Totally blindsided my boyfriend cheated with ex-wife. Should I stay or go?

[stillafool]

He didn't want to lose you because you are the type of woman he wants in his life. You are real wife material. The problem is his penis is tied to her and he also gets off on the drama she provides. Some men are addicted to Bad Girls and I'm seeing more and more of this. You deserve a man who is husband material and this one is not. I read this thread today and thought how men become addicted to these women.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/623119-30-yr-marriage-2-kids-gone-isolation-how-cope

[Dis]

First off, I'm so sorry this happened to you I've been in your shoes before and its one of the most painful things to experience

 

Second, (and most importantly) you need to realize that the red flags were there from the get go! You telling him how to coparent and pressing charges against the ex was FUTILE! When you agreed to date him, you agreed to walk into a war zone....you should have known you were going to get hurt. I shouldve known my ex was cheating on me with all the red flags flying. Love is blind I guess. And, I can almost promise you he was banging his ex wife all along. Pls go get a full STI planel

 

I keep hearing about his therapy session in all your posts and I'm not trying to be mean but I almost want to laugh when I hear about them because therapy isnt going to change a god da** thing about this guy! Thats like sending a psychopath to therapy expecting him not to kill again. He's going to cheat again whether its on you or the next poor woman. So pls girl, stop with the therapy session nonsense....it wont change a thing

 

Like the others have mentioned, he has no remorse. He's probably been banging her this whole time and if she didnt out him..he would continue. And of course he wants to be with you (while he continues to bang her) its called cake eating

 

He's not sorry

 

He's not going to change

 

His ex isnt going anywhere

 

The only thing you can have control over is yourself! Do yourself a solid and block him everywhere....get rid of everything that reminds you of him and start to heal

 

If you agree to entertain his nonsense and stay with him or even just continue to talk to him... you WILL get hurt again

 

Show him how strong you are while you shut the door in his face

[johngalt1149]

Two outcomes: Stay and realize shes still in the picture or Leave. There is nothing in between.

[Whymetx]

Thank you all, it's taking me a few weeks to come out of the fog. And for my heart to catch up to my brain! I was fooled! Yes there were signs, love is truly blind! I do know he wasn't screwing the ex the whole time. Only because she would of told me! She would take every opportunity to hurt me. She's not the kind to let her ex have his cake and eat it too. No way! One time or a dozen times makes no difference. He didn't deserve my love. I'm realizing I don't miss him, he's a liar and a cheater, I miss the illusion he created of himself. The illusion is not the real him. And I looked back on my texts the day he cheated. He was texting me I love you and all the kissy, heart emojis both before and after he cheated. That's proof he didn't love me, if he did he wouldn't have cheated. I deserve a true love. I'm lucky to find out before I married him. ?? God has better plans for me!

[stillafool]

Thank you all, it's taking me a few weeks to come out of the fog. And for my heart to catch up to my brain! I was fooled! Yes there were signs, love is truly blind! I do know he wasn't screwing the ex the whole time. Only because she would of told me! She would take every opportunity to hurt me. She's not the kind to let her ex have his cake and eat it too. No way! One time or a dozen times makes no difference. He didn't deserve my love. I'm realizing I don't miss him, he's a liar and a cheater, I miss the illusion he created of himself. The illusion is not the real him. And I looked back on my texts the day he cheated. He was texting me I love you and all the kissy, heart emojis both before and after he cheated. That's proof he didn't love me, if he did he wouldn't have cheated. I deserve a true love. I'm lucky to find out before I married him. ?? God has better plans for me!

 

You mentioned this a few times in your post. Please be aware that you don't know the conversations they have when alone and in bed together. You can't be certain that every time she tells you they slept together she is telling you just to piss you off. She may be angry and getting back at him for broken promises.

[Dis]

Thank you all, it's taking me a few weeks to come out of the fog. And for my heart to catch up to my brain! I was fooled! Yes there were signs, love is truly blind! I do know he wasn't screwing the ex the whole time. Only because she would of told me! She would take every opportunity to hurt me. She's not the kind to let her ex have his cake and eat it too. No way! One time or a dozen times makes no difference. He didn't deserve my love. I'm realizing I don't miss him, he's a liar and a cheater, I miss the illusion he created of himself. The illusion is not the real him. And I looked back on my texts the day he cheated. He was texting me I love you and all the kissy, heart emojis both before and after he cheated. That's proof he didn't love me, if he did he wouldn't have cheated. I deserve a true love. I'm lucky to find out before I married him. ?? God has better plans for me!

