It happened

[MH79]

I have been in an emotional affair with a married coworker.

 

I am a divorced man. I had lost another female coworker last year who had resigned. The loss hounded me as I felt I was an ass to work with. She didn't say that and we are still Facebook friends. There was some attraction from me to her but she didn't reciprocate but she knew about it and left. I dont know if I was the factor in her decision to leave but maybe.

 

This new woman (smart and attractive) started coming to me and working with me last year. I wanted to be nice to her but at the same time I didn't want to fall for her. We went on a business trip , spent a lot of time 1:1. She loved talking and she would spend a lot of time at my desk. Initially it would be questions but then it was jokes/ laughter etc. I knew she had good time. We did a lot of projects together in the last 1 yr.

 

She would text with me on the phone for hours. Sometimes late nights, evenings etc. Nothing salacious, it was on pretext of work but minor things that could wait. I felt she loved talking with me. She would wait for me to be online in the evening 9 -12 pm and then we would text.

 

As much as I liked her as a friend, she was a bit directive and would tell me to do menial things in front of other coworkers. (Thats because our boss had orally said, she was the overall in that she was lead but not my manager). While I treated her like a partner, she sometimes would make unilateral decisions. I used to find both of that a bit offensive. While I befriended other co workers on Facebook, I didn't do that to her. She would probably not like that, I think. But she didn't send me a friend request either.

 

Then she would look at me all the time in the meetings, laugh at every silly joke of mine, encourage me to joke etc. It all began to change when I started pulling out as I felt things were getting off hand. I took on another project. She didn't want to be part of it because another co worker I was working with on that didn't get along with her. Infact she didn't want to see him succeed. I felt that was mean and ended up supporting this other guy.

 

As always, she made unilateral decisions, which were right I think, some were better ideas than mine and some were not, but our friendship started falling apart. We started drifting. She tried to sit next to me in the meetings or walk with me in the hallways, but, I ignored her, specially in the meetings. I also told her not to text me in the night. I also asserted a bit in saying I would not do things her way if I disagreed. She would not stop at that, so I had to say this in front of another manager and then she stopped.

 

I felt bad but not too bad that I was killing a friendship someone wanted with me but since she is married and has a small kid , I felt that was the right thing to do.

 

I did miss her a bit, then last week we again had a usual day on thursday where we laughed , joked and I can tell she had a good time. Some of our coworkers are also her husband's friends. They saw this and they know this is going on for a while. Later as usual she texted me in the night. I was a bit nice to her and then cut it off saying I needed to sleep early.

 

I didn't hear anything from her the following week. She kind of avoided me. Worked from another campus. no jokes in the meetings. Very directive and bossy etc. and very few meetings/conversations. I felt she wanted to avoid me since there was now strong chemistry between us and it was kind of becoming the talk in office , perhaps.

 

But then she showed up at regular place on friday when I was working from home. She knew I would work from home on friday. Then she set up a call with me which was again directive of how I should do my job.... I was a bit rude to her in that meeting. I told her I didn't appreciate her telling me every detail of my job. She said she just wanted to come up with good ideas on how we could do a better job. I asked her if she was doing the work or I was and she said I had to do it but her way. She turned off the video from her side. This was my first interaction with her in a week and it didn't go well. Later on we texted quite a bit on the phone. All work related, getting on the same page and she pretended nothing had happened, but I know she would have felt horrible.

 

I felt horrible. I could not sleep the whole night. There is tremendous guilt inside me for being an *******. It doesnt seem like she and I would work for long together after this but I dont want to leave as if I was an ******* to her.

 

Questions: Should I apologize? If so, I want to do it without sounding I am falling for her or there being sexual harassment.

 

Does she have feelings for me? What is she really upto? How should I handle this forward?

[Imajerk17]

No you should not apologize, and keep on having as little to do with her as possible. You are right to stop these late-evening text convos, and while we are at it, why communicate w her at all outside of work. And keep on holding your ground professionally--don't let her overstep her bounds at work.

 

I feel bad for you as her coworker (she just sounds like a pain to work with), as well as for her husband. Even if "nothing" happened between you two, she is clearly disrespecting her marriage by casing you out for an affair. A toxic woman indeed!

Edited April 22, 2017 by Imajerk17

[RewindRomancer]

This woman is highly manipulative. She's already taken control of your personal work projects. She monopolizes hours of your free time every night.

