into their 'darker' or more negative side, most people would try to hide it instead of using their self-knowledge to basically tell/warn other people what they CANNOT expect.

 

So, please...do not expect empathy or compassion from your soon-to-be-ex; not for anything and not about anything. She's done you a huge favour by telling you not to expect this, because now you cannot and will not be disappointed when you don't get it.

 

Because she is ultimately responsible for all her own free-will decisions and choices, it is not an entirely inaccurate view that she needs to do what she feels is in her own best interests (based on her own discernment, inner promptings, etc.) Most often these decisions and choices would also be tempered with empathy and compassion...but...well, as she has already told you, there ain't none here to be had. Sadly and unfortunately for her. Ultimately selfishness and ingratitude are not rewarded. If you can, just leave it all 'in the lap of the gods'; or do your best to work towards being able to do that.

 

I'm glad that you finally got a proper mental health diagnosis so that you can get the proper treatment and not be left feeling basically powerless and helpless through your divorce.

 

Wishing you the best.

[Noah123]

It sounds like she is in her mid to late 30's.

I suspect you might be a little bit older?

Being in the "Daddy" role is a dangerous place to be in a marriage.

It sounds like she may be acting out and rebelling against "Daddy". Unfortunately, it seems to be a common trap to be in for that role.

Usually it takes a willing partner to go to a talented Marriage Counselor who has a real gift in helping couples transition from this type of relationship to that of a healthy man and wife relationship.

It sounds like, if I understand your timeline correctly, she has moved on through/past her sexual difficulties, and has become interested in it over the last couple of years.

Sex roles regarding relationships is such a tricky thing to navigate.

It causes so many problems.

Usually lots of power play, emotional blackmail, reward and punishment routines get built into the frequency and type of sex made available.

Lot's of time, relationships with this type of trouble also experience infidelity as well.

You to have problem with the non sexual daddy daughter relationship that has been a significant portion of your relationship.

This is such a simple thing, yet so complicated.

 

I have mixed views on mental issue diagnosis and medications.

I gave up on my medications, too many sexual dysfunction side effects.

The side effects, triggered more emotional anxiety than the original problems.

Medications can be adjusted a bit, being mindful of your issues can go a long way in helping to reduce or lower the level of meds needed.

You are also at the age where low Testosterone is starting to become an issue, get your levels checked, that can help to improve sex drive and performance.

It sounds like you might naturally be a low sex drive person.

The original relationship between you and your wife sort of worked because it sounds like she might not have put any real demands or expectations on you in this area.

Since your wife has had a sort of reawakening of her sex drive and interest over the last couple of years, I wonder if some of your anxiety and depression might not be connected to the changes in the relationship.

If she relatively recently started to want to have sex more often and started to initiate, it sorta put a spot light onto what you really want and need in this area.

You can mindfully adjust your role in the sexual relationship with your wife.

It will be more proactive then your current role. Maybe less proactive compared to others, but who cares that is them. You only need to find out what works for the two of you.

I don't know if I have really said anything to help here.

But, these are just a couple of things I thought of when I saw your post.

Hopefully I have mentioned something in all of this that might be useful and relevant. If not, disregard the rest, it is just some musings of another troubled soul.

 

Thank you Dan for your time and advice.

She has officially moved out today. I was very strong (this was very difficult) and we discussed ground rules and the weekly timetable between us as we have many animals....

It pretty much works out ok....

I've always had a very high sex drive, which continued through the first 4 years of our marriage (she was unable to have sex for the first 5 and half years), but I stayed faithful to her all this time. After 5 and half years when after lots and lots of expensive therapy she felt able to begin a sexual relationship, I was too ill physically and have found out recently mentally and emotionally I was in bad shape too.

In the last two years there hasn't been an obvious high sex drive from her but if there has and she has hidden it, well I did 5 and half years, surely 2 years she should be able to do?

She's 34 and I'm 48 but a young 48 (looks and mannerisms)...

I can't believe how cold and stoic she is about it all, it's like she's just switched off her emotions, ice queen. I couldn't do that....

You know how a lot 'celebrity tv women' sunddenly get fame in their mid 30's for whatever reasons (strictly come dancing etc) and suddenly their life is not good enough anymore, even though their married, often with children....

