Wanting to leave a good relationship

[MidlifeMama]

Hi MLM. Hope you're doing OK today.

 

Yes we have spoken in the past. Firstly when we were in the process of buying our home in 2013 I had a panic attack. I knew I wasn't ready to buy a property but rather than listening to what I truly wanted, I allowed myself to listen to other people telling me what I should want.

 

When he reacted with devastation at my admission that I wasn't ready, like you I immediately crumbled and said don't worry about it. Having being brought up as a people pleaser, I would just suffer in silence and hope everything works itself out.

 

A few times since then I have sat him down to have "the talk" but once again crumbled. I think a lot of it is because I feel as though I don't have a valid reason. He hasn't DONE anything wrong, I just don't want to be in a relationship anymore. It's a simple and as complicated as that.

 

I always thought I needed a partner to be whole. Before him I was in 2 other relationships. From the age of 17 I have had to run every decision in my life by someone else. Not to sound too vain but I am not shy of male attention either. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean your heart and body switch off from reacting to anyone else who enters your life. I have had to reject and resist temptation and that hasn't been easy, especially for someone like me who believes that monogamy is unnatural. I know that completely contradicts the way I've lived but never underestimate the power of conditioning and societal pressure. I have never had the chance to explore my sexuality the way I want to. Sex is the absolute least of it but of course it is part of it.

 

I think people judge too. I care for my partner and think he's a wonderful man - that's what makes this so hard.

 

OMG, This IS me too! Same situation!

[MidlifeMama]

Hi LandL, after reading through the essential parts of your thread all I can say is "Just do it" which is the famous Nike logo. Wanting to longing to and so on and so forth will not solve your problem. Will it shatter your husband? I don't think so. He had a life before you and he will have a life after you. The longer you go on like this the more you will be torturing yourself.

 

The fact is that at present you are living your life in limbo. The moniker you have chosen for yourself is partially I incorrect according to my thinking. You are not lost. On the contrary you are clear about what you want. What you are actually is that you are afraid. Not afraid of being on your own but afraid of hurting your husband's feelings. What is it that they say, "Charity begins at home". First be kind to yourself before you can begin to be kind to others. You have been conditioned from an early age to please other people and that has got ingrained in you.

 

Just tighten your belt have that discussion with your husband and implement your decision without faltering. Before you do that, get your ducks in a row as they say. However, as another saying goes "No pain no gain". Even a baby and his/her mother go through pain at the birth and when the umbilical cord is cut. You have to resolve to be born again and cut the umbilical cord which you have been switching from one relationship to another. Warm wishes.[/QUOTe

 

Sound advise that I should hear as well.

[Buckeye2]

Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean your heart and body switch off from reacting to anyone else who enters your life.

 

Search for the TED Talk by Helen Fisher: Why We Love Why We Cheat. I think it will help you understand your situation.

[MidlifeMama]

Hi Lost,

I am wondering how you are doing?

I am all over the place with doubts and feelings and guilt. I need to be 100% in or 100% out but can't seem to be either. I got bashed on my post by some people who think I need to "Honor" my vows, the whole church , Godly guilt trip thing and it really sucks. It's hard to be on here with people who want to burn you at the stake and don't see the bigger picture.

One day I am planning and deciding I will end this "In-Between" for my husband and I and the next I run scared and fear his pain and hurt and my own for that matter.

Are we going to wake up in another 10 years and wish we had left then?

Just wanted you to know I am here, I get it and for my own selfish reasons, wanted to see if you are around after taking the crap from some posters

[MidlifeMama]

A really great thread happening here. The above statement absolutely struck a chord with me...

 

OP,

 

A little background on me. I was married for close to 20 years to a wonderful girl. The day after our anniversary she told me that she had been living a lie and wanted a separation. Roughly 4 uncontested months later we were fully divorced.

 

I had never in my life felt a soul crushing death of my spirit as when the love of my life wanted that divorce. I literally died. My will to live stopped. Completely.

 

There was no real age difference between us (3 years) but, she had been in relationships since the age of 16. She did not jump from man to man, or boy to boy, as there were two previous boyfriends before me. She came from a background exactly like yours regarding keeping things inside and non-confrontational with family, friends, etc.

 

As the months passed by after the divorce she would let more out regarding why she wanted the divorce. It was not another guy, and it was not me. It was the fact that she never lived. She never got the ability to "chart her own course" in life... and she never got to be alone.

