Cant stop blaming myself

[Hsuqgsishshdbd]

Basically I met a guy and we dated for a coupke months. We got slong so well and he made things serious pretty quick. I didnt mind it cuz i liked him so much.

 

Anyways around the last week or so i started getting a weird vibe of him. Like he is bored of me, or is always pissed off. Or doesnt want something meaningful like i did. Idk how to explain it, the vibe was just weird.

 

I told him that i want him to be honest with me even of it hurt my feelings and asked him many times if there is somethint wrong. He kept saying no.

 

Until the weekend before we broke up. He went to visit his family, compeletly ignored me for a few days( even though he is always online) -also let me jist mention that when ever i used to take hours to reply or reply with short texts he gets frustrated and because of that i started putting more effort with texting.

 

 

.. so anyways.. i couldnt be silent any longer and told him if he wants break up just tell me. I cant guess it. He said he was busy and he had a situation but he agrees with me. I said what do u mean agree? Is that ur way of a breakup? Ur a jerk goodbye

He was like wow ur mean whatever u have no idea what happnd to me gdbye

I said exactly because u dont communicate with me ur always so silent, i just want to know what we are. And im sorry for whatever happened with u. and that i feel hurt and like im left hanging. He kept dodging my ( what are we?) question and said that he was busy with his family

After a long convo then He said yes were still together and that i made that assumption.

 

I said ok apology accepted. Anyways im tired of talking about this do whatever feels right. He said ok i agree with u.

 

Then didnt talk for another two days...

 

Im not a patient person. and i dont like to be left hanging and since he said ( we still are together) i messaged and said can i call u? He said yes then dissapeared for like a whol day. Texted him again saying "seriously? I just need to talk for two mints then ill leave u the hell alone" he replied and said "ure doing i again"

 

So i was like whatever ill just call him. I did. I asked him whats going on snd he said that he was busy, and that im being annoying he didnt mean to hurt me. I said but u came back from ur visit and u barely talked to me and ur acting so weird i think i deserve an explanation. I wana know right now what are we??? Fo u still wanna be with me???

 

He said "no i cant be with someone whos gonna cause problems with me everyday im not a kid anymore" i was like ok.. was that hard? ( trying to put a brave face on)

 

He then took it back by saying "look im gonna say stuff that is going to upset you right now because u made m angry, and ure not in a good mood either. So can we please talk later when we both are calm?? Dont be so impatient"

 

I said sure. Then goodbye.

 

Its been 5 days since that phonecall.

 

My question is should i wait for his call?

Should i tell him i am sorry i was aggresive ? ( as a last effort from me)

How can i stop blaming myself? I know for a fact that it is not entirely me but i always blame myselt for stuff.

 

Please help:(

Thanks

[act00]

Sweetie, take the hint. He's done. He won't come right out and say it or break up. I understand your desperate need for closure, but you will get nothing out of hashing out the what's and the why's. You won't get him back. He's signed off. It is so normal that relationships start to fade after the excitement of the "honeymoon phase," and it hurts desperately when you want to keep on going, and he just doesn't.

 

Take the hint. Don't contact him. Don't ask him why. You will never know. He will never tell you. He probably doesn't know himself other than he's just not that into you.

 

It hurts. I know. He's too much of a baby to just break it off with you, but with an official breakup comes a whole mess of why and what, and that is so easily avoided if you just simply ghost. He'll toss you a bone if you reach out, and ghost. He's not worth it.

 

You did nothing wrong. He just outgrew the relationship. He's handling it poorly by not simply breaking it off. He's leaving you hanging. YOU need to back off. You are not going to get him back, especially behaving like an emotional crazy person. You went out for two months, MONTHS. You weren't married to him for 5, 20, 30 years, where one would demand a f*cking explanation, and even then you wouldn't get one, or one that's remotely satisfying.

 

It's over. Let it go. I know you're impatient and you want closure. You're not going to get it. Don't text, don't call, and take the best revenge anyone can take and live your life for you and be happy and find someone worthy of you who wants to be with you.