 

 

It's clear to me what she wants. But trust me when I tell you that if you ramp things up to a full-blown physical affair with this woman, your life will cease to be your own. She will take total control.

 

 

Pay attention to your gut.

 

 

Run.

[Imajerk17]

I wrote my first post under the guise that you had ALREADY cut things off with her. But rereading it appears, instead, you might be on the verge of being sucked in. I'm not positive either way.

 

Again, no apologies to her from you. You need to STOP interacting w her outside of work, and meanwhile, only interact w her as little as you can professionally. And to guarantee you do not get pulled into some sort of crazy lawsuit, DOCUMENT your interactions with her.

 

Yes she has been casing you out for an affair. AND she has also been stepping her bounds professionally and interfering w your work. Have as little to do w her as you can!

Edited April 22, 2017 by Imajerk17

[somanymistakes]

Maybe I'm missing it, but I'm not seeing much of an affair here, even an emotional one.

 

This is going to sound very uncharitable and I may be totally out of line, but - do you have problems taking direction from women? It sounds like you are constantly annoyed at her for speaking up, even when she was the lead on your project. Obviously it's possible she was way out of line, I wasn't there, but the level of things you're describing sounds like behavior that would be 100% expected from a male coworker who was supposed to be leading a project, to me.

 

I find myself wondering if she was attempting to befriend you partly because she was having trouble working with you and was trying to smooth things over.

 

I may be absolutely wrong, I do not mean to accuse you of anything. I'm partly just showing how the same story might look very different when presented to an audience that isn't cued up to expect workplace affairs at every step.

 

I agree with the suggestion about documenting. Knowing exactly what happened when will help you and anyone else who needs to get involved to understand the progression of events.

[Imajerk17]

Read the part of her texting him so much between 9 and 12 at night after seeing him all day at work. Either she's the world's most dedicated worker, or she has improper interest in the OP.

 

Texting someone so much so late even if it to talk about the weather, no married person should be doing that!

[aileD]

She's married and you shouldn't be thinking about she that much. Keep your texting to work hours . You're not on the clock at home

 

Have you had a lot of relationships? Something in the way you're interacting and the way you feel about these two women makes me think you're inexperienced.

 

Find women away from work

[Marc878]

Keep it only business hours. At work strictly professional. It sounds like she was fishing.

 

You did nothing wrong standing up for yourself. A lead is not a superior. You're supposed to work together.

 

It sounds like this has gone to her head a bit.

[ConInLA]

What do you need to apologize for? She has been just as rude to you, as you to her. Keep your distance because she's definitely putting out feelers to see how far you are willing to go. She sounds like a bit of a control freak. As another poster said, run and don't look back. Affairs start with simple texting between coworkers. This is a mistake that I will never make again with another male coworker. You have done a good job so far staying out of her web, keep it up!

[MH79]

Thanks for all the messages.

 

1) I do have problems taking orders, be it women or men.

 

2) I can be insensitive to people when I am not happy, like the meeting I had with her on friday where she was asking me to adopt her idea but didnt know the work effort involved in it or my willingness to put as much time into it on a regular basis.

 

I was planning to apologize for being rude and for the sake of friendship, if not relationship, but, at least I won't do that in writing for now.

 

I know for sure, she at a minimum likes (or used to like) me.

 

What I don't know is whether she has a crush on me or she just thinks of me as a close friend or a trusted coworker or she is playing up to see how far I go and then bail out. Because nothing she says is salacious. She does show care by asking if I had good weekend, not bad commute etc. but doesn't discuss her personal life other than upcoming vacations.

 

I have to be careful in dealing with her texts, for one, I don't want to be completely unresponsive to her questions but at the same time I don't want to lose my job for sexual harassment etc.

 

I didn't develop feelings for her until we scaled back the communication , it was only when things got a bit hostile in the last month or so.

 

Ours is a growing company , she is Full time employee and I am a contractor. I have about 7-8 yrs of more experience than her but she has masters degree and I dont. Despite being contractor I make as much or more than her. They want me to join full time and perhaps report to her or another manager but I have been holding out for a better job offer.

[NTV]

Thanks for all the messages.

 

1) I do have problems taking orders, be it women or men.

 

2) I can be insensitive to people when I am not happy, like the meeting I had with her on friday where she was asking me to adopt her idea but didnt know the work effort involved in it or my willingness to put as much time into it on a regular basis.