So therefore they leave their husband etc and start their new famed life, often with a famous male partner ( I know this can work the other way with men and women too, but not anywhere near as often). Well this is what I think ha so happened to her. She suddenly has new career with adoration and acclaim and is enamoured with this new life....

[Noah123]

Even if most people did have this level of insight into their 'darker' or more negative side, most people would try to hide it instead of using their self-knowledge to basically tell/warn other people what they CANNOT expect.

 

So, please...do not expect empathy or compassion from your soon-to-be-ex; not for anything and not about anything. She's done you a huge favour by telling you not to expect this, because now you cannot and will not be disappointed when you don't get it.

 

Because she is ultimately responsible for all her own free-will decisions and choices, it is not an entirely inaccurate view that she needs to do what she feels is in her own best interests (based on her own discernment, inner promptings, etc.) Most often these decisions and choices would also be tempered with empathy and compassion...but...well, as she has already told you, there ain't none here to be had. Sadly and unfortunately for her. Ultimately selfishness and ingratitude are not rewarded. If you can, just leave it all 'in the lap of the gods'; or do your best to work towards being able to do that.

 

I'm glad that you finally got a proper mental health diagnosis so that you can get the proper treatment and not be left feeling basically powerless and helpless through your divorce.

 

Wishing you the best.

 

Thank you for your insightful words. They really help a lot....

She has given a lot in our relationship but not anywhere near as much as I have.

She's been very difficult, stubborn, disagreeable at times but has been lovely also.

My one a week outburst for the last couple of years was out of character and has been completely accredited to my depression.

I've battled my undiagnosed depression so hard for the last couple of years and was "lovely" (her words) most of the time....

I just couldn't have done anything more, I honestly think I battled the depression and all it brings as well as anyone could have....

I feel so In limbo, this wasn't the plan.....

[Ronni_W]

She has given a lot in our relationship but not anywhere near as much as I have.

I think the measure is or ought to be that each gave the best that was within the individual to give at any given point in time about any given situation or challenge.

 

Your couple of years worth of once-a-week outbursts made you also difficult and disagreeable at those times. (It still was the best you had to give in those moments, notwithstanding that it wasn't at a very high level.)

 

There will come a point where you will have to take responsibility for those outbursts, undiagnosed depression or not. Anything less from yourself for yourself will just keep you in a victim mentality. That you knew at the time or even just suspected that it was out of character for you means that you had enough self-information to keep searching for your proper diagnosis. Failure to do so was not in your own best interest and, thus, cannot be seen as noble or anything of that sort.

 

You are powerful in your own life. Do not allow any lesser thoughts of blame or resentment or victimization (whether on account of 'Fate' or your stbx or all the incompetent mental health professionals who missed the depression when you sought their help) let your forget that you are powerful in your own life.

 

I feel so In limbo, this wasn't the plan.....

Nevertheless, you do know the new plan...so there is no reason to feel stuck in limbo. That is only going to diminish your own power and self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

 

I know it is not an easy thing. My divorce still counts as the most traumatic event of my life...and I'm the one who initiated it.

 

Again, my best wishes.

[preraph]

I kind of think what happened with her is she's maybe just now moving past her trauma. The job kind of triggered her because doing well at work will improve your self-esteem, which has probably been really low.

 

So I think now she feels she kind of needs to start fresh. I think in order to get through this, you're going to have to try to also think of this as a fresh start.

 

Your conscience is certainly clear because you carried the load even when your depression made it very hard. I guess if you're on lithium, you may also have another diagnosis besides depression that you are having to deal with. Usually lithium alone is not given just for depression unless the depression is caused by something bigger, a chemical imbalance, bipolar or schizophrenia, and other.

 

Anyway, the main thing is you need to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, and keep seeing your doctor and stay on meds, report any and all symptoms and side effects to the doctor immediately and let them make any needed adjustments. You probably do need to be in therapy right now to talk through this big life change.

 

Remember to keep taking care of your job and your pets and YOURSELF.

 

You might want to find a roommate to help with expenses at some point if you're not isolating too much.

 

Sex isn't what ended your relationship, and sex wouldn't fix it, so neither of you should blame each other for that. It is unusual circumstances. Get your meds adjusted with the doctor and maybe that will come back in time.

 

You've been through so much. Don't give up now. Good luck.

[springy]

If I understand correctly, you are saying you never consummated the marriage?

