LotusAvx Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 My mom's common law husband for about 5 years. He is a great guy and has done a lot to help her, but ever since I met him, I just don't like him. I am respectful and nice to him and we never had any problems, but I just don't like him and I don't know why. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I don't like the way he talks, looks and walks. And anyone else perceiving him may not think this at all: it's only visible to me. I get angry and annoyed just being in his presence. Like I said, I hate that I have these feelings towards someone who has not done anything wrong to me. But I am trying to figure out why I have such dislike for this person and why they make me so irate just being around them. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 Is your Dad in the picture? How did he and your Mom split up? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 Like I said, I hate that I have these feelings Hi LotusAvx. Are you open to the idea that this is actually a very good sign, psychologically speaking? I mean...it's obviously not good to be carrying around within yourself the emotional vibrations of hate towards your own feelings, and anger, annoyance, dislike and irritation towards stuff on the outside of you. But. Yours is still a potentially far more productive kind of 'negative' emotional state than if you'd be blaming this poor guy and mistreating him in outer ways. The articles that I've linked at the bottom might help you to uncover underlying causes for your feelings, or at least the mechanisms for how they could have gotten there. I would also offer that at inner levels it is that you are ready to take the next step of detaching yourself from (subconscious) unnecessary biases against things that really don't in any way affect who you are, or your potential as a human being, or what you can and cannot attain, achieve and accomplish in this lifetime. This idea of detachment is best illustrated through the Teachings of Gautama Bhudda. This is a short introductory PDF: The Way of Liberation. If that grabs your fancy, there is an extensive list of all kinds of Bhuddist publications, most available for free download. Karmic relationships with [step] parents and Foundational teachings on karmic relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LotusAvx Posted April 27, 2017 Author Share Posted April 27, 2017 He's not in the picture anymore with my mom since they divorced over 10 years ago..but I still talk to him Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 First don't elevate the seriousness of your mom's live in BF to common law husband. Common law is highly disfavored in the US & it requires a lot of things including living together, having joint bank accounts & holding yourselves out as being married for at least 7 years. The amount of time varies by state but 7 is the shortest. If you don't like him, you don't like him. Be polite for your mom's sake & keep your eyes open. As long as your mom is happy & you don't see money changing hands be silent. Hire a private eye & run a background check just to ease your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 He's not in the picture anymore with my mom since they divorced over 10 years ago..but I still talk to him Are the feelings towards Mom's BF somehow tied to this? In other words, does your wish for a more normal relationship between your parents mean you'd resent anyone else in the picture, this "great guy" included ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author LotusAvx Posted April 27, 2017 Author Share Posted April 27, 2017 He isn't just her live in boyfriend, they have been together common law and unmarried for years (8 or so) Link to post Share on other sites
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