JDinis1 Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 Will she come back or change her mind Me and my ex are both 18. We dated for 1.5 years and then she broke up with me. She said she wasn't as enthusiastic about the relationship as in the begining, she said her feelings for me weren't the same. We broke up 3 weeks ago but went on a trip with a group of friends. She got drunk and made out with a guy at a party. I didn't know that until now( It s been two weeks). When I confronted her she said that meant nothing, that she thought about me the whole trip and the only way she found to have fun was to get drunk. I think she was very cruel but she says she still misses me thinks about me but is fine on her own. Is there a chance she'll come back? And if she does should I take her back despite she did that to me? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 18 year old girls don't know their own minds so I suppose it's possible that she might come back for a while but don't count on it. If she dumped you once you cannot trust she won't do it again. You don't want to get on some dysfunctional break up / make up cycle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDinis1 Posted April 29, 2017 Author Share Posted April 29, 2017 It's just that I always treated her so well when we were dating. Maybe she felt like it was too easy and the thrill of the relationship was gone. I didn't act very well after the breakup ( I was jealous) and I admit I was kind of needy towards the end. But I know how to fix those things if I had the chance and still hope she misses me and realizes it was a mistake to leave. I disappeared from her life... 5 days of no contact but somehow hope she will contact me because she misses the way I treated her. I know she probably isn't mad now and still has feelings for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Altair0770 Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I think she's BSing you. Sorry to say mate, but if she broke up with you, it's not your concern or problem if she makes out with a different guy. Your best bet is to try to do NC and just ignore her forever. And yeah... 18 year olds.... they don't know what they want. Link to post Share on other sites
GeekLover Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I'm sorry, but I think I agree with the others. My first true love came and went between the ages of 16-19. Long story short, he dumped me. Fast forward 20 years...we are FINALLY now back in each other's lives...after he married and divorced...had another LTR and split...and I married, had 2 kids, and separated. Are we looking to reconcile? Nope...probably not, especially since we're half a country away from each other. But we're both happy to be back in each other's lives. Eventually the pain stops and you forgive, though it's honestly a toss up whether that person will stay/return to your life ever again. Let her go and see what comes back. Regardless, you're so young. It hurts now, but that will fade. I promise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDinis1 Posted April 29, 2017 Author Share Posted April 29, 2017 I think she's BSing you. Sorry to say mate, but if she broke up with you, it's not your concern or problem if she makes out with a different guy. Your best bet is to try to do NC and just ignore her forever. And yeah... 18 year olds.... they don't know what they want.[/quote Do you think she is BSing me about the reason she broke up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDinis1 Posted April 29, 2017 Author Share Posted April 29, 2017 I'm sorry, but I think I agree with the others. My first true love came and went between the ages of 16-19. Long story short, he dumped me. Fast forward 20 years...we are FINALLY now back in each other's lives...after he married and divorced...had another LTR and split...and I married, had 2 kids, and separated. Are we looking to reconcile? Nope...probably not, especially since we're half a country away from each other. But we're both happy to be back in each other's lives. Eventually the pain stops and you forgive, though it's honestly a toss up whether that person will stay/return to your life ever again. Let her go and see what comes back. Regardless, you're so young. It hurts now, but that will fade. I promise. I know I should let her go. That's what I'm doing. If she comes back or not it's up to her so hopefully by that time I'll be in a better position to decide what to do. Of course I don't count on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Dude, You jumped in one cab, and reached your destination. Take "Another" cab back. This fare is OVER !. Be thankful it was a cheap ride, and you didn't loose much. "Taxi".... Ted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDinis1 Posted April 30, 2017 Author Share Posted April 30, 2017 It's useless. Both my rationality and my emotions are telling me to stay. I tried thinking about moving on but my head always goes back to the same thoughts. The thoughts that I would be walking away from the person who made me so happy despite everything, that I would be walking away from a relationship with way more ups than downs and that all of our issues are fixable. But once again there's nothing I can do, it's up to her, I know she's missing me but what is enough to make her come back? 1 week NC an this is killing me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 Unfortunately nothing is enough to make her come back. She wants somebody new. Have enough self respect to let go & move on. You loved once. You WILL love again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDinis1 Posted April 30, 2017 Author Share Posted April 30, 2017 How can you be so sure she won't come back? She doesn't want someone new. She doesn't want anyone I guess Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 I'm sure she won't come back because she is an 18 year old girl, she wants to be wild carefree & drunk. She said her feelings have changed after 1.5 years; at this stage of her life that is most likely code for "I've outgrown you." Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDinis1 Posted May 1, 2017 Author Share Posted May 1, 2017 I don't believe she wants to be carefree or wild. She lives obsessed with her grades as she wants to become a doctor. She is not the type of person to go out and party hard. She only got drunk on Spring Break. I honestly think that with time she will wonder what I'm up to, she will miss me and the relationship and she will regret leaving a really good thing. As for me I will try to let go of all the pain involved in the break up, I will improve myself, become more confident and once the dust settles and if she doesn't contact me I will ask her out to talk about us, show her that I've grown as a person and if some things are changed, it's worth giving the relationship another shot. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 OP, a harsh truth - you can treat someone like gold but it won't mean much if the person has lost interest. Especially if the person in question is an 18-year-old girl. Believe me, I was one once upon a time. We're a fickle bunch at that age and not likely to settle down with the boys we date. She will likely date many before she really commits, to be perfectly honest. I say it often but it's worth repeating: first loves are almost never our last. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ML Hammer95 Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 OP, if you were advising somebody else in your position I suspect you'd be saying similar things to the posters in here. Deep down, I think you know where this is headed. It's tough, especially as it is your first love. But issues that need fixing need both of you to commit to that. Rationally, you are right in saying they are probably fixable but love doesn't work like that unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDinis1 Posted May 1, 2017 Author Share Posted May 1, 2017 Yeah I shouldn't worry about getting ber back for now. I will just heal and let time pass. The desire do get back should come from her. Once I'm over all the pain I'll see what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDinis1 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 After 3 weeks of NC I texted her. Nothing that happened hurt me anymore so I thought I would try to make piece. We talked very well about what was going on with our lives. And I said I realized it wasn't only her fault. I realized I was insecure and the breakup made me change my attitude and become more confident. She said she was happy I was moving on and that we could stay friends. She also said she liked me very much and I would always be her "Dinocas"( nickname she used to call me). I said that even though I was emotionally healed I still thought that the break up was due to life's circumstances and that I wanted to start fresh with her as friends and when the time was right maybe we could try again. She said she didn't want me to create expectations, that the right time could never come... What to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 After 3 weeks of NC I texted her. Nothing that happened hurt me anymore so I thought I would try to make piece. We talked very well about what was going on with our lives. And I said I realized it wasn't only her fault. I realized I was insecure and the breakup made me change my attitude and become more confident. She said she was happy I was moving on and that we could stay friends. She also said she liked me very much and I would always be her "Dinocas"( nickname she used to call me). I said that even though I was emotionally healed I still thought that the break up was due to life's circumstances and that I wanted to start fresh with her as friends and when the time was right maybe we could try again. She said she didn't want me to create expectations, that the right time could never come... What to do? You're making the classic mistake people who get dumped make. You give the dumper space for a couple of weeks, and then, when you can't handle it anymore, you resurface, offering the dumper supposed friendship. But it's not real. The dumpee doesn't really want just friendship and the dumper usually knows it. In this instance, she definitely knows it, because you effectively told her that you're hoping being friends with her will lead to romantic reconciliation. I know it hurts, but don't do this to yourself. You can't be friends with her. You're still very young, and so it's unlikely that you two will find your way back to each other. Take the lessons you learned from this first love and use it to future relationships. She's been kindly blunt with you that there is no real hope for a reunion. Believe her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDinis1 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 Why is there such a big part of me that doesn't want to quit? Why is it so hard to quit? The circumstances that led to the breakup haven't really changed so a reunion right now is unlikely. She hasn't said there was no hope. She just said that we shouldn't create expectations. We are drifting apart, we barely see each other right now and that makes it hard to be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDinis1 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 Did I just push her further away? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 You did but that'll be for the best because it's going to force you to accept sooner than later that it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDinis1 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 Nope. Don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Well look at it this way: She's 18. Unless she gets hit by a bus tomorrow, she's going to eventually meet, date, sleep with other guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDinis1 Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 That's not the point. The point is if there's absolutely no hope for reconciliation in a near future Link to post Share on other sites
Titanll Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 You are a mess young man. I remember being 18 but never have I been like this. People posting about an 18year old girl being confused? She sounds like she has some sense and broke it off with someone that is ill equipped to be in a relationship. You may be one day but from your posts, I doubt that you will be for a while. This will probably not be your last break up. You are 18 and have a lot to learn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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