Pregnant

[BaileyB]

I appreciate the advice of so many of you! I have read each and every one of the comments. I know this is a tough situation and I really messed up. Or as I've read here, its a serious of mess ups.

 

To answer some of your questions, yes, he does have children with his wife.

She knows about me/the affair, but not about the baby at the moment. I still havent decided what to do about anything, but its very early on.

 

He may not be married very much longer when his wife learns that he got you pregnant. That is a bitter pill to swallow.

 

But, don't count on that happening. If you decide to raise this baby, see a lawyer and get child support. This man needs to be responsible for his decisions.

[aileD]

There is a Dr Phil show on today on the OWN (Oprah Winfrey network) and the topic is "children of affairs" It might be worth watching. I think it's 1pm EST. not sure where you are

[aileD]

He may not be married very much longer when his wife learns that he got you pregnant. That is a bitter pill to swallow.

 

But, don't count on that happening. If you decide to raise this baby, see a lawyer and get child support. This man needs to be responsible for his decisions.

 

Yes I agree with this. If my H ever got his AP pregnant, I would have divorced him immediately and secured child support for MY children and alimony for myself. And his AP could have what's left which wouldn't be much.

 

Sounds bitchy and mean but no matter how much I love my husband and wanted to work things out I know immediately this would be something that I wouldn't be able to get past and that I would immediately need to secure financial security for my children and myself. Survival instinct I guess.

 

Plus child support goes to his oldest children first. So she will get an order based on his income. Then you will get an order based on what his income is AFTER they deduct what he pays for his first kids. So if he makes 5k a month and pays 2k for first kids....then your child support is based off his income of 3k not 5k. Not incentive to stay married for her.

Edited April 28, 2017 by aileD

[Whodatdog]

Your AP may not be in a financial position to be able to divorce his wife. At this point, you've given him no incentive to. He has his wife and kids, and he has you, on the side, now pregnant. He may help you with bills, but its more likely that he wont. Two families can be very expensive. Its more than likely if he has to make a choice, he'll stay with his family.

 

And you'll likely end up alone. With a baby to take care of.

[aileD]

Your AP may not be in a financial position to be able to divorce his wife. At this point, you've given him no incentive to. He has his wife and kids, and he has you, on the side, now pregnant. He may help you with bills, but its more likely that he wont. Two families can be very expensive. Its more than likely if he has to make a choice, he'll stay with his family.

 

And you'll likely end up alone. With a baby to take care of.

 

Yes this is true. It will be less expensive to stay married and pay you child support then it would be to get divorced and be with you.

 

He's not going to leave his wife . She may leave him, bur that doesn't mean you'll get him. Because men who don't leave on their own and are kind of forced into it by a d-day or a pregnant mistress, usually are not very happy about it and do anything they can to get back in the marriage.

 

And that just screams "I'm the second choice!"

[Arieswoman]

OP,

Having read all this thread I would ask how you are so certain as to who the father of this child is ??

[sandylee1]

OP,

Having read all this thread I would ask how you are so certain as to who the father of this child is ??

 

It's easy...

 

I'd say that the OP knows which man she had sex with in the period of conception.

 

Example... If she hasn't slept with her BF in the last 3 months and she's 2 months pregnant, then she knows for sure.

[aileD]

OP. Read this thread:

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/622518-mm-trying-end

[Miss Clavel]

Wow... your AP. You are pregnant with him, yet he dont give you a time frame on when you will be together nor prepares to set free his wife. Fling your rose tinted glasses darling... He is hollow promising now but remember,its easy for him to drop you and your baby off at any moment he decides.

 

Time to buckle up and prepare raise the baby yourself.

 

i suspect the time frame is when she no longer has any "choice" but to continue the pregnancy.

 

he didn't care enough about anyone in his life to take the time to put on a condom.

 

she might get some money, child support laws being what the are, she's also gonna get a boat load of pain, which will be passed down to her child, the Other one.

[Miss Clavel]

I'm in a long term relationship. I've also been having an affair with a married man. I recently discovered I'm pregnant with AP's baby. He's very happy and wants me to keep the baby. He says he can't leave his wife right now, but he has plans to do so in the futur and we will be together. I want to believe him, but I'm scared of blowing up my whole life and end up alone with a baby. The other half of me thinks why would the AP want me to have the baby if he wasn't really planning on leaving his family? I can't talk to anyone in my life about this and I'm looking for some (rational) advice.

 

make up your mind, soon. like others have said, if you've got to continue the pregnancy, then accept it and start preparing your support system.

 

if you have to work, start figuring out where the baby will go while you do so.

and at what age.

