I LOVE how H always finds a way to belittle my cooking!

[NuevoYorko]

Could any type of cooking skills or arrangements improve a relationship that appears to be fueled by mutual disrespect and possibly even hatred?

[GorillaTheater]

Could any type of cooking skills or arrangements improve a relationship that appears to be fueled by mutual disrespect and possibly even hatred?

 

 

Maybe. Salsa Verde can cover a multitude of sins.

[georgia girl]

While I can sense your frustration, the act of getting dinner on the table should not be a source of real marital stress, in my opinion. But, OP it sounds like it is and that both you and your husband are now so frustrated that it could lead to some serious resentment issues. When I first got married, I was very fixated on having a "sit down" meal every night and my husband was not. Like you, he's a big salad guy and was often just happy with salad and whatever leftovers he could scrounge. Plus, he really detests wasting food particularly when others go hungry. On my side, I felt like I was the only one concerned that there was dinner on the table and that we both had stressful jobs so he should be helping out more. Thankfully, we both realized that this was not the important stuff nor the reason we got married, so we needed to figure out solutions. I'll share some of ours and hopefully they will work for you to turn down the temperature on the cooking issue.

 

1) Pick two nights. We both pick two nights per week where we're responsible for dinner. That was pretty easy and we came to a resolution pretty quickly on who wanted what nights. (For example, by Friday I am exhausted and the last thing I feel like doing is cooking. Meanwhile, Tuesday and Thursday are his bad days.)

 

2) For one night, make something that's large enough to have leftovers the next day. If you're doing the math, that covers six meals during the week. You can always go out on the 7th. The way it works in our house is Sunday is usually a big meal night as is Monday. On Tuesday, we eat Sunday's leftovers; Wednesday is Burger night; on Thursday we eat Monday's leftovers. Hubby cooks on Friday night and Saturday night is date night. Super easy.

 

3) Get a good crockpot and read online about recipes to use it. They're virtually foolproof. One of my favorite things to do is put a beef roast in the crockpot (frozen, on high) before I go to work in the morning. When I get home, I boil potatoes (much like pasta) and broil/roast some fresh vegetable. (To make these, you just clean/prep, coat in olive oil with a dash of salt and put in the over on 400 degrees until they brown lightly. Easy peasy.) I make enough for two nights and voila, a night off of cooking.

 

4) Keep favorite things in the house. Like you, my husband loves salad. I make sure that there's always salad fixings in the house. That way, he doesn't go hungry. Nothing evokes an emotional reaction like being hungry, I don't care who you are. We also have a freezer in the basement where I put meat that I've bought ahead so there's no panic if I get home and forgot to stop at the grocery. Also, if you're going to make a big meal of something (such as chili) and there's more than two nights' worth, take the remainders and freeze it for a quick, easy dinner one night. Above, I talked about using the crockpot to make a pot roast. Typically, I make 2-3 potroasts at once, shred the beef after its done, make a broth with Better than Bouillion and water and freeze it.

 

5) Get a good gas grill (I recommend Weber) and use it all year. There is nothing more simple than grilling out meat. Plus, if you get a veggie basket, you can do veggies on it too. If you want to do potatoes, just get a little spray oil (I use coconut) and spray one of two large pieces of tin foil. Slice potatoes, add a little butter, salt, and fresh onion, wrap up in the oiled tin foil first then add the second layer of tinfoil. Put them on the grill and flip every five minutes. They take about 25-30 minutes to cook so you put veggies on after 5-10 minutes and steaks on after 15 minutes. Easy meal.

 

6) Plan a menu together and start with compliments. For example, say "I really like when you make _____. Are you in the mood for that this week and would you be willing to make it?" You both should go back and forth.

 

7) Learn to cook together. Some of the best times I've had in my marriage have come from us cooking together. Again, my husband is like you and likes salad so he's really good at food prep (you have to be more careful handling food you will eat raw than cooked food). He also loves to cook and he cooks amazingly complicated meals. I cook more paleo and simply. But, it's fun to cook together with a glass of wine, particularly on the weekend. We have picked a menu earlier in the day, I've shopped for supplies and we both prep the meal and cook together. One of us may cook the entree while another is doing the sides. We turn on a little Pandora, sometimes slow dance while everything is cooking and just flirt with each other.

 

8) Split the bill a little. When he cooks, I am willing to work as his sous chef and do prep for him and I also volunteer to do most of the dishes. When I cook, he sous chefs for me (if I need it - I cook more simply) and he does most of the dishes.

 

9) Recognize that you have different food tastes and learn to compromise in the middle. My husband and I come from different food cultures. I eat more beef, chicken and root vegetables. He's more likely to eat fish, chicken, rice and citrus foods. Some of the meals I make for him are easily not his favorites and some of what he makes me is not my favorite. Rather than force each other to offer criticism, we invite the criticism by asking their opinion. That way, you know whether to put it in a high rotation or a low rotation.

 

10) Don't make this an issue in your marriage. Living with another human being is tough. But, you got married for a reason. You literally stood before family and friends and said, "I'm only going to make this choice once and I choose this guy." That's a huge commitment and you made that commitment because you loved each other and wanted to build a life together. While being hungry is a mood killer, cooking dinner really shouldn't rise to the level of being a marriage killer. Focus on being kind to one another and loving this life that you've made.

 

Good luck, GG

[d0nnivain]

Buy a crock pot. You put stuff in it in the morning, set in on low & come home to dinner.