My spouse is continuing his affair.. I don't want to lose my marriage.

[zouz71]

Can you please ellaborate how did you guys reach this situation ?

 

what your main problems ?

why he or you changed ?

 

For me I can see a frustrated man , if he was a creep he would have been a great actor and ate the cake and kept it too...

 

were you guys stuck in the traps that one of you has higher demands and silent treatment is being used in return ?

[wmacbride]

In your situation, where he has cheated before (albeit while you were dating) I don't think you can ever trust him not to cheat again.

 

Your spouse sounds like an immature little boy. He wants the comfort of his "mommy" (you), but he also wants the live life like a single guy. He takes his wedding ring off when he goes out and is treating you like crap. That doesn't sound like a loving husband.

 

The fact that he can be so glib indicates he sees nothing wrong with what he's doing. That is a huge warning sign. He feels completely entitled to have an A, an the " I love you but I am not in love with you" line is one of the oldest in the book. If he follows the typical pattern, next he's going to start blaming you for his A, telling you you did something wrong, you pushed him into it, you weren't thin/ sexy/energetic whatever else, so he'll try to make it seem as if he had no choice but to cheat or the A "just happened". Funny how he'd still prefer to stay in the house with you than leave.

 

Bull. He is an adult capable of making his own choices. Right now, he's choosing to sleep with someone else and also to rub your nose in it. Don't let him.

 

The 180 isn't a way to win him back, it's a way to centre yourself and find some grounding. Put yourself and your children first. If his being in the house is stressful and bad for the kids, ask him to find somewhere else to stay ( I expect the ow has a bed available for him). When you make meals, do housework, wash/fold/iron clothes, don't do his. Don't do anything for him. Let him figure all that out.

Don't be rude to him, try not to argue. Be as sweet as sugar, but don't do one single solitary favour or task for him. If you want a night out with friends, tell him it's his night to stay home with the kids. Let him do his own grocery shopping, make his meals etc. In other words, treat him as you would a roommate you don't care for all that much.

 

Also, see a lawyer. In your situation, this is especially important, as right now, your H is acting like a selfish jackass, and you can't trust him for anything, especially to treat you fairly should divorce be on the horizon. Draft a child support order and if it's legal where you are, ask about a formal separation. This is not to hurt him or automatically mean you will get divorced, but you need to protect yourself and your children from him and his ow. Make sure your finances are in order if you can. If you have access to his pay statements or anything else that shows his income, bring those to the lawyers office in case he or she wishes to see them.

 

I know this all sounds very adversarial, and probably goes against your nature as you sound like a kind and loving person who still sees the guy she loves in him. Still, you need to stand up for yourself and you children. If you don't, the next call you get, email/message/phone call you get could be from his ow to tell you she's pregnant with his child ( that is one thing I was terrified of. If that had happened, I couldn't have stayed, as I would have been too hurt and anger, and wouldn't want to risk taking that out on an innocent child who did ask for any of this, and who was thrown in the middle just like I and our kids were).

 

One piece of advice I give a lot to bs is to take care of themselves. Reconnect with old friends and family, take a weekend get away trip with your kids if you can. Volunteer in your community, join a club, take a class in something you've always wanted to do. Meet new friends. Find yourself again. Underneath all the hurt, anger and anxiety, you are still there.

 

I'll sign off by recommending to you take all of the advise with a grain of salt.Take what's useful to you and ignore the rest. I just gave you a whole spiel, and it could be great, it could be crap. I don't know, as your situation is unique to you and will have it's own factors and nuances. Only you know the whole of your story. Take some time for yourself, find your centre and strength and do whatever you think it right for you. You are much stronger than you may realize, and you can and will get through this. Also, don't be hard on yourself for still loving him even though he's treating you badly. That speaks to your capacity to love and forgive, which are parts of yourself if hope you don't want to lose.

[Confused48]

 

"I'm not telling you to stop trying, but not saying to hold on".

 

 

OMG, what a complete and utter jerk that could say something like this. You really want this guy back?