[Cephalopod]

She found a new man. She's cheating on you.

 

In a couple weeks you will find out about her "new" boyfriend.

 

Sorry man.

[Noah123]

I think the measure is or ought to be that each gave the best that was within the individual to give at any given point in time about any given situation or challenge.

 

Your couple of years worth of once-a-week outbursts made you also difficult and disagreeable at those times. (It still was the best you had to give in those moments, notwithstanding that it wasn't at a very high level.)

 

There will come a point where you will have to take responsibility for those outbursts, undiagnosed depression or not. Anything less from yourself for yourself will just keep you in a victim mentality. That you knew at the time or even just suspected that it was out of character for you means that you had enough self-information to keep searching for your proper diagnosis. Failure to do so was not in your own best interest and, thus, cannot be seen as noble or anything of that sort.

 

You are powerful in your own life. Do not allow any lesser thoughts of blame or resentment or victimization (whether on account of 'Fate' or your stbx or all the incompetent mental health professionals who missed the depression when you sought their help) let your forget that you are powerful in your own life.

 

Nevertheless, you do know the new plan...so there is no reason to feel stuck in limbo. That is only going to diminish your own power and self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

 

I know it is not an easy thing. My divorce still counts as the most traumatic event of my life...and I'm the one who initiated it.

 

Again, my best wishes.

 

Hi Ronni,

I like your words because you're tough, harsh, honest etc etc..... I thought I was tough but you trump me.

The one aspect of my medication that was working was that my mood level kept relatively stable because of my 'Lithium', mood level is THE tell tale sign of depression. There many other things on that could have been attributaed to my weekly outburst.... no sex life, financial responsibility and issues totally on my shoulders, three back operations, knee operation, close family members dying and my wife's issues.

I'm not making excuses just stating the facts..... there has to be a compassion and empathy from a partner when so much is thrown at them.

Her therapist was saying to both of us, long before my depression was diagnosed that because of what I had been through with her for 5 and half years, I needed to vent to my wife... we tried this venting/outburst but my wife couldn't handle it because of her low self-esteem.

Believe me I am so hard on myself and it's taken time to not be too tough on myself but you can only with with what you've got as a human being...

[Noah123]

She found a new man. She's cheating on you.

 

In a couple weeks you will find out about her "new" boyfriend.

 

Sorry man.

 

It would make it easier in some ways if she had, but I doubt it very much to be honest....

[Noah123]

If I understand correctly, you are saying you never consummated the marriage?

 

 

 

We had sex before we were married, but no never consummated our marriage..

I had a healthy sex life before I met her....

[Noah123]

I kind of think what happened with her is she's maybe just now moving past her trauma. The job kind of triggered her because doing well at work will improve your self-esteem, which has probably been really low.

 

So I think now she feels she kind of needs to start fresh. I think in order to get through this, you're going to have to try to also think of this as a fresh start.

 

Your conscience is certainly clear because you carried the load even when your depression made it very hard. I guess if you're on lithium, you may also have another diagnosis besides depression that you are having to deal with. Usually lithium alone is not given just for depression unless the depression is caused by something bigger, a chemical imbalance, bipolar or schizophrenia, and other.

 

Anyway, the main thing is you need to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, and keep seeing your doctor and stay on meds, report any and all symptoms and side effects to the doctor immediately and let them make any needed adjustments. You probably do need to be in therapy right now to talk through this big life change.

 

Remember to keep taking care of your job and your pets and YOURSELF.

 

You might want to find a roommate to help with expenses at some point if you're not isolating too much.

 

Sex isn't what ended your relationship, and sex wouldn't fix it, so neither of you should blame each other for that. It is unusual circumstances. Get your meds adjusted with the doctor and maybe that will come back in time.

 

You've been through so much. Don't give up now. Good luck.

 

Everyone's comments on here are helpful even if their not, if you get my drift....

But your words resonate and connect with me enormously 'You just get it'!!!

 

I've been on a Lithium/Clompramine combination for 12 years, but 4 years ago a year of extreme pain killers negated a lot of my 12 years medication, everything really except bracketing my mood level.

I was diagnosed 12 years ago with bi-polar 2 (without the highs) and OCD...

For 7 1/2 years they worked swimmingly I wad the happiest I had ever been my whole life.... until the pain killers came along, since then I've just progressively got worse until it blew up 8 weeks ago and three differently specialists diagnosed what I've said....