 

I was planning to apologize for being rude and for the sake of friendship, if not relationship, but, at least I won't do that in writing for now.

 

I know for sure, she at a minimum likes (or used to like) me.

 

What I don't know is whether she has a crush on me or she just thinks of me as a close friend or a trusted coworker or she is playing up to see how far I go and then bail out. Because nothing she says is salacious. She does show care by asking if I had good weekend, not bad commute etc. but doesn't discuss her personal life other than upcoming vacations.

 

I have to be careful in dealing with her texts, for one, I don't want to be completely unresponsive to her questions but at the same time I don't want to lose my job for sexual harassment etc.

 

I didn't develop feelings for her until we scaled back the communication , it was only when things got a bit hostile in the last month or so.

 

Ours is a growing company , she is Full time employee and I am a contractor. I have about 7-8 yrs of more experience than her but she has masters degree and I dont. Despite being contractor I make as much or more than her. They want me to join full time and perhaps report to her or another manager but I have been holding out for a better job offer.

 

You mentioned you were divorced. How long ago was it? Have you had a chance to talk to anyone about that?

[MH79]

We had a normal Monday. I tried to patch things up. Met her for a meeting in person on Monday. After the meeting we had a walk from one building to another. Half way through a couple of other co workers joined us. Then I used the restroom and they 3 were talking but I went on my way had other urgent things to do. Things took turn for worse on Tuesday.

 

she presented her plan to the team and signed me up for a couple of things, for which I had already said no to. I said, I would not be doing that for her and she had to do it herself. She treated me like a kid and made excuses like her laptop had died etc and that I should keep doing what she had signed me up for.

 

I did for that meeting and said next week onwards, this is your baby, its your plan and I would not be taking notes on her behalf. So she asked me if I was leaving, because, otherwise there was not much use of me to her. I said no, not only I m not leaving but, I am working on areas I am interested in but at the same time, she would not dictate every little aspect of the job. I also said I was a lot more involved than what she characterized as my use to the company. She said she would address my concerns.

 

Then in another meeting, she deviated from the topic and insisted her topic be discussed first. I told her we would get to her question once the matter at hand was addressed. This was done over video conference but I had to assert myself strongly to stop her interjecting or deviating from the topic. One of the other co workers asked me why I was so grumpy. The other one said, I just tried to keep meeting on track and she did not see anything abnormal.

 

After that, I still reported the incident to my boss (the person I report to on paper and meet 1:1 with every week) and since then she and I have not talked at all. The next two days she was at work but did not look at me and spoke with everyone else but me.

Edited April 30, 2017 by MH79

[MH79]

Looks like I will get fired. She went and told my boss that she did not need my services anymore and she could handle it all herself. Since I had told my boss what happened, he refused to fire me on the spot, but looks like I am on a borrowed time.

[MH79]

Any advise?

[BTDT2012]

Why do you think you are on borrowed time?

[Clockwatching]

Hi MH79,

 

If I'm totally honest it feels to me like there's been too much reading of subtext here which has led to a screwed dynamic between you.

 

It almost sounds like you're trying to provoke her, what are you so angry about? She's the lead on the projects, so I don't understand why you're not co-operating and discussing rather than flat out refusing to do what she wants you to do, it sounds incredibly rude and disrespectful unless what she's asking you to do is completely outrageous.

 

I can't blame her now for putting her foot down as she is the lead on the projects and you've effectively put her down and tried to dictate to her in front of colleagues, I woudn't be impressed with that behaviour either as it's incredibly undermining.

 

It sounds like she has been trying to befriend you to try and get you on side, but you've misread the situation and it's made you even more hostile.

 

I will also say though that I think she doesn't understand where you're coming from and hasn't handled the situation well - by texting you at night she's violated boundaries where she shouldn't have, but I don't feel that this is about her wanting an affair with you particularly, just a poorly judged olive branch.

 

If I were you I'd have a think about why I was overthinking things so much, why I was so angry and defensive, and if I wanted to keep my job I'd start respecting her direction.

 

What exactly are you trying to defend so badly? Do you feel you have to be aggressive and defensive to prove that you're capable of doing your job or are worth something? I'm not judging for this, we all do crazy things to cope, but people generally don't get so defensive/aggressive unless they feel there's something vulnerable to defend - I'd be questioning what that is.

