Author vickyp Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 I made a statement of " this has nothing to do with you, so why am I discussing it with you" is how it started So sorry to hear about your Dad. This must be terribly painful for you and your family so my heart goes out to y'all. Don't be hard on yourself for contacting your ex during crisis. Just go back to NC and stick to it this time. Thank you. But I really hope people read this and don't break NC. It took 3 weeks to be "normal" so it can happen. But yes back to NC for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vickyp Posted May 19, 2017 Author Share Posted May 19, 2017 I confess. I broke nc after 3 days. It had bothered me how making a comment of " it has nothing to do with you so why am I talking to you about this" would have him nc me. The story is my dad left me and my sisters his house. I wanted to buy them out and rent out the house. After breaking nc he told me that he was scared that I'd leave him homeless with my not thinking threw things. He then started telling me how he didn't want to be with me, how I was sick in the head and I'm ****** he also went on to say that it's my fault he's not well and he can't get better if I'm in the picture. He had also brought up and had laugh at once my step dad had hit me. Is something wrong with his state of mind? And did he always have one foot in and one out the door? Was the homeless commet legit? Or excuse? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 I'm not sure I follow much of that but if that guy called you bad names & is claiming it's somehow your fault that he's mentally ill, consider this last conversation your closure. It's more than likely that getting him out of your life is one of the best things for you. Adios. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vickyp Posted May 19, 2017 Author Share Posted May 19, 2017 He's basically saying he's scare at financial decisions I'd make that would have us being homeless, then going off at me as above post. Wasit all just an excuse to get out? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 . Wasit all just an excuse to get out? Probably. Fact remains, he's gone. Now you need to pick up the pieces & get on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vickyp Posted May 19, 2017 Author Share Posted May 19, 2017 I don't know I hang on when my inner voice is saying run run run. I'm so scared of being alone. That I'm close to 40 and won't have a partner kids a good life and happy life with someone. Why am I so scared of being alone? Link to post Share on other sites
FailedFirstLove Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 I couldn't follow what you wrote... but if his abusive regardless of mental illness or not you're better off Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Is something wrong with his state of mind? And did he always have one foot in and one out the door? Was the homeless commet legit? Or excuse? Best to focus on why you still choose to latch on to someone that was just using you. At this point, your state of mind is what should be your focus. He was using you. So he never had both feet in. You took care of his bills as I recall -- not sure how you would be the cause of his homelessness. As to why you are afraid to be alone -- best to seek therapy. It'll help you dig deep and figure out why you are dependent upon someone else to create your happiness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vickyp Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 (edited) Hi everyone, hope everyone is well. I've been NC just to hit my 60 days soon and I feel great. At first it was hard, but buy 3 weeks the pain was going away. Anyone reading this, please stick to, NC. It really does help. I'm not going to lie I still think about the horrible names I was called. But I stop and think how someone normal wouldn't say these things. I'd also like to say thankyou for everyone to gave me advise and listened to my broken heart. But I do have a question after this lol The money that I paid for his bills do I ask for it back or cut my loses? Please don't think I want to make contact again. The hurt of being called bad names still stings. I'm just wanting an option. The total is about 1500 dollars. Thanks guys Edited June 10, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 You're not going to get it back. Someone that calls you those names have no care or consideration for you, let alone pay you back. Take the loss and move on. Breaking NC/the money is just not worth the potential drama and pain. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vickyp Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 I see your point and understand what your saying. It just sucks. Thanks Zahara 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 Hi everyone, hope everyone is well. I've been NC just to hit my 60 days soon and I feel great. At first it was hard, but buy 3 weeks the pain was going away. Anyone reading this, please stick to, NC. It really does help. I'm not going to lie I still think about the horrible names I was called. But I stop and think how someone normal wouldn't say these things. I'd also like to say thankyou for everyone to gave me advise and listened to my broken heart. But I do have a question after this lol The money that I paid for his bills do I ask for it back or cut my loses? Please don't think I want to make contact again. The hurt of being called a c### and a wh### still stings. I'm just wanting an option. The total is about 1500 dollars. Thanks guys You cut your losses! You're starting to feel better and that's way more important than $1500 bucks. Your emotional well being is worth way more than that, it's priceless. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vickyp Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 You cut your losses! You're starting to feel better and that's way more important than $1500 bucks. Your emotional well being is worth way more than that, it's priceless. Your right thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 I see your point and understand what your saying. It just sucks. Thanks Zahara It's just money. Your emotional freedom is priceless. Enjoy that and forget the rest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vickyp Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 It's just money. Your emotional freedom is priceless. Enjoy that and forget the rest. Your right. Thank you Don't forget drinks on me if you ever visit Canada 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 The money you paid for his bills was a gift in the eyes of the law. You did this for your BF out of the goodness of your heart at the time. Unless you have a written contract where he agreed to pay you back, kiss this money good bye. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vickyp Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 The money you paid for his bills was a gift in the eyes of the law. You did this for your BF out of the goodness of your heart at the time. Unless you have a written contract where he agreed to pay you back, kiss this money good bye. And it's sad too. Once I'm wanting and able to date again I may have second thoughts in helping again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 Dating is fine. Helping people is fine. Just remember that if you give money unless you are fully prepared to never get it back, you need a written contract. Most people will pay you back if you strike a business deal The problems arise when like here, you give because you are in love but then suddenly you are broken up & you realize just how much you are out. I've been there. I made a car payment for a deadbeat BF once. It's an expensive lessen to learn Link to post Share on other sites
Author vickyp Posted June 9, 2017 Author Share Posted June 9, 2017 I hear ya. But it's a lesson we both learned from. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
babysacay Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 It's great to know you're feeling better! I wouldn't expect the money back...my ex from 2 years ago fried my laptop by spilling beer on it and said he'd pay for a new one. We broke up shortly after and he never did... $1300 down the drain :/ But I'm glad to have kept him out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 The money you paid for his bills was a gift in the eyes of the law. You did this for your BF out of the goodness of your heart at the time. Unless you have a written contract where he agreed to pay you back, kiss this money good bye. I agree wth Donnivan I think take the loss and learn from it for next time. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 It was your choice. It was money well spent if you learned from it never to do that again and what to look out for in the way of red flags in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vickyp Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 I've been nc close to 60 days,hard at first but got easier. My mind at time has gone back to what was said to me and today I just can't shake it off. I'm pretty depressed. I don't know how you can be with someone close to 3 yrs and have them say that they hate you, I'm. Loser, and call me a Wh###. I should also mention he suffers from ptsp. So I don't know if that's what kicked or really he means it. I guess my questi is how can someone who claimed to of loved you be so mean. Honestly I wished he could of cheated on me. I think the pain would be far less. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Knix Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Trust me... if he cheated on you it wouldn't have felt any better. He's being an ass because it's easier for him to hate you right now. If he was nice to you and you nice to him, it would be a lot harder to breakup. What was his reasons for breaking up? Do you think there is someone else? A lot of the time when someone just ends something out of the blue it is because there is someone else in the picture, and they are mean to you so they don't feel guilty about what theyre doing by acting like youre a bad person. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 (edited) In the past when we fought I was called every name in the book and yes the c word and also stupid. I don't know how you can be with someone close to 3 yrs and have them say that they hate you, I'm. Question is -- how could YOU be with someone for 3 years that treated you so badly? Time to start turning things around and focusing on your own behavior. Why did you allow 3 years of berating? Stop focusing on why he did what he did -- why did you tolerate it? Best to look internally moving forward. Edited June 16, 2017 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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