 

Your conscience is certainly clear because you carried the load even when your depression made it very hard. I guess if you're on lithium, you may also have another diagnosis besides depression that you are having to deal with. Usually lithium alone is not given just for depression unless the depression is caused by something bigger, a chemical imbalance, bipolar or schizophrenia, and other.

 

Your words about her self esteem that has increased enormously since her new job make complete sense, especially as she has said this, but I've been her main supporter in every way with this, guided her when she was making wrong decisions, backed her in every way!

She was starting a new class session with 20 people at 9am on the Thursday,so first impression was/is incredibly important, she walked in at 1am 8 hours before her new class totally pissed, so I put her straight a day or so later, it didn't go down well, because 'how dare I tell-off her with her new high self-esteem'.

 

THESE WORDS OF YOURS MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND CONNECT ENORMOUSLY.

 

Your conscience is certainly clear because you carried the load even when your depression made it very hard. I guess if you're on lithium, you may also have another diagnosis besides depression that you are having to deal with. Usually lithium alone is not given just for depression unless the depression is caused by something bigger, a chemical imbalance, bipolar or schizophrenia, and other.

 

Anyway, the main thing is you need to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, and keep seeing your doctor and stay on meds, report any and all symptoms and side effects to the doctor immediately and let them make any needed adjustments. You probably do need to be in therapy right now to talk through this big life change.

 

Every word you say is true and means so so much, because this is what I've been told by very close objective friends and my three specialists that are 'my team of doctors etc now'

 

My wife can't see that it's because of me she now has this new career with high self esteem and acclaim. I have supported her enormously...

Thank you again for your time and words.......

N

[Marc878]

Any healthy relationship has to be balanced @ 50/50. You went way overboard and she took advantage and lost respect for you. Plus you stayed with her requiring little in return. This taught her how she could treat you.

 

You can't fix her but you'd better fix yourself or this will happen again.

 

Read up

"No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download

[Marc878]

It would make it easier in some ways if she had, but I doubt it very much to be honest....

 

Every time I hear this I clinch. Check your phone bill!!!

 

I've seen this way to many times. Most often women will only leave after they've found someone else.

[Noah123]

Any healthy relationship has to be balanced @ 50/50. You went way overboard and she took advantage and lost respect for you. Plus you stayed with her requiring little in return. This taught her how she could treat you.

 

You can't fix her but you'd better fix yourself or this will happen again.

 

Read up

"No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download

 

Thank you Marc, your words are excellent and ring so so true...

I will work enormously on this.

Please if you have anymore words of great advice, it will be very appreciated?!

Kind regards N

[Marc878]

Cut her off financially and do a very hard 180.

 

No crying begging or pleading for her. This will lower your status even more than you have and make you look weak and unnattractive.

 

Join a gym and start working out. It'll clear your mind and make you tired so you can rest better.

 

Read it!!!!!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce

 

Check your phone bill!!!! Get out of denial of who you thought she was. It'll help.

[Cephalopod]

It would make it easier in some ways if she had, but I doubt it very much to be honest....

 

Uh huh......

 

M'kay.....Well good luck.

[Noah123]

Please help and advise......

I know I should have NC and am not contacting her except to discuss the logistics of our dogs etc.

 

But what do I do when she calls me to ask something about the dogs, but also wants 'a little chat too'?

 

The same with texting please?

[Marc878]

You control your phone not her. Never answer a phone call direct. Let it go to voice mail. If it's necessary to respond then send a civil but short text or email.

 

Quit letting her control you and the situation.

 

Same for texts. @95% of her contact probably doesn't justify a response.

 

Do not let your weakness define you. Strength is attractive, weakness is not.

 

Where is it written you have to talk, etc? She's dumped you and now continues to play you. Contact is not in your best interest.

[Noah123]

You control your phone not her. Never answer a phone call direct. Let it go to voice mail. If it's necessary to respond then send a civil but short text or email.

 

Quit letting her control you and the situation.

 

Same for texts. @95% of her contact probably doesn't justify a response.

 

Do not let your weakness define you. Strength is attractive, weakness is not.

 

Where is it written you have to talk, etc? She's dumped you and now continues to play you. Contact is not in your best interest.

 

Got the message loud and clear. Many thanks Marc! N