Heartbreak, Bad Timing, & Betterment

[Blastoplast]

I just got out of a relationship late last Summer with a woman who I was with for 3 years. Overall they were very good, but it felt like it was going nowhere serious. We broke it off and it hurt, even if I knew it wasn't good.

 

A few months later I met this woman, but she's quite a bit younger than me (I'm almost 33 and she's almost 24, we share the same birthday in less than a week).

Our attraction was immediate. We never did anything official to start, just hooking up and hanging out whenever we could. Time had passed and we TRIED making it official -- but I just wasn't ready. I was still grieving over my EX. When she brought up that we should stop seeing each other I agreed, because I just wasn't feeling it... and I cried but it wasn't for this new woman, it was over my ex.

 

Some time had passed since this, and we still keep in touch -- sometimes going to some of the same events or having dinner together. The tension between us is so thick you can cut it with a knife. I feel she tries to play it off cooly, but it's clearly there. I had made it clear to her that I still have strong feelings for her, that it's more than just wanting friendship and she denied me. Her biggest reasons were:

 

- Timing : She's moving into a new important job at a major company and she really wants to focus on her career and her hobbies and friends. She's busy the way it is, and it would be tough to make room for a boyfriend.

- My friends & Age : She's not sure how she feels about my friends and our age gap. I relate with her very well, and get along with her friends well, but she has doubts about being able to kick it with mine.

- Just doesn't want a boyfriend. Period : Since she's been in High School and through College she's ALWAYS been in a relationship. She described herself as a serial monogamist and for once in her life she wants to focus on just herself. No men, no dating, no hook-ups. NOTHING

 

I've accepted that I likely won't get a real shot at a relationship with her, but at the same time I can't help but feel that she might be my soul mate. I usually don't buy into that "soulmate" crap, but hear me out. A week before we stopped seeing each other formally, she brought up my smoking habit, that it was a deal breaker for her, that she wants me to be healthy for myself and for her. She's the youngest woman I've ever dated, but it was the most REAL thing ANY woman has ever said to me, yet it was so simple. It stuck. I haven't had any cigarettes in over a month. I've been eating better, exercising more. It got me looking at myself and my dead-end job, and doing something about it. I'm going to be launching my own company within the month, something I've been putting off for well over a year. I'm just drawn to her like I've never been to any other woman. I've NEVER felt this way about another woman before.

 

And then it got me thinking about how busy I am as well... that maybe the timing really is just wrong. I barely have for myself the way it is, and I know if I'm to be successful at my business I'm going to have to put in extra long hours every day. Just her mere presence has motivated me to be the best I can be, and not for her but for MYSELF. I see how she's so young and motivated with a plan of action at 24 years old, and I've been floating along with no clear plan at 33 years. But now I'm doing something about it, and it feels amazing and confusing at the same time.

 

It hurts because I want to be friends with her, and more than friends with her -- and I have this feeling she might too, but really needs to stick to her mantra and I need to stick to mine.

 

I guess I'm just venting and asking people on here -- have you ever been victims of circumstance when a relationship wouldn't work out because of timing? Secondly, can you be friends with somebody you love more than a friend, so long as it doesn't drive you insane? I can't imagine her not in my life, as a friend or a lover. Our energy together is indescribable and I'd hate to not have that in my life in one way or another.

Edited April 24, 2017 by Blastoplast

[Knix]

Yeah... it happens to a lot of us unfortunately..

 

 

 

 

Many people underestimate the power of pulling back though. If you say she feels the same way, pulling back will make her miss you and want to reach out.

 

 

Respect her boundaries, her timing, and her need to sort things out. At the end of the day there's a chance it will never be. But pull back, don't text unless it's short and sweet and let her know that if she wants to be in your life she needs to make more of a commitment. See what happens.

[Blastoplast]

Thanks for the input Knix

 

If the old cliche timing is everything ever rang true, it really rings true here. I think I really need to follow her lead and not date, focus on my career, on my present and future.

 

Again it's hard because our chemistry is inexplicably magnetic, but I can't dwell on it. In the short time we were together she's inspired me to take action in my life, and she's one of the best things to happen to me in a very long time.

 

I'll be giving her space, but I know we'll be running in to each other frequently over the Summer. I need to keep my cool and just be myself, I'm sure we'll find time for each other when the time is right