zuir1 Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 Ok. I have a problem I dont know what to do. My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 3 years now but lately her entire family hate us together. Why? Because they caught us about 3 months ago in my house..She is a senior in high school and I have graduated. She cant talk to me on the phone cause her family and she has to sneak it on her cell phone. I cant stop by and see her, its just no matter what they dont want us to have any communications with one another. She loves her family so much but she said she has choosen me over ALL of them. That is a very hard choice for her. Then when I tell her to move in with me she says she cant because she doesnt want to do that to her mom. Besides that school starts for her on monday and her schedule is 630-5pm school and after school clubs. then 5pm-12am work...We cant see eachother on the weekends because were not allowed to. we cant have any communication but were sneaking it. Its becoming so much harder now. Shes barely allowed out and her family doesnt trust her at all. Now is there a way, anyway for me and her to be able to see eachother? Like sneaking or anything? I have tried to talk to the parents and so has she but nothing has worked. I mean come on though shes not a little kid. And this has been going on for like 3 months already with no progess just it getting worst. We have even tried to wait but she is always questioned on who she talks to on HER cell phone. What can we do? We love eachother so much and were only happy when were together. The only person who likes us going out is her older brother 21. But he cant do nothing because the mom knows he likes us and nothing is working out, but he tries as much as he can....What can we do? Link to post Share on other sites
suegail Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 There really isn't anything you can do but live with it. You've lost their trust and that's all there is to it. Maybe once she's graduated and out on her own you'll be able to be together but as long as she's under their roof it sounds to me as if you are flat out of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zuir1 Posted July 31, 2005 Author Share Posted July 31, 2005 uhhhh lol r u sure? damn... Link to post Share on other sites
Author zuir1 Posted July 31, 2005 Author Share Posted July 31, 2005 Is there anything else anyone else can tell me to do? Any other option? How am I suppose to go around not seeing her? Link to post Share on other sites
suegail Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 I don't know what your other option would be. You said you've tried talking to the parents and she's tried and they aren't budging. I think you have to accept it, and I wouldn't advise 'sneaking' visits because sure as anything they'll find out and it will only make life harder for her. She is the one who has to live in that house. You can walk away and she can't and I'm sure they will come down hard on her if she is caught seeing you when she's been told not to. You say you really love her: Do what is going to be the best thing for her right now and just back off. It's not that long a time before she'll be ready to graduate and get out on her own and at that point she can make her own decisions, I would think.... Best of luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 If she is going to live under her parents house then she has to follow their rules, whether it appears right or wrong. It does seem very strict, after 3 years, but I'd advise against sneaking around because it will just make things worse. Unfortunately your girlfriend does have a decision to make - stick with her family and cool off the relationship, or move out and be with you in the hope that her family will eventually calm down. "Caught Out" - is that the ONLY reason they don't like you? Because it seems they are making an awfully big effort to keep you away from her. I can't help but think there must be more to it, for them to want to protect her so badly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zuir1 Posted August 1, 2005 Author Share Posted August 1, 2005 no thats the only reason unless its cause her other 3 sisters never finished school and all had kids...but shes gotten so much farther than any of them and even if something happend i look out for her and want her to finish school no matter what. Its just so hard being use to seeing her everyday and so much to barely talking or seeing eachother. Im afraid it has a 50/50 chance of making us stronger or weaker Link to post Share on other sites
winnie_05 Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 zuir1 you never mentioned how old you were or hold old your girlfriend is? did they like you before this has started? winnie Link to post Share on other sites
Author zuir1 Posted August 2, 2005 Author Share Posted August 2, 2005 im 18 and shes 17..Well they didnt accept me, soo they didnt like me but they didnt not like me ethier..It was a ehhh yea whatever, but i was always on there bad side for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
winnie_05 Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 From what you say I can't think of any reason why they're being like this then. Unless they have heard things about you. Maybe they just feel very protective over their daughter and feel that they are losing her to you. Maybe they can see what a close bond you and their daughter have and feel threatened by this. It could be a number of reasons, but good luck and if this is the girl you want to be with dont give up. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Zuir1...have you finished school? What are some of the other possible reasons her family doesn't warm up to you? Maybe you need to see how you can gain their trust and acceptance rather than spending all your energy on sneaky ways to see your girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zuir1 Posted August 3, 2005 Author Share Posted August 3, 2005 Yes I have finished school, I currently work for UPS and I'm trying to get a new job at AAA. Warm up to them? How? They dont even want there daughter talking on the phone with me. They dont even want to see me at a grocery store. Any communications with me they want eliminated Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Originally posted by winnie_05 Maybe they just feel very protective over their daughter and feel that they are losing her to you. It's a lil late for them to be "protecting" her, since they have allowed her to date him at the age of 14 . . . Zuir1, I would be veeerrrrrrry careful. She is 17. Whether she consents or not, they could still file charges against you . . . I think a lot of the problem stems from her sisters' past. I don't know what her parents were thinking the two of you have been doing for three years. But getting caught most likely refreshed their memories of their previous two daughters having children too soon. Who is paying for her cell phone? She may want to be careful with that, because if they are paying for it, they can get an itemization of the calls [local calls too (?)]. Two things: 1. I think that both of you should expand your horizons. I was a girl who married soon after high school and later regretted never doing anything on my own (having my own place, feeling independent). 