 

Don't be surprised if he contacts you a couple months from now with a "What's up? How have you been?" Don't take the bait...don't.

[crossingbridges]

I just have to completely agree with the above poster. I would never treat my girl like this unless I wanted out. I'm sorry :/

[mortensorchid]

I'm sorry, hon, but you're done. We all have a right to ask the other party if the other party is breaking up with them why they are doing so, but sometimes you don't get an answer. You don't get the answer because they don't want to give it to you. Move on. It's done.

[smackie9]

You shouldn't be waiting around for him or anyone for that matter to breakup with you....YOU should just do it. If you are not happy, things are not going good, you are given the run around or whatever...step up and dump the chump. When you keep asking him "is this the end?" and hanging in there, he knows you are weak and can be lied to to keep you pacified. You my dear are being taken advantage of. Have some self worth......stop being so codependent...be more independent and don't put up with such crap.

[Metatron]

You must learn to look from a wider perspective. Detach yourself from the situation and stop examining it through your eyes see it from an objective point of view. You can't force love or demand it; love is a force of nature. Love mast flue out of you naturally don't use it as bargain cheap to force anyone to love you.

It is a wonderful feeling, and it will let you know what to do next if you will listen to it. Just spread your love and wait for fo it. If the guy will not respond to your clean debauched love it means he's not ready for you, however, no matter what happens don't force it on no one just lay it gently out there the existence will send you the right guy to pick it up one that will definitely apreaciated it.

Edited April 22, 2017 by Metatron

[basil67]

It reads t me like you gave away all your power. You've left your future in his hands instead of looking after it yourself.

 

If a person is still silent and uncommunicative when we've asked them twice how they are, DONT ask them if they want to break up. This is giving away your power. After a couple of enquiries, tell them that their closed off behaviour is making you rethink the relationship. If no changes happen after that, then you end it.

 

Hold on to your power.

[Hsuqgsishshdbd]

Thanks everyone, i really appreciate it.

 

I messaged him before i saw the replies saying that it i am sorry if i was aggresive and that its over. He replied im sorry if MAYBE i was mean. Tc.

 

Then deleted him off social media

 

For anyone going through a similar thing and wants to know what is wrong with them, i think my problem was i rushed in because he seemed too perfect. Even though he was the one he one rushing it a first, a girl always has to give the guy something to chase.

[smackie9]

You didn't do anything wrong except not see that his lack of effort meant he wasn't that into you....in other words he wouldn't have chased.

[Hsuqgsishshdbd]

You didn't do anything wrong except not see that his lack of effort meant he wasn't that into you....in other words he wouldn't have chased.

 

I am worried that i wasn't exactly nice to him and perhaps i was being paranoid which led to the breakup, when i first talked to him after his silence for a couple days if u dont wana talk let me know thats immature and ur a big jerk, then he followed saying wow ur so mean i didnt do anything for u to be this mean.. then the rest of the argument happend. Could it be that? My paranoia and me being aggresive.

Edited April 22, 2017 by Hsuqgsishshdbd

[Hsuqgsishshdbd]

I am worried i effed up what could have been a great relationship.

 

I met someone and dated for two months it was amazing until I started getting weird vibes of him, and he started not to text me as much. Even for days sometimes.

 

Long story short my overthinking took over me and i messaged an angry message saying thanks for wasting my time if u want to break up just do it u hurt me alot. Argued a little bit and he implied he still wants me and said he will call me later And i waited and waited for five days until i messaged saying im sorry if i was aggresive, just want to say this and move on. He replied dw about it And take care

 

Did my overreacting/overthinking/ me being a pycho ruined it??

I might be exaggerating about how i am crazy person but my gut feelings kept saying hes losing intrest, and btw i did ask him a couple of times if anything js wrong when the whole weirdness started and he always said no.

 

I even messaged him again saying can u give me closure and tell me what happnd and he totally ignored.