 

I tell this to you as someone who can relate to what your husband will go though if you decide to divorce. If I can give you one single piece of advice, it would be to do this:

 

Divorce him.

 

He will recover. He will go through hell, but he will recover. In the 7 years it's been since my divorce I have learned that nobody has the right to control another persons free will and to experience the things in life that call to it. At about the 2 year mark post divorce, I fully understood where she was coming from, and I could actually feel good for her in the sense that she was getting to see what she "missed" by not leading her own life.

 

At about the year and a half mark post divorce she did come back around and thought maybe getting back together would be a good thing, but by then, I had moved on myself so we regained a friendship.

 

Today, she is with another gentleman and has been for the past 2 years. She is happy, healthy, and we remain extremely good friends. I will always "love" her, and she will always "love" me. But I love even more that she was able to see life in a way she never would have if we stayed married...

Best to you.

 

I read this and cried. I am sorry for the pain you had to go through and this is what keeps me stuck. Thank you for this post. So many can not relate to this kind of heartache of the one who wants to go and the one who is left . I too am in the same boat as Lost. The talk, the knowing that your spouse is not a bad person, that you love them deeply (despite what others think due to our posts)but we did not get to chart our own path. That there isn't anything horribly wrong.

[LostandLonging]

I read this and cried. I am sorry for the pain you had to go through and this is what keeps me stuck. Thank you for this post. So many can not relate to this kind of heartache of the one who wants to go and the one who is left . I too am in the same boat as Lost. The talk, the knowing that your spouse is not a bad person, that you love them deeply (despite what others think due to our posts)but we did not get to chart our own path. That there isn't anything horribly wrong.

 

It's hard to describe how tough it is, and even harder when EVERYONE around you doesn't understand. In my "real life" anyway. This idea that there has to be something horribly wrong in a relationship or you have to "keep trying and not give up" is so damaging and confusing.

I wish it was as easy as just not giving a crap what others think but it's not.

[MidlifeMama]

It's hard to describe how tough it is, and even harder when EVERYONE around you doesn't understand. In my "real life" anyway. This idea that there has to be something horribly wrong in a relationship or you have to "keep trying and not give up" is so damaging and confusing.

I wish it was as easy as just not giving a crap what others think but it's not.

 

I recently spoke with a friend who reminded me that my entire life has been about helping others, making sure they are o.k. from disfunctional parents and ex boyfriends to siblings, friends and family. Even from a very young age for me. She said,"Who is looking out for you?" I said,"Husband", she said are you honest about that just because he is a good guy is he really looking out for you by being closed off emotionally and sexually? It's like I am looking for someone to tell me his faults. He has them, even though he is a good man. Maybe he is a good man, maybe yours is also Lost, but maybe we settled and continue to settle because they don't have the huge issues that "Others" tell to run from like addiction, abuse or narcissistic behavior? Maybe we programmed ourselves to believe "He is enough because he isn't like my abusive ex or my alcoholic father". Now, here we are life is moving on and we realize the fit, the match is not as we made ourselves believe. It can be good, decent, fine but still be missing a big part. For both of us, I think that means a romantic and sexual connection. No one gets married thinking they will be sexless, no one I know. Does that wax and wane, for most yes, but that's the connection that seperates roommates from lovers and marriage, in my opinion. People consistently say,"You can't expect marriage to be roses all the time" umm, of course not, I am a grown woman with life experience, what I wished I HAD expected was that the person I loved would also be the person I most wanted to have a physical and emotional bond with.

[BluesPower]

[/b]

 

I recently spoke with a friend who reminded me that my entire life has been about helping others, making sure they are o.k. from disfunctional parents and ex boyfriends to siblings, friends and family. Even from a very young age for me. She said,"Who is looking out for you?" I said,"Husband", she said are you honest about that just because he is a good guy is he really looking out for you by being closed off emotionally and sexually? It's like I am looking for someone to tell me his faults. He has them, even though he is a good man. Maybe he is a good man, maybe yours is also Lost, but maybe we settled and continue to settle because they don't have the huge issues that "Others" tell to run from like addiction, abuse or narcissistic behavior? Maybe we programmed ourselves to believe "He is enough because he isn't like my abusive ex or my alcoholic father". Now, here we are life is moving on and we realize the fit, the match is not as we made ourselves believe. It can be good, decent, fine but still be missing a big part. For both of us, I think that means a romantic and sexual connection. No one gets married thinking they will be sexless, no one I know. Does that wax and wane, for most yes, but that's the connection that seperates roommates from lovers and marriage, in my opinion. People consistently say,"You can't expect marriage to be roses all the time" umm, of course not, I am a grown woman with life experience, what I wished I HAD expected was that the person I loved would also be the person I most wanted to have a physical and emotional bond with.