 

He expects you to do what is called, "The pick me dance." If you dance well enough you could win back this pathetic loser. Good luck, dance well!

 

[]

Edited April 25, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted commercial link ~6

[aliveagain]

2 and a half weeks ago my husband told me he was done and needed a break. He told me he's been very unhappy and "loves me but isn't in love with me". I had been having a gut feeling telling me he has been speaking with a girl he works with and goes to the bars with each week with other coworkers. He denied it at first. Finally he fessed up after a few days and said yes he has been sleeping with her. And that it had been going on people knew about it and he debated not even telling me. He says he doesn't want to work on our marriage but then makes comments about "I'm not telling you to stop trying, but not saying to hold on". He does small things that show me deep down he is confused and still cares about me. However now that I know he decided to remove his ring and when he goes out to DJ or to the bar with friends he comes home in the mornings from being with her after. I'm having a really hard time coping with this. We have 2 children 7 yr old and a 3 yr old. We have been together 11 years and married for 3 this June. He's been very distant and rude, texts her all day in front of me, still hides his phone. I really don't want to lose my marriage and am open to any advice on how to handle this from people who've been through this type of cheating situation.

 

The worst thing you can do is nothing. The very first thing you need to do is talk to a lawyer and understand your rights, you need to protect your children but that doesn't mean staying married to a man who has a girlfriend. There are things far worse then divorce, sharing your husband with other women is one of them. Your health is at risk, they always lie about using protection, please trust me on that as I had to endure my ex's affair that resulted in her having a child with her other man. They absolutely lie.

 

You can not nice them back and you can not make them love you. What you can do is after meeting with a lawyer tell him how much a divorce is going to cost him and that he may not be able to date as much as dating costs money, he won't have much. If your biggest fear is loosing him then please understand that you have already lost him and that is your starting point with us. Move his stuff out of your bedroom, Google and read up on the "180" and make it your new mantra. You need to separate yourself from him so you are thinking strait, the 180 will help you do that. Do not leave your home, talk to a lawyer and make the affair a bad place for him to be. Do not beg, do not follow him around like a puppy dog as these behaviours make you look weak and weak is not an attractive trait. Please talk to a lawyer, you need to know your rights.

[preraph]

Look, I have to be honest with you and I know it's not what you want to hear, but your husband is not even willing to work on the marriage and yet he is being very disrespectful to you telling you it's okay with him if YOU try to bust your butt trying to make him happy when he's the one who has done something unforgivable here. Why should YOU be the one putting in extra effort and begging and enabling him to do this. He has made it clear it doesn't matter what you do, he's not going to try to save the marriage.

 

Is this the role model you want to be for your daughter, let a man completely lie to you and cheat on you and then beg for him not to leave and let him stay under such bad conditions? Is this what you want your daughter to do and put up with when she finds a man? Because by having no standards here that is what you are teaching her is normal.

 

Is the the role model you want to be for your son, that he can expect his wife to put up with him lying and cheating and not even try to be a good man? Because this is what you are teaching your son is normal if you accept your husband's behavior.

 

You need to go hire a family attorney, and I think you'll find you have a lot of rights and won't need to fear having no financial support if you do the right thing and leave him. Don't show your children that they should accept this poor standard from a marriage.

[aadams]

Does anyone know if legally in a divorce setting if it got to that whether his cash he makes from djing would be considered? He makes about $500-600 extra in cash a month.

[SoleMate]

All his income from any source, including DJing, is fair game. With the DJ pay being in cash, it's extra important for you to find a way to document and prove that income. As a minimum, take notes of whatever info you glean about dates, times, venues, people involved, pay rate. Store these in a place he doesn't have access. Also note what he's spending. Research DJ rates in your area, or even ask a friend to get in touch with him to discuss a gig so you can get a baseline rate. The overall goal is to paint a picture of his complete income with as much supporting detail as possible.

[Confused48]

Does anyone know if legally in a divorce setting if it got to that whether his cash he makes from djing would be considered? He makes about $500-600 extra in cash a month.