 

Yasss! Good for you girl!

 

I know what you mean about mising who you thought he was. I was with my ex for 2.5 years. He was cheating the whole time. When I broke up with him I felt like everything we had was a lie, I didnt even know who that man really was.

 

These men (and women) are truly sick people for playing such disturbing games

 

I'm so glad you've realized what you deserve and what you dont

 

Stick to your guns and post any time for support. We're here for you! Xoxo

[afoolto no end]

Hi there, I am sorry you are having this all forced on your life.

I think you need to walk away.....if he can do this after everything the X has put you two through already, this isn't a man you want to be in love with....

As long as that woman is near him and in contact with him it will keep happening he married her twice there is a strong bond there........

Men like this play awful games with other people's lives, he had a choice and he chose to go over there, drink and then have sex with her.......

He knew he was going to get caught and he thought she was worth it......she was important enough to say yes ....

You need to just know the con job is played by a lot of cheaters to have their cake and eat it too......

you don't need this, just brush yourself off and move on.

everyone has bumps in the road and life is stressful enough you don't need this for the rest of your life and it will be as long as they are connected through the kids........consider yourself lucky to find out so early on........

Be happy sweetheart

[Cilantro]

Yes, you can do better!

 

There's all the shallow reasons you can do better than him...you're fit and attractive, he's sloppy and out of shape with a beer gut. You're classy and highly educated, he's not.

 

Then there's the less materialistic reasons, stuff that has to do with where the relationship is headed. You've been with him for HOW long at WHAT age and he's still only a boyfriend? Have you ever been married before? Do you want to get married someday? I'm guessing so, since you mention that you've thought he's the one. Do you have any kids? I'm guessing not, since you've never mentioned any in the post...but I could be wrong? So let me get this straight: you are 40, unmarried, but want to settle down with the one, going for a man who's "been there done that" with marriage and children. Just the fact that he has an ex-wife and mother-of-his-child brings potential of drama and baggage, and sure enough, she's the drama baggage ex from hell it seems. That alone would be enough to scare almost anyone away.

 

Then there's the cheating, the most obvious top layer to this toxic cake. Why stay with someone who cheated, especially cheated with the person who has continually tried to ruin your life, when you have absolutely NO ties to him? You don't officially live with him, you just stay at his place most days of the week. You have no kids with him. You aren't married to him, or even engaged. GET OUT. That's my advice to you.

 

Yes, your friends were right before, and they're even more right now: You can do better.

[big dog]

Time to get outta that one. it'll hurt but not as bad as it will later one.... Go!

[Darren Steez]

He claims not to know why he cheated.

 

If he said I cheated because I was horny, the tail was offered to me and I wanted to bang you can say hey at least he's being honest.

 

Anyone who says "I don't know why I cheated.." of course they know..because they did it! Simple logic and reason, it's not complicated but because it involves emotions we often bring cliches into play that wouldn't work for any other discretion

 

Why did you take the money

Why did you hit that person

 

Take emotion out of it and view the facts from his side

 

Woman who he already had sex with offers him sex.

Man does not have to work hard at chance to have sex.

Man could have walked away at any time rather than take off his clothes and have sex for how ever long they had sex.

Man then didn't admit the truth, even after being found out claims not to know why he took off his clothes and accepted free sex on offer.

 

Flowers, cars, little unicorns ponies there after are just manipulation. A real man would back off and respect your decision not try to force you to change your mind.

 

Does a man who's willing to go through such trouble to change your mind seem like a man who doesn't know what he's doing?

[sgchedra]

https://www.facebook.com/sarahchedra101/videos/219990555176691/?autoplay_reason=all_page_organic_allowed&video_container_type=0&video_creator_product_type=2&app_id=2392950137&live_video_guests=0

Crying just gets rid of the need to get back with someone who is awful! Dude hes totally not worth this stress!!

[ali000]

Hi!

 

First of all, I am a woman in my late 20s and I know very well how important it is to be complimented, to have a man pay attention to you, listen to you, be romantic, etc, and I completely understand why this man has been so great for you.

However... A lot of men who cheat do it because they possibly are less attractive than the female they are with, and they want that boost of confidence. Having an ex girlfriend obsessing over him the way she does, must be a great confidence boost for him. Probably the cheating never happened because he has any feelings for his ex, he probably just enjoyed being idolized and adored by her.

 

That being said... The fact that he got drunk and made that kind of decision without thinking it through to me screams immaturity, considering his age and how he should be able to know himself by now. I would run. There are other attentive men out there!