BF Admits he tried to cheat

[alleycat133]

I found out recently that my boyfriend of a year had attempted to get with another girl (he messaged her) in January but it never happened (she didn't answer). Her friend told me this happened. In January, we had two really awful fights not even having to do with this, but he just became mean and uninterested. I was going over to his house to break up with him and he cried and told me he was scared of how close we were getting and didn't know what to do.

 

He also hasn't had a good home life/no father figure and tells me that has a lot to do with it. I forgive him and he re-commits to me 100%. So a few months go by and we're doing so great, and then I find out he messaged this girl a week before that really bad fight (we weren't even fighting when it happened, I was just out of town). Thankfully nothing happened but i was livid and he cried to me again how during that time he didn't know what he wanted and he had to realize that. I forgave him but I can't seem to stop thinking about it, especially how it happened while he was talking so nicely to me when i was out of town.

 

I could see it happening if it was a nasty fight and we weren't talking, but i feel so betrayed. He even told me it happened during a fight and that he didn't think we would stay together, but i found out it clearly did not. I also had suspicions before I found out because someone told me she heard something, and i asked him, and he said he doesn't know what shes talking about. After I found out he said he just didn't want to ruin what he had since we had made so much progress

 

I know how much he cares now, but I'm so scared that if he fooled me once I wouldnt even know if it happened again. Is it possible and justifiable to move on?

Edited April 24, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and add link to backstory

[preraph]

He's trying to cheat for two reasons. One is variety sex and the other is because he's messed up and having a strange woman attracted to him gives him some kind of validation that he has value.

 

It's not a good thing. He's going to keep feeding his need or trying to. And I will just tell you that guys who cheat on you or abuse you physical always cry and apologize, but that doesn't make them stop. They're just sorry for themselves that they man reap the consequences.

 

There's no future here. I'm sorry. Find someone who at least thinks they can be happy and faithful to one woman.

[Knix]

He's a chronic cheater. Every time something goes wrong he looks outside the relationship to cheat... not okay.

 

 

I had an ex that did this, he would do the exact same thing-- cry and tell me every excuse in the world only for him to do it again a month or two later.

 

Save yourself the heartbreak

[Space Ritual]

He also hasn't had a good home life/no father figure and tells me that has a lot to do with it.

 

Total Bullschnit.

 

I grew up in a violent home where I was abused and I ended up a violent criminal but I never cheated on anyone nor even considered it.

 

If you allow him to us that lame excuse I have sme Oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

 

 

HE TRIED TO CHEAT ON YOU!

 

He is showing you who he is..and that is somebody who has serious character defects and will cheat on you if the opportunity presents itself in the future.

 

Continue the relationship at your own peril. And get an STD test.

[ExpatInItaly]

He isn't anywhere near ready for a committed relationship.

 

Having a rough home life and no father around is no excuse for this type of behaviour. He knows the difference between right and wrong, I assume, and knows what's expected of him as a boyfriend in a monogamous relationship. Don't let him manipulate you with that.

 

I would not be able to continue with a man who does this. I prefer my men to have my back and not seek out fun on the side. Don't you?

[preraph]

Total Bullschnit.

 

I grew up in a violent home where I was abused and I ended up a violent criminal but I never cheated on anyone nor even considered it.

 

If you allow him to us that lame excuse I have sme Oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

 

 

HE TRIED TO CHEAT ON YOU!

 

He is showing you who he is..and that is somebody who has serious character defects and will cheat on you if the opportunity presents itself in the future.

 

Continue the relationship at your own peril. And get an STD test.

 

It's not an excuse, but it is true people with bad parents are more likely to be messed up. it's a tribute to you that you weren't, but everyone's situation is different. Maybe you had one good influence or you rebelled. Maybe he didn't. But it's not an excuse anyway. It's hard to escape understanding what is right and what is wrong.

[d0nnivain]

maybe I need to be hit on the head but I don't see trying to cheat here unless I'm missing something.

 

What did these messages say? Unless they said "do you want to get together?" talking to a member of the opposite sex is not cheating. I sent about 7 different guys text messages today reminding them that Wednesday is Administrative Professionals Day so they remember to get stuff for their staff. All are married & so am I. At no point during those exchanges did infidelity come up. Was I cheating on my husband by reminding my buddies to get presents for the other women who keep their lives in order? I hardly think so.

 

 

However, the chronic fights & your generalized unhappiness are some indication that this is not a healthy fulfilling relationship.

[Cilantro]

This sounds a bit like a situation I've been in with my husband for the past year or so. I can tell you that most likely if he tried it once he'll try it again, as he's already seemed to do. In my case, it started with my husband flirting with faraway, long distance girls online (girls he never met; mutual social media friends of our close friends) and a few months later he tried to cheat on me with various strippers. I can tell you it's been over a year now and I'm still not over it. I'm still obsessive about it and insecure as all hell. It's at the point that I've become an insecure, jealous jerk who has been flirting with guys myself just to make myself feel better and because I now feel entitled to a few "free passes" to cheat or go to strip clubs myself. If this guy is only a boyfriend and you don't have any kids, then all the better and easier for getting out now before it gets more serious in my opinion.

[smackie9]

So all he has to do is cry and beg.....seriously break up with him already...you two are pretty much casually dating in uni no real investment here. Dump this manipulative chump.