 

The answer depends upon where you live. Here in the US, yes, absolutely that would count. The trouble would be to prove how much he makes. You should begin documenting this any way you can, without letting him know you are doing that.

[aadams]

Well I just found out his affair has been going on way longer than I thought. I told him if he isn't willing to work on things with me that I will seek an attorneys thoughts on this. And that I can't live with him not being my husband that he will have to find somewhere else to live. He said he has nowhere to go and I said how about with your affair partner Jennifer? He said he doesn't want to be with her so no he doesn't want to live with her. I told him this affair is not my fault that I deserve better I deserve to be loved and have the family I've always dreamt of. That I wanted that to be us but I can't force him. He said he has made up his mind and doesn't want to be together. I ended up frustrated and when he went to kiss our 3 year old son I picked him up. To which he LOST it and started screaming and crying about how I'm going to take his kids which is bs and that I'm a bitch to get away from him and leave. I said I'm

Not trying to take him you can kiss him. I just at this point absolutely feel hopeless for our situation. I said I've been a good wife I've loved you I've stuck by your side all these years and you've lied and betrayed me. I wish there was some hope..and so do his sister and mom.. but I think he's made his mind up.

[Mrs. John Adams]

If he claims his income on your taxes you have proof... but if it's under the table .. it might be really difficult to prove.

 

Please go see a lawyer ...please tell your family his reactions... please be careful.

 

I am a bit worried about you and those babies. It is normal to get angry and say ugly things ... but you put his stuff out and lock that door. If you were my daughter I would be bringing you and those kids to my house.

 

Ask your mom what she thinks

[Mr Blunt]

aadams, your husband has told you “.... he has made up his mind and doesn't want to be together. You said “I wish there was some hope”

 

 

At this point you have to take a path that only concentrates on you and your children. Get all the help that you can so that your bleeding emotions do not derail you in your plan and actions for you to take care of only you and your children. You will have to face the fact that at this point your marriage is DEAD and HARMFUL. Combat all thoughts and actions that give you false hope or get you to reminisce about the good times that you and your husband have had. Combat anything that gives you thoughts about him because right now good thoughts will lead you to compromise and bad thoughts will tear down your emotions. You will probably fail from time to time but be determined to do better every time you fail. Your emotional health depends on you getting stronger.

 

Your focus should be on your financial and emotional health right now. Get legal advice and all other help so that you can start getting in a position that you are not so dependent on him for finances and emotional support. Your husband has proven to you for a long time that he is not going to have your best interest at heart so that means that it is up to you to get stronger for yourself and your children.

 

The most important thing when you discover that you are a BS is that you need to start to get better in body, mind, and spirit. If you do not do that then you will be at a huge disadvantage and be willing to rug sweep or compromise. It may take a long time for you to get stronger so be patient and persistent. A weak BS always loses and a strong BS always gets better. Sorry that this is a reality and hard but what other choices do you have? You can get better as millions of women have and so can you!

[Miss Peach]

Does anyone know if legally in a divorce setting if it got to that whether his cash he makes from djing would be considered? He makes about $500-600 extra in cash a month.

 

In the US, you can ask to impute income in many jurisdictions so I would ask a lawyer in your area about that. If it's not something claimed on taxes, I would suggest other outside sources of proof such as contracts and bank statements.

 

I would also ask your lawyer (or in some states you can do it yourself online) and run the difference through your state's calculator. It may not be worth the money to fight for it if it means mediation versus court time and it might not materialize into much alimony or child support. It's just good to have all the info to make a decision IMO.

[preraph]

I hope you get a more schooled answer about that income but I would say start now trying to put your hands on his client list and any accounting he does. Does he deposit it into the bank or just use the cash? Anyway, yes it all counts but you have to show it exists.

[aileD]

Your stbx husband is a complete a-hole.