 

 

Yes, but it is more than that...

 

I am also one of those people that is always taking care of others. But there gets to be a point that, everyone I think, gets to. And that point is where you start to say what about me?

 

I am frankly so much happier just being me I could pee my pants.

 

Sometimes I feel that people think I may be selfish, I know my kids did when I stopped doing everything for them and told them how to take care of it themselves. Boy, did I get some strange looks???

 

On the other hand I spent over 50 years taking care of people, so now it is time to take care of me...

[MidlifeMama]

Yes, but it is more than that...

 

I am also one of those people that is always taking care of others. But there gets to be a point that, everyone I think, gets to. And that point is where you start to say what about me?

 

I am frankly so much happier just being me I could pee my pants.

 

Sometimes I feel that people think I may be selfish, I know my kids did when I stopped doing everything for them and told them how to take care of it themselves. Boy, did I get some strange looks???

 

On the other hand I spent over 50 years taking care of people, so now it is time to take care of me...

 

I love this and thank you so much. Part of my fear is people thinking I am selfish. Yes I have done selfish acts within my marriage, but my heart still hurts to hurt him and the kids..good point. Mine are grown and yet still come to ME, only me, not Dad for answers to all their questions and problems. I am starting to realize they really don't want me to solve them anyway and so I am trying the approach of,"What do you think you should do about XYZ?"A big part of my guilt in leaving is wanting to move away. Who does that? Yes, I have raised my children, but older kids always still want their parents, right? I would definitely take a lot of crap, anger and hurt from them if I go. I would hope that could heal over time. I would make it clear I am not divorcing them but I'm sure it wont feel that way.

Did your kids get over it o.k.? Did you remain near them in the same area?

I so want to think of me now and I think Lost does also, it's hard to get there when you have been a people pleaser and co-dependent your entire life

I want to pee my pants happy about being ME too Blues!!

Edited September 14, 2017 by MidlifeMama

[BluesPower]

I love this and thank you so much. Part of my fear is people thinking I am selfish. Yes I have done selfish acts within my marriage, but my heart still hurts to hurt him and the kids..good point. Mine are grown and yet still come to ME, only me, not Dad for answers to all their questions and problems. I am starting to realize they really don't want me to solve them anyway and so I am trying the approach of,"What do you think you should do about XYZ?"A big part of my guilt in leaving is wanting to move away. Who does that? Yes, I have raised my children, but older kids always still want their parents, right? I would definitely take a lot of crap, anger and hurt from them if I go. I would hope that could heal over time. I would make it clear I am not divorcing them but I'm sure it wont feel that way.

Did your kids get over it o.k.? Did you remain near them in the same area?

I so want to think of me now and I think Lost does also, it's hard to get there when you have been a people pleaser and co-dependent your entire life

I want to pee my pants happy about being ME too Blues!!

 

For the most part... they are fine. They are fine with the divorce, but our marriage was rocky in general. And they were aware of their mother's drug use when it finally came out in the open. They saw the damage that it did to me and the family.

 

My youngest son still lives with me as he is in collage. He seems to have the most trouble with the divorce and my GF's that have come and gone.

 

But, he is adjusting as far as I can tell.

 

The thing is for both of you guys is this: Yes you love your husbands in a way, but not with passion with the comfort love.

 

For some people that is enough. I personally think that any man that is not taking care of his wife's sexual and emotional needs properly is just really out of line. I don't think anyone should live is such a situation, male or female.

 

Sex was something that my Ex never had to do without, emotional maybe was not always their because of her craziness.

 

The bottom line is that some marriages just run out of steam and I am not sure that anyone should stay in them.

 

If you can get back to a good place then great, if not, bail...