 

If you quit trying to read subtext, respect her decisions and directions and do your job in a mutually symbiotic way with your colleagues I think you'd fare better. At the end of the day even if she does want an affair and approaches you, you respect your own boundaries and decline, but I feel like you're misreading this.

[MH79]

Hi MH79,

 

If I'm totally honest it feels to me like there's been too much reading of subtext here which has led to a screwed dynamic between you.

 

It almost sounds like you're trying to provoke her, what are you so angry about? She's the lead on the projects, so I don't understand why you're not co-operating and discussing rather than flat out refusing to do what she wants you to do, it sounds incredibly rude and disrespectful unless what she's asking you to do is completely outrageous.

 

I can't blame her now for putting her foot down as she is the lead on the projects and you've effectively put her down and tried to dictate to her in front of colleagues, I woudn't be impressed with that behaviour either as it's incredibly undermining.

 

It sounds like she has been trying to befriend you to try and get you on side, but you've misread the situation and it's made you even more hostile.

 

I will also say though that I think she doesn't understand where you're coming from and hasn't handled the situation well - by texting you at night she's violated boundaries where she shouldn't have, but I don't feel that this is about her wanting an affair with you particularly, just a poorly judged olive branch.

 

If I were you I'd have a think about why I was overthinking things so much, why I was so angry and defensive, and if I wanted to keep my job I'd start respecting her direction.

 

What exactly are you trying to defend so badly? Do you feel you have to be aggressive and defensive to prove that you're capable of doing your job or are worth something? I'm not judging for this, we all do crazy things to cope, but people generally don't get so defensive/aggressive unless they feel there's something vulnerable to defend - I'd be questioning what that is.

 

If you quit trying to read subtext, respect her decisions and directions and do your job in a mutually symbiotic way with your colleagues I think you'd fare better. At the end of the day even if she does want an affair and approaches you, you respect your own boundaries and decline, but I feel like you're misreading this.

 

I am trying to defend my ideas, values and my job responsibilities. She is a lead, but as I said, I do not report to her. I partner with her. The only person who can give me orders is my manager and I am free to disagree with anyone I want. When she tried to give me extra work, I told her I didn't want it because she didn't like my ideas and she was free to approach my manager if she wanted me to do it. What she did was retaliate the take all the work out of my hand. Before doing that she dictated to me in the meeting what I should type in the document. That was insulting as well. Now I heard she is not following that same document for which she gave me dictation. This was not the first time she did it but this time it was planned. Other times, she did that unintentionally. She didn't know jack **** about project management, when I explained her the process, she went to my boss and said she didn't need me anymore. My boss said to me that he respected her decision but he did not agree with her and he "morally" supported me.

 

There is another project I started , that she didn't want to do. The business wants it, I created space to do it and I got another partner organization to finish their part. Now, she is taking that over and she is going to claim it as her credit. I am not insecure but I am more competent than her technically. As I said, that our co workers but the management has to support women bosses isnt it to jack up the numbers.

 

Although her boss has said, she is lead, my manager says she is the customer. All its within the company, different departments. We report to different bosses. I do not have to take any orders from anyone thats disrespectful. She has a different role on the project and I have a different role on the project. Anyone can say they are queen of england doesn't mean they are. And also I am not happy with her promotion, because I did more work than her and I have more experience and the developers like me more than her. There is a partner organization which is business operations (internal customers), they like her more.

 

I can hit below the belt and log a complaint of harrasment based on the night texts, but I am waiting on a lawyer to speak with me. I am 39 yrs old and I am not stupid to understand the difference between olive branch and flirting.

 

Nobody has been so micromanaging or so directive to me treating me like a baby. I already told all my co workers what happened and they are laughing and supporting me.

Edited May 6, 2017 by MH79

[elaine567]

Looks like I will get fired. She went and told my boss that she did not need my services anymore and she could handle it all herself. Since I had told my boss what happened, he refused to fire me on the spot, but looks like I am on a borrowed time.

 

Companies like a compliant workforce, they like people to work hard, work as a team and not cause trouble.

YOU are being disruptive and petty and you are correct, it could get you fired.

 

I already told all my co workers what happened and they are laughing and supporting me.

Forget the co-workers I am sure they are laughing and supporting her behind your back too. People do and say what is best for themselves, so do not rely on any real support from them, if you do take this further.

I think you need to get off your high horse and get down to work and try and salvage your career. If you cannot work with this woman then start looking around for other jobs. You will need good references so rocking the company boat is probably not a good idea.