 

most new single working mom's only get about 90 days off work before they have to hand off their precious new born to day care.

 

even with both parents, it takes all the guts and stamina you've got to bring a new life into this world and be responsible for their safety, 24/7.

 

day after day. year after year.

[freengreen]

i suspect the time frame is when she no longer has any "choice" but to continue the pregnancy.

 

he didn't care enough about anyone in his life to take the time to put on a condom.

 

she might get some money, child support laws being what the are, she's also gonna get a boat load of pain, which will be passed down to her child, the Other one.

 

.. isnt it Ms Clavel. true .

[wmacbride]

Hi OP, I am sorry you have found yourself in this situation.

 

Like everyone has advised tell your long term partner. As for the MM, please don't bank on what he feels and say at the moment. They usually are unstable.

 

Telling your long term partner has 2 sides. It's possible he leaves you and it's also possible he stays. Don't let anyone tell/make you believe it's all negative and you will end up lonely forever raising the child if you decide to keep it. That is absolutely FALSE.

 

I believe people make mistakes but also a firm believer that the mistake doesn't have to determine the rest of your life, just make sure you don't go back to that mistake! This child might as well be a blessing in disguise!

 

But nonetheless be true to yourself and to your long term partner. I would love for you to stop the affair yet that is a choice only you can make.

 

Your happiness and how your life turns out is dependent on you. You can either let this get you down or let it help you be the change you need.

 

I wish you the best and in all of this know that there is a lesson to be learnt!

 

Whatever you decide, the baby and his current children need to come first. They never asked or any of this.

 

I'm just going to throw adoption out there to see if it sounds like a choice you would consider. For some, it can be the best choice in a situation that's crappy all around.

 

I was adopted myself, and when I was very young, I had a child who I placed for adoption.That doesn't mean I didn't love her or that it was an easy choice. It was incredibly painful, but int he end, it is what was best for her. She has a mom and dad who love her very much ( she's an adult now) and had a wonderful childhood. She was never made to feel like a secret and had a much better life than I could have ever hoped to have provided for her at the time.

 

I'm not trying to write off your feelings at all, or pretending it would be an easy choice for you to make, but I can see how being a child of an affair could be really difficult. In some ways, this could be a good solution. You can even arrange an open adoption where you can keep in contact if you wish and know how your child is doing at all times.

 

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, as this is a very personal decision for you. I just wanted to put this out there for you to consider.

 

Whatever you decide, I do hope that you look after yourself.

Edited May 3, 2017 by wmacbride

[Dizzylizzy123]

Well, it looks like the universe has decided for me. I've had a miscarriage. I've been feeling down the last couple of days but I also know that this isn't the situation I would want to raise a baby in. I've also told MM that I need some space in order to get clarity on everything. I need time to sort through what I want to do moving forward.

[imsosad]

I'm sure you're experiencing a wide range of emotions.

I've had two miscarriages, each came at a different time in my life and my reactions were very complex and reflected the specific timing in which it occured.

You might be feeling loss and sadness, and while I encourage you to acknowledge any emotion that may arrive, I think you got a huge wake up call. Take this opportunity to look at your life and make some choices. You can now get your life back on track. I hope you do. Feel well and good luck.

[BenchCoach]

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

 

 

It maybe time to reevaluate your "situation," in terms of your relationship with these two men. If you can't stay faithful to your SO, it may be time to call it quits with him. He doesn't deserve to be cheated on, let alone led to believe the child you were carrying was his.

 

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

[wmacbride]

Well, it looks like the universe has decided for me. I've had a miscarriage. I've been feeling down the last couple of days but I also know that this isn't the situation I would want to raise a baby in. I've also told MM that I need some space in order to get clarity on everything. I need time to sort through what I want to do moving forward.

 

I'm sorry.

I know the situation wasn't ideal, but still, a miscarriage can be emotionally difficult. Please keep looking after yourself. eat, gets lots of rest and try and relax.

[freengreen]

Thats sad .. sorry on the miscarriage .

 

Its a lot to take in for you right now. Good thing you asked for space. You are being stronger not running for his shoulder. Brave and right decission. Take all the support from your family and friends. Post here, we are all there.

 

Takecare Lizzy.

[kgcolonel]

DL, I am very sorry about the loss of your baby.....terrible news.

 

Where are you and your LTR partner....have you disclosed (I don't want to assume that it is a male as i didn't see that you mentioned that).

 

You've asked for space from MM so that you can decide what you want...have you given the LTR partner the ability to know all the facts and allow him or her to make the same decision?