[LostandLonging]

I'm not sure why, but hearing this quote on a TV show tonight made me think of our situations:

 

"You can hear it can't you? That little voice. The one that says, "Don't do anything you might regret." I used to be the same. Whenever I wanted something, I could hear that voice telling me to stop. To be careful. To leave most of my life un-lived. You know the only place that voice left me alone? In my dreams. I was free. I could be as good, or as bad, as I felt like being. And if I wanted something, I could just reach out and take it. But then I would wake up, and the voice would start all over again. So I ran away, crossed the shining sea. And when I finally set foot back on solid ground, the first thing I heard was that goddamn voice. Do you know what it said? It said, "This is the new world, and in this world, you can be whoever the f**k you want."

[MidlifeMama]

I'm not sure why, but hearing this quote on a TV show tonight made me think of our situations:

 

"You can hear it can't you? That little voice. The one that says, "Don't do anything you might regret." I used to be the same. Whenever I wanted something, I could hear that voice telling me to stop. To be careful. To leave most of my life un-lived. You know the only place that voice left me alone? In my dreams. I was free. I could be as good, or as bad, as I felt like being. And if I wanted something, I could just reach out and take it. But then I would wake up, and the voice would start all over again. So I ran away, crossed the shining sea. And when I finally set foot back on solid ground, the first thing I heard was that goddamn voice. Do you know what it said? It said, "This is the new world, and in this world, you can be whoever the f**k you want."

 

That voice, YES! It's like the devil and angel, each on a shoulder. It shouldn't be that way. But deep down we want nothing to do with our own true happiness if it involves hurting others. The other side of this is... what if we fly and it turns out to be a sh** storm or so much no ?? What if we never really find someone who accepts and protects us like the one we left? What if our family and friends disconnect from us?

A lot of "What-If's" but life has no guarantees either. I recently looked at my situation to see if I could find other ways to stay and be happy in it and I realized that though I could continue to try new things to distract myself, the one thing that will not change is that feeling of not having the "feelings" I think I should have for my spouse. I could go on like this forever, status quo and give all to him that I can, yet I know that "feeling" I so desire to run, be free, have a romantic connection will not go away. Some events recently took place that the universe keeps telling me that my family needs me in a big way and so here I am, being there for them. I am going day by day and searching myself for what's in my gut. Unfortunately or maybe someday fortunately, my gut tells me to go. Someday I think I will go.

Hope you are hanging in there Lost. I am here!

[MidlifeMama]

I'm not sure why, but hearing this quote on a TV show tonight made me think of our situations:

 

"You can hear it can't you? That little voice. The one that says, "Don't do anything you might regret." I used to be the same. Whenever I wanted something, I could hear that voice telling me to stop. To be careful. To leave most of my life un-lived. You know the only place that voice left me alone? In my dreams. I was free. I could be as good, or as bad, as I felt like being. And if I wanted something, I could just reach out and take it. But then I would wake up, and the voice would start all over again. So I ran away, crossed the shining sea. And when I finally set foot back on solid ground, the first thing I heard was that goddamn voice. Do you know what it said? It said, "This is the new world, and in this world, you can be whoever the f**k you want."

I hope so, someday. Hope I don't wait too long to realize I matter too. I hope this for you also Lost!

[LostandLonging]

Hope you're hanging in there too, Mama! ❤️

[MidlifeMama]

Lost,

 

I read something the other day about a woman who had a hard time divorcing. When she finally did and people asked why, "He was such a good guy",

she said,"We are both good people, just not good for each other.

 

I've also been thinking recently about if I do this, do I tell my husband that it's me, I want to be free to explore my life on my own or do I tell him, the incompatibilities I feel in our personalities and sexually?

 

Some may say spare him the pain of the sex talk and take one for the team by blaming myself only with my wanting to "Chart my own path" as you have said in a previous post. It's hard to know what to say , all, a bit or none? In all fairness he should know all the reasons.

 

I had a friend years ago who told her first husband,"I just do not feel for you what a wife should feel for her husband."

[Aloneuk]

Hi everyone

 

Thought I'd post an update on where I'm at. I left H for the final time in June (we had been on and off trying to make it work with the help of marriage counselling for nearly a year prior to that). A week ago I moved into a new more permanent place. H helped me move. We're very amicable, we talk regularly (we still share a dog and a business). I had a family wedding recently and he still came to that as we havent told extended family about our split yet.

 

The more time that H is on his own, the more he understands why this has happened and has actually started to imply that he wasnt perhaps as happy in the relationship as he thought he was. He would still reconcile I think if I suggested it, but he is definitely more impartial now and says he can see the things that weren't great in the marriage.