 

Did i miss this up:( how can i forgive myself. Im a wreck i keep sending messages and calling ive never been that desprate kinda girl especially if its only been two months

 

Also; hes the one who made things pretty serious, and he was the one head over heels.

 

Help

[Cephalopod]

Quit chasing him. He will just run faster.

 

Yeah he got bad vibe off you. You need to examine your motivations. See a therapist and get to the bottom of your issues.

 

And let him go. He's not coming back.

[Blanco]

Sometimes the people who come on the strongest also pull back just as quickly. You did nothing wrong except not take the hint sooner. Don't look for ways or excuses to contact him again.

[RocketQueen]

Don't blame yourself. You may not have handled it in the cool, calm way you'd prefer but the bottom line is he gave you nowhere to go with this.

 

Everything you wrote speaks of someone who didn't have it in them to fight for the relationship or give enough of an explanation to help you understand why he was being so distant.

 

Sounds like he took the easy way out, which makes it difficult for you. Chalk this up as experience and dust yourself off.

 

Take care

[Bromeo]

Ester parrell calls the in in-relationship distancing "icing". Basically, this means the other person is creating space and keeping you there, but is too weak to let you go. It's incredibly damaging to the dumpee, and ensures resentment.

 

I know because I allowed this for 4 months after being dumped.

 

Sweetpea, no matter what age you are, relationships are built on communication. I read your post and cringed, because I know how you feel.

 

Immature, insecure people keep the SO in limbo, do not communicate, and like blurred lines. It gives them a sense of control and power which they otherwise wouldn't feel.

 

Again, talking from experience. I'm 38, and my ex 36. She wouldn't cut ties, wouldn't talk, ditch me, but would reach out via text every couple days when I would start to back off. It was incredibly toxic and painful, and it took learning from the community here to understand what was occurring and handle it.

 

I see nothing wrong with what you did, your personality is more like mine. However, I want to save you months of chasing, instability, and crushed feelings.

 

Take your dignity back. Don't contact him again. Let him miss you. Come back here for advice.

[Hsuqgsishshdbd]

Thanks Bromeo, that was really helpful to read.

 

I'm slowly getting over it. There is one thing that is bugging me after re reading our last argument. I think i was quick to assume that he wanted to leave me and acted up upon it. How do i convince myself that he was goinng to leave either way. I mean he was actually busy with his bro's engagement. So i feel like I misjudged the situation and if i simply asked him r u avoiding me this wouldnt have happnd:( what do i do to stop feeling like this.

 

Thanks again

 

 

 

 

 

Ester parrell calls the in in-relationship distancing "icing". Basically, this means the other person is creating space and keeping you there, but is too weak to let you go. It's incredibly damaging to the dumpee, and ensures resentment.

 

I know because I allowed this for 4 months after being dumped.

 

Sweetpea, no matter what age you are, relationships are built on communication. I read your post and cringed, because I know how you feel.

 

Immature, insecure people keep the SO in limbo, do not communicate, and like blurred lines. It gives them a sense of control and power which they otherwise wouldn't feel.

 

Again, talking from experience. I'm 38, and my ex 36. She wouldn't cut ties, wouldn't talk, ditch me, but would reach out via text every couple days when I would start to back off. It was incredibly toxic and painful, and it took learning from the community here to understand what was occurring and handle it.

 

I see nothing wrong with what you did, your personality is more like mine. However, I want to save you months of chasing, instability, and crushed feelings.

 

Take your dignity back. Don't contact him again. Let him miss you. Come back here for advice.

[stillafool]

Thanks Bromeo, that was really helpful to read.

 

I'm slowly getting over it. There is one thing that is bugging me after re reading our last argument. I think i was quick to assume that he wanted to leave me and acted up upon it. How do i convince myself that he was goinng to leave either way. I mean he was actually busy with his bro's engagement. So i feel like I misjudged the situation and if i simply asked him r u avoiding me this wouldnt have happnd:( what do i do to stop feeling like this.

 

Thanks again

 

The thing is none of this would have mattered if he really wanted you. He would at least give it another try. He's done.