 

This vendetta will reflect badly on you.

"He didn't get the promotion he wanted, so he is now sulking and throwing his toys out of the pram"

It's not a good look.

 

It doesn't matter how great you think you are, you did not get that promotion for a reason, and that is what you need to look at, why did they not offer YOU the lead, why did they bypass you?

Sounds like you are not much of a team player, you do not like taking orders, you hold grudges and are out to cause trouble, so maybe that is the reason.

Look within for answers, think clever, lashing out here will do you no favours whatsoever IMO.

[sandylee1]

Is there a chance you're a bit jealous that she was promoted and that affects your interaction with her?

[Clockwatching]

I understand that she isn't your line manager, however if she's placed as lead on a project she has the directive and you should be at least co-operating even if you disagree with her decisions and escalating as appropriate if you feel what her decisions are out of line or damaging. Refusing to take work because someone didn't like your ideas as a way of retaliating is really quite petty and vindictive, undermining and unco-operative. Not exactly the epitomy of a team player and that will do nothing but damage your position.

 

You come across as being very stubborn and aggressive towards her (which I understand as you feel threatened by her) and that because you disagree with her you have a right to not do your job - your bosses will disagree with this and it won't be tolerated forever.

 

You may have more experience and be technically more proficient but as another poster said, at the end of the day she is the lead on these projects. If your manager is saying that she is the customer what he/she is saying is that you are there to provide a service to her, as the customer (whether internal or external), so by your refusing to do this you are bad for business - I'm not incredulous that your position is at risk.

 

If she is micromanaging you this is usually about power and control - unsurprising since you two are waging war with each other. She's trying to maintain her authority and you're trying to undermine her (basically, she feels threatened too) - so she's trying to remove you from involvement with the projects and/or your job.

 

It reallly doesn't matter how old you are, all of us can misread a flirty/non-flirty conversation no matter what our age.

 

To be honest, to me you do sound quite lonely and in need of real human connection - this all sounds like defensive/aggressive mechanisms to protect yourself - understandable, but if that's an issue for you it might be worth looking at. Another poster asked you whether you'd dealt emotionally with your divorce - have you?

[anika99]

Have to agree with the others in that you sound incredibly disruptive and difficult to work with. It doesn't matter if she is horrible and everything you say about her is true, the way you are handling the situation is unprofessional, childish and disrespectful. Being openly defiant and hostile in a team meeting and then telling all your coworker's everything about it and laughing behind her back is not the mature and professional way to handle conflict.

 

Again, it's not about how awful and incapable this woman is or isn't, it's about your attitude and how you handle it. When you have a problem with someone's direction you take it up with them in private and if you are dissatisfied with that outcome then you ask for a meeting with her and a manager, you don't humiliate and belittle the person in a public meeting in front of coworker's, especially when that person has been placed as the lead. She could the most awful useless leader in all of history but you are still the bigger problem.

[MH79]

I have told her many times that texting me at night is not acceptable. She still did. I did that 1:1 with her. I also told her jokingly that she told people to type things up. Like shooting from their shoulder. I said thats not acceptable.

 

Of course I have to provide her a service but I dont have to do it in unethical way or I dont have to sell my self respect for that. If I get criticized day after day for doing a good job or an excellent job, there is going to be a breaking point. If she is trying to over work me, I dont have to provide her service without increase in pay. My boss will not raise my salary for overworking myself. Thats why I told her I would not accept a new project from her.

 

I was not disruptive to her. I was not interested in some of the other projects she was doing. The thing is she could not do those on her own. I asked her to seek out a new project manager and she did not. Instead she is trying to get me out.

 

I have a 1:1 with her boss next week and I will let him know that I am working in the best interest of the company and I have gotten more things done than her. I want to be able to implement my ideas and not be blocked by her. At the same time, I am not blocking her ideas. The thing is she needs me (or another partner) to be successful. I need her to (well maybe not). But then I will ask him for a fair chance to compete.

 

Everyone wants to get promoted. I am not competitive at all. I said in 1:1 to her that we should be collaborative and not competitive and she responded by saying the competition is always going to be with your peer. I again said in a group lunch setting that at my previous job I had to leave because the peers were hostile and non cooperative.