2. I think her parents are pretty slow on the upswing of things. It think dating at 14 is unnecessary, yet now it's too late to do anything about it. I don't have a solution to your problem. All I can say is, allow her to get an education . . . at the very least. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 My hubby and I have been together since we were 15 (with some breaks in the middle) and my dad NEVER learned to accept him. I just let it be and I continued to be with him. I cannot make my dad like him (stubborn man) and I am not going to make myself miserable so that my dad can just continue with his life like nothing while I am not with the one I love. He has his life and it's my turn to build mines. In the end you just have to let the parents be and hopefully they will come around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zuir1 Posted August 3, 2005 Author Share Posted August 3, 2005 as for her cell phone, she pays all the bills and its under her brothers name. Hes the one who supports us. But he can only help so much Link to post Share on other sites
Author zuir1 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 not only that she works too so its not like were both a bunch of kids whos home all day playing video games Link to post Share on other sites
kgal Posted August 22, 2005 Share Posted August 22, 2005 I can understand the situation perfectly!! I feel sorry for you both. I was in a relationship where we were "sneaking around" all the time. It got way too hard.. and we both decided to stop since it was hurting our families. Now I am in a 'ship w/someone my family doesn't approve of. I keep asking myself WHY!?!? I am 25.. so it doesn't matter what age you are. It would be different if she had more independence.. but the problem won't go away w/her parents not liking you. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zuir1 Posted August 22, 2005 Author Share Posted August 22, 2005 well its been some time now and she tells me her family thinks im out of the picture cause she told them we broke up...thats not true..but she tells me her family really thinks were done and this has been like this for like 3 weeks now..and her parents think that she broke up with me for a friend that likes her. they think im 100 percent gone and hate the other kid cause hes always around. my gf doesnt like the kid and is not trying to get him in trouble..the parents never liked him and she tells them that its not cause of him...she barely ever sees the kid but her family just thinks shes going wild now with alot of other guys no one specifically...but im outta the picture all the way...is there any way this can be in my advantage? Link to post Share on other sites
kgal Posted August 22, 2005 Share Posted August 22, 2005 Something similar happened to me... I met someone back in January and so I kinda broke things off w/my current bf. My family felt better cuz "he" was out of the pic... but then I went back to him. I didn't tell my folks.. so I was able to have the upper hand. In the end, it backfired... my Mom found out and felt very deceived. I think honesty is the best policy. Her family will just have to understand if she has no plans on changing how she feels about you. I think you should all discuss this Link to post Share on other sites
Author zuir1 Posted August 22, 2005 Author Share Posted August 22, 2005 her family doesnt even wannna get close to me..tlk on the phone.. or anything i have tried to tlk to them like mature adults but it didnt work. Link to post Share on other sites
kgal Posted August 22, 2005 Share Posted August 22, 2005 What are their reasons for not liking you besides the fact they caught you w/their daughter? Link to post Share on other sites
Author zuir1 Posted August 22, 2005 Author Share Posted August 22, 2005 thats the only reason Link to post Share on other sites
kgal Posted August 22, 2005 Share Posted August 22, 2005 Ok.. and you have apologized sincerely about that incident? I must admit.. my parents don't like my bf cuz they caught him sayin somethin to me once that they shouldn't have seen. It will prob. take a while for you to gain their trust. I would do something extremely nice and selfless for them and see if that doesn't help. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 22, 2005 Share Posted August 22, 2005 Originally posted by zuir1 thats the only reason It can't be the only reason. They have a fear of something and you must know what exactly. How did her sisters end up married with kids right after high school? Did they approve their guys and they just married them or were they against their guys also? Write more about her sisters and her parents' backgrounds. There is only one way you can achieve your goals - a nice way. She could explain to her parents that you two love each other and she has a right to make choices in her life especially if they don't harm anyone. The parents can prohibit dating certain guys as long as she is a minor and lives in their house, but she can move out, get married, and possibly screw up her life because of THEIR choices. They can't make her not love you and she will always find ways to see you. She is too old for them to lock her in her room as she can simply run away from home. Instead of making their point (that she shouldn't marry at a such young age) with good examples, conversations, and showing how much they love her and care about her, they act like her enemies. It only produces the opposite effect. She sees her parents as weak and non-understanding people who are not on her side. She should talk with them about all this and offer them a deal: they will either accept her guy and they will cooperate in the future or she will have to choose between them and you. This cooperation is very important, because every child needs their parents' advice and opinion when it comes to plans about future. And if the balance of trust and appreciation is ruined then she is left all alone in this world ate age 17 or 18 to make choices about her whole life. With hiding you've made your point. She should admit that you hid and you could've continued if you wanted to, but you don't want to. By hiding you choose the line of least resistance, but it's not the smartest option for her long-term. I agree with kgal that you might try and do something altruistic for your GF, not them. They will appreciate that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zuir1 Posted August 22, 2005 Author Share Posted August 22, 2005 i cant do anything for her parents...they hate the sight of me....when she tries to even mention my name they curse about me...and they put her down, calling her a whore, etc. weve tried everything. and her sisters didnt finish school they dropped out and had the kids..i know the parents r worried she will do the same...but i would never let that happen. and shes made it farther then any of her sisters ever did..but her mom says shes the worst one and puts her down all the time..but like i said she cant go up to her mom at all because she doesnt listen no matter how hard she tries and neither can i because we have both tried so many times. Link to post Share on other sites
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