 

I have had a difficult few months. The weight of my decision has borne down on me (am I doing the right thing? What if I'm making a mistake?) But i need to keep going forward. This has been a long time coming and although its really tough, its the right thing right now.

 

The way my H has come round to almost agreeing with me has made me wonder if that could happen to you, too? We've all painted our Hs out to be these great men who are so happy in the marriages and wouldnt cope if we left them. My H gave that impression initially but you know what? He's doing just fine. And in some ways probably better than me, because he's not struggling with the guilt of the decision and wondering if it was the right thing.

 

I hope this helps a little. Remember that not making a decision IS making a decision, because you'll be staying by default.

[MidlifeMama]

Thank you sharing your update Alone

I read through your threads and this one and those of Lost. I have been following this thread.

I certainly appreciate the real, frank reality of your situation. I'm glad it is turning out to be o.k.

I think you are so right, those of us who have painted how great our H's are and how they couldn't cope if we left may very well be just fine and are not as happy as we believe. I think a big part of that is knowing deep down that we are not in the marriage 100%. They know us, feel it. They also want more.

I hope you continue to move forward and find peace and happiness.

[MidlifeMama]

Google the blog from xoJane. I read her article,"I Love My Husband More Than Ever, But We're Getting a Divorce." It touches on some things I think we may both relate to.

[BluesPower]

What you three ladies are dealing with is tough...

 

It to tough to decide to end a marriage that is "really not that bad".

 

And all of your husbands may be "really good guys", and I for one don't doubt that they really are.

 

But think about this. If you are not attracted to him, physically and sexually, are you really doing him a favor by staying with him? You may be doing yourself a favor by enjoying the comfort and financial security of the relationship, but you are not really doing him any favors.

 

Your husbands may hurt when you end the marriage, but I think over time, they will be better in the long run with the right woman.

 

I personally think that ANY spouse that is not meeting the sexual needs of their partner is in the wrong in a big way. And why some men, and I am sure some women, just lose interest in sex and that physical closeness is a complete mystery to me. I cannot even wrap my head around it at all.

 

To MM, while it may hurt his feelings to tell him the truth about the sexual things and the lack of attraction, don't you think that you WOULD be doing him a favor in telling him. Not for your relationship, because that is done, but for his future GF's and wives if he get married. I mean if he needs to work on his game, it would help if he knew what the issues are.

 

If fact, as you decide to move on, and I think you all will, I think you should have a kind talk or write a letter to your husbands so that they know where they are weak in a relationship and possible have the chance to change it in the future.

 

But do want to encourage all of you not to waste your life waiting for someone to change to better suite your needs. It most likely will never happen and all you are doing is wasting you life waiting and living in fear of your decision...

 

Good luck girls...

[LostandLonging]

Google the blog from xoJane. I read her article,"I Love My Husband More Than Ever, But We're Getting a Divorce." It touches on some things I think we may both relate to.

 

Loved it!!!

[MidlifeMama]

How are you doing Lost?

 

I am on such a roller coaster!

 

Some days I want to stay for the comfort of my relationship. So many bad things in the world. Leaving my family seems impossible.

 

Other days, I want to go, be a different person in the world on my own.

 

I am having terrible guilt, so I decided to be kind... to try to work on myself in areas that have nothing to do with my husband. Also, looking at what's good and decent in my marriage. IF I do decide to divorce, I want to know that I did all I could. I don't want to walk away with regrets and doubts. The hurt, that can't be helped I have come to that very real reality.

 

I am going to even try to explore sexual feelings for him again. I tried to remember what brought me to him in the first place. Since it wasn't sexual attraction, I have to dig deep (sad, but the truth) but so many other qualities that made me love him.

 

I do realize that part of me is not going away. I am also not getting younger and life is going fast. I do think this limbo thing has to stop. I bet you feel the same. Tough decisions ahead. Even staying is a tough decision because the mindset has to change to give it 100% and forget divorce or get out 100%.

 

Just venting some thoughts and checking in on you.

[Fdb]

I think no matter who we are with, we always have some unique problems. Changing partners will be the solution for all problems.

I always think that people do not have be good at everything, if just one thing he is really good at, still worth to work on the difference.

Why I am divorcing: can not find anything to hold on to anymore. He used to have ok temper, that was only good aspect. With the changing of my work status, he became more demanding, short-tempered and said meaning things to me and deliberately did things to make me feel less worthy. Seems his only value vanished too

[LostandLonging]

How are you doing Lost?