 

You need to talk to a lawyer, and let them know about his DJ gig. Did you guys claim that $ on your taxes in the past? If not, it could cause you a proble. But a lawyer could help you. If you know how many gigs a month is average then you could ask them to go off that#

 

 

 

He needs to get kicked out now. It's not your problem where he goes. He doesn't want to be with Jennifer he has a car he can sleep in and parents he can live with. I'm sure his work buddies that promoted the affair can offer up a couch now that he's dealing with the consequences of the affair they supported him having

 

There are separation agreements online. You can print one out and fill it in and use it as a guide. Stop talking to him about anything that's not kid related. Give him visitation.....even now. Say, you need to move your stuff out and you can come by this this and this day to take the kids out, and you aren't to come by during the off days. Take his key.

 

My husband would never give me his damn house key. That's one of the reasons I knew he was just wanting to eat cake. I told him over and over find let's divorce and give me your key etc etc and he would always hesitate st the last minute.

 

Yours isn't. He's clearly stating he wants a divorce. Well if that's the case he can start living like he's divorced now in regards to visitation and living arrangements. Because he's already living like he's divorced by having another relationship. It's all or nothing dude. Get the f out of the house.

[aileD]

Ugh. Just one more thing. Something really simple you can tell him.

 

"Listen, you don't want to be married to me. That's fine, I accept that. But if that's the case, then you cannot have he benefits of being married--our house, full custody, coming and going as you please, etc. I will never keep the kids from you, but as a divorced person, you have visitation. You don't live here, you knock when you enter, and you don't talk to me about anything that doesn't have to do with the kids or our divorce. I married you because I loved you and built a life and dreams and family with you. I'm sad and disgusted that you chose this path because that was not what we planned for our life. It is devastating, but since you aren't changing your mind....what else can I do?. You had my love and willingness to get through this betrayal of our marriage, but you rejected it. You've made it clear it's over. Now it's time to deal with everything thet comes along with a marriage being over and the first thing is you getting out of the family home. You are the one that doesn't want the family life anymore so you are the one that has to go. You can come by to see the kids on Tuesday and Thursday's and Saturday's until you get your own place then we can have he lawyers help with a better visitation schedule. Good luck in your life, goodbye"

[cocorico]

Get the f out of the house.

 

How can you demand that, legally? It's his house as much as hers - at least, until the courts determine otherwise.

[aadams]

This just all sucks so bad. I truly don't want a divorce. I keep hanging on hoping this affair will end and we can work through this as we have when we were younger. We've been through so much as a couple. I've seen him shut down like this before we've just never had so much in our lives to where he can't just walk away like he did before. Am I stupid and wrong if I want to try to not nice him back to me but show him what he will be missing in a sense? I still want to talk to a lawyer just to get my bases covered. Ugh I just don't know. I'm so tired of being depressed and crying and angry. But I don't want to let him go or push him away anymore. I just feel like if he really was completely done with me his Facebook would already be changed, he wouldn't be living here if he hated me regardless if he says he has nowhere to go because he does, and he wouldn't even speak to me at all, or cry every time we talk. But then again.. maybe I think I know him so well that I'm overthinking things. This is truly the worst ever.

Edited April 26, 2017 by aadams

[Mrs. John Adams]

Mrs. Adams

 

You have many bad days ahead of you...whether you divorce or reconcile. You did not choose this...it was chosen for you...and I am really sorry for that...becasue no one deserves this....but right now...you need to concentrate on keeping yourself and your children safe...emotionally and physically.

 

See a lawer...right away....I dont know the law where you live....and you need to find out should you stay in the home....should you leave the home...should you change the locks....should you withdraw money from the bank....on and on.

 

I think all betrayed spouses feel the way you are feeling...confused. You want your life back...and right now everything is uncertain and that is very frightening.

 

You have made it very clear to your husband that you still choose him....and he has made it very clear that he has chosen his lover. You cannot make him love you...you cannot nice him back into love....

 

and sometimes...it is best to proceed with a divorce. You cannot reconcile a broken relationship by yourself. Divorces can always be stopped....but you need to take care of you and your kids.

 

Please go to therapy and get help sorting this out emotionally. You may also need some antidepressants or sleeping aid. You need rest. Depend on your friends and family to help you through this time. Talk to your pastor. Surround yourself with a good support system...you need to stay healthy for your kids.

