siren8272 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 So I am going on vacation with my parents to Florida in a nice gated condo community with three pools. My parents or should I say my mother in particular is very religious. She does not approve of drinking,going to clubs(even if it is a lounge), or immodest dress(which to her means bikinis,tank tops,halter tops,sun dresses). Well growing up she and I often had arguments about my beliefs and hers clashing. We have long since resolved these issues because well I moved out once for 5 yrs then again for three. They are older now so they asked I move back in to help not financially but with getting around and stuff... We have all paid money into this vacation and I want to have a great time because even though I am an adult I still want to spend time with my family(they aint getting any younger). I have a bit of an issue.... I plan on going to the pools but I only have bikinis to wear. I have not owned a one piece since I moved out of my parents home. In the past when I was a teen/young adult(early 20s) my mother forbid me from wearing bikinis because she felt it was sinful AND eluded to the idea that my stepdad would become "aroused". We argued about this but of course she won because she was paying for that particular vacation. My question is would it be disrespectful of me to wear a bikini to the pool and you know have a drink or two? Not blatantly front of them but off to the side or sneak off on my own,but you know my mother worries if I go off by myself so shell probably follow me where ever I go. In her mind I am still her baby even though I am 35 ha ha. I know I don't have to drink or swim but I did pay a sizable chunk of money on this vacation and I want to enjoy myself too(clearly what they like vs what I like to do on vacation differs greatly),but I also want to be respectful which is why I would love others opinions particularly parents if possible. I dont have kids of my own,but I imagine i wouldnt care if my daughter in her 30s drank and wore a bikini on the beach,but thats just me...:):) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 who is paying for the vacation? if it is your parents, respect their boundaries. If you're paying, then do as you please. Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Oh how I wish my mom were here to nag me but I digress... H and I have many diverse people we socialize with and our line of thought is this - if it offends one of them we don't do it in front of them. If I were you {I wish I were considering the wonderful vacation} I would wear a one piece and hide my boozy afternoon in an inconspicuous cup. Really? No sundresses? I'd have to burn my entire summer wardrobe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 So I am going on vacation with my parents to Florida in a nice gated condo community with three pools. My parents or should I say my mother in particular is very religious. She does not approve of drinking,going to clubs(even if it is a lounge), or immodest dress(which to her means bikinis,tank tops,halter tops,sun dresses). Well growing up she and I often had arguments about my beliefs and hers clashing. We have long since resolved these issues because well I moved out once for 5 yrs then again for three. They are older now so they asked I move back in to help not financially but with getting around and stuff... We have all paid money into this vacation and I want to have a great time because even though I am an adult I still want to spend time with my family(they aint getting any younger). I have a bit of an issue.... I plan on going to the pools but I only have bikinis to wear. I have not owned a one piece since I moved out of my parents home. In the past when I was a teen/young adult(early 20s) my mother forbid me from wearing bikinis because she felt it was sinful AND eluded to the idea that my stepdad would become "aroused". We argued about this but of course she won because she was paying for that particular vacation. My question is would it be disrespectful of me to wear a bikini to the pool and you know have a drink or two? Not blatantly front of them but off to the side or sneak off on my own,but you know my mother worries if I go off by myself so shell probably follow me where ever I go. In her mind I am still her baby even though I am 35 ha ha. I know I don't have to drink or swim but I did pay a sizable chunk of money on this vacation and I want to enjoy myself too(clearly what they like vs what I like to do on vacation differs greatly),but I also want to be respectful which is why I would love others opinions particularly parents if possible. I dont have kids of my own,but I imagine i wouldnt care if my daughter in her 30s drank and wore a bikini on the beach,but thats just me...:):) I will say that there is a great deal of "disrespectful" behavior going on daily at many FL beaches Should guys keep their shirts on?? Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Should guys keep their shirts on?? Now what fun would that be? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Its your vacation. Do what you want (I assume you are well over 21?). There comes a time in your life where you just have to do what you want. Your mother isnt being reasonable. She can believe what she believes, but she is pushing her beliefs on you. How long will you let her do that? Ten more years? Twenty? I dont know about you, but if you can go to a pool wearing a bikini, have at it. There may come a time in your life where you can't pull it off, so enjoy it while you can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Follow your own principles and beliefs. Even if they are paying your way, it sounds like you are along to help them as they are challenged with mobility, etc. Would they be able to go if you weren't along? Sure, you can be somewhat discreet out of respect, but not cave to their biases. They also need to respect you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Its your vacation. Do what you want (I assume you are well over 21?). OP is indeed well over 21: In her mind I am still her baby even though I am 35 ha ha. siren8272, nothing you're proposing is illegal or (by mainstream definition) immoral. Live your life (discreetly ) and enjoy your trip. If there's adjustments to be made, have to be on the parental side... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Swim in a t-shirt or invest in a tankini for the sake of family harmony on this vacation. Whether you get a tan on your stomach is not the issue to ruin everyone's vacation over. Drink what you like in an opaque cup so it's not blantently in mom's face. I am on your side. At 35 they can't tell you what to do but you knew about these issues when you agreed to go on this vacation. Be the bigger person & be the peace-maker not the instigator. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author siren8272 Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 who is paying for the vacation? if it is your parents, respect their boundaries. If you're paying, then do as you please. we are all putting in on this vacation in fact i offered to pay more to ensure we have separate accommodations BUT my mother will get anxious if im in another room by myself(she has anxiety and control issues but again she is elderly now so im trying to just keep the peace).....Im trying to make the vacation fun and peaceful. In the past I admit in my 20s i would have died on that hill regarding the bikini but I am trying to do what is right by my mom bc we only get one .... Link to post Share on other sites
Titanll Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 You are an adult? Yes? Do what you want...simple, really. Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 One pieces are for little girls. They look ridiculous on grown women. For your own self-respect, just wear what you are comfortable with. Don't get drunk around your mom, and keep things covered with your fabric. Besides, you said you aren't going to be doing it directly in front of her. You're 30. Time for your mother to learn to live with who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 OP, it really is up to you. It's difficult to offer advice without context - how important is that particular boundary to you, how willing your mom is to compromise otherwise, etc. I can't tell you what I'd do in your position without that context. Personally, my motto with loved ones is "pick your battles"; whether or not this is a battle worth picking I can't say. One pieces are for little girls. They look ridiculous on grown women. I disagree. I know lots of women who love swimming but don't want to wear a bikini for various reasons (ranging from religion to not liking the look of their bare stomachs to just feeling more comfy in a 1-piece) and they look fine. I don't think they should be ridiculed for their choice of clothing, although there is obviously nothing wrong with the OP choosing to wear a bikini if she feels comfortable in it either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 One pieces are for little girls. They look ridiculous on grown women. /..snip../ Oh ye of little imagination..., I strongly disagree. As Cole Porter sang... In olden days, a glimpse of stocking Was looked on as something shocking. But now, God knows, Anything goes. ... I myself have never been willing kowtow to the (IMO) unreasonable expectations of others, including family. It's not without cost, but it's just the way I am. It's the sort of choice everyone must make for themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Just buy a one piece bathing suit. Enjoy the time you have with them even if that means bending a bit to make them happier and keeping things peaceful. If you plan on drinking don't do it around them or make it obvious when you do. I'm in my 40's and my mom doesn't really know I still smoke cigarettes. I NEVER ever do it around her, if I did I'd get a huge lecture! You'll always be her child no matter how old you are. lol I know it can be annoying at times but one day you'll miss their nagging. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 If you decide to rock your bikini I might suggest getting that conversation done and over with before you go. Vacations can get derailed pretty easily it would seem. I also might suggest adjoining Hotel suite. The door can be left open but still afford some privacy. I watched my 70 year old mom and all three of her sister under the command of my 95 year old grandma. None of them would break the cycle of their mom in charge. It was for their entire life until G-ma passed at 98. Link to post Share on other sites
Author siren8272 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 Just buy a one piece bathing suit. Enjoy the time you have with them even if that means bending a bit to make them happier and keeping things peaceful. If you plan on drinking don't do it around them or make it obvious when you do. I'm in my 40's and my mom doesn't really know I still smoke cigarettes. I NEVER ever do it around her, if I did I'd get a huge lecture! You'll always be her child no matter how old you are. lol I know it can be annoying at times but one day you'll miss their nagging. I just hope when Im as old as she is and if I have a daughter id find something beter to nag about than bikinis LOL...now smoking cigarettes i could understand the issue(its not healthy) but bikinis arent dangerous she just deems them immodest (she also forgets im nowhere near as busty as her so theres no chance of a wordrobe malfunction. Im trying to decide if this is a battle worth picking...in my 20s HELL YEA me and her got into it bad about that...she even yelled at me in the middle of target for picking one up to look at it to buy for when i went back to college(my college had a pool area )...but im old and tired now(35) and dont feel like giving a speech about modesty being subjective. I already won the war with the tank tops and sun dresses(it took years for her to hush up about those lol).. Thanks for the input yall have given me a lot to chew on..... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 But your mom is religious so the bikini thing IS a big deal to her (showing skin is a sin? ) I guess either just laugh it off and say "oh mom.." or ask her to please respect that you're an adult and can make good choice so she doesn't have to worry. Link to post Share on other sites
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