 

Yes of course I supported her for a yr. I supported her even when she disagreed with me. However, she has not been supportive when I disagree with her , she never lets me implement my ideas and yes this is a power and control game. This is what I will tell her boss that the conflict has actually helped the company than it has harmed but to get me out of the project is not a fair outcome. Nobody on the ground accepts it.

 

She doesnt do anything. She just delegates all the work and I groomed all the team members of our team with their skills for them to be successful. However she is encashing on the success.

[FoundMyStrength]

As someone who's had a workplace emotional affair, this doesn't sound like one. This sounds like two coworkers who don't like each other's work and working styles going at it, and neither of them being particularly mature about it. Others have summarized better ways to approach that, so I'll tackle the emotional "affair."

 

You say she's texted you at night, always on the "pretext" of work, "cares" by asking you about your weekend and commute, and never talks about her personal life.

 

That isn't an emotional affair. Emotional affairs generally start with long conversations about personal life, stress, ones feelings, childhood experiences, old stories and memories, hopes, dreams, fears, goals, sharing successes and failures on an emotional level. It escalates to expressions of missing the person when they're out of the office or you didn't see them that day, knowing and worrying about key events in their lives, and finally expressing those three magic words of love. Over and over and over and over again. It's also characterized by an almost addictive quality. You can't wait to see the person, text them, and share your life. Yes there is variation, but many of these pieces will be there.

 

Maybe she's a workaholic. Maybe she doesn't have a lot of friends. Maybe she's lonely in the evenings. But you are not describing anything remotely reminiscent of an emotional affair. Her texts may be boundary violations, something to bring up with her or a manager along the lines of not wanting to be bothered at home with work stuff that can wait until morning. But I would advise against a claim of sexual harassment.

[MH79]

As someone who's had a workplace emotional affair, this doesn't sound like one. This sounds like two coworkers who don't like each other's work and working styles going at it, and neither of them being particularly mature about it. Others have summarized better ways to approach that, so I'll tackle the emotional "affair."

 

You say she's texted you at night, always on the "pretext" of work, "cares" by asking you about your weekend and commute, and never talks about her personal life.

 

That isn't an emotional affair. Emotional affairs generally start with long conversations about personal life, stress, ones feelings, childhood experiences, old stories and memories, hopes, dreams, fears, goals, sharing successes and failures on an emotional level. It escalates to expressions of missing the person when they're out of the office or you didn't see them that day, knowing and worrying about key events in their lives, and finally expressing those three magic words of love. Over and over and over and over again. It's also characterized by an almost addictive quality. You can't wait to see the person, text them, and share your life. Yes there is variation, but many of these pieces will be there.

 

Maybe she's a workaholic. Maybe she doesn't have a lot of friends. Maybe she's lonely in the evenings. But you are not describing anything remotely reminiscent of an emotional affair. Her texts may be boundary violations, something to bring up with her or a manager along the lines of not wanting to be bothered at home with work stuff that can wait until morning. But I would advise against a claim of sexual harassment.

 

In 18 years of my career, I have never filed an HR complaint. The complaint will most likely be for retaliation or discrimination and not sexual harassment. Of course I am not promoted for a reason but then employer has to be fair and equitable to all employees.

 

I also know why I was not promoted, its because I have tendency to say no to things that I disagree with. This woman is good at taking orders. She doesn't push back on anything thats unreasonable.

 

I don't go to work twiddling my thumbs. I work on ideas I think are innovative and are of interest to me and are in the interest of the company as well. Some people think, I just have to do what they tell me to do and I say no. I will take 30-60% of my work as orders but then I want to be able to work on things I like for the rest 30%. Again those are still in the best interest of the company and not my personal pet projects.

 

I told her clearly that I will work on projects that I think are of interest to me. I supported her on many many projects. She is getting promoted because I worked behind the scenes to speed up her projects and make her look good. She is the only person that was benefitted from that. I did not. Any person will get offended by that.

 

As I said, I am checking with a lawyer as to what my options are.

 

An emotional affair is something where two people think of each other the whole time. And of course that was happening.

Edited May 6, 2017 by MH79

[elaine567]

I am not competitive at all. I said in 1:1 to her that we should be collaborative and not competitive and she responded by saying the competition is always going to be with your peer. I again said in a group lunch setting that at my previous job I had to leave because the peers were hostile and non cooperative.

 

But saying "We should be collaborative not competitive" you were attempting to negate her promotion and make yourself into her equal, and that is manipulative.

Of course she wasn't going to let you get away with that.