 

Have you heard of the 180? Many people swear it is the best way to make a wayward wake up and realize what they are doing. It is the opposite of nicing him back....it is ignoring him and acting like you dont really care. I am not an expert on this but others here do know a lot about it.

 

Please take care of you....there are so many people who love you just the way you are. Reach out to them...and let them help you.

[aileD]

How can you demand that, legally? It's his house as much as hers - at least, until the courts determine otherwise.

 

Legally, if it comes to that. Yeah. She might have a problem forcing it. But it doesn't mean she can't demand it of him and hope that he's not arrogant enough to make a big deal out of it. He knows he did wrong. He seems to have shame (to a point). Most guys don't push that legally.

[aileD]

This just all sucks so bad. I truly don't want a divorce. I keep hanging on hoping this affair will end and we can work through this as we have when we were younger. We've been through so much as a couple. I've seen him shut down like this before we've just never had so much in our lives to where he can't just walk away like he did before. Am I stupid and wrong if I want to try to not nice him back to me but show him what he will be missing in a sense? I still want to talk to a lawyer just to get my bases covered. Ugh I just don't know. I'm so tired of being depressed and crying and angry. But I don't want to let him go or push him away anymore. I just feel like if he really was completely done with me his Facebook would already be changed, he wouldn't be living here if he hated me regardless if he says he has nowhere to go because he does, and he wouldn't even speak to me at all, or cry every time we talk. But then again.. maybe I think I know him so well that I'm overthinking things. This is truly the worst ever.

 

 

Oh sweetie. You are so much like me. I wish you had more posts so I could

PM you. I was the same way.

 

What I learned was that it's ok to tell him how you feel and what you want but still have boundaries of what is expected in a marriage.

 

You're right. He hasn't changed his FB, he is still living there, he's crying and he probably hasn't told a majority of the people in his life. My H did the same thing. I think deep deep in his heart he knew he wouldn't really ever leave our marriage and that's why he never brought the affair into the real world. But he had a weakness for the OW too. And by begging him to pick me and make things easy on him, all it did was enable him to continue the affair and not have to make a decision. He knew what the decision would be for a long time but because I never put my foot down he got used to living the split life and not having to decide .

 

It wasn't until I said (weakly) that this is enough. If you are talking to her you can't live here. He wasn't ready to decide so he lived in his truck. (With the OW). And if he was going to be with her then let's just get divorced instead of spending all this time "figuring himself" out because it was just stupid that he has a "girlfriend" and is married. I also always referred to OW as his mistress because married people don't have girlfriends, they have mistresses. She didn't deserve the girlfriend title.

 

I cut my contact way down with him. I did text him every night to say "I love you, goodnight". And i would send him online articles about divorce, affairs, age gaps (his OW was 21 years younger) and sometimes he'd respond and sometimes not. He was willing to learn so that was on my side. But otherwise we just didn't talk. If we did I would say yeah I was sad. That I loved our life and it hurts he didn't but I can't make him change his mind so it is what it is.

 

He did come back a few months later and we are reconciling and Ow is no longer in our lives.

 

But I have no doubt we would still be going back and forth if I didn't put my foot down (albeit weakly)....and I wasn't even really stern, I just had a basic "if you can't act married then you can't have benefits of marriage "

 

He will stay in limbo. He may need time to be with OW and have the affair bubble burst. He may need time to miss you.

 

Or he may really be done. But you'll never get there if you allow him to live a dual life

Edited April 26, 2017 by aileD

[Mr. Lucky]

But then again.. maybe I think I know him so well that I'm overthinking things. This is truly the worst ever.

 

You're finding out the hard way you can't reason with the unreasonable.

 

As has already been suggested, the 180 is tailor-made for you. It's your best (though slim ) chance to save your marriage by getting your cheating spouse to understand you're moving ahead with your life - with or without him.

