Johnsmith1003 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 (edited) Ok so yeah that was strange. All but confirmed my suspicion. I'll back up. Married with wife for 4 years. We're really cool together. Got a son who is 3. We're mid 20s. I noticed her sex drive having declined since he was born. Before she would talk dirty, be somewhat kinky, masturbate and actually be horny. Now, it virtually vanished. She hasn't masturbated (this year), very rarely says she's horny. But don't get me wrong she does almost anything sexually for me. But id like it if she too got into it. She told me last night that ever since his birth it has nosedived. She says she's not depressed nor do I think she is. She rather get more knowledge in life than being sexually driven. That broke my heart but the same time I found relief knowing it has been laid out and I wasn't becoming crazy. I asked her today if what she meant. I suggested maybe external factors were at play (living arrangements and income) she says possibly. Afterall she can't really get sexy if she knows things are afoot. Thoughts? We both do school. Raise him. I'd say responsibilities truly are 50/50. No way I'd leave her since she does anything I ask but it's just not for her.f Edited April 23, 2017 by Johnsmith1003 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 I suggested maybe external factors were at play (living arrangements and income) she says possibly. Afterall she can't really get sexy if she knows things are afoot. Not sure what you mean. Do you live with someone else? No way I'd leave her since she does anything I ask but it's just not for her.f You've considered leaving ? Sounds like you've got a good thing going - young son, wife with whom you're "really cool together", sexlife where "she does almost anything sexually for me". Sure seems like the glass is at least half-full... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnsmith1003 Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 Not sure what you mean. Do you live with someone else? You've considered leaving ? Sounds like you've got a good thing going - young son, wife with whom you're "really cool together", sexlife where "she does almost anything sexually for me". Sure seems like the glass is at least half-full... Mr. Lucky No I denounced leaving not because I'm doubting this but letting responders know in advance before they suggest it as a possibility. And as to the living arrangements, we live with her parents. Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 OK, So, biologically, having a baby... sort of puts the body a little bit into not time to procreate a new baby, you still have one in your arms... Lots of changing hormones, crying baby, poopy diapers, messy messes, being too exhausted to think straight, are you coming are you going exhausted. If this is a first baby for the both of you, lots to learn. Take your time, be patient, be forgiving, talk things out a bit, both you still have a lot to learn about the other sex and what makes them tick a bit. Not to mention the other person you are sharing the whole made a baby with experience with. Do some reading, be supportive, ask questions. Don't get angry, don't pout if she isn't in the mood, it is a major turn off, likely to hurt your next few chances of intimacy. Take care of yourself, get rest if possible, eat right, exercise, drink plenty of water, cut back on any drug or alcohol use. Things should work themselves out in due time. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Tell her that when you married her there was an implied agreement on both your parts that the marriage would include a healthy and mutually satisfying sex life. She has unilaterally broken that agreement. Tell her you did not marry with the intention of being celibate, and that she better get to the bottom of her lack of sex drive or you will be severing the marital contract. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Does she tell you or act like sex is a chore? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Be happy she's talking about it. That is a great big step toward fixing it. Can your child go to the grandparents for a night so you two can have some alone time? Then do dinner, maybe a bubble bath & candlelight. Men need sex to feel love. Women need to feel loved in order to have sex. Romance her. Make a plan together to reduce the outside stressful factors. Make a budget or increase earnings to address the finances. Dear with whoever is "afoot." I don't know who is around but get away from them even if it is your son. Send him to grandparents for a night. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Tell her that when you married her there was an implied agreement on both your parts that the marriage would include a healthy and mutually satisfying sex life. She has unilaterally broken that agreement. Tell her you did not marry with the intention of being celibate, and that she better get to the bottom of her lack of sex drive or you will be severing the marital contract. NO. This is NOT about lack of sex here, she will do anything sexually the OP asks, she IS upholding her side of the marriage agreement. What is missing here is her desire for sex. She no longer feels horny. I guess QuietDan has hit the nail on the head. Baby, exhaustion, hormones and changed priorities... It will sort itself out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Baby, exhaustion, hormones, changing priorities... And the fact that you are living with her parents. I wouldn't want to have wild sex if I was living in my parents home either. Perhaps, things will change when you move out and the child is a little older... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 And the fact that you are living with her parents... ...a definite passion killer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 And as to the living arrangements, we live with her parents. Others have already pointed out, I'd guess there's your answer. The dual mood killers of parents and small child underfoot would put a damper on most women's "horniness". How soon until you can get your own place? Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 She rather get more knowledge in life than being sexually driven. There is actually a natural or an inherent drive or force for this, buried within our psyches, which does get awakened for some people. These two articles point to one lens through which it can be viewed: How both men and women can develop a more mature attitude to sex and Some people have lost physical desire for sex. The point is that your wife's present sexual desires and drive are not against you, so there is no reason for it to "break your heart". The fact that she has not decided to become celibate is perhaps a better way to look at it? . (In context of those articles.) She is still willing to participate and try to meet your sexual needs, and this can be accepted with appreciation and gratitude instead of trying to put conditions on it that she needs to feel the same way about sex as you do, and/or as she did in the past, and be the same amount into it as you and/or as in the past. Change happens. In this case, her explanation is pointing to a positive change (for growth) within her own psyche about her own life personal goals and priorities. Trying to limit or put conditions on that will most likely only lead, sooner or later, to anger, resentment, blame, conflict back-and-forth between the two of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnsmith1003 Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 Thanks guys. I maintain its just temporary. Afterall we both are slated to graduate this year. I suspect once it levels out in all facets it'll improve. Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Tell her that when you married her there was an implied agreement on both your parts that the marriage would include a healthy and mutually satisfying sex life. She has unilaterally broken that agreement. Tell her you did not marry with the intention of being celibate, and that she better get to the bottom of her lack of sex drive or you will be severing the marital contract. Wow, seriously ?. Unless the wife is mentally koo koo, I see your suggestion falling like a lead balloon. Also, Sex, I would only be able read about in the "Extinct" section along with the Dinosaurs in an Encyclopaedia to know what it was. Again, Wow.. Ted. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 How did your wife's medical condition you started a thread a year ago turn out? You also mentioned working a lot of hours in 2014. Are both you and your wife still working these hours? Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Sometimes it's really hard to break the mom role and go back to being sexy wife, especially in the first few years and with everything else going on and everyone around. Don't forget to date her! Link to post Share on other sites
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