 

Hey MLM!

 

Thanks so much for checking in on me.

 

I am on such a roller coaster!

 

Some days I want to stay for the comfort of my relationship. So many bad things in the world. Leaving my family seems impossible.

 

Other days, I want to go, be a different person in the world on my own

 

I am sorry to hear that. I’m in the same position as you. The same one I’ve been in for years…

 

The nagging feeling that I’m not living life honestly and for myself never goes away, but I force myself to ignore it, smile and just get on with life because some days it’s just easier that way. I hate it, but I still cannot muster up the courage to do anything about it.

 

IF I do decide to divorce, I want to know that I did all I could. I don't want to walk away with regrets and doubts. The hurt, that can't be helped I have come to that very real reality.

 

 

Yes, I am coming to see that the hurt can’t be avoided.

 

I am going to even try to explore sexual feelings for him again. I tried to remember what brought me to him in the first place. Since it wasn't sexual attraction, I have to dig deep (sad, but the truth) but so many other qualities that made me love him.

 

If I am being brutally honest, what brought me to my guy is that I was weak and codependent when we met. I would latch on to any man who cared for me and paid me attention, and he just happened to be there. I know that sounds cruel, but when I was 21 I didn’t care. I always knew things weren’t quite right (sex has ALWAYS felt like a chore, even in the honeymoon period) but stayed out of fear and guilt.

 

I am also not getting younger and life is going fast. I do think this limbo thing has to stop. I bet you feel the same. Tough decisions ahead.

 

Yes, I was thinking about it just this morning in fact. About how I feel like I have blinked and gone from being a fresh faced girl with her life ahead of her to pushing 40 (not that 40 is old at all, but I mean I have spent the best years of my life in this relationship). It wasn't meant to be this way.

[MidlifeMama]

Hey MLM!

 

Thanks so much for checking in on me.

 

 

 

I am sorry to hear that. I’m in the same position as you. The same one I’ve been in for years…

 

The nagging feeling that I’m not living life honestly and for myself never goes away, but I force myself to ignore it, smile and just get on with life because some days it’s just easier that way. I hate it, but I still cannot muster up the courage to do anything about it.

Oh yes, yes indeed. I feel the same. It's so hard. Sometimes I look around and see how people just go about life, unhappy, just in limbo like us. I watch couples eat dinner and stare off into space, seemingly nothing left to say to one another. I hear about older couples who have no desire for sex. I hear about younger couples who can't wait to have kids and think that will spark a better relationship. I observe a lot. I hear horror stories of abuse, addiction, and narcissistic behavior. I don't have that in my very safe, but boring relationship. Jumping ship at 50 years old seems to be a very difficult choice to make. Could I make it on my own? Sure. Will I be better off? Who knows. Maybe with some willingness to have bumps and bruises along the way. But I would hope to trust that I'm wiser. Wouldn't settle. Would trust my heart and my mind and be o.k. being alone if I never find another relationship.

 

 

Yes, I am coming to see that the hurt can’t be avoided.

 

 

 

If I am being brutally honest, what brought me to my guy is that I was weak and codependent when we met. I would latch on to any man who cared for me and paid me attention, and he just happened to be there. I know that sounds cruel, but when I was 21 I didn’t care. I always knew things weren’t quite right (sex has ALWAYS felt like a chore, even in the honeymoon period) but stayed out of fear and guilt.

 

Same. I had been at a very young age, in a 7 year relationship that was abusive. I wanted safety and normalcy. I found wonderful qualities in my husband. Still has though. I've changed, he has not. I grew up. Got to know me and my desires and wants. I put those aside to try be a perfect wife and Mother. Now, well, he's ready for the next chapter how it is supposed to be written..grandchildren, growing old together. Of course I want that some day, but at 50? He is already set in his recliner (no kidding) and o.k. with very little sex, and ready to grandparent. I just got the youngest grown. Good Lord.

 

 

Yes, I was thinking about it just this morning in fact. About how I feel like I have blinked and gone from being a fresh faced girl with her life ahead of her to pushing 40 (not that 40 is old at all, but I mean I have spent the best years of my life in this relationship). It wasn't meant to be this way.

40 is still young. I know you don't feel that as you've been in this so long, but trust me when I say, this next decade you'll grow even more. There's still time.

[LostandLonging]

How are you, MLM? AloneUK do you still check in here?

xx