 

Read it and live it:

 

The 180

 

1. Don’t pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.

 

2. No frequent phone calls.

 

3. Don’t point out “good points” in marriage.

 

4. Don’t follow her/him around the house.

 

5. Don’t encourage or initiate discussion about the future.

 

6. Don’t ask for help from the family members of your wayward partner.

 

7. Don’t ask for reassurances.

 

8. Don’t buy or give gifts.

 

9. Don’t schedule dates together.

 

10. Don’t keep saying, “I Love You!” Because if you really think about it, he/she is, at this particular moment, not very loveable.

 

11. Do more than act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!

 

12. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.

 

13. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!

 

14. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don’t push any issue, no matter how much you want to!

 

15. If you’re in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.

 

16. Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that “they (the wayward partner)” are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack there of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life…without them!

 

17. Don’t be nasty, angry or even cold – Just pull yourself back. Don’t always be so available…for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you’re missing.

 

18. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Make yourself be someone they would want to be around, not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self-assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.

 

19. All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!

 

20. Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control. YOURSELF!

 

21. Don’t be overly enthusiastic.

 

22. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!

 

23. Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Hear what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!

 

24. Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.

 

25. Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.

 

26. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.

 

27. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.

 

28. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.

 

29. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It’s not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don’t care.

 

30. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.

 

31. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It “ain’t over till it’s over!”

 

32. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.

 

33. When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don’t work out with the affair partner.

 

Mr. Lucky

[aadams]

You're finding out the hard way you can't reason with the unreasonable.

 

As has already been suggested, the 180 is tailor-made for you. It's your best (though slim ) chance to save your marriage by getting your cheating spouse to understand you're moving ahead with your life - with or without him.

 

I kept reading people speaking of the 180 but hadn't looked it up yet. Thank you for sharing it with me. It has some really good points. Some things I've done and some I shouldn't have. My biggest issue has been controlling my emotions. I'm either really sad or angry. Few strong happy moments. I'm seeing a counselor to try and help me be stronger. I'm always really great after I see her. And she's trying to teach me some anger releasing techniques. I'm willing to try just about anything at this point to try and get my marriage back on track. The wait in limbo not knowing when or what will happen is driving me crazy.

[BluesPower]

Well I just found out his affair has been going on way longer than I thought. I told him if he isn't willing to work on things with me that I will seek an attorneys thoughts on this. And that I can't live with him not being my husband that he will have to find somewhere else to live. He said he has nowhere to go and I said how about with your affair partner Jennifer? He said he doesn't want to be with her so no he doesn't want to live with her. I told him this affair is not my fault that I deserve better I deserve to be loved and have the family I've always dreamt of. That I wanted that to be us but I can't force him. He said he has made up his mind and doesn't want to be together. I ended up frustrated and when he went to kiss our 3 year old son I picked him up. To which he LOST it and started screaming and crying about how I'm going to take his kids which is bs and that I'm a bitch to get away from him and leave. I said I'm

Not trying to take him you can kiss him. I just at this point absolutely feel hopeless for our situation. I said I've been a good wife I've loved you I've stuck by your side all these years and you've lied and betrayed me. I wish there was some hope..and so do his sister and mom.. but I think he's made his mind up.

 

I just want you to know... that this, as you well know, is not your fault.

 

It does not make it hurt any less but at least you know that you tried.

 

And, be grateful that if It had to end, it is ending now. You are young enough and have time enough to have a great life without him and his BS.

 

For me, it took 26 years for me to figure out my Ex W never loved me. So she basically stole half of my life.

 

As hard as it is now, be grateful that you have not wasted anymore time with him than you have...

[aadams]

I know I am young and could find someone to become a new family with. But I don't know that I'm ready for that. Emotionally I don't feel ready to give up. I want to put my foot down but still hold hope that maybe just maybe he will come around. It's just hard because each time I learn more info it makes my mind go back and forth with what to do again.

[BettyDraper]

Actually, rereading your post, I wouldn't even say that he has one foot in... He's choosing to continue the affair which means - he's made his choice and he is gone... Not much you can do or say about it. He's being so hurtful and disrespectful. Time to talk to a lawyer and do what you need to do to protect yourself and your children. I'm sorry.

 

This. I'm so sorry OP.