fred123 Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 Do women use the " im not over my ex, i cant commit to a relationship etc bla bla " excuse because its true or because they arent into you. Was wondering how many women on here have used this Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 If you are asking if those answers are ALWAYS excuses or ALWAYS true, the answer is no. Sometimes it is one (she just broke up with her ex last week and she is really closed off), sometimes it is the other (she thinks you are a really nice guy and is trying to find the kindest way to let you down easy), and sometimes it is a mixture of both (she notices that she doesn't feel the way around you as she did with her ex). Is this a hypothetical question or are you referring to someone in particular? If it is the latter you may want to give more information. What is going on hugely depends on the details. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheWoman Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 The amorphous blob 'women' may not be over her ex, or ready for a relationship, or maybe she is just not into you. Depends on the circumstance, and the individual .... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 because they arent into you. Yes, will use a number of a laundry list of excuses... But dude do that as well. Typical human behavior... would you want to know the absolute truth? Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 IMO, most of the time they're not into you, but you're not so repulsive that they'll say this to your face. Besides, if you're not awful, they might just be desperate enough to date you someday - so they use an excuse that let's them change their mind later! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 It's not a gender specific excuse. Men say it too. While it may be true for some, it is often spoken to avoid hurting somebody's feelings. Accept the gentle let down & move on. The fact that somebody is trying to be gentle when they reject you is at least some evidence that you are attracted to kind rather than mean spirited people. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 (edited) Indeed, it's not gender-specific at all. As a guy, I can tell you that MOST of us men as well do not like being the cause of someone's pain so we let someone we are dating down as easily as we can. Again it depends on the circumstances. Women are not a hive mind. On the other hand, if *about every* girl you try to date (every girl who doesn't ghost on you that is) is telling you a version of 'It's Not You, It's Me' , then yeah, it *is* you. Edited April 26, 2017 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
carnelian Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 Almost all excuses are forms of "it's not you, it's me", as a way of letting you down. This is universal. Many times it will be YOU, not her. If she says she is not into a relationship, that means with you. I have heard them all over the years from credible to incredible. Link to post Share on other sites
Silverstring Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 Does it matter? Either way they don't want to date you. Next! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 I think generally there is an element of truth in what people say under pressure. Feeling that the other person wants more of a relationship than you do is a kind pressure. Saying 'I'm not over my ex' probably means: 'I'm not over my ex'; or 'I've only just got out of a relationship and I want to see what else is out there'; or 'I'm an emotional mess and I know it; I sense it is not a good idea to mess anyone about'; or 'I'm not as interested in you as I was in my ex and so I can't commit' Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 Many of your posts seem to follow this theme. And they all have pretty much the same answer: If a girl says she can't commit/isn't over her ex/is too busy etc etc, it doesn't matter whether or not what she says is true. The only part you have to pay attention to is that she's not into you and you should move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 The frequent excuse I love to use for men I'm not feelin' is: " I'm not ready for a relationship yet" or I'll use to strangers on the street that I'm married to the top Lt. of the PD. That holds men at arms length from me. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 If I thought there was any chance I'd ever be interested in the guy, I wouldn't give any excuse. I'd just say "I'm in the middle of something and don't want to complicate things." But if I knew I would never be interested, I usually just avoided getting cornered by someone like that. I really hate to get cornered. I feel like I've already sent out or not sent out all the signals anyone needs and they'd have to be blind not so see I am not interested, so I'd just run like the kitty from Pepe Le Pew. And I would also ask some guy to act like he's with me sometimes to keep someone away, and I have had many guys use me in that way too, as a beard. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 What's the difference? Even if they aren't over their ex but actually "into you", they've decided not to move forward with you. Whatever their "excuse" or explanation is, the result is the same -- you're dumped. I'll never understand why people in the dating world try to analyze or question a dating partner's decision. No matter what they say usually, the other person doesn't want to accept it. It's a catch-22 for the dumper, either they are straight up and the dumpee is feels dissed or the dumper tries to sugarcoat it and the dumpee doesn't accept it and feels dissed. It's a lose/lose situation. If the person has fairly recently gotten out of another relationship and they say they aren't over their ex, I'd believe them PERIOD. That being said, if they were really that into you, they'd leave that other relationship in the past PDQ. So, maybe, sometimes it's both -- they aren't over their ex AND they aren't that into you. And, so what if they aren't that into you, they can't make themselves be into you just the same as you can't make them be into you. It is what it is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
tetrahedral Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 What's the difference? Even if they aren't over their ex but actually "into you", they've decided not to move forward with you. Whatever their "excuse" or explanation is, the result is the same -- you're dumped. I'll never understand why people in the dating world try to analyze or question a dating partner's decision. No matter what they say usually, the other person doesn't want to accept it. It's a catch-22 for the dumper, either they are straight up and the dumpee is feels dissed or the dumper tries to sugarcoat it and the dumpee doesn't accept it and feels dissed. It's a lose/lose situation. Yeah, it's definitely a red flag about someone if they want an explanation why you are not interested in them. People who have healthy boundaries can take an "I'm